Potty Training a Stubborn Little Boy: Advice Needed

[bbauman07]

I know this is not PC related but I've been trying to potty train a very stubborn little boy and would love any advice. He is about 75% there. My other son was so easy that I really haven't had to potty train before. The oldest trained himself, seriously, it took a day!!

 

[jrstephens]

I need this too! I have been trying for about 6 months now. My little boy will come tell me when he needs a diaper change and bring me the diaper but he won't tell me when he needs to go. Except when I am trying to get him to sleep b/c he knows that's a stalling tactic or we are in church! So, I know he knows what to do he just won't do it. I have tried praise, we tried rewards at first. I am out of ideas!

 

[bbauman07]

I put him in real underwear to get as far as we have. The first few days you do alot of laundry. His problem is (forgive me for being so blunt) going poop and staying dry at night. We still have days where he will just go in his pants.

 

[bbauman07]

We used to give him a treat everytime he went, but that is now reserved for pooping.

 

[jrstephens]

Real underwear is my last resort. We just got new carpet a few months back and I know this sounds awful, but I just really do not want to mess it up. My parents let him wear real underwear at their house if they are going to be home all day with him.

A friend told me she trained her son with prizes. She went to the dollar store and wrapped a lot of little prizes and each time he asked and went they let him open one. I am thinking of doing this if he does not get it soon b/c he loves to open presents.

He did ask to go twice this weekend for no reason, so, I am seeing hope. But I am so tired of buying pull-ups!

We tried the ones with the liner but they left some kind of gritty stuff on him that I had to scrub to get off and he is really prone to diaper rash.

 

[Jennie4PC]

great thread I was just going though this with my daughter, I took her to the Dr because of runny stools since march and she suggested at breakfast lunch dinner and snack time say lets all go potty and everyone goes in and goes and washes thier hands. It took about 1 week for the peeing part. I had to bribe her with painting her finger nails and a cinderella drss for the pooping, but she is finally there. Good luck everyone with potty training I have 1 more to go thank goodness she is only 2 months.

 

[DZmom]

There is a book out called "It's Time! A potty training guide" by Karen Pillari Penner. She's a mother of 5 and has potty trained them all this way including a set of twins.

I'm using this with my daughter and it's working! We've only been training for a few days and she's doing great!

 

[jdavis]

I am not much of a help since mine went off and on, but I did start with this last one to just put underwear on him but when he went to daycare she would leave him in his diaper. He would rather wear a diaper or nothing than a pullup or underwear, now he is finally liking the underwear. But I decided after my first that I wasn't going to push too hard, I let them mostly do it on their own, I have tried the rewards and taking them to the bathroom every half hour, and watching a potty video, and sending him with his brothers, which they say if they have older siblings it's easier they want to be like them which is a crock because my second my mom would say if you go potty in the potty chair gma will buy you some new underwear and he would say no bubby.

 

[soonerchef]

We are having the hardest time with the twins...Kate, she does okay but is now being stubborn. She was about 95% there and now we are back to 75%, Ryan on the other hand just will not do it. He says he needs to go potty but never does. He doesn't care if he is wet in a pull up, diaper or underware. Giving him trains helped in the beginning but now he is just being lazy. Tips are needed here too!!

 

[gilliandanielle]

We had my daughter going pee all the time but she wouldn't poo. One day she just quit! She refused to go until I bribed her with princess stickers. We used to give her M&M's when she peed but now we have to give her M&M's and a princess sticker!! She'll be 3 in December and knows EXACTLY how to get what she wants!! I bought a potty training book but all it does is show you how to throw a potty party and different themes. I am NOT decorating my bathroom as a barn just to get my daughter to pee!Also, I have a 16 month old DS so just as I get her trained I am going to have to start training him!!

 

[supergirljennie]

Just some ideas to help:

For boys, it's kind of fun to make a game of it, if he's doing it standing up. Put a Cheerio in the toilet and have him aim at it. Worked like a charm.

Also, if you haven't weaned off of sippy cups, it's the best time to do it. Sippy cups have them drinking all the time -- which is good, but also hard because it is a constant thing to have to pee too. My son wouldn't train properly until we were off the sippies.

Truly, going to the toilet constantly is the only way to get them in the habit. We took our son every half hour, whether he wanted to or not. Not going wasn't an option, but I guess I'm just an unsympathetic mommy.

Plus, when you are training, just train for daytime first. That's when it's important for them to control their functions, and it's much easier for them to recognize. Worry about training during the night later.

When you are ready for that -- and I would say after going regularly in the daytime for a couple of months, wake your child to use the toilet right before you go to bed. Example: You put the child to bed at 8:00, take your child to use the toilet before you go to bed at 11:00 or 12:00. You don't even need to wake them, just carrying them to the toilet and have them go.

My son was hard to train at first, and it did take a couple of months. I also think it's easiest to just leave him in a shirt and underwear, no pants. I know there are some who think that's trashy (ie, my stepfather), but for those "uh-oh, gotta go" moments, it's less layers to worry about!

Good luck! It's a challenging time.

 

[gilliandanielle]

Thanks for the tips Jennie! Did you set a timer to remind you to take him every half hour? I just get busy and forget to take her. Also, DD is still napping, so I feel like anything we accomplish in the morning is ruined when I put her in a diaper, but I don't want her to wet the bed during her nap! Any tips for that?

 

[chefkristin]

My son just turned 4 in August. He had been in several home daycares and they weren't really encouraging the potty training. In fact the last one yelled at him for having an accident on one of her cushions. Give me a break! The kid had just turned 3 and she was the one that said it was ok to bring him in real undies. The thing about changing to real undies is you have to be consistent. If you want him in undies then everyone needs to do the same. She sent him backwards. I moved him into an accredited "pre-school" daycare and he was totally trained after 1 month of being there! He is trained now at night too! He saw all the other kids doing so he wanted too.
The average age for boys is 4-5. Girls tend to train younger. He will go when he is ready. I also let my son run around at home with no pants. That worked really well too. Good Luck and it WILL happen. Just try to be patient.

 

[supergirljennie]

For a couple of weeks, I did set a timer, because it is so easy to get involved and forget to watch the clock. It might also help to keep a potty chair with you in whichever room you are, because kids never want to stop what they are doing to go. Then she'll have the luxury of going while watching TV. LOL
My DS always wanted to use a real toilet though.

For me, napping is same as bedtime. That takes more work as well. Putting a diaper on her isn't going to backtrack on anything, as long as you take her to the toilet right before she lies down and immediately she wakes. Perhaps not even using diapers, just the trainers, because if she's going every 30 minutes she shouldn't have all that much stored up in there anyway.

My big issue with potty training is what to do when you are outside of the house. Never any potty seats to fit in regular toilets! Now they make a collapsible one that will fit in a purse or diaper bag, but the hole in the seat is very small and my DS business wouldn't fit! But it works well for girls in my experience. (I have a little sister that is younger than my oldest son... weird family dynamics! I've helped potty train her too, and she's really stubborn!)

Hope that helps you!

 

[apriljc]

I have two boys, ages 5 & 3 and my best advice is be consistant with the potty training. I let the boys pick out the underwear they wanted to wear and when they wet in them I told them that Scooby Doo did not like to be wet. The pooping took a little longer but it seemed like they woke up one day and decided that they wanted to be big boys and be completely potty trained.
Now my biggest thing is my 5 year old still wets at night. I do put a pull up on him and sometimes he will wake up dry but other times he wakes up wet. I did have him wearing underwear at night thinking that if he did wet he would wake up, but he sleeps so hard that he didn't wake up. I have heard other mothers say that he will grow out of it and when their child was younger they wet the bed until the were 10 or even older. I don't know what to do about his bed wetting. His younger brother hasn't wet the bed in over a year.

 

[cat]

I think the more we as parents fret over it, the more stressful it becomes for us AND for our kids. Then it becomes a control issue. Every time I got stressed about it, I'd try to remember that there are no college age boys who wear diapers!!! I kept hearing from other parents that the kids will do it when they are ready! For some kids, the more you push them, the more they refuse. Just a thought.

So anyway....here's my story.

I have 2 boys, almost 4 years old and 17 months. The older one was poo-trained (for lack of a better word) at 2 1/2 years old ONLY because he was SO regular. He pooped every day after lunch. So I started sitting him on the potty every day after lunch and he'd go! After a while, he started telling me when he had to poo. Well, the pee training took almost one more year! Not until 3 1/2 years old. Around the age of 3, I tried to let him run around without a diaper. Well, I was cleaning the floor all the time. He didn't seem to care. And when I tried to put him on the potty to pee, he'd get upset. So back to pull-ups. Then I tried putting him on the toilet every 1/2 hour or hour. But he resisted and fought me. Then I tried bribing him with treats. One M&M for each time he peed in the potty. Well, that kinda worked for him, but after a while, I got tired of giving M&M's and he always wanted more than one! Eventually, after all this, he finally did it on his own initiative. He wanted to be a big boy and started telling me when he had to go. THAT was the difference. I wanted him to TELL ME, not have me tell him when to go! A month or two later, after he kept staying dry through the night, we also took him off diapers. He has wet his bed 3 or 4 times since then, but we don't make a big deal of it.

So be patient and keep trying, but don't get too stressed out because they will learn! Eventually!

 

[Muppetgal]

My little one turns 3 next week and we've only just started potty training but I'm not even contemplating doing the overnight thing yet....his diaper is heavy in the mornings so he obviously still pee's a lot overnight.

I did find that when we started when I was ready it wasn't working. I left it and a nearly a month later he started asking me instead...so it's been much easier now that HE is the one who is dictating it.

Yesterday we went out and he managed to hold it until we got to the store, I was ever so proud!

Had a bit of issue with the pooing thing, and he didn't go for nearly a week, but once we got the first one down the toilet he's been pretty good about doing it again and again.

I haven't given anything extra to him, just encouragement and a huge smile and lots of "well done!" when he does go. He seems to be happy enough just making ME proud of him...

 

[lacychef]

I'm glad I"m not alone My 7 year old was so easy, she was trained before she turned 2. My second daughter is the complete opposite of her though, in every way! She turned 3 on the 1st; she has her good days & bad. Some days she'll go in the potty chair several times; the next day she won't go at all. It's just so weird how inconsistent she is! I know she'll get there when she's ready, I just wish it would be sooner! She even gets to go to dance, storytime, and kids klub at our church; I keep thinking doing these "big girl" things will help....I think we'll go have her pick out some panties
Good luck to everyone else!

 

[ltkacz]

My adviceMy now 4 year old son was potty trained at 2 - 2 1/2. I got the best advice ever from a co-worker at my "other" job. Let them be naked from the waist down. Most kids don't want to make a mess, and they will tell you when they have to go if they are naked from the waist down. It worked like a charm for me. Of course you can only do it at home, but it completely helped me potty train him. My other piece of advice is make a game out of it. My son thought it was really fun to pee outside - by a tree, by the tires on my husbands truck, etc.

 

[gilliandanielle]

My husband would be so proud to see his our son peeing outside!! He would have tears in his eyes I bet, LOL! I tried just putting undies on my DD, but she peed everywhere. I put a new pair on and told her the princesses don't like to get wet, so she needs to tell mommy when she has to go. Now she won't wear them because she doesn't want the princesses wet! Arrgh! I know it sounds like I am pushing her but she was 75% trained a month ago, now were at 5%!! I don't know what happened and I am hoping it is a phase that will be over soon!

 

[bbauman07]

Gillian,
I sympathize for you. That seems to be the problem in this house. One day he wants to the next he doesn't. I do set my PC kitchen timer for 1 hour and try to get him to go every hour. During daytime hours he does pretty well. But he will not poop in the toilet he tells you as soon as he goes "Mom I pooped"

I think it is so frustrating for me because my oldest was so easy, and my daughter already hates a wet diaper.

I will agree that it does help to know kids around their age that are already potty trained. Every time we see Em, I point out that she uses the potty like a big girl.

 

[bbauman07]

Love the Cheerios it worked with my oldest however this one will eat them out of the bowl.

 

[gilliandanielle]

I saw they make actual flushable targets at Walmart! They are biodegradable little circles that they pee on, then just flush right down. I'll use the Cherrios (If only WIC knew what I was using their cereal for!) because they are cheaper though!

 

[jdavis]

I just had to post on this topic again because this morning while I was getting ready for work my almost 3 y/o got out of bed and came in and peed standing at the real toilet, it kinda freaked me out, lol. But of course when I told my parents they said (of course) he does it all the time at the house. At home he had always climbed onto the toilet and sat down or peed in the potty chair, he had even done it a few times standing, but a few times I had him take the potty chair over to use the step stool part of it to pee in the toilet, but it just amazed me this morning, lol.

On another note, my 7 y/o still wets the bed, I think it is mostly because of the going back and forth has really messed with him, but even when he was a baby he peed like crazy at night I could change him twice during the night and he would still be soaked. So he wears those good nites still.

 

[gilliandanielle]

Congrats to your son! I have heard that some kids just "get it" one day and are done training forever!

 

[bbauman07]

On another note, my 7 y/o still wets the bed, I think it is mostly because of the going back and forth has really messed with him, but even when he was a baby he peed like crazy at night I could change him twice during the night and he would still be soaked. So he wears those good nites still.

It takes some kids a while to grow out of that. He could also have a bladder problem or just be to sleeping to hard to wake up. Have you talked to his doctor?

BTW congrats with your other son.

 

[Jennie4PC]

I have to say I wish my son would sit to go potty I am tired of cleaning everything like the shower curtain I dthink he gets distracted.
Also I am beggingi to think it was easier to have my daughter in diapers she flooded my bathroom the other day by putting a whole roll of tp in the toilet. Yikes!!!

 

[Paige Dixon]

Find a week to dedicate to potty learning. Then buy a bunch of treats that will make the child need to pee: pretzels(thirsty), fancy sodas and juice, watermelon, iced tea.

Then, announce that you're going to teach the doll to use the potty. You and your child will "teach" the doll to pull down pants and sit on potty. Doll and child get a treat. After the doll has the sitting on the potty part down, make the doll pee on the potty. Praise the doll and give treats to doll and child. See if child is ready to sit on potty. Give treats for sitting on potty. Practice on doll again, child again, giving treats until the child has to pee so bad that he'll automatically do it when on potty. Big praise, lots of soda or treats.

Now, practice keeping the doll "dry". Show the child how the dolls pants feel as dry. Give treats for being dry. The doll could have an "accident" so the child can see what it's like to not be dry. Feel child's underpants and give treats for being dry.

Now, practice running fast to the potty. Doll will run fast as possible to potty, sit on potty, pee on potty. Give doll and child treats. Keep practicing alternating doll and child until child has it down.

This worked with my kids in 1/2 a day. Don't use a diaper at naptime. The potty training translates into sleep, surprisingly.

 

[PoseyMom]

Take them every 30 minutes. I set a timer to remind us. Put books and toys by the potty that are only potty toys. Let kids play with a small tub of water with bath toys.... run the tap.... give kids plenty to drink throughout the day when you are potty training... plan to not leave the house for the next week...lol... you will need to be as consistent as possible.... sing fun songs, do silly puppet shows.... let kids watch same-sex parents go potty... let them play with a doll to take the doll potty.... read potty books.... take pictures and make your own potty book... buy thick cotton training underwear... and then special "big boy/big girl" undies for when they finish getting trained... put plastic pants over the cotton undies if you are afraid of messes on carpet/furniture/etc. Read Everybody Poops. some kids are afraid of those gadgety-singing potties... i still think simpler is better. Use a potty chart with a big reward, use little treats for immediate benefits. Talk about how the little babies need diapers... let kids trade their diapers in for a big kid prize if they are cognitively aware enough to do this. Avoid pressuring kids... use lots of positive encouragement... they will get there.