Teachers and Wise People, I Need Your Help.

[Kitchen Diva]

Okay, I need some advice in a BIG way! I'm about 3 seconds from screaming...

My sister and almost 4 yr old niece live with us. We'll call my sister Beth and my Niece Maggie.

Beth home school's Maggie 3 times a week for abotu 2-3 hours. Let me start out by saying that I taught kindergarten for 2 years (however I must say that it was only a certification so I could only teach at learning centers and private schools) I also taught children with behavioral issues as well.

Okay, so EVERY time my sister sits down with Maggie to do "school work" she will either have her in tears at least once, and she will also end up in the corner at least once. So crying and the corner each once- three times a week...

WTH??? (what the heck?)

She isn't even 4 yet. Her B's aren't going to be perfect- she doesn't know how to focus for 2 hours on one STUPID page of letters.... UGHUGHUGH

Beth (my sister) is trying to teach Maggie the alphabet. She is teaching her how to write the letters. I pulled up some fun activity sheets online, where Maggie can trace the letters, I believe you trace the capital letter 6 times and the lowercase letter 6 times as well. Then you look at the pictures at the bottom of the page that start with the coresponding letter.

Maggie is always getting scolded for not making her letters perfect, for not remembering what letter they are on, for not knowing if Bert or Apple starts with an "A", for not focusing, for not obeying, for not listening, and for not being able to copy her letter's exactly like her Mom does.

I am seriously ready to pull my sister aside and let her have it. My blood is boiling and I'm tired of watching my niece get in trouble for things she has no control over at this point in the game. She will be 4 at the end of next month. She is not capable of concentrating on the alphabet for 2 hours at a time, and, no- she does not have ADHD or ADD...

If my sister were my teacher, I'd drop out!

Any advice on how to approach her? I tried once already, and it went over like a lead balloon. Because she had her in preschool back at home, and she was able to learn how to write A-G and recognize them, she's upset with Maggie now becasue she isn't getting it. I think she isn't getting it because of how she is being taught. The kid is very bright...

I need some guidance, prayer and help. Thanks!!!

 

[legacypc46]

From what you posted previously about their situation, there may be more going on between them than what's on the surface. Trauma counseling is critical.....just my humble opinion.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I agree Leggy!

However, the attention span of a four year old is limited. Learning should be fun! Not a chore. Working on a letter of the alphabet can take time.

Ill keep your family in my prayers!

 

[janetupnorth]

Not a teacher for kids (only for adults) and not a "wise person" but a GENTLE and let me emphasize GENTLE talk may be in order.Your sister has been through a lot lately and her patience might not be there for one. I too would disagree with how she is doing things.DD didn't learn to write until kindergarten. DS is trying now but at that age, they don't have the physical control to make letters and coloring perfectly neat, practice makes perfect.For learning the alphabet, DS LOVED the leapfrog videos and the alphabet on the fridge. He is JUST starting to do some sheets and ONLY because sister has some. They learn Denelian in school so there is a page that you can print letters or words.I started him out with his name in capital letters and am JUST starting a few letters.Maybe rather than coming down on your sister, you can approach it from the way of, "I've been watching you teach her for a few weeks and it seems to be frustrating for both of you right now. I know you are going through a lot right now and so is 'Maggie'. You know I've taught kindergarten before and I hate to see you frustrated. Can I help you set learning goals for 'Maggie' and think of some fun creative ways for her to learn what you want to teach? She needs some fun and play in her life right now with all that has happened."...just some thoughts...

 

[straitfan]

Use the internet to find some info. on reasonable expectations for a 4 year old. Research will show that she is not developmentally ready for the tasks that Mom is presenting. Armed with the research in hand, speak calmly to your sister and let her know that you are concerned about the situation for both of them. Hope this helps!
(I teach 8 year olds and they can't focus on something for 2 hours!!) Another idea, find some music and even videos that cover the skills she wants taught and make the learning more like play (HMMMMMM...what a normal 4 year old should be doing anyway!)
HTH!

 

[katie0128]

From what you posted previously about their situation, there may be more going on between them than what's on the surface. Trauma counseling is critical.....just my humble opinion.

I agree... counseling for EVERYONE involved... you, sister, niece... EVERYONE!

 

[jenniferlynne]

Wow.

I home school my son. The first year I tried (when he was 5) he couldn't focus at all (and this girl is only 3!!!). I finally decided he just wasn't ready and decided to wait a year. Now he does great. He reads and writes now. I just try to make it really fun for him. I'm always cracking him up. He gets mad at himself when something doesn't look perfect, but I always tell him it looks great. Kids want to please their parents, so this girl is probably stressed and a mental wreck when she has to do home school. She is probably so scared of messing up that she can't concentrate.

As far as spending two hours on one thing, I don't even spend 2 hours a day total!!! We do math, reading, writing and science in less time than that. Kids can't focus on one thing for too long. I also try to mix things up so that he is not doing the same things every day. Some days I will just have him do learning activities on the computer. He thinks he is playing games and doesn't even realize he is learning. Some days we will just do his Hooked on Phonics CD's. He loves these. If it is warm out, we will take his books and set out on the deck at the patio table.

It sounds like if your sister is going to continue this, she needs to purchase some home school curriculum that comes with a daily schedule. I use Calvert (www.calvertschool.org). It is kind of expensive, but it comes with just about all you need for the year, plus the lessons are already planned out in a teachers manual. They do have preschool curriculum. Besides just the standard lessons, it comes with music CD's, games and crafts. You can request a free catalog. Maybe get one of those and leave it laying around for her to see.

Good Luck.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

This is all helpful, guys! (Janet, yes you are wise)
Any ideas on what a lesson plan shoudl look like??

 

[Teresa Lynn]

What about a basket of educational but fun "toys" for for your niece just sitting out for her to play with in her down time maybe with you (so she doesn't realize she is learning & its a fun activity.... Dollar Tree in our area has a wide variety of school supplies (for $1) same things I've seen at the teacher connection for much more.
anyway, what about magnetic letters, the wipe off slate (remember they were cardboard and had a plastic page on top when we were little)Or, if you can spare an inside closet door or wall area they make chalkboard paint (& magnetic paint) in a spray can. In our old house I did 2 walls in the playhouse for the kids out of these.I spent hours watching sesame street videos or Barney with my kids it was fun for them but they picked up little things too

 

[Kitchen Diva]

THanks for the advice. My sister does not have a teachable spirit and pouts, sulks and gets upset and gives you the silent treatment whenever you gently approach her with something. This is going to take prayer.

Maggie will be starting play therapy soon.
Sister needs counseling too- we are working on getting her to agree to it.
I'm taking Maggie with me to run errands today and give Beth some time to sulk and pout by herself.

I guess I don't understand what the rush is...I thought you learned to write in Kindergarten, and as long as you could spell and write your name by then, it was fine. Am I wrong? Yes, knowing ahead of time will help her, but she won't start school for another 1 at least....

 

[MissChef]

From what you posted previously about their situation, there may be more going on between them than what's on the surface. Trauma counseling is critical.....just my humble opinion.

OMG! I was thinking the same thing!!! I feel your sister is taking out her grief and anger about all that has happened on her daughter! And the sad thing is, your neice was the victim! Now, IMHO, you need to step in and help out for the sake of your neice. Your sister needs help, not because she's mental, but because she's hurt and she needs to direct that to someone other than her daughter. Your neice needs her Mom right now and needs her to be loving and she (your neice) needs to feel safe and secure. Your sister is going to push her away and that will not be good!
If I was you, I'd take your neice and go spend time with her, loving her and playing with her. You could incorporate some teaching and make it fun. Kids learn with they are having fun, not being lectured or yelled at, especially in the beginning and in these special circumstances!
My kids didn't always get it when they were four! My daughter who is almost 8 still writes a lot of her numbers backwards, and I just keep working with her. I tell her to compare it to other numbers on the page to make sure she's doing it right. She often writes her 6's wrong and I just tell her look for another 6 on the page, does her six look the same? And then she figures it out erases it and does it the right way!
By the way, my son had a lot of issues getting things right, and I had his preschool teacher tell me that it would probably benefit him to take another year of preschool, we said, "thank you for your advice, but we are putting him in school, because he really did understand. 1/2 the time he just got bored with her and didn't put the effort out! He needs to be stimulated and she had a lot of kids to focus on and she often went over and over the same stuff that he really did understand and he would just not even try because he was annoyed and bored!
By the end of kindergarten, he could read about a 5th or 6th grade level! In first grade he was the first to finish all his work packs (groups of words they needed to know how to spell) and just kept excelling! The only thing he got low grades on was organization! (He was a messy boy!) By 4th grade he got that together and starting in 3rd grade he started earning honor role, he now is in 6th grade....... and now here comes my Mom's right bragging!!.... he has been earing honor role non stop since 4th grade, with superior honor role this year, all year. He and one other girl are the only ones from his school being reccommended for honors classes at his middle school next year... and his teacher called him up and told him that he had the top WASL scores (some Washington state assessment tests) in the whole school! Imagine what he'd be like if I had held him back! He'd be soooo bored! He probably would give us more grief and not be in the same position he is in now!
Why do I tell you this, because some kids just need a break! And some kids will act like they don't know, when they do!
Back to your sister and your neice, what I said in the beginning is definetely what I feel and I think others do to! You need to say something... I think... for your neices sake!
Good luck, hun! Sorry this is long! Probably a bunch of others responded while I was writing this, not only is this long, but I got 2 phone calls!

 

[lkprescott]

Teaching a child who is too young to learn certain concepts (their brains simply aren't wired until certain milestones and ages are met) will only lead to frustration and it sounds like she's there. Not to mention, may put off the child to future learning. You can't walk until you learn to stand and can't stand until you learn how to sit up... reading, writing and the like is like that... at her age, she should be allowed to scribble her thoughts and let that be enough. Worrying about forming letters, even imperfectly are what... a year away? What's her rush to have her child learn so early? There are a lot of great ways to enter in reading/writing concepts at that age that have nothing to do with the alphabet (though the alphabet song is a favorite intro to such things)... drawing, cutting with scissors... letting those brain waves fire and neurons connect is the only thing that will get her to do these things. Your sister's impatience will also help such connections be made in her daughter's brain as well and they may end up being not so pretty in the end. Counseling could help... helping her understand what a child of that age is actually capable of may be good too. And if she's looking to create a prodigy... she'd do better to find another hobby. Perhaps finding sites online of what ages certain milestones are expected might help... helping her understand what her child is actually capable of may help. Punishing a child for not learning fast enough is only going to build up resentment, anger and a poor self esteem. Sounds like the wrong person may be ending up in time out.

 

[lkprescott]

THanks for the advice. My sister does not have a teachable spirit and pouts, sulks and gets upset and gives you the silent treatment whenever you gently approach her with something. This is going to take prayer.

Maggie will be starting play therapy soon.
Sister needs counseling too- we are working on getting her to agree to it.
I'm taking Maggie with me to run errands today and give Beth some time to sulk and pout by herself.

I guess I don't understand what the rush is...I thought you learned to write in Kindergarten, and as long as you could spell and write your name by then, it was fine. Am I wrong? Yes, knowing ahead of time will help her, but she won't start school for another 1 at least....

That's an idea... find out what the age cut off for Kindergarten is in your area... that might help her. A lot of schools/states are opting to have kids be almost 6 these days to start kindergarten.

 

[MissChef]

I do agree with Janet, you do need to be gentle and not attack her! By all means don't do that! I just don't want your necie to suffer more! That was the red flag to your post, to me! But your sister is a victim here too and she needs to be loved too! Be gentle and see her side too! I know when I'm stressed out my poor children often get lectured and I have little patience with them. My hubby is my saving grace... God gave him to me for this reason! Well, one of the reasons!! So for your sister, she's going to need you and your gentle love!:love:

 

[Nanisu]

As a homeschool mom of 12 years, I agree that her expectations are too high for a 4 year old academically. Is she this demanding of her daughter in other areas? or just school? If she is this demanding in general, gently showing her is going to help. If it's just schooling, then maybe would she let YOU work with her dd? Or do you want to? Maybe if she watched you she might get a better idea?

 

[ChefClairissa]

Here are some ideas that I use with my daughter (19 months):

Pin pokes: I trace the outline of a letter onto a paper and put the paper on a square of felt or carpet. Then she gets a push pin and sits at the table and pokes along the line. The way she holds the pin is the same way to properly hold a pencil, so it gets her ready for the next step. It also teaches her the letter as she does it. when the letter pops out she knows shes done! (I also sit with her at the table and watch her so I know where the pin is at all times)

Alphebet book: cut pictures out of magazines that all start with the letter A. Talk about each one and she can glue them to a paper. After you have gone through the whole alphabet, tie the book together and she has her very own book that you two have made togeher.

Sandpaper letters: Cut the letters out of sand paper and let her trace them with her finger. Little ones like the way it feels and it gets them used to the letters.
Im sure it can be frustrating for everyone. If you try mixing it up a bit,the parent and child might not get so bored and frustrated. Good luck!

 

[janetupnorth]

My daughter did the alphabet book throughout kindergarten with the pictures.We also had her write out the name of the objects and glue it under each picture. She loved it and her handwriting greatly improved!

 

[janetupnorth]

My daughter did the alphabet book throughout kindergarten with the pictures.

We also had her write out the name of the objects and glue it under each picture. She loved it and her handwriting greatly improved!

 

[katie0128]

Here are some ideas that I use with my daughter (19 months):

Pin pokes: I trace the outline of a letter onto a paper and put the paper on a square of felt or carpet. Then she gets a push pin and sits at the table and pokes along the line. The way she holds the pin is the same way to properly hold a pencil, so it gets her ready for the next step. It also teaches her the letter as she does it. when the letter pops out she knows shes done! (I also sit with her at the table and watch her so I know where the pin is at all times)

Alphebet book: cut pictures out of magazines that all start with the letter A. Talk about each one and she can glue them to a paper. After you have gone through the whole alphabet, tie the book together and she has her very own book that you two have made togeher.

Sandpaper letters: Cut the letters out of sand paper and let her trace them with her finger. Little ones like the way it feels and it gets them used to the letters.
Im sure it can be frustrating for everyone. If you try mixing it up a bit,the parent and child might not get so bored and frustrated. Good luck!

My son did all of these when he was in pre-K, but gotta say, he loved the pin-poke the best.

They also sorted things - pictures (glued onto index cards), small toys, anything the teachers could find - by letter, color, size, etc.

For letters, if they were working on "A", they would have a stack of pictures where a number of the pictures (but not all) start with the letter A. They would sort the pictures by "A" and "not A". The teachers were really good about not using pictures that could be called two different names (bunny vs. rabbit).

When they were doing colors, they might have to either find all the Red objects or all the objects that started with R, like Red.

When I get home, I'll post the list of skills needed before Kingergarten that my son's pre-K teachers worked from. It was really helpful in understanding what he needed to know vs. what would be good for him to know vs. what areas he was already ahead in.

 

[susan g]

My youngest son is also almost 4 and we are doing well with a free online curriculum I found at Brightly Beaming Resources. It is fun and doesn't take too long each day. He will go to regular preschool next fall but this is something for us to do (besides watch TV) while his older sister and brother are at school. We are both having a great time and he is learning way more than I would have thought. My favorite part is a list of recomended books for each letter-we have discovered some real treasures. I request the whole list from our library online then we go pick them up once a week. I don't know what to tell your sister but I do know that nobody can learn much under so much stress and would be afraid that the child will end up hating school over this.

 

[Cindycooks]

Pre-K Teacher raising her hand here. Everyone has given great advice here and nothing much more I need to add. At 4 she DOES NOT need to be learning to write her letters as far as being pushed into doing that if she is not ready. Pushing her and punishing her is only going to make it worse - you know that.

Children this age learn thru play as learning should be fun. We incorporate learning our letters and sounds into the cirriculum. For instance next week is "Discovering Spring". We will plant seeds, go outside and wave ribbon streamers and go on a "wind walk" then come inside and talk about what was blowing in the wind, read book and do puzzles on the unit, cut out pictures of signs of spring - and our letter will be "f" for Flower and "w" for wind. I have a big FAT "F" that the children will paste tiny seeds or pictures of flowers on. Things such as that - that is how they learn. We do not do the alpahbet in order either. We do the "pin poke" thing - that is fun - but expecting a 4 year old to write a perfect letter is sad - she will have plenty of time to learn this in Kdg and 1st grade......hugs & prayers to you...I am sorry you are having to witness this and hope we can be of some help!

 

[etteluap70PC]

Kacey,
Is your sister willing to send your niece to any kind of group classes. Here in MN we are so blessed to have ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) I would highly reccomend getting both of them into some classes. Many are parent and child involvement together. I have had both of my children and I enrolled in them since they were babies. I love the parent dicussion times and all the support from the teachers and other parents! The cost is very reasonable and if Your sis is unable to pay they are unable to turn her away (state guideline!)

If you need any more info feel free to PM me. Itis a program that has saved my sanity as a mom and helped my find the truest friends I have ever known!

ETA: If your sis does not want to take her you definetly could. I have seen many grandparents and aunts attend with their little people!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I do agree with Janet, you do need to be gentle and not attack her! By all means don't do that! I just don't want your necie to suffer more! That was the red flag to your post, to me! But your sister is a victim here too and she needs to be loved too! Be gentle and see her side too! I know when I'm stressed out my poor children often get lectured and I have little patience with them. My hubby is my saving grace... God gave him to me for this reason! Well, one of the reasons!! So for your sister, she's going to need you and your gentle love!:love:

I would never attack my sister. I was just expressing my extreme frustration at how my sister is "home schooling" my niece and I wanted to scream!

Don't worry- I am actually a fairly calm person and when I do speak to my sister it will be alone, when the child is in bed for the night.

 

[janetupnorth]

Hope you know I didn't imply that you'd attack her at all...I was just overemphasizing the GENTLE because after what she has been through any type of constructive criticism or gentle prodding may appear to her as something more. It's all in the receiver's frame of mind, not the communicator...

 

[trps]

I am a teacher and was told that everyone has the attention span of their age (4 years = 4 min at on time) max out at 30 min for adults. So after 4 min she needs to get up and do something for a min jumping jacks for the alphabet can be fun then back to work for 4 min.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

My son did all of these when he was in pre-K, but gotta say, he loved the pin-poke the best.

They also sorted things - pictures (glued onto index cards), small toys, anything the teachers could find - by letter, color, size, etc.

For letters, if they were working on "A", they would have a stack of pictures where a number of the pictures (but not all) start with the letter A. They would sort the pictures by "A" and "not A". The teachers were really good about not using pictures that could be called two different names (bunny vs. rabbit).

When they were doing colors, they might have to either find all the Red objects or all the objects that started with R, like Red.

When I get home, I'll post the list of skills needed before Kingergarten that my son's pre-K teachers worked from. It was really helpful in understanding what he needed to know vs. what would be good for him to know vs. what areas he was already ahead in.

Thank you! That would be super helpful.

I love all the wonderful ideas so far.

 

[JAE]

Could you just volunteer to "teach" her one day, and see how it goes? It will go great, of course, and maybe your sister will get it. But, then again, maybe she'll be upset that you didn't teach her dd anything. EEK!

Do you and your sis ever just sit around and shoot the breeze? Maybe you could bring it up during a nice conversation. "Maggie sure is having a hard time with the homeschooling, isn't she? What do you think the problem is?" Let her talk and you can interject when you feel it's appropriate. Hold your tongue longer than you want to hold it. Think twice...no, think three times, before you speak. It's not fun walking on egg shells, but this is a small part of a bigger, fragile situation.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Hope you know I didn't imply that you'd attack her at all...I was just overemphasizing the GENTLE because after what she has been through any type of constructive criticism or gentle prodding may appear to her as something more. It's all in the receiver's frame of mind, not the communicator...

Oh, I know- Misschef/Cathy was concerned that I might attack her verbally and stated it was a red flag in my post. Please understand- it is just emotionally draining here at home and frustrating to watch my sister with her daughter- I was venting in a HUGE way, and would never attack my sister- heck, I was more her mom at times than our mother was...
I love her, and my niece- I came here for guidance and help because I knew you guys would have both! I would never be mean to either of them, I just wasn't sure how to best approach an unteachable spirit. (aka- my sister) I'll have to find out why she thinks this stuff is so important to learn right now...

Thanks again for the help!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Update- it's a happy oneWell, your prayers and my prayers have worked. I had a nice talk with my sister tonight- she has agreed to let me school Lily, and suddenly decided that it didn't matter at the age of (almost) 4 years old if she could write the letter "B" properly. So she said she would just like her to be able to know all the ABC's, and be able to point to them and say them.

So I'll be teaching. I do have 2 years experience, so I'll have to try and remember some fun activities that incorporate learning...there has been a few back injuries with long bouts of narcotics that have wiped out most of my brain cells, so feel free to PM or Email me with ideas. The 3 or 4 that I read from you guys in this thread sounded AWESOME!

Sister is frustrated that after almost 2 months South Dakota is doing nothing, DH is not supporting them financially, she doesn't know if bills are being paid, her life is back in SD- she misses her pets, her house, her clothes, and she misses MOPS, and her job (she was a cheerleader coach at a VERY small Christian School) she knows her daughter misses her little pre-school classes (twice a week she went, I believe) and she's just frustrated, scared, angry, etc...

We can't get either of them into counseling until SD figures out who is supposed to do what and if her husband is even guilty because my niece wouldn't tell the abuse interviewer's anything. She's told almost everyone else in the family, but not the people that count...

So, my sister has no money, she can't drive around and take my niece to places to have fun, etc- I lost my job and so money is tight, or I'd give her gas money- the situation just stinks- ROYALLY!

So- at least on the homeschool front the issue is solved. I will step in and help and mom has agreed that she does not need to know how to print every letter right now. But letter recognition is important for her since that is what her teacher was teaching them before she had to be uprooted.

We did empty out my DH den and made a pretty little girl's room just for our little neice. So now they each have their own rooms...

Thanks for the support and the prayers, and the advice and the ideas!!
I love you all!

 

[MissChef]

Oh, I know- Misschef/Cathy was concerned that I might attack her verbally and stated it was a red flag in my post. Please understand- it is just emotionally draining here at home and frustrating to watch my sister with her daughter- I was venting in a HUGE way, and would never attack my sister- heck, I was more her mom at times than our mother was...
I love her, and my niece- I came here for guidance and help because I knew you guys would have both! I would never be mean to either of them, I just wasn't sure how to best approach an unteachable spirit. (aka- my sister) I'll have to find out why she thinks this stuff is so important to learn right now...

Thanks again for the help!

Yikes! I didn't mean that you would attack her and I didn't mean that the red flag was that you would!!! :blushing: Oh, I can tell that you are not that way! I can tell you only are concerned for your neice in this situation, I mean.... of course you care about your sister, you just don't like the way your neice is being "taught!" What I meant by the red flag, is that the way your sister was obsessed with her getting it right.. so much so that she'd put her in the corner and that your neice cries over this. The red flag was the whole thing!! What I mean is that with what I know about the past issues, I was concerned for both your neice and your sister and that the whole subject raised a red flag!
Yikes.... I'm so sorry that you thought I meant something else!! :blushing:
And I am so happy your talk went well! Seems that when it all boils down, everyone wants what's best for your neice/her daughter and that's what matters most! Have fun teaching her!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Yikes! I didn't mean that you would attack her and I didn't mean that the red flag was that you would!!! :blushing: Oh, I can tell that you are not that way! I can tell you only are concerned for your neice in this situation, I mean.... of course you care about your sister, you just don't like the way your neice is being "taught!" What I meant by the red flag, is that the way your sister was obsessed with her getting it right.. so much so that she'd put her in the corner and that your neice cries over this. The red flag was the whole thing!! What I mean is that with what I know about the past issues, I was concerned for both your neice and your sister and that the whole subject raised a red flag!
Yikes.... I'm so sorry that you thought I meant something else!! :blushing:
And I am so happy your talk went well! Seems that when it all boils down, everyone wants what's best for your neice/her daughter and that's what matters most! Have fun teaching her!

Oh!!! That helps to have it explained like that. Don't worry however, I was not upset with you- I just figured you thought I was a raving lunatic that would go off on her sister in front of her neice! LOL People have thought worse of me.

Thanks for clearing that up however- I agree with you whole heartedly. My mother and I and my DH do think that my sister is a little too hard on her daughter/expects near perfection in behavior and obedience- and I'm working on that with my sister. I'm all for discipline and obedience but this isn't a boarding school, and my Mom and Step-Dad were no where near that unreasonable with their expectations or discipline. My sister was the trouble/wild child, so I'm sure she doesn't want that for her daughter. But I told her tonight that if she keeps this up- she will completely alienate her daughter, and she'll be more rebellious. Kids will mess up and it isn't always on purpose I told her!

She's learning. I'm the sister with the child skills, teaching skills, you name it, and I don't have kids. I taught and was a Nanny and an Au Pair...but she is the sister that always felt like she could never live up to my talents (and my folks were much harder on me than they were on her- and we had different rules, mine were very strict, and her's were very few)...so I'm being as gentle as I know how, and as helpful as I can without being a pain in the neck.

My sister and I didn't get along much growing up- we are polar opposites for one so this has been an adjustment for everyone. I told her today that we weren't going to get along every day, and we would disagree from time to time, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her, and she needed to stop sulking around the house and take a handful of Pamprin!

So, in short (ha-ha-ha) your prayers worked and please keep them coming- And thanks for clearing up that I totally misunderstood your previous post. I'm a ditz sometimes!

 

[Stephaniecafe]

This may be a bit personal, but I went through a really rough time with my son as a home schooling mom with him, I didn't know I was suffering from Post Pardom... and a major perfectionist. Nobody could know I was crazy (did I say WAS? ) I was blessed with a good friend helping me see the light and despite almost losing my life in the process, came to understand that my child wasn't winning by me forcing things. Stubborn and crazy as I was, it was the Lord softening my heart and opening my eyes to see my son's pain and let go of my own. Hard steps. Lots of counseling. Lots of "giving it to a higher power" AA type stuff, but I have never touched the stuff. Just Food (OA) .
So, here it is, 5yrs later and I have a son just turned 5 getting to go to school in August. We do preschool and he gets Alphabet games... to the point that I don't think he realizes how much he is learning. My favorite is the letter run around( I call it the spelling bee and we buzzz). I put post-it notes around the house with letters written on them, and he gets to run from note to note with me chasing him and we giggle like crazy because if he says the letter right and the phonogram sound it makes, then he gets tickle treats.. and we move to the next note. I have done this as a hide and seek with numbers/letters too. We do little chef school too, where he makes letters out of soft pretzel dough and we bake them... C is for Chocolate Chip Cookie. When he could write all the letters in lined up chocolate chips, we made cookies and then squeeze bottled the letter C in frosting all over the clean table just to lick them off! Hope that gives you some ideas, and I will be praying very hard for your sister.

 

[lkprescott]

Well, your prayers and my prayers have worked. I had a nice talk with my sister tonight- she has agreed to let me school Lily, and suddenly decided that it didn't matter at the age of (almost) 4 years old if she could write the letter "B" properly. So she said she would just like her to be able to know all the ABC's, and be able to point to them and say them.

So I'll be teaching. I do have 2 years experience, so I'll have to try and remember some fun activities that incorporate learning...there has been a few back injuries with long bouts of narcotics that have wiped out most of my brain cells, so feel free to PM or Email me with ideas. The 3 or 4 that I read from you guys in this thread sounded AWESOME!

Sister is frustrated that after almost 2 months South Dakota is doing nothing, DH is not supporting them financially, she doesn't know if bills are being paid, her life is back in SD- she misses her pets, her house, her clothes, and she misses MOPS, and her job (she was a cheerleader coach at a VERY small Christian School) she knows her daughter misses her little pre-school classes (twice a week she went, I believe) and she's just frustrated, scared, angry, etc...

We can't get either of them into counseling until SD figures out who is supposed to do what and if her husband is even guilty because my niece wouldn't tell the abuse interviewer's anything. She's told almost everyone else in the family, but not the people that count...

So, my sister has no money, she can't drive around and take my niece to places to have fun, etc- I lost my job and so money is tight, or I'd give her gas money- the situation just stinks- ROYALLY!

So- at least on the homeschool front the issue is solved. I will step in and help and mom has agreed that she does not need to know how to print every letter right now. But letter recognition is important for her since that is what her teacher was teaching them before she had to be uprooted.

We did empty out my DH den and made a pretty little girl's room just for our little neice. So now they each have their own rooms...

Thanks for the support and the prayers, and the advice and the ideas!!
I love you all!

I'm glad the talk went well!

As for her situation.. she needs to keep calling and be a squeaky wheel (they get the grease).. she needs to call them, take names and time of calls and consider this her job until things get straightened out. Hopefully she'll find the strength to give the proper people the information they need to get this stuff through. Seriously, though, she should be calling, taking names, asking to talk to supervisors and not take no for an answer. Where there's a will, there's a way and at least in this state, money paid goes back to when the order was filed... if she doesn't have a lawyer, check into legal aid... if you guys get no where, contact your local state representatives - it's amazing what those folks can do for you to get you pushed through the system.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm glad the talk went well!

As for her situation.. she needs to keep calling and be a squeaky wheel (they get the grease).. she needs to call them, take names and time of calls and consider this her job until things get straightened out. Hopefully she'll find the strength to give the proper people the information they need to get this stuff through. Seriously, though, she should be calling, taking names, asking to talk to supervisors and not take no for an answer. Where there's a will, there's a way and at least in this state, money paid goes back to when the order was filed... if she doesn't have a lawyer, check into legal aid... if you guys get no where, contact your local state representatives - it's amazing what those folks can do for you to get you pushed through the system.

The problem is we don't know which state to call for aid...MN or SD!?!? And one of the issues with SD is that it is a SMALL town, and even if the people at the social services and states attorney's office work full time- they are rarely at their desks due to court cases, etc... I agree she needs to get on their backs, but I can't make her- so maybe we could pray that the FIRE under her tooshy would be lit and she'd get movin' on being assertive and getting things accomplished.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[janetupnorth]

Can you ask the "counselors" if the courts in SD will take sign affidavits from family of what she has said or if they will allow you to record her statements.I don't blame a 4 year old for not wanting to tell a total stranger anything!

 

[janetupnorth]

The problem is we don't know which state to call for aid...MN or SD!?!? And one of the issues with SD is that it is a SMALL town, and even if the people at the social services and states attorney's office work full time- they are rarely at their desks due to court cases, etc... I agree she needs to get on their backs, but I can't make her- so maybe we could pray that the FIRE under her tooshy would be lit and she'd get movin' on being assertive and getting things accomplished.

Thanks for the advice!

That may be the point where your kind heart has to help light the fire, or maybe DH can be the "mean one". Not to be mean literally but give her goals, tell her to get in gear and or get a job...

Call X number of people in SD and get answers...and get support by X date...not that you would ever kick her out, but she may be feeling so secure and comfortable with you guys that it takes away her motivation to fight and get what she needs...

 

[dizzycassy]

I home school preschool for my daughter she will be 4 in a month too. I only keep writing letters to 15 minutes a day. And everytime she makes an attempt to write her letters without tracing I praise her. With positive encouragement she can write many letters on her own now. The rest of the time is games, reading and crafts. You definately don't want to cause tears at 3, she will hate school for the rest of her life. School should be fun. Children can absorb alot at this age but only when they enjoy it.

 

[dizzycassy]

Fisherprice.com and starfall.com has also helped my daughter memorize all the letters.

 

[lkprescott]

The problem is we don't know which state to call for aid...MN or SD!?!? And one of the issues with SD is that it is a SMALL town, and even if the people at the social services and states attorney's office work full time- they are rarely at their desks due to court cases, etc... I agree she needs to get on their backs, but I can't make her- so maybe we could pray that the FIRE under her tooshy would be lit and she'd get movin' on being assertive and getting things accomplished.

Thanks for the advice!

Call both... if she's already filed anything though, look in the state she filed. But don't discount your own local state rep... they can help if not directly, put you in touch or help steer you both in the right direction.

 

[MaddyandOwensMom]

Use the internet to find some info. on reasonable expectations for a 4 year old. Research will show that she is not developmentally ready for the tasks that Mom is presenting. Armed with the research in hand, speak calmly to your sister and let her know that you are concerned about the situation for both of them. Hope this helps!
(I teach 8 year olds and they can't focus on something for 2 hours!!) HTH!

I second that! There is so much focus on academics for 4 year olds and while some kids are ready for it, "average" kids may now be considered remedial because so much is expected of them. My daughter can do lots of things, but I feel a lot of pressure to have her reading before kindergarten. But in no way is it appropriate to have a four year old sit for hours and expect her to learn that way. I'm really big on music to teach with and games and moving location a lot. Just my 2 cents!
Jessica

 

[ragschef]

My DD wil be 4 the first of may and she knows her letters and numbers and can write most of them. I'm not bragging (or being the abnoxious "ky kid is better than your kid" mom), but one of the best things that worked for my daughter was an easel. She loves to draw and be creative with things, so she got an easel for Christmas and one side is dry erase and the other chalk board. The markers were for numbers and the chalk was for letters. She chose what we worked on for the day and then I would let her lead the lessons. I had no cirriculum to follow, but I do have lots of daycare worker friends and tehy kept me on my toes regarding how far to push her. She now is in a daily preschool setting and is loving being able to do everything the other kids can do. Grant it, every kid is different (especially mine), but the one thing I've learned is that if you let the child guide the lessons and make it fun for the child, they're more apt to do things that you want them to do.
I just noticed that you are a teacher and probably already knew this...

 

[baychef]

I have a 17 year old and I remember the day when at about age 3 he sat down at his little picnic table and said (with pencil and paper in hand)...Mom, I want you to teach me how to write. He thought that this was a quickie 30 second lesson!! After a trying to write letters for a short time...he decided that this wasn't for him. And at 17, I can't say that much has changed!!! (except he does know how to write now...but hates it!!):grumpy: