Protect Your Child: How to Obtain a Restraining Order for School Stalking

[KellyTheChef]

Lisa~

That song you are referring to is a powerful one. My dad, brother, and I walked out to be seated at my Mom's funeral last June with that song playing. It meant a lot to my brother and I (both Christians) and we are still praying that our actions then and since then will speak loudly to our Dad.

Not to hijack your thread! He will get all of you (especially your daughter) through this time. Remember that others will be watching you to see how you handle this. You can be a great witness during this trial...as well as your daughter will be looking to you and your DH for cues as to how she should be reacting to this. I pray for her safety (physically and emotionally) as well as for the mental state of the boy harassing her. Sounds like he really needs help!

 

[pampchefrhondab]

I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, but I will be praying for your entire family!

Thank you for sharing this story. I have two teenage daughters and it's nice to know this happens a lot and sometimes isn't reported. I'm going to discuss it with them.

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Thank you for sharing this story. I have two teenage daughters and it's nice to know this happens a lot and sometimes isn't reported. I'm going to discuss it with them.

Yes, if you have daughters, of all ages...discuss this issue with them (on an age appropriate level). Two years ago when this began she downplayed what was happening when telling us. She had kind of jokingly said she had a stalker but made it sound like just some boy at school had a crush on her and she kept seeing him in the hall. We didn't know until last year how uncomfortable it had made her. We also just assumed that she knew what to do when she had a problem at school. Even if you feel like you've told your kids many times....tell them again. They need to tell an adult IMMEDIATELY! Don't wait and think about it, hoping that it will just go away.

Yesterday, as soon as she opened the letter, she told the teacher she needed to see a principal immediately. This might sound odd but (if she had to go through this) I'm glad it's now while she's home and we can guide her through it and not next year when she's hours away at college.

 

[Chef Michelle D]

I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this. You are doing all the righ things by making sure she is not alone. But keep in mind once you do the get the restraining order that does not mean he will stay away from her. I would keep her in places that you know she will be safe and with other people that can help keep her safe.

DO NOT TALK TO THE BOYS FAMILY. If this case does have to go to court for any reason. You do not want the family have any information that can hurt the case. Just keep doing what you are doing. Your family is in my prayers.

 

[Chefgirl2]

Lisa,
First of all I can't believe your daughter is going to college next year...we are not that old. I am proud of you for doing the right thing and reporting him ASAP both tmes. I know if you had been able to be at home you would have done it the first thing this morning, but your sister needs you.
You are doing both at the same time. Do what you can from Florida. If you have to wait to finalize it then it was meant to be.

I know you are a strong woman with a great family. Report it, follow through and get this disturbed young man the help he needs. If a new school or jail is what it ends up being then once again it was meant to be.

You know you have friends who love all of you. If there is anything I can do from this end, please let me know. Elaine

 

[Kitchen2u]

OMG ~ my prayers for all of you ~ keep her safe. Of course, I'm in agreement with everyone here...don't wait.

My niece was threatened when she was is 3rd grade! Can you imagine? The principal wrote it off...but my sister didn't. The boy was transfered to another school only after my sister pursued the matter. A WRITTEN note from the boy..."I hate you, I'm going to KILL you." I just couldn't imagine a 3rd grader! Found out later when my sister pursued it with the Superintendent of the district...this was he 7th school?!?!?!

Later found out through a lawyer (my sister's), the kid hated kids that had straight A's. My niece was the only one in the class with straight A's...luclky for the other kids...

 

[Lisa/ChefBear]

Lisa,
Just call your local Courthouse and ask for District Attorney's Office or District Justice (Magistrate) Office. Either of those offices should be able to help you out!!

Local Sheriff's office should know where to file a complaint like this.

Please don't let this drop, it's something that just can not be swept under that school carpet, I know right now they're telling you what you want to hear, but from experience I've had, file something with State police, County offices, somewhere other than just with school. It's a place to start, but do something on your own now.

I would NOT contact boys parents, as they've got to know what he's doing and that can 'cause more problems down the road.

Keeping you in thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,
Lisa in PA

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

We do not plan (and never did) to contact the parents. The school was contacting the mother.

Today I was on the phone from 8:45 am until 1 pm trying to get answers. I remembered last night that one of my past consultants has a wife that works at the court house. It took her 6 calls to find who I should talk to. SIX CALLS...and she is part of the court system!! It shouldn't be this hard for a victim to find the help they need. I'm documenting all the different people I've had to call in order to get answers. There will be a letter to the editor coming once this is over.

The campus police are filing a police report this afternoon, which is what we need in order to get an order of protection. When I spoke with the campus police officer she had just gotten off the phone with the District Attorney's office. I'm glad to know that the school system is working with the county police so that everyone is aware of the situation.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Good news Lisa. I'm glad you are making some progress.....and it is ridiculous the hoops that you are having to go through though!

 

[chefmeg]

I would also talk to as many other parents as possible-who knows who else he may have threatened that is too afraid to come forward. It may sound like that is an infringement on his rights, but as far as I am concerned, he has none because he chose your kid to mess with!

 

[MomToEli]

Lisa, I will be praying here, as well. This may sound bad, but not only am I glad this is happening while she is still at home, I'm also glad it is happening in the environment we live in today - where recent events at the college level, that could have been prevented if heeded at the high school level, are front and center in everyone's mind.

Remember not to lower your guard because you have a restraining order. All that is is a piece of paper that gives law enforcement orders to arrest him if he comes around her - which won't do a lick of good if he decides to get up close and personal in a fast way. You are going to need MUCH more than that to avert a very dangerous situation for your daughter. Self-defense instruction would be an absolute minimum.

 

[kspry]

GeorgiaPeach, please don't get angry, but I think that not ever contacting the other parents is not the way society should work.

If my son should decide to stalk a girl in high school, God forbid, I would want to be one of the first ones to know. And I would make his life such hell on earth, more than any school admin could.

How dare he do that to someone!

So, I hope you see what I am saying.

There was a "King of the Hill" episode where some kid was jumping out at Bobby, and constantly scaring Bobby. Hank Hill went and talked to the other parent. Well - I don't know if you watch "King of the Hill". Bobby never had to deal with that kid again - his parents did.

 

[kspry]

Yesterday, as soon as she opened the letter, she told the teacher she needed to see a principal immediately. This might sound odd but (if she had to go through this) I'm glad it's now while she's home and we can guide her through it and not next year when she's hours away at college

.

I forgot to add, I had some kid following me in high school. We didn't have the "stalker" word back then. I was way too shy, and too polite for my own good. I never told my parents.

I'm glad your daughter told you about this. She will be stronger for it, and when she gets out into the world, she will know how to better handle these things.

There was an earlier post about the military. I finally learned how to stand up for myself when I worked at a military place right out of college. These guys would come up and put their hands on my shoulders and stuff in the office, preteneding to give me a shoulder massage. It was terrible. One day I told this old lech, I really don't like to be touched by you. They all laughed and started the frigid jokes.
(edit - and another way older lady in the office told me later, someone has needed to tell him that for years)

So - it doesn't sound odd. Best wishes to you, your family,and actually, that perverted kid - I hope he turns his head around.

 

[Carissidy]

That is so scarey! I really feel for you and her. I personally went through this in highschool. I was so parynoid! They even set up a buddy system do get someone to walk with me to my next class. But definitely DO NOT WAIT persue this asap for your daughters sake. Now a days you can't be too careful... i had to turn to Abused Womens Advocacy Project... They helped find the correct evidence, they explained to me what was going to happen and how it would be handled, helped me to be strong enough to face him and also sat right there with me through the whole thing..It sure was great to have them their. They sure were an unbelievable help for me... Maybe you could try them, just looking for advice as to how to handle this situation. (when they answer the phone here at the Maine center they just say hello when they answer because enraged husbands and boyfriends would trace the call) Good Luck I hope all turns out for the best!

 

[cmdtrgd]

I agree with NOT contacting the parents. With today's litigious society, you never know how what you might say could be turned into a slander lawsuit. It is unfortunate, but it could happen.As for the boy messing with her in school, did you know that it is ILLEGAL to keep anyone from getting an education? If the boy is creating an atmosphere where your daughter cannot learn, you can also go that route in the legal system....just another tool for you to use.

 

[Carissidy]

I agree with NOT contacting the parents. With today's litigious society, you never know how what you might say could be turned into a slander lawsuit. It is unfortunate, but it could happen.

As for the boy messing with her in school, did you know that it is ILLEGAL to keep anyone from getting an education? If the boy is creating an atmosphere where your daughter cannot learn, you can also go that route in the legal system....just another tool for you to use.

wow Kate thats a really good observation!

 

[kspry]

Right, cmdtrgd, this kid's parents are going to sue for slander, with all this documentation?

I think not.

Did you know - you can document things without a lawyer? I document my show mileage without assistance from a tax lawyer.

With today's litigious society, you never know how what you might say could be turned into a slander lawsuit. It is unfortunate, but it could happen.

I live in America, the land of free speech. I don't lie, and and it can't be turned into slander.

Stop with the hysteria, please, and recommendations that what should be handled between parents, be handled with lawyers.

 

[kspry]

I realize the "dealing with parents" phase is long gone. That is why I think the slander angle is superfluous.

 

[chef_kimmo]

I am not sure how to put this... (starting with I believe this boy may not be that special needs as I relate below but just looking at it from a parent of a now teenage boy)

I also do NOT agree with any thing this boy has done but I also as a parent stay in my sons business and probably will till the day I die but...

I have a special needs son and while I read this I think Wow if my son ever offends some girl and the school only deals with it and I never know. I would be very upset. It is becoming common that some parents have no idea what their kids do at school and take their children's word for it when something negative is said.

Surely the school has contacted the boys family but then again, if I were to assume that (what does assume get you) then I may be wrong.

I believe there was a day when the first step was to talk parent to parent but that has ended due to some parents becoming violent.

 

[chef_kimmo]

So yes, I think the boys parents probably should have been contact in the begining but now I think he has stepped over the line. It sounds like this letter was very offensive, scarey and inappropriate.

I believe the next step is the restraining order.

 

[chef_kimmo]

My next thought though is as someone else wisely suggested is the self defense classes. Get them and get them quick.

You, your husband, your family, the school officials will only be able to watch her every move for so long. It has be very hard on her to know that she is being watched at every moment and I can only imagine that if she does ever go somewhere where she knows she is along, is that going to scare her. That is no quality of life.

Don't make her so reliant on being protected and watched by others that she is afraid to live AND when you think it is over that she lets her guard down and then she may not be prepared for a surprise.

Self Defense Classes can do nothing but help her and the sooner the better.

 

[kspry]

I think Wow if my son ever offends some girl and the school only deals with it and I never know. I would be very upset. It is becoming common that some parents have no idea what their kids do at school and take their children's word for it when something negative is said.

Surely the school has contacted the boys family but then again, if I were to assume that (what does assume get you) then I may be wrong.

I believe there was a day when the first step was to talk parent to parent but that has ended due to some parents becoming violent.

Thanks, I was having trouble explaining this.

Some parents are afraid of OTHER parents becoming violent. So we teach our children to call some phone 911 number, rather than driving over to the other family's house, and having a damned awkward, awful, productive time.

Face-to-face. What a horrible idea.

 

[cmdtrgd]

First off, the school MUST bring parents/guardians in on something like this - at least, in most states.

Second, I watched my mother be on the receiving end of 12 superfluous lawsuits in less than one year by "Crazy Mom". My mom was a teacher and had to retire early due to this lady. There was even a criminal lawsuit filed against her. My mom won ALL the cases against her - most of them were thrown out. All my mom did was to put her hand on the child's shoulder and it was turned into a "choke hold". Oh, and "Crazy Mom" started this after my mom wouldn't accept homework in the mother's handwriting - this was a 5th grade student who had no problems with completing his homework. Anyhoo, my motto is CYA - cover your arse and your family's areses....then think of others.

 

[kaceyleigh2]

I agree on the self-defense classes b/c ppl walk through restraining orders ALL the time. All it is is a piece of paper, it's not a shield. And it may just piss him off more!
I also, don't think you personally should deal with the parents, rather allow the authorities to do their job. I truly hope that they are dealing with the "real issue" and not just telling every girl he comes in contact with to get a restraining order. But dealing with his parents may not do anything. They may not be awate of his mental health issues or may be in denial.. They also could get defensive which will make matters worse!
But please, please do not rely on just the restraining order for security.

 

[kspry]

cmdtrgd, you've obviously got something to say, but I think you should start a new discussion. Just my take on it.

 

[chef_kimmo]

Just want to say "What comes around goes around"

And "Treat others as you expect to be treated."

 

[cmdtrgd]

kspry - I do have something to say - I have seen what can happen when you don't CYA. I just felt that since some people were saying one thing, and I had some experience with superfluous legal action, I would say something. What I didn't want to happen is the "I should-a, would-a, could-a" etc. Maybe I'm reading a tone into your posts towards me, but I don't think I should be dismissed.And I have seen slander lawsuits with tons of documentation to the opposite opinion.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I agree, treat others as you would want to be treated, but don't not take care of yourself or your family, too.

 

[kspry]

I agree, treat others as you would want to be treated, but don't not take care of yourself or your family, too.

We are in agreement.

The 'but' clause gives me concern, however, as does the double negative.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Whatever...