Teachers and Wise People, I Need Your Help.

[Kitchen Diva]

Yikes! I didn't mean that you would attack her and I didn't mean that the red flag was that you would!!! :blushing: Oh, I can tell that you are not that way! I can tell you only are concerned for your neice in this situation, I mean.... of course you care about your sister, you just don't like the way your neice is being "taught!" What I meant by the red flag, is that the way your sister was obsessed with her getting it right.. so much so that she'd put her in the corner and that your neice cries over this. The red flag was the whole thing!! What I mean is that with what I know about the past issues, I was concerned for both your neice and your sister and that the whole subject raised a red flag!
Yikes.... I'm so sorry that you thought I meant something else!! :blushing:
And I am so happy your talk went well! Seems that when it all boils down, everyone wants what's best for your neice/her daughter and that's what matters most! Have fun teaching her!

Oh!!! That helps to have it explained like that. Don't worry however, I was not upset with you- I just figured you thought I was a raving lunatic that would go off on her sister in front of her neice! LOL People have thought worse of me.

Thanks for clearing that up however- I agree with you whole heartedly. My mother and I and my DH do think that my sister is a little too hard on her daughter/expects near perfection in behavior and obedience- and I'm working on that with my sister. I'm all for discipline and obedience but this isn't a boarding school, and my Mom and Step-Dad were no where near that unreasonable with their expectations or discipline. My sister was the trouble/wild child, so I'm sure she doesn't want that for her daughter. But I told her tonight that if she keeps this up- she will completely alienate her daughter, and she'll be more rebellious. Kids will mess up and it isn't always on purpose I told her!

She's learning. I'm the sister with the child skills, teaching skills, you name it, and I don't have kids. I taught and was a Nanny and an Au Pair...but she is the sister that always felt like she could never live up to my talents (and my folks were much harder on me than they were on her- and we had different rules, mine were very strict, and her's were very few)...so I'm being as gentle as I know how, and as helpful as I can without being a pain in the neck.

My sister and I didn't get along much growing up- we are polar opposites for one so this has been an adjustment for everyone. I told her today that we weren't going to get along every day, and we would disagree from time to time, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her, and she needed to stop sulking around the house and take a handful of Pamprin!

So, in short (ha-ha-ha) your prayers worked and please keep them coming- And thanks for clearing up that I totally misunderstood your previous post. I'm a ditz sometimes!

 

[Stephaniecafe]

This may be a bit personal, but I went through a really rough time with my son as a home schooling mom with him, I didn't know I was suffering from Post Pardom... and a major perfectionist. Nobody could know I was crazy (did I say WAS? ) I was blessed with a good friend helping me see the light and despite almost losing my life in the process, came to understand that my child wasn't winning by me forcing things. Stubborn and crazy as I was, it was the Lord softening my heart and opening my eyes to see my son's pain and let go of my own. Hard steps. Lots of counseling. Lots of "giving it to a higher power" AA type stuff, but I have never touched the stuff. Just Food (OA) .
So, here it is, 5yrs later and I have a son just turned 5 getting to go to school in August. We do preschool and he gets Alphabet games... to the point that I don't think he realizes how much he is learning. My favorite is the letter run around( I call it the spelling bee and we buzzz). I put post-it notes around the house with letters written on them, and he gets to run from note to note with me chasing him and we giggle like crazy because if he says the letter right and the phonogram sound it makes, then he gets tickle treats.. and we move to the next note. I have done this as a hide and seek with numbers/letters too. We do little chef school too, where he makes letters out of soft pretzel dough and we bake them... C is for Chocolate Chip Cookie. When he could write all the letters in lined up chocolate chips, we made cookies and then squeeze bottled the letter C in frosting all over the clean table just to lick them off! Hope that gives you some ideas, and I will be praying very hard for your sister.

 

[lkprescott]

Well, your prayers and my prayers have worked. I had a nice talk with my sister tonight- she has agreed to let me school Lily, and suddenly decided that it didn't matter at the age of (almost) 4 years old if she could write the letter "B" properly. So she said she would just like her to be able to know all the ABC's, and be able to point to them and say them.

So I'll be teaching. I do have 2 years experience, so I'll have to try and remember some fun activities that incorporate learning...there has been a few back injuries with long bouts of narcotics that have wiped out most of my brain cells, so feel free to PM or Email me with ideas. The 3 or 4 that I read from you guys in this thread sounded AWESOME!

Sister is frustrated that after almost 2 months South Dakota is doing nothing, DH is not supporting them financially, she doesn't know if bills are being paid, her life is back in SD- she misses her pets, her house, her clothes, and she misses MOPS, and her job (she was a cheerleader coach at a VERY small Christian School) she knows her daughter misses her little pre-school classes (twice a week she went, I believe) and she's just frustrated, scared, angry, etc...

We can't get either of them into counseling until SD figures out who is supposed to do what and if her husband is even guilty because my niece wouldn't tell the abuse interviewer's anything. She's told almost everyone else in the family, but not the people that count...

So, my sister has no money, she can't drive around and take my niece to places to have fun, etc- I lost my job and so money is tight, or I'd give her gas money- the situation just stinks- ROYALLY!

So- at least on the homeschool front the issue is solved. I will step in and help and mom has agreed that she does not need to know how to print every letter right now. But letter recognition is important for her since that is what her teacher was teaching them before she had to be uprooted.

We did empty out my DH den and made a pretty little girl's room just for our little neice. So now they each have their own rooms...

Thanks for the support and the prayers, and the advice and the ideas!!
I love you all!

I'm glad the talk went well!

As for her situation.. she needs to keep calling and be a squeaky wheel (they get the grease).. she needs to call them, take names and time of calls and consider this her job until things get straightened out. Hopefully she'll find the strength to give the proper people the information they need to get this stuff through. Seriously, though, she should be calling, taking names, asking to talk to supervisors and not take no for an answer. Where there's a will, there's a way and at least in this state, money paid goes back to when the order was filed... if she doesn't have a lawyer, check into legal aid... if you guys get no where, contact your local state representatives - it's amazing what those folks can do for you to get you pushed through the system.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm glad the talk went well!

As for her situation.. she needs to keep calling and be a squeaky wheel (they get the grease).. she needs to call them, take names and time of calls and consider this her job until things get straightened out. Hopefully she'll find the strength to give the proper people the information they need to get this stuff through. Seriously, though, she should be calling, taking names, asking to talk to supervisors and not take no for an answer. Where there's a will, there's a way and at least in this state, money paid goes back to when the order was filed... if she doesn't have a lawyer, check into legal aid... if you guys get no where, contact your local state representatives - it's amazing what those folks can do for you to get you pushed through the system.

The problem is we don't know which state to call for aid...MN or SD!?!? And one of the issues with SD is that it is a SMALL town, and even if the people at the social services and states attorney's office work full time- they are rarely at their desks due to court cases, etc... I agree she needs to get on their backs, but I can't make her- so maybe we could pray that the FIRE under her tooshy would be lit and she'd get movin' on being assertive and getting things accomplished.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[janetupnorth]

Can you ask the "counselors" if the courts in SD will take sign affidavits from family of what she has said or if they will allow you to record her statements.I don't blame a 4 year old for not wanting to tell a total stranger anything!

 

[janetupnorth]

The problem is we don't know which state to call for aid...MN or SD!?!? And one of the issues with SD is that it is a SMALL town, and even if the people at the social services and states attorney's office work full time- they are rarely at their desks due to court cases, etc... I agree she needs to get on their backs, but I can't make her- so maybe we could pray that the FIRE under her tooshy would be lit and she'd get movin' on being assertive and getting things accomplished.

Thanks for the advice!

That may be the point where your kind heart has to help light the fire, or maybe DH can be the "mean one". Not to be mean literally but give her goals, tell her to get in gear and or get a job...

Call X number of people in SD and get answers...and get support by X date...not that you would ever kick her out, but she may be feeling so secure and comfortable with you guys that it takes away her motivation to fight and get what she needs...

 

[dizzycassy]

I home school preschool for my daughter she will be 4 in a month too. I only keep writing letters to 15 minutes a day. And everytime she makes an attempt to write her letters without tracing I praise her. With positive encouragement she can write many letters on her own now. The rest of the time is games, reading and crafts. You definately don't want to cause tears at 3, she will hate school for the rest of her life. School should be fun. Children can absorb alot at this age but only when they enjoy it.

 

[dizzycassy]

Fisherprice.com and starfall.com has also helped my daughter memorize all the letters.

 

[lkprescott]

The problem is we don't know which state to call for aid...MN or SD!?!? And one of the issues with SD is that it is a SMALL town, and even if the people at the social services and states attorney's office work full time- they are rarely at their desks due to court cases, etc... I agree she needs to get on their backs, but I can't make her- so maybe we could pray that the FIRE under her tooshy would be lit and she'd get movin' on being assertive and getting things accomplished.

Thanks for the advice!

Call both... if she's already filed anything though, look in the state she filed. But don't discount your own local state rep... they can help if not directly, put you in touch or help steer you both in the right direction.

 

[MaddyandOwensMom]

Use the internet to find some info. on reasonable expectations for a 4 year old. Research will show that she is not developmentally ready for the tasks that Mom is presenting. Armed with the research in hand, speak calmly to your sister and let her know that you are concerned about the situation for both of them. Hope this helps!
(I teach 8 year olds and they can't focus on something for 2 hours!!) HTH!

I second that! There is so much focus on academics for 4 year olds and while some kids are ready for it, "average" kids may now be considered remedial because so much is expected of them. My daughter can do lots of things, but I feel a lot of pressure to have her reading before kindergarten. But in no way is it appropriate to have a four year old sit for hours and expect her to learn that way. I'm really big on music to teach with and games and moving location a lot. Just my 2 cents!
Jessica

 

[ragschef]

My DD wil be 4 the first of may and she knows her letters and numbers and can write most of them. I'm not bragging (or being the abnoxious "ky kid is better than your kid" mom), but one of the best things that worked for my daughter was an easel. She loves to draw and be creative with things, so she got an easel for Christmas and one side is dry erase and the other chalk board. The markers were for numbers and the chalk was for letters. She chose what we worked on for the day and then I would let her lead the lessons. I had no cirriculum to follow, but I do have lots of daycare worker friends and tehy kept me on my toes regarding how far to push her. She now is in a daily preschool setting and is loving being able to do everything the other kids can do. Grant it, every kid is different (especially mine), but the one thing I've learned is that if you let the child guide the lessons and make it fun for the child, they're more apt to do things that you want them to do.
I just noticed that you are a teacher and probably already knew this...

 

[baychef]

I have a 17 year old and I remember the day when at about age 3 he sat down at his little picnic table and said (with pencil and paper in hand)...Mom, I want you to teach me how to write. He thought that this was a quickie 30 second lesson!! After a trying to write letters for a short time...he decided that this wasn't for him. And at 17, I can't say that much has changed!!! (except he does know how to write now...but hates it!!):grumpy: