Well Isn't That Just the Christmas Spirit?!

[wadesgirl]

:yuck: Really picture that smiley wanted to vomit not just being grossed out! Cause that's how I feel right now! I've mentioned my in-laws before on here and even complained last year at Christmas when we finally got lists from dear BIL, SIL and kids three days before Christmas. Even about how 8 year old nephew is such a bully to adults it's ridiculous. Well I think my dear, sweet, wonderful SIL has topped it all this year!! She gave us ideas for the kids yesterday so I replied back that she was the only one we were waiting on. So today she replies this:

Well, I have this FABULOUS robe that I wore at the Omni hotel in San Francisco and I just ordered it for myself. If you and (BIL) would like to go in on it (yes, it’s expensive but so wonderful!), I would love, love, love it for Christmas or my birthday.

Okay so now we are purchasing our own items and just bascially asking to be reimbursed for it?! How the "F" is that the holiday spirit?! She even talked up and down about having a great list so people could actually go shopping for her two weeks ago and then I get this email. Why does this bother me so much?!

My reply to her:
Well that's fine only if we still get to wrap it up for you and you have to wait until Christmas to get it!

Only seems fair to me! :yuck:

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I think your reply was nicer than mine would have been.

 

[colegrovet]

I have to agree Becky.. I wouldn't have been so nice..

 

[Becca_in_MD]

I would give her a pair of slippers from the clearance dept. at WalMart to go with her fabulous new robe for which the bill is still sitting on her credit card.

Gimme, gimme, gimme. Just hum that when the family gathers and you'll get through just fine.

 

[colegrovet]

Great Idea Becca...

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I would give her a pair of slippers from the clearance dept. at WalMart to go with her fabulous new robe for which the bill is still sitting on her credit card.

Gimme, gimme, gimme. Just hum that when the family gathers and you'll get through just fine.

LOVE IT!!!:love:

 

[Jolie_Paradoxe]

I would give her a pair of slippers from the clearance dept. at WalMart to go with her fabulous new robe for which the bill is still sitting on her credit card.

Gimme, gimme, gimme. Just hum that when the family gathers and you'll get through just fine.

Muah ha ha.....that would be soooooo funny and classic! I don't ask for lists...I ask for ideas but let them know that I might think about a gift for them and that it probably won't be from their wishlist.

 

[chefjeanine]

It's time to stop buying gifts for each other. We did that several years ago. We have everything we need as does everyone in our family. Call me Grinch, but I think most families take Christmas shopping too far (and your in-laws attitudes show this clearly). Even kids have all the toys/clothes they need. The special part of Christmas, to me, is getting to spend time with my family.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

It's time to stop buying gifts for each other. We did that several years ago. We have everything we need as does everyone in our family. Call me Grinch, but I think most families take Christmas shopping too far (and your in-laws attitudes show this clearly). Even kids have all the toys/clothes they need. The special part of Christmas, to me, is getting to spend time with my family.

I agree with this. On both sides of our family - we've instituted a policy where only school-aged kids get gifts. We may get something small for someone as a special gift, but we don't "BUY GIFTS" for the adults.

(like for instance - My brother was in Maine on business, and ate at a place called Becky's Diner....he bought me a magnet there that says "Becky's Diner Nothing Finer" and gave it to me for Christmas!)

 

[mountainmama74]

I would give her a pair of slippers from the clearance dept. at WalMart to go with her fabulous new robe for which the bill is still sitting on her credit card.

Gimme, gimme, gimme. Just hum that when the family gathers and you'll get through just fine.

Yup! Walmart has some pink ribbon breast cancer awareness slippers that are $10 - that's what she'd be getting from me!!

 

[CRuff]

Merry Christmas! That's my gift! Good luck at the family gathering! The spirit of Christmas for me this year is to spend time with my family.

 

[ChefKrisB]

We started having similar problems several years ago. Then, there are members of the family on very limited budgets.....so here was my idea...and it has worked very well!!! Every year at Thanksgiving time, we pick a women's shelter, children's hospital, military unit, or other group. All the adults (we still give gifts to the kids) chip in $20-$30 each. I then go out and put together care packages or boxes of items. As many as I can with the money (I try to shop carefully). We all write out a holiday card, put it in the box, and drop it off or mail it. The first year we did this, we had a military unit in the Middle East. I got the numbers, how many men, how many women and we put together 12 boxes. We were in the dollar store getting playing cards, dice, toiletries, etc. and the cashier said "wow someone is stocking up". My son, who was 6 at the time replied "No, we are being Santa for some soldiers"....needless to say she started to cry. Now, every year, my kids are excited to start on their Santa project. It's been a wonderful thing in so many ways....as adults we get to just spend the time together and with the kids. And, the kids are learning a great lesson too.PS...my kids got thank you cards from all the military personnel! They were so thrilled.

 

[pamperedbybarbara]

Great idea. Kris.......and yes I started tearing up, too!!!! Hug that son of yours--he understands the whole idea!!!!

 

[esavvymom]

We started having similar problems several years ago. Then, there are members of the family on very limited budgets.....so here was my idea...and it has worked very well!!!

Every year at Thanksgiving time, we pick a women's shelter, children's hospital, military unit, or other group. All the adults (we still give gifts to the kids) chip in $20-$30 each. I then go out and put together care packages or boxes of items. As many as I can with the money (I try to shop carefully). We all write out a holiday card, put it in the box, and drop it off or mail it.

The first year we did this, we had a military unit in the Middle East. I got the numbers, how many men, how many women and we put together 12 boxes. We were in the dollar store getting playing cards, dice, toiletries, etc. and the cashier said "wow someone is stocking up". My son, who was 6 at the time replied "No, we are being Santa for some soldiers"....needless to say she started to cry.

Now, every year, my kids are excited to start on their Santa project. It's been a wonderful thing in so many ways....as adults we get to just spend the time together and with the kids. And, the kids are learning a great lesson too.

PS...my kids got thank you cards from all the military personnel! They were so thrilled.

Kris, how do you find some of them? Did you go to a website? Obviously local places like shelters, hospitals and such I'd find here...but curious about the Military Units for care packages.

 

[wadesgirl]

Yah I don't seem them stopping any time soon. His family has money (except us!). They are all about spending money and such.Now my family a few years ago we started drawing names. We still get for the little ones but then we buy a gift for who ever we drew.

 

[lesliec]

Wow, I agree, that is super tacky of your SIL.

On DH's side we started drawing names for adults (this is our 2nd year). Their family has always done lists, and it has kind of bothered me, until we started drawing names. I really like it now. There it is supposed to be a $50 gift. Both years the person I have bought for has had a few items that add up to right around $50. Last year wasn't the year for this side of the family to get together, so I was happy that we could order on Amazon and take advantage of free shipping.

 

[lesliec]

I am a little irritated though b/c DH's younger sister got my name (supposed to be a secret, but whatever), and DH mentioned that he needed to buy me what I had asked for b/c she got me something different.
Hopefully it will be something useful. When you only get one gift, you don't really want someone going out on a limb. I do trust her, I am just really in need of what I asked for and DH and I don't have money to be buying each other gifts.

 

[pampered1224]

We stopped it too about 10 years ago. Everything got just to well, too involved. It took all the fun out of Christmas. So we do nothing gift wise for either family. We spend some great time together eating too much, playing games and well, just enjoying the season.

 

[Sheila]

Bobbi, look up your local Blue Star Mothers group. They send care packages to men and woman who live locally and are currently overseas. Or I'd be happy to get a list. I have friends in combat zones this Christmas and can get a list of their co-workers.

 

[heather223]

Do you in laws happen to know my in laws? I would get her slippers like everyone else said.

My husband and I also agree with not getting adults gifts and that the meaning of Christmas has been lost. It has become about how much one person gets.

This year my MIL told me what my kids should get my SIL (The kids Aunt). My husband and I were giving the kids money to go to the Dollar Store to pick out what they felt their aunt would like, from their hearts. Money is tight for us this year! Apparently this wasn't good enough for my MIL. She said we should get my SIL a car vaccuum because that is what she wants. Mind you my SIL is the same age as I am- too old to be getting presents.

 

[winklermom]

It's time to stop buying gifts for each other. We did that several years ago. We have everything we need as does everyone in our family. Call me Grinch, but I think most families take Christmas shopping too far (and your in-laws attitudes show this clearly). Even kids have all the toys/clothes they need. The special part of Christmas, to me, is getting to spend time with my family.

We stopped drawing names a few years ago when about 10:30 one Friday night not long before Christmas we were walking into a terribly crowded WalMart looking for a particular sweater (that she asked for) for DH's niece. I turned to him and said, "This is insane!!! Why are we even doing this? This is NOT what Christmas is all about." Now, the niece wasn't a little girl; she was a teenager, so it wasn't like we decided not to give to the little kids anymore. We told our family that this would be the last year that we drew names. We now buy for our parents and that's it, other than our immediate family...our children and each other.

I think it's important to get back to the basics and realize that Christmas is about so much more than just buying something for someone else. It's even worse when you have to rack your brain to decide what to get someone. If it's that hard to think of something, then it more than likely is NOT something that's needed.

Just my $.02.

 

[Chef Kearns]

Your SIL was very tacky. I agree with the, "get her comfy slippers" suggestion.

I hate the shopping situation at Christmastime, but I love getting people gifts. We don't draw names. Some people ask for lists. Some people don't get anyone anything. But you know what? It is about the moment. The thought. I don't know which is worse, people begging for gifts or people refusing to give. Both make me sad. I think we haven't turned that ugly corner in my family (on either side, DH or mine) becuase we all just do what we can and appreciate what was given us.

Sometimes it is a pain to think of what to get. I do like the process though. I get to sit and reflect on the person I am giving to. I think about them and what they mean to us. I try to think of something that would benefit their life. There are some people in our family that have EVERYTHING! So, in their name we donate to villages in Africa. We buy a well for a remote village in their honor. It is a wonderful way to give.

 

[Teresa Lynn]

don't do the slippers!!!!
go to the dollar store and get some cheap bubble bath, ugly fingernail polish, smelly candles and a trashy novel and let her have a relaxing evening before she wears her new robe

 

[ChefBeckyD]

don't do the slippers!!!!
go to the dollar store and get some cheap bubble bath, ugly fingernail polish, smelly candles and a trashy novel and let her have a relaxing evening before she wears her new robe

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!!!!

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e334/puzzlessue/Laugh/smilies_5.gif

 

[wadesgirl]

don't do the slippers!!!!
go to the dollar store and get some cheap bubble bath, ugly fingernail polish, smelly candles and a trashy novel and let her have a relaxing evening before she wears her new robe

HA!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

I told my sister this morning and she said "that is so (insert SIL's name)!". The best part is that she is very well educated, a lot older than me and is a very well to do person in our town!

 

[BethCooks4U]

don't do the slippers!!!!
go to the dollar store and get some cheap bubble bath, ugly fingernail polish, smelly candles and a trashy novel and let her have a relaxing evening before she wears her new robe

Ah, yes! Tell her you thought you'd pamper her since she has that awesome new robe. You could also get one of those $1 pedicure sets to go with the above - but then that might be spending a bit much on her... hahaha

 

[Sheila]

Okay, now that I'm not on the iPhone, I can respond easier!

I agree, some people really have the "gimme" attitude this time of year.

The day that I decided to divorce my ex was Christmas Day 1991. His entire family came over for Christmas and as we are sitting there opening gifts I realized just how freaking selfish his whole family was!

His sister had just graduated from college & was moving out into her own place. The in-laws basically furnished her kitchen for Christmas. (Unfortunately, they weren't into PC ... LOL) She got it all, dishes, glasses, toaster, cookware ... you name it, it was in one of her boxes!!! When she finished opening her gifts, she was mad and actually said "Uh! Mom! This is all stuff you would have bought me anyway!!! Where's the REAL gifts?" :thumbdown:

The younger Brother-in-law was a Sr. in High School. He had been wanting this whole stereo system for his bedroom & got one. He fussed because it wasn't the same model he had asked for. Same brand, but lower priced model.

I opened a bunch of gifts, pants in one box, shirt in another, shoes in another, purse in another, etc. She spread out what she'd have normally put in one big box to make more gifts to open. I didn't notice, but the ex sure did! He was getting his gifts spread out into more boxes too & was furious that his sister got so much cost wise and his was cheaper stuff spread into more boxes. He made a HUGE scene before his mom pulled out our "real" gift. A diving trip for two! We had just gotten our scuba certifications recently and they wanted to help us celebrate with a nice diving trip. They went to plan the vacation, but the travel agent talked them out of it since they didn't know when we could take vacation time - so they gave us $1,000 and all the brochures so we could choose WHEN & WHERE to go.

I was livid that the ex was sitting there calculating the price of his gifts against the price of his siblings gifts. And he was the oldest!!! I seriously hadn't even noticed the difference in value between what I was opening & what they were opening. I'd have never even THOUGHT to do something like that!!!

After 5.5 years of trying to make it work, I realized that day that I was fighting a loosing battle with a very selfish husband who had been spoiled to the point that he and both siblings were brats!!!

We never went diving, but we did take a trip to Vegas a couple of months after the divorce. Might as well do SOMETHING with the money, right?

 

[beckyjsmith]

Okay, now that I'm not on the iPhone, I can respond easier!

I agree, some people really have the "gimme" attitude this time of year.

The day that I decided to divorce my ex was Christmas Day 1991. His entire family came over for Christmas and as we are sitting there opening gifts I realized just how freaking selfish his whole family was!

His sister had just graduated from college & was moving out into her own place. The in-laws basically furnished her kitchen for Christmas. (Unfortunately, they weren't into PC ... LOL) She got it all, dishes, glasses, toaster, cookware ... you name it, it was in one of her boxes!!! When she finished opening her gifts, she was mad and actually said "Uh! Mom! This is all stuff you would have bought me anyway!!! Where's the REAL gifts?" :thumbdown:

The younger Brother-in-law was a Sr. in High School. He had been wanting this whole stereo system for his bedroom & got one. He fussed because it wasn't the same model he had asked for. Same brand, but lower priced model.

I opened a bunch of gifts, pants in one box, shirt in another, shoes in another, purse in another, etc. She spread out what she'd have normally put in one big box to make more gifts to open. I didn't notice, but the ex sure did! He was getting his gifts spread out into more boxes too & was furious that his sister got so much cost wise and his was cheaper stuff spread into more boxes. He made a HUGE scene before his mom pulled out our "real" gift. A diving trip for two! We had just gotten our scuba certifications recently and they wanted to help us celebrate with a nice diving trip. They went to plan the vacation, but the travel agent talked them out of it since they didn't know when we could take vacation time - so they gave us $1,000 and all the brochures so we could choose WHEN & WHERE to go.

I was livid that the ex was sitting there calculating the price of his gifts against the price of his siblings gifts. And he was the oldest!!! I seriously hadn't even noticed the difference in value between what I was opening & what they were opening. I'd have never even THOUGHT to do something like that!!!

After 5.5 years of trying to make it work, I realized that day that I was fighting a loosing battle with a very selfish husband who had been spoiled to the point that he and both siblings were brats!!!

We never went diving, but we did take a trip to Vegas a couple of months after the divorce. Might as well do SOMETHING with the money, right?

Where is the jaw dropping smiley?Oh ! Here it is! Good call gettin out of that mess. Wow.

 

[wadesgirl]

This is the SIL who also finally came to a party of mine (our MIL's) after 4 years of being in business. She had told me she was going to buy enough to make up for the 4 years of not going to parties and then ended up "stealing" MIL's half priced items to get both sets of cookware at 50% off and the half priced spice turn about set! Um... she could have afforded to pay for them outright but thought stealing MIL's host items sounded like a better deal for her! I some how mentioned in there that I don't make any money on the half priced items!

 

[beckyjsmith]

This is the SIL who also finally came to a party of mine (our MIL's) after 4 years of being in business. She had told me she was going to buy enough to make up for the 4 years of not going to parties and then ended up "stealing" MIL's half priced items to get both sets of cookware at 50% off and the half priced spice turn about set! Um... she could have afforded to pay for them outright but thought stealing MIL's host items sounded like a better deal for her! I some how mentioned in there that I don't make any money on the half priced items!

Oh my. She sounds like a real peach.:yuck:

 

[Sheila]

Just remember, what goes around, comes around. When she really needs something some day, she'll find that she's lost her support system & doesn't have anyone who she can really trust to come through for her in a bind.

 

[lt1jane]

My family stopped sending gifts years ago. (With NINE or us, full siblings, it was just expensive) sometimes if we see something some just has to have, we'll send that, but we don't expect a gift in return and we don't do it every year. This year all my siblings got PC calendars from me.

My husband's family still exchanges gifts, but there is only him, his parents, his sister, me and our son. I dont know what's spent and we don't tabulate it. Yes, his parents are generous, but they are thoughtful and check with us for big ones to make sure we would like them.

For a few years, they had helped us out financially a lot and I kept telling them that I didn't want or need anything because they'd already given me my gift. They were helping us keep our house while my husband was unemployed. They gave me 3-$100 gift cards to my favorite grocery store. My eyes filled with tears. We made those cards last months because thankfully, we qualified for food stamps shortly thereafter.

This year they are telling us they don't want anything, and we are keeping the gifts small, thoughtful, and useful. A second grilling set to keep in the RV and a 5" Santoku and 5" Utility knife. My MIL hates her chef's knife and is afraid to use it. I think they will be happy with them. My SIL is also getting several PC items. She moved into her own house a couple years ago and I can find all kinds of small things that she would find useful.

 

[ChefKrisB]

Kris, how do you find some of them? Did you go to a website? Obviously local places like shelters, hospitals and such I'd find here...but curious about the Military Units for care packages.

We went through an organization called Soldier's Angels. You can "adopt" a soldier or a group of them for a year. Or, contact them and they will give you the information for a group. It was really cool.

 

[ChefKrisB]

Great idea. Kris.......and yes I started tearing up, too!!!! Hug that son of yours--he understands the whole idea!!!!

It was one of those really happy mom moments! :sing:
I am continually impressed with how much these projects mean to him.
Don't get me wrong....he loves getting presents! LOL....but he is enjoying the giving part too.

 

[ShelbyMichalek]

I had typed up something REALLY long to put here but then I had a hard time wording it how I wanted.
In short - our families give gifts, but it's never expected. No one looks at you funny if you don't bring anything.
My two older brothers both have steady jobs that pay the rent (and child support for the one) and that's it.
They come, eat, spend time with the family, and that's it. They still receive gifts, but no one expects them to give anything and that's accepted.

I tend to give a gift to EVERYONE on my list because I have a very giving personality. It's a trait that's kind of a double edged sword. I kind of inherited it from my Godmother.
Even my friends' kids get gifts from me if I see something they might like. If I were to calculate the value, I bet I could never sell all that I received to make up for the cost of everything I gave - but I honestly don't care.
It hasn't put me into debt yet. We don't use credit cards

 

[akrebecca]

I remember Christmas' from childhood that were very small. Military family with six kids. One year, my mom had purchased several useful items (pencils, erasers, socks etc...) for us to pick from for gifts to our sibilings. Several years our family was 'adopted' by others in our churches for Christmas gifts & dinners. Growing up, I always thought we had small gifts because we had little money. As an adult, I have realized that my parents taught me that I should not focus on the gifts. Instead, celebrate each other. Let the loved ones in your life know how much you value them, not by giving them the expensive bathrobe they want, but by spending time with them. Last year as a family we gave our family and friends a Thank You letter expressing our gratitude that they are in our lives and how much we value our relationship with them. I had to play detective, but I also made their favorite dessert. I know my DH felt our gift was 'cheap' compared to what we were given. I had to point a couple things out to him:
1. We have a limited budget.
2. I would expect that our family and friends would rather we spend our Christmas money on our three kids then adults.
3. If an adult (I am thinking of a specific family member) cannot understand the value of spending precious time with family and friends, then they need to go back to kindergarten and start with sharing.

I am planning to do the same this year. I have actually started something in our circle of friends, two of the friends who received these gifts last year expressed how much they valued the letter & card they got from us. One of them said they keep it posted on the fridge and read it whenever they feel down. Both have said they are going to do the same this year.

Now, I do not have good relationships with several family members, one of which is my MIL. She is not a easy person to get along with (you may remember my post from two years ago..she wanted to go on a trip & was pissed because I asked if she could wait for a weekend). She was NOT pleased to receive the small gift and the "waist expanding food". I reminded her (while smiling-I found if I plaster a smile on my face I don't get as upset) that our budget is limited and wouldn't you rather your grandkids had a good Christmas? (Yes, I played the "feel guilty cause you are taking gifts from your grandkids" card.) She was a bit taken aback. Did not apologize but said she understood. We will see how things go this year. Especially when we (DH & I are in agreement on this) tell her that we are not visiting on Christmas Eve or Christmas.

Relationships are hard to navigate especially ones that you marry into. DH did grow up spoiled and was taught the goal of gift giving is to out do everyone else. He was very shocked when I gave him a pair of boxers (handmade-searched high & low for Coca Cola fabric & buttons) for our first anniversary. I got a beautiful, expensive necklace. Since then we have come to understand each other's childhood, where we are in life and really, what is most important in our lives-each other and our beautiful children.

Stepping down now...

I vote for the

"don't do the slippers!!!!
go to the dollar store and get some cheap bubble bath, ugly fingernail polish, smelly candles and a trashy novel and let her have a relaxing evening before she wears her new robe" Idea.

After all, she has already bought the robe!

 

[pcsharon1]

Well, we do give gifts but I'm still annoyed by my in-laws more often than not. They will ask for suggestions for what we want. We have in the last couple of years started asking for gift cards because we enjoy going out to eat and it's expensive - so that is something we would really use and love. They think gift cards are tacky - so they buy us completely off the wall stuff and then complain about how much it costs to ship it to us. Personally I think that is tacky...............Would've cost less than a dollar to mail the gift card!

 

[akrebecca]

Well, we do give gifts but I'm still annoyed by my in-laws more often than not. They will ask for suggestions for what we want. We have in the last couple of years started asking for gift cards because we enjoy going out to eat and it's expensive - so that is something we would really use and love. They think gift cards are tacky - so they buy us completely off the wall stuff and then complain about how much it costs to ship it to us. Personally I think that is tacky...............Would've cost less than a dollar to mail the gift card!

Personally, I enjoy getting gift cards as gifts. I also enjoy giving them. I don't buy just any old card, I think about what store they really like shopping at and get them a a GC to that store. I have a hard time spending money on myself especially when I may consider the item to be extravagent. However, when I get a GC to my favorite store, I usually pick something I have had my eye on and let the gift giver know what they 'bought' me.

When it comes to shipping gifts, a first class stamp is a lot less expensive and has less paperwork to fill out than a box that needs insurance, postage, receipts etc....

However, some people prefer doing things the hard way...

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Well, we do give gifts but I'm still annoyed by my in-laws more often than not. They will ask for suggestions for what we want. We have in the last couple of years started asking for gift cards because we enjoy going out to eat and it's expensive - so that is something we would really use and love. They think gift cards are tacky - so they buy us completely off the wall stuff and then complain about how much it costs to ship it to us. Personally I think that is tacky...............Would've cost less than a dollar to mail the gift card!

My Dad is in FL., and he always sends us gift cards to our favorite restaurants. We LOVE that, because it means that we can afford to hire a sitter AND go out for dinner! His very thoughtful & generous gift cards make it possible for us to have several date nights throughout the year!

Maybe if you presented it to your MIL that way (that they aren't just giving you gift cards - they are giving you date nights!) she'd see the bigger picture!

 

[magentablue]

I've been biting my tongue on this thread... but I really don't get the anger. You asked her what she wants, and she suggested something.

I am an only child, so I could be used to getting what I want... so I read this thread to my husband (he's one of 7 and is used to getting a lot less than I)... he doesn't understand the anger either.

She also gave you an out "if you'd like to..." "for my birthday or Christmas."

I see you all ganging up on the SIL, and I felt like someone has to stick up for her. I don't see the crime that she's committed. She responded to a question of what would you like with something she would like. Yes, she's already bought the item... ok... now you know it's something she really wanted.

If you didn't want to get it for her that's fine too... "Sorry, but I'd rather get you something you didn't already buy." Shrug.

I bought myself a knife set this year from Pampered Chef. My mom gave me the money for Christmas. I was going to bring the block and all the knives to Mom, but she said to just bring over two knives (one for me to open and one for hubby to open) and to enjoy the rest in the mean time. I'd hate to hear what ya'll would say about my family!

Last year Mom gave me the cash for our Christmas present on Thanksgiving, and said "I know you're a better shopper than I am, and I wanted to give you a flat screen tv. You'll get more bang for your buck than I will." Shrug. Worked for us. I'm watching that tv right now, and although I technically went to the store, had it brought to my car, drove it home, had it carried into the house... I still consider (and appreciate it) as a gift that Mom gave me.

Different strokes for different folks!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and doesn't let anger ruin it for them!

 

[Chef Kearns]

Thanks for sharing your point of view Magentablue. It was refreshing.

 

[wadesgirl]

I've been biting my tongue on this thread... but I really don't get the anger. You asked her what she wants, and she suggested something.

I am an only child, so I could be used to getting what I want... so I read this thread to my husband (he's one of 7 and is used to getting a lot less than I)... he doesn't understand the anger either.

She also gave you an out "if you'd like to..." "for my birthday or Christmas."

I see you all ganging up on the SIL, and I felt like someone has to stick up for her. I don't see the crime that she's committed. She responded to a question of what would you like with something she would like. Yes, she's already bought the item... ok... now you know it's something she really wanted.

If you didn't want to get it for her that's fine too... "Sorry, but I'd rather get you something you didn't already buy." Shrug.

I bought myself a knife set this year from Pampered Chef. My mom gave me the money for Christmas. I was going to bring the block and all the knives to Mom, but she said to just bring over two knives (one for me to open and one for hubby to open) and to enjoy the rest in the mean time. I'd hate to hear what ya'll would say about my family!

Last year Mom gave me the cash for our Christmas present on Thanksgiving, and said "I know you're a better shopper than I am, and I wanted to give you a flat screen tv. You'll get more bang for your buck than I will." Shrug. Worked for us. I'm watching that tv right now, and although I technically went to the store, had it brought to my car, drove it home, had it carried into the house... I still consider (and appreciate it) as a gift that Mom gave me.

Different strokes for different folks!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, and doesn't let anger ruin it for them!

I respect your opinion on this and I don't plan on doing anything more than getting the robe from her, wrapping it up and having it under the tree for her to open Christmas Eve. Guess you just have to know my SIL to understand the situation. She kept saying she had all these wonderful ideas but when I asked it almost seemed like an after thought "Well I bought myself this robe but you can just give it to me for Christmas" - not a "There is this robe I would like..." type thing. I wouldn't have minded going to the website, ordering it myself, etc for her. She sent us wish lists for the kids, why not herself?

 

[lt1jane]

every situation is different. My in-laws like to give us one thoughtful and expensive gift every year. While the "surprise" factor is sometimes taken out of it because they will check with us to see if it is something we would like, their goal is to give us something we would want and use. (Ironic for a family with the last name of Suprise.)

Last year, our computer was starting to die, desktops were on sale in October. Early gift for us as it was a fancy one with all the bells and whistles. We did receive a few small items under the tree also, but the computer was the big one. This year after several discussions, we will be receiving gift cards to cover a couple of nights at a waterpark hotel. We'd discussed making reservations for a weekend but decided that I would rather take a day or two of vacation and go during the week when it's not so crowded. Also, the hotel has special rates for military (I'm retired Army) and even though my in-laws are paying, I wanted them to get the best bang for their buck so to speak. My MIL always has receipts handy in case we need to return something. I am not a jewelry person, a few years ago she bought me a lovely jewelry box. Sadly, I would never be able to fill it up. I returned it and instead have a set of FoodSaver canisters that I use all the time.