Mom Just Diagnosed With Breast Cancer

[cmdtrgd]

My mom was just diagnosed yesterday (Feb 19) with a small malignant tumor in her breast. She is going in next Tuesday to have it and some or all of her lymph nodes on the right side removed. I live in Boise, ID. She (and my Dad and my 10 year old niece - they are her guardians) live in Ft. Collins, CO. They moved there two years ago after living in one place for almost 30 years, so her support group there isn't huge. Plus, I'm not sure if she has told the family and friends there what is happening to her. There is a possibility of 6 weeks of daily radiation after the surgery. The tumor is apparently not connected to any muscle. I don't know how to help her! Should I try to get there for the surgery? After? How far after? For the radiation? The last time I knew someone who had cancer was when I was a kid...I don't know how to help her!

Sending good thoughts her way would be nice, too. Please, all I need right now is ideas on what to do.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

There are a lot of things you can do.First thing would be to ask her to get a second opinion. I'm not an expert, by any means, but if I could go back and do it all again, I would have insisted on a needle biopsy before I let any cutter go in. But that was my case and it was considerably different. I fired my first oncologist and went with the second opinion guy (after the surgery was already done) because he put forth a far better protocol than the first guy, and nine years later, I'm able to tell you that. (More on this later.)There are a number of good books out there that you can read, for example, there is a title, What To Do When Someone You Love Has Cancer. I'll try to get an IPC number for you.Also, the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship has a program called The Cancer Survivor's Toolbox. It is free and packed with good info for survivors.I'm with you all the way in this - contact me if you need any help or support. BEAT THE BEAST!

 

[StacieB]

Prayers on the way!!! With my father having cancer, I know how emotional this can be finding out!!!

 

[pampchefrhondab]

There are a lot of things you can do.


There are a number of good books out there that you can read, for example, there is a title, What To Do When Someone You Love Has Cancer. I'll try to get an IPC number for you.

I read this one and it is great!

My prayers go out to your Mom.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thanks, KG. I'm falling apart a lot more than I thought I would. They found it about a week and a half ago during her annual visit. They did an ultrasound and then a biopsy. It is malignant. So, I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't find out until this morning.

 

[heat123]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family Kate.

 

[janetupnorth]

Kate - My mom has had breast cancer twice - about 15 years apart. Technology has made LEAPS AND BOUNDS in the last 20 some years. (Her last instance was 4 years ago).The fact that they are going in so fast would lead me to believe that hers has the potential of spreading faster.With the surgery, she will not be able to lift for awhile. Bug her for her restrictions. My mom couldn't lift a gallon of milk, hold my child, etc. She had under a 5 lb. weight restriction.As for the radiation, it is a bear, but definitely easier on the body than the chemo part if she had that. Most people handle radiation better.The kindest thing is to get her help for the housework during that time so she can rest.

 

[janetupnorth]

Kate and hang in there yourself!!!! She can beat it! My mom did it twice! Just think, they caught it now and not later. Chin up and help her fight it!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Apparently, there is a new edition of the book since The Kat Lady read it. You can find it http://www.amazon.com/dp/0874604508/?tag=pfamazon01-20.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Thanks, KG. I'm falling apart a lot more than I thought I would. They found it about a week and a half ago during her annual visit. They did an ultrasound and then a biopsy. It is malignant. So, I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't find out until this morning.

Okay, they're a step ahead of me, then. It sounds like the surgery might be inevitable.

If they assign her to chemo, there is another great book called, Not Now, I'm Having A No Hair Day by a survivor from the Twin Cities.

Keep your sense of humor about all of this. No matter how dire the circumstance, there is always something to laugh about if you look for it. Laughter is the best medicine, as described by Norman Cousins in his wonderful book, Anatomy of An Illness.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way! Stay strong!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

Kate,
In 1984 my mom had a masectomy, for over a year her dr kept telling her not to worry she finally got a second opinion and he did surgery that afternoon. She is now 82
I was a jr, in high school and worried she'd never see me married or have children. She not only has beaten it she has seen our first child graduate & will attend our middle son's graduation in June.Encourage her to stay positive, treat her to a pretty gown, robe and some of her favorite body lotion for when she is recovering. If you can't go (& its ok if you can't she'll understand, maybe order some gift cards for local rest.
to help your dad out so they are eating healthy)

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Kate,

Is it a possibility for you to go to CO? It would be good to have someone there after the surgery for at least a few days. You could get some meals in the freezer (that would take some stress off, knowing that, even if she doesn't feel like eating a whole lot, at least her family is being fed!), and help with housework, your niece, etc.....

Like Janet said - technology, and treatment, are so much better these days....

Your support will mean the world to her, I'm sure!

Praying for your family!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0816643156/?tag=pfamazon01-20.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I am driving out there March 1 and coming back March 6. I told her and my dad that they needed to tell me things and ask me to do things. I am going to let my hosts for the next few weeks what is going on and that they might have another consultant doing their show. I am going to stress to them that having the show (even if I don't do it personally) is going to help keep my mind occupied...I don't want the added stress of canceled shows! Hey, it will be a great way for me to practice the power cooking recipes!!! Too bad they only have a side-by-side fridge....small freezer space. I'll get my niece to help me with the cooking, too. Thanks for the outpouring of support - I really needed it! Oh, and I told my mom that I posted on here and that she should be feeling lots of good thoughts coming her way. She was a bit surprised!

 

[cmdtrgd]

KG - do they have it on mp3 or CD? I have a 12 hour drive ahead of me.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I am driving out there March 1 and coming back March 6. I told her and my dad that they needed to tell me things and ask me to do things. I am going to let my hosts for the next few weeks what is going on and that they might have another consultant doing their show. I am going to stress to them that having the show (even if I don't do it personally) is going to help keep my mind occupied...I don't want the added stress of canceled shows! Hey, it will be a great way for me to practice the power cooking recipes!!! Too bad they only have a side-by-side fridge....small freezer space. I'll get my niece to help me with the cooking, too. Thanks for the outpouring of support - I really needed it! Oh, and I told my mom that I posted on here and that she should be feeling lots of good thoughts coming her way. She was a bit surprised!

If you get a chance, watch the video segment that is with the Power Cooking info on CC - there are some great tips on how to prepare them for the freezer so that they don't take up much space at all! I think the video is only about 5 minutes long.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

KG - do they have it on mp3 or CD? I have a 12 hour drive ahead of me.

CD, I believe. I have it on tape, but that was from a lotta years ago. You can call them, too, 877.NCCS.YES or fill out the online form.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

If you get a chance, watch the video segment that is with the Power Cooking info on CC - there are some great tips on how to prepare them for the freezer so that they don't take up much space at all! I think the video is only about 5 minutes long.

We just did that at our cluster meeting the other night - it doesn't take long if you have 16 consultants doing it, but it doesn't look like it really takes a long time, either.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thanks, I'll check them out.

 

[ChefJoyJ]

((HUGS))

Your mom, your family, you, and her medical team will all be in my prayers and I will definitely send some positive and healing thoughts her way. I know from my experience that laughter is the best medicine. I have a brain cyst and tumor (that we believe is benign) - at one point the cyst was over the size of a lemon and I had to have emergency surgery. I personally deal with things that are that overwhelming by denial and humor (so I was full of jokes), but it was harder for me to deal with the really upset people...let her know you love her, offer your help (and just do things whether she asks or not), support her, and try to be as normal as possible. Bring her reading materials, movies (if the hospital has that capability), maybe you could play some games - I loved playing cards with my family after my surgery. The neuro ICU nurses thought it was so funny watching us play UNO when I couldn't look down at my cards (so my glasses were on the end of my nose) and my family had to tell me what card they played, but it was fun and cheered me up.

((HUGS))

 

[heather223]

((((((KATE)))))) I have never had a family member that had cancer, but we had a scare with my mom. A dr. told her she had it and when she got a second opinion a week later it was gone. I would at least suggest getting one other dr. to check her out.

Good luck!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!

 

[cmdtrgd]

With the biopsy, it is for sure.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

I asked my doctor for a second opinion. He said, "Okay, you're ugly, too."(Thank you Rodney Dangerfield, where ever you are.)

 

[chefann]

{{{Kate}}}It sounds like you've gotten some good advice from others who have more recent experience (mine was 25 years ago, when my grandfather had cancer, and I was only 10). Know that we're all thinking and praying for you, your family, the medical team, and especially your mom.

 

[Admin Greg]

Should we move this to prayers needed?

 

[kearstin]

The "C" word makes everything else seem inconsequential.

I'll be sending lots of good thoughts and prayers your way.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I didn't want to put it in the prayers section because I wanted advice, too. Thanks, Greg.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Kate...I am so sorry to hear about your Mom! You know that there are lots of us on here who will continue to lift her, you, and your family up in prayer. God is the All Powerful Physician, and I pray that it's in His will to heal her 100%!!

I am glad that you are able to go visit for a bit...I know that she will enjoy your company, your help, and your presence! Not to mention, it will help YOU so you aren't just sitting at home worried to death!

Remember each day to give your worries and this entire situation over to the Lord. He will direct you and help you to have the right words for your Mom..and the ideas of what you can do while you are visiting to help her!

{{{{Love and HUGS}}}}

Kelly

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Should we move this to prayers needed?

I didn't want to put it in the prayers section because I wanted advice, too. Thanks, Greg.

I think we should keep this one right here and someone can start a prayer thread in the prayer forum. This is full of good stuff that other people can use if they ever need to.

IMHO.

 

[lacychef]

Don't really have any advice; I'm sure she would love for you to be there though. Hang in there Kate ((hugs))

 

[raebates]

Kate, it sounds like you're getting good advice. You and your mom will be in my prayers.I think the most important thing is to remember that everyone deals with things in different ways. As a matter of fact, most deal with things in different ways on different days. Be sure she knows it's okay to whine, cry, laugh, be strong, and be scared. Remember that yourself. Whatever feelings you have are the right feelings to have at that moment.I have a dear friend who is just beginning chemo for ovarian cancer. She knows she can call me for wig shopping, crying, complaining, and anything else she needs.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Not now, I'm having a no hair day!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thank you to all who have offered advice and good thoughts. I have been talking with my hosts and trying to get back-up consultants ready to take over the show(s) if necessary. I'm hoping to hit the $4000 as a cluster this month so I don't have to worry about it next month. If you have any other ideas, please offer them. I will be updating this thread with info about my mom as it comes in. Anyone live in the Fort Collins, CO area? I might need to go out to lunch while I am there so I can diffuse.Oh, and I am planning on taking I-84 from Boise to Ogden, I-80 to Cheyenne and I-25 to Ft. Collins. If you live along that route and there is a storm approaching, please let me know. You can PM me if you are on that route. I would be happy to hang out at your house if there is a road closure....heh....inviting myself...:angel:

 

[janetupnorth]

Kate - why don't you modify your message and have people PM you. For your safety, you should post your entire route and phone #.Please...

 

[cmdtrgd]

Janet - thanks. I'm still really out of it. So, I took off the date and phone number - thanks for looking out for me....gee...I should have put my type of car and license plate on the message, too, huh?

 

[janetupnorth]

Janet - thanks. I'm still really out of it. So, I took off the date and phone number - thanks for looking out for me....gee...I should have put my type of car and license plate on the message, too, huh?

NP - just want you to be safe - you don't need any more stress!!!!

If you need anything else or advice in the area, I know a WONDERFUL lady who is going through Stage 4 cancer right now! She had breast cancer in 2002. She is in Colorado Springs a bit south of where you are going. She has an amazing outlook and is very familiar with all your mom will go through.

If you have any interest in talking to her, just e-mail me!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

Kate,
You've been on my mind all afternoon.
how is your niece holding up?
I know you mentioned little fridge space. Can you make up homemade mixes and take with you or make while there so they can have homemade food when you are gone?I bought the little handheld food vacuum at Christmas and love it, much easier than my food saver.Good nutrition is so important during recovery.
Keeping you in my prayers and let us know if you need anything

 

[cmdtrgd]

Teresa - thanks for your concern. I'm not sure what is going on with my niece. I'm not sure what she has been told. However, I found a great article on breastcancer.org on what to tell kids and how. I forwarded that to my Dad.When I was speaking of small space, I was comparing it to my 23 cubic foot chest freezer...they don't have that. However, I think I can set them up nicely with freezer bags...we might just have to eat all the ice cream to make space

 

[chefmeg]

Kate, unfortunately I have too much experience with friends and family members having cancer. Almost 5 years ago, my very best friend was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. She had a masectomy and ayear of radiation and chemo and I totally agree with getting your mom a good housekeeper. She may fuss about someone else taking care of her home, but she isn't going to have the energy AND she should not be exposed to any more germs than necessary. Radiation is not as drastic as chemo, but it made my Dad very tired.
I am glad to hear you are going to be with your folks for a little while. It will make you feel better and them, too! I would do a top to bottom cleaning of her house while she is in the hospital and then see if you can organize meals to be brought over by neighbors or church members for about 2 weeks after you leave.
I totally agree with KG about laughter...it is truly the best medicine. Your Mom's mental state is vital to her recovery. She will probably worry about you & your Dad and niece worrying about her, but you will need to assure her that everyone is really there for her~not a position most Mom's are ever in!

The good news is that my friend is cancer-free almost 5years later! There is always the chance of recurrence, but keeping the positive mentality is so, so , so important that I cannot stress it enough. I don't mean sappy, try to cover the bad crap that is happening positiveness....I mean, take the bad with the good and emphasize the good at every chance!

We are finding out tomorrow the results of the recent biopsy my Dad had. I am stressed to no end, but he will never know it! You truly have to take things one step at a time and by all means ...ASK QUESTIONS! If there is something you don't understand, ASK! If someone wants to give her meds, ASK! When someone comes in to draw blood, ASK WHY! Be her advocate and train your Dad to do the same!

I will add your family to my prayer list and you have my email address if you need a shoulder!

Much love coming your way, Margaret

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thanks, Meg. Fortunately she likes to pamper herself and already has a cleaning lady come in once a week. I'm her organizer, though. So, I figure I'll be there to be her arms, to take care of my niece for a bit and to get them set up with food. My dad is a pretty good cook, but one less thing to think about would be good.

 

[BethCooks4U]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. We are all here for you Kate. Take care of yourself too!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thanks, Beth - got your email, too.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Whatta place this is!I so love how people want so badly to help other people.Unrelated to this particular thread: Too bad some people either don't want help or are too dumb to know when someone is only trying to help them out.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Kate.....
I'm so sorry to hear the news. I'll keep your mom, you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. It's so scary how closely this hits to home with lots of people and affects so many.

I went to school in Ft. Collins (Colorado State) and loved it. It's so beautiful out there. I wish I was still out there and I'd definitely meet you for lunch.

Good luck with the drive....please be safe!

I do have a very good friend who is a psychologist at the counseling center at CSU.....if you need me to have her locate any resources (groups, therapists, etc) please let me know and I can have her look into it.

Please keep us posted and take care of yourself, too.

 

[baychef]

Thanks, Meg. Fortunately she likes to pamper herself and already has a cleaning lady come in once a week. I'm her organizer, though. So, I figure I'll be there to be her arms, to take care of my niece for a bit and to get them set up with food. My dad is a pretty good cook, but one less thing to think about would be good.

Kate....{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} The advice,warmth, love and support of this group is incredible. My Dad has finished his treatments for a lung cance that wanted to return after 20 years. It is so difficult to see your parents in a vunerable position. You will do wonderful. Once you get there, I have no doubt that your instincts will kick in. Things won't go perfect so be forgiving of yourself. Your love and support will do wonders for your families spirits. I have found that I treat my parents as they age in the same loving way that they raised my brothers and me. Supportive, loving and with patience. Please keep us posted on how your Mom is doing and how you are doing. Make sure to take a little time for you too.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I am so exhausted right now, but for some reason I don't want to go to bed. I do have a lot to do, but I don't want to be exhausted again tomorrow. Maybe I'll cry if I go to bed...dunno. I haven't cried in front of hubby today, but it wouldn't be a problem. He is so reassuring with telling me to go take care of them, giving me tons of hugs, letting me chat online with him at work (usually he needs all of his attention to code) and just holding me. He also made dinner. And, I was really feeling weird about how I was reacting. My dad had emergency open heart surgery about 1.5 years ago. I didn't remember being this weirded out. I didn't go out then because I had just been there the week before. They didn't want me to come, or didn't want me to have the expense. Anyhoo, I felt like I was freaking out more with the "C" word than I was with the rib-splitting surgery. He said I was just as freaked out then as I am now....not usually what I want to hear, but I didn't want to "play favorites" with my parents. Plus, if I did play favorites, I expected to favor my dad because 1. hubby hasn't had his dad for 15 years, so my dad is kind of a surrogate, 2. we get along ALL the time, 3. I can be myself around him and 4. I don't have to let things he says slide off me (my mom and I are very opinionated with completely different opinions...it works better if I don't try to convince her or even let her know I have a different opinion), etc. This kind of sounds bad, but I don't care....I'm tired, emotionally raw, on the verge of tears, hungry or upset stomach - can't tell which one, have lots of work to do and just want to keep typing as long as I can without using punctuation at all because it is fun and challenging and keeping my mind off my mom. Damn....didn't work as long as I wanted it to. Trying to keep the humor!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Kate~

Just wanted to say I hope you got a full night's rest last night and that I was thinking of you this morning...


Kelly

 

[cmdtrgd]

Thanks. I did sleep well once I let myself stop thinking. And, I woke up to a minor earthquake. I was still in bed and trying to wake up when it felt the bed shaking. One of our cats likes to do very rough cleanings, and he will shake the bed when he does them, so that's what I thought was happening. I found out it wasn't him when hubby came in and said he thought he had felt an earthquake. Kind of fun! I went to the usgs site and logged in the information about what we experienced - pretty much nothing, just like someone shaking the bed to wake me up! Thanks for caring so much...it really makes a difference!

 

[Dayna]

Kate
My stepmom (I call her my guardian angel) had breast cancer and I wasn't close to her so I got her alot of different head scarves and a couple of I say DIVA wigs to brighten her mood. She says now that she appreicated me lift her spirit. Side note after Chemo she liked to eat frozen yogurt. She said it was something about the coolness and chemo making her mouth taste funny.