Unique Christmas Gift Ideas for Hard-to-Shop-for Family Members

[raebates]

Have you figured out what to get the most difficult people on your list?

I always struggle with what to get my brother and SIL for Christmas. We live in the middle of nowhere and live a fairly simple lifestyle. My brother and his family live in Indianapolis, right in the thick of things, and are very into status. No one would guess we were raised in the same home.

Every year I wonder what to get them for Christmas. The kids are fairly easy. They're only 5 and 2. It's the adults who are more difficult. Last year I thought I had it. They enjoy good wine. I bought them a lovely bottle of Italian wine along with a booklet about the different wine regions in Italy and the particular characteristics of each. I included a mid-sized box of excellent chocolates. My thought is that even if you aren't planning to eat the entire thing, wine and chocolates are something you can share with guests during the holidays. As they opened the gifts, my SIL commented that they were "something for Scott." I didn't realize that my thin SIL was dieting. Oops! No more food gifts for them.

I think I've got it now, though. I'm giving a memory. When we were kids, we had Slush Mugs. You freeze the liner (like Chillzanne!), then place it in the plastic mug sleeve. Any drink you pour in will become slushy. (Doesn't work with diet drinks, though.) We would fill the mugs with Pepsi and enjoy them with popcorn and Hershey bars while we watched the Christmas specials on TV. I just ordered a set of four Slush Mugs. I'll include DVDs of a couple of the Christmas Specials we watched as kids, some microwave popcorn, and a package of Hershey Chocolate Bars.

Now I just have to figure out what to get my parents.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Have you figured out what to get the most difficult people on your list?

I always struggle with what to get my brother and SIL for Christmas. We live in the middle of nowhere and live a fairly simple lifestyle. My brother and his family live in Indianapolis, right in the thick of things, and are very into status. No one would guess we were raised in the same home.

Every year I wonder what to get them for Christmas. The kids are fairly easy. They're only 5 and 2. It's the adults who are more difficult. Last year I thought I had it. They enjoy good wine. I bought them a lovely bottle of Italian wine along with a booklet about the different wine regions in Italy and the particular characteristics of each. I included a mid-sized box of excellent chocolates. My thought is that even if you aren't planning to eat the entire thing, wine and chocolates are something you can share with guests during the holidays. As they opened the gifts, my SIL commented that they were "something for Scott." I didn't realize that my thin SIL was dieting. Oops! No more food gifts for them.

I think I've got it now, though. I'm giving a memory. When we were kids, we had Slush Mugs. You freeze the liner (like Chillzanne!), then place it in the plastic mug sleeve. Any drink you pour in will become slushy. (Doesn't work with diet drinks, though.) We would fill the mugs with Pepsi and enjoy them with popcorn and Hershey bars while we watched the Christmas specials on TV. I just ordered a set of four Slush Mugs. I'll include DVDs of a couple of the Christmas Specials we watched as kids, some microwave popcorn, and a package of Hershey Chocolate Bars.

Now I just have to figure out what to get my parents.

That can be so hard! I think it's good to give memory gifts. DH's family likes to give all gift certificates, but I like for gifts to be thoughtful...and I want something other than just envelopes to open.
My older brother is fairly well off, and it's always hard to think of something for him and his wife too. But a couple things I've done(along the memories line too):

One of our favorite Christmas albums growing up was by Steve & Edie - and it's not available on CD. We've talked about how much we missed it. So, I had a friend find the songs online, and burn them onto a CD. I had my brother open it before Christmas, and got a call from him as soon as he did - he was so excited! That made me feel so good. Now, he can pass on that family memory to his kids too!

Last year - we did "family gifts". We bought our favorite board game - Blokus, and I did a sweet snack mix, and a savory snack mix, and a bag of gummy bears...packaged the treats in Christmas Tins, and made Family Night Towers. (game on the bottom, and stacked the tins on top - ending with the gummies) all tied up with a big bow. That was a fun gift! We gave those to all our brothers and sister - and their families.

 

[WLMcCoy]

I LOVE to give the "from the heart/memory" gifts... Those are the gifts you never forget! I always try to do that... I think what you're getting your brother is perfect.

This wouldn't work for your dieting SIL, but now that everyone in my family has their own families, I bake cookies. I find a cute ceramic Christmas plate (Big Lots seems to be the place I always find them) & I will bake an assortment of cookies & fill the plate, sprinkle Candy Cane Hershey Kisses, wrap it in nice celaphane wrap, & TAH-DA!! The kids & parents love it!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

EVERY year I BEG for my husband's side of the family to just adopt an angel from a community tree in our honor
we need or want for nothing and every year I come away ticked because they ASK what we want i make it simple a gift card from XXXXXX and they IGNORE it and buy us junk.
I am so sick of shirts hanging in the closet that are the wrong size or color, cheap stinky lotion and bath products and my favorite last year my son was a SENIOR My SIL gave him a small container of Bionicles (Legos)l (limit is $25) you see where I'm going with this they don't even spend near the $25 but they always give us gift ideas for them that are around $30. One year we gave his mom a kitchen aid mixer and a few attachments with our names on it she thanked all the kids for it and they told her she was welcome to this day she still thinks it was from the 5 kids together Even though I saw her READ the tag and she saw us carry it in the house.

 

[ChefSharain]

My husband and I host an annual Christmas Eve Open House (this year is #11) and about 80 people come visiting. Last year we had a request to our guests (I make a poem invite each year) that although we love their thoughtful gifts our home is overflowing with holiday items and bottles of wine!!! So, we collected $$ for our local battered womans shelter...we collected almost $700!!! It warmed everyone's heart and we didn't collect anymore dust collectors!

 

[KellyTheChef]

We stopped exchanging gifts except for the kids. Christmas "presents" are more for kids, anyhow! With DH's family...we only do the kids. With my family, we have taken the money that we WOULD have spent on the older ones (my dad, brother and SIL, etc.) and pool all of it together and either adopt a family who is in need, or donate the money in each other's names.

Honestly, that's the true meaning of Christmas...showing love to others who are less fortunate and really NEED the help!

 

[raebates]

See, that's what happens when you have families that act like mature, logical adults. LOL!We would love to do something like giving to a good cause or a needy family. The drama that's taken place over the last few years in The Furry Guy's family would shock you. Heck, it shocks me! Let's just say that you don't mess with that family's way of doing things.As for my family, last year, following some excellent suggestions from my friends here at CS, we made a donation to Heifer International in my parents' names. They appreciated it, but I can't say they seemed thrilled. At least this year they'll be at home for Christmas so we don't have to worry about them shipping/carting a gift back to Florida. Part of the problem is that neither of our families is sentimental at all. A few years ago My MIL's mom had a couple of zippered bags filled with doilies and embroidered hankies that were made by her mom. She brought them to a family get-together to see if any of "the girls" (my MIL is one of four) wanted any of them. My MIL's response was, "I've got one." Oh my goodness! Since she wasn't interested, Grandma asked if I wanted any. I let the aunts choose first, then selected several. These are things that were made by the hands of my son's great, great grandmother. Sheesh!BTW, The Furry Guy and I were, as usual, the only "kids" from his family there. His aunts and uncles are amazing people, and we love them dearly. I'm glad he sees how important that connection is. Our son has learned the importance of knowing your heritage. I figure his children will be encouraged to visit their Grandma Rae & Grandpa Chris. After all, children learn what they live.

 

[raebates]

Wow, I just hijacked my own thread. Hee, hee, hee.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Rae~

I know that some families will hear NOTHING about changing their traditions...even if it means just making the Christmas gatherings stressful, and having loads of unwanted gifts given out in the end.

I think we were talking about this last Christmas and lots of people had families who just would NOT budge or think about doing anything other than gift exchanging...even if that means you buy me a $20 gift card and I buy you a $20 gift card. What's the point?

 

[crystalscookingnow]

Rae~

I know that some families will hear NOTHING about changing their traditions...even if it means just making the Christmas gatherings stressful, and having loads of unwanted gifts given out in the end.

I think we were talking about this last Christmas and lots of people had families who just would NOT budge or think about doing anything other than gift exchanging...even if that means you buy me a $20 gift card and I buy you a $20 gift card. What's the point?

We were doing this with DH's cousin. Two years ago, I asked if we could just not do this (we were doing the cards between 6 adults). Our amount was $25. I told DH, if we're going to spend $50 on someone, I'd rather donate it! He agreed & we made the change. Now, if I could get them to do the same for the kids.

 

[chefann]

On my dad's side of the family, we get together for Christmas dinner, usually a week or two before Christmas. People are too busy with their own immediate-family Christmas Day traditions to get together, so that's why we hold it early. Several years ago, we got tired of the rigamarole of putting together (and receiving) cheap gifts just to be polite. So we instituted a family charity box. We can suggest a charity, but the host family has more say about which one is chosen. The charity is announced before the event (in the email invitations). At the event, a carved wooden box is set out with some blank envelopes. People can place money in the envelopes and put them into the box. All the money is sent in the family's name to the charity. We usually collect several hundred dollars, and the recipient is usually somehow connected to the family. The Christmas after my grandmother died, we sent a very large check to the American Lung Association (she had COPD). Not only do we feel good about helping others, we don't have to waste time thinking of gifts for second cousins. DH's parents are hard to buy for. But DH had a good idea for them this year. A GPS system. (But don't even ask me if I'm a little miffed about that idea, since we don't even have one yet...)

 

[raebates]

Well, gift cards aren't an issue with The Furry Guy's family. He's one of seven. They make detailed wish lists, complete with catalog or inventory numbers and price. If there are any options, those are spelled out. Heaven help the person who purchases something other than exactly what's on the list for most of the siblings. (There are a few of us who consider our lists guidelines.) We caused a huge uproar many years ago by asking that we be treated as one in the exchange. We provide three lists (his, hers, & theirs). There is no spending limit, which means that people seem to treat it as a chance to make a statement of some kind. His sister was talking to me a couple of weeks ago about their mother's list. It always goes something like this:New carpeting for the entire downstairs
New living room furniture
General Foods International Coffees [list of flavors]
L'eggs [size/color]Seriously, that was her list two years in a row. One year she added squirrel logs (logs of pressed corn). I told her we shoot vermin at our house. She didn't find that funny. I struggled for a long time with this. We don't spend lots, but the inexpensive things seemed way too cheap. Then I decided that, hey, if that's what she really wants she should get it. Most years we set an amount to spend on each person. I take that amount and buy her as many coffee tins (or squirrel logs) as I can. (I refuse to buy foundational garments for my MIL. There are just some lines I won't cross.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Well, gift cards aren't an issue with The Furry Guy's family. He's one of seven. They make detailed wish lists, complete with catalog or inventory numbers and price. If there are any options, those are spelled out. Heaven help the person who purchases something other than exactly what's on the list for most of the siblings. (There are a few of us who consider our lists guidelines.) We caused a huge uproar many years ago by asking that we be treated as one in the exchange. We provide three lists (his, hers, & theirs). There is no spending limit, which means that people seem to treat it as a chance to make a statement of some kind.

His sister was talking to me a couple of weeks ago about their mother's list. It always goes something like this:

New carpeting for the entire downstairs
New living room furniture
General Foods International Coffees [list of flavors]
L'eggs [size/color]
Seriously, that was her list two years in a row. One year she added squirrel logs (logs of pressed corn). I told her we shoot vermin at our house. She didn't find that funny. I struggled for a long time with this. We don't spend lots, but the inexpensive things seemed way too cheap. Then I decided that, hey, if that's what she really wants she should get it. Most years we set an amount to spend on each person. I take that amount and buy her as many coffee tins (or squirrel logs) as I can. (I refuse to buy foundational garments for my MIL. There are just some lines I won't cross.

That is just too funny! Hmmm, do we get her the can of coffee, or do we get her all new furniture? I can't imagine seeing a list like that - if handed to me, I might laugh out loud and treat it as a joke - but that sounds like it wouldn't be prudent in your situation, Rae.



I love giving gifts. We give to charities on a regular basis, and help out with a couple around the Holidays. I love my family, and one way that I can show that is with thoughtful gifts. I also want to teach my son the joy of giving - and the sheer fun of keeping it secret, and the anticipation of seeing the looks on their faces. I guess that's where I'm coming from with gift-giving.

 

[Shawnna]

I don't even want to think about it. My mother insists that she buy tons of presents for all the grandkids and she has to spend the same amount on each one...like they know the difference. They get so much stuff that you don't even know who got what from whom. There are 7 grandkids. My nieces won't wait for anyone to get the gifts all seperated and handed out...we would like to watch them open them...and by the time we are finished they have opened all their gifts and the paper is scattered all over the place. My 3 are bigger...but I have always made them wait...so they wait and make sure they see who gave them the present so they can say thank you after opening it.

My inlaws is a completely different story and I am angry every year when I leave there. My MIL doesn't have any money and she used to make everyone's gifts...which is wonderful, except I was usually left out of the "everyone"...but now she gives everyone a WalMart gift card, which the kids love...and DH gives ours to me to use for whatever I want, usually gas. One SIL says nobody needs anything, so she buys the kids one thing each...thats all they need...and doesn't even give anyone else a card or anything...except MIL, because we usually chip in for her a nicer gift. Another SIL is barely getting by and she buys or makes something for the kids and the sisters...usually incudes me...but doesn't do anythng for DH. The other SIL buys silly gifts for everyone...junk...and spends way too much money. DH makes sure he gets something for every sister and BIL...even if its a hot chocolate gift pack from WM...as well as his mom and her husband and all the kids. He says he wants them to know he thinks about them and this is the only time we get together as a big group.

As I read this it sounds petty, but after 22 years it just gets old. We do not need anything, but it really bothers me that they hurt DH's feelings every year by excluding him from the gift giving. If you are going to buy for 1 you should buy for all...or at least give the gifts when he is not there. We used to draw names and it was so much better, but now they don't want to draw names. I keep saying that DH, our kids, and I are going to go on a cruise for Christmas and forget all this other stuff, but they tell me I am being selfish because Christmas is the time to spend with your family.

 

[raebates]

Shawnna, it's the little, seemingly petty things that drive us crazy.For years I left The Furry Guy's family gatherings angry and hurt. (His immediate family usually only gets together for Christmas extended gatherings are wonderful, though. As I mentioned before, we're often the only ones representing his immediate family.) It was so bad that I began to get tense for weeks leading up to the event. Then I read a suggestion somewhere that led to a wonderful solution. It's really simple. All it takes is a bit of a change in thinking.Are you ready?I treat those gatherings as research for my stand-up routine. You heard me right. When my BIL says something rude and intentionally hurtful, I just smile a little smile, shake my head a bit, and walk away thinking, "Wait until I tell ________." I look forward to telling my friends about what happened. They share in my shock and amazement at the way grown adults will behave. My friends have begun to look forward to The Furry Guy's family gatherings.

 

[Shawnna]

yes...a lot of our "problem" is the difference in doctinal beliefs. We are all pentecostal but some of us just aren't "saved" enough for others. And, that shouldn't even get in the way of such things, but I think that it does. We can never be "good enough" for them and then I carry my own resentment for the way they treat us to those gatherings too. I am always "on guard" and I know it is not the attitude to arrive with...I am working on it and christ is helping me, but its still hard. I really stress and worry about it because I don't want my children to be hurt and I don't want my husband to be hurt. When I was the target of their "unintentional hurt" I learned to deal with it and not let it get to me...Christ helped me a lot in this area...but I have a hard time with it when its my children or husband. Especially when my family treats my husband as though he is a son/brother and not an inlaw. You would think his family would treat him better. But, yeah, I listen to and watch one of my SILs...who is a pastor's wife...and I shake my head in amazement at her thinking sometimes. But, it is something I am learning to deal with better and I know if I can change my attitude...the way I look at it...I will be able to deal with it better.

 

[Gina M]

You all have some great ideas - I struggle with Christmas each year as well. My in-laws won't budge and we have to spend Christmas Day together with them every year. My MIL passed away 11 years ago and they always seem to think that this will be my FIL's last Christmas (he's 82 and doing quite well - thank you!). They also do a cousin gift exchange - there are 9 cousins in the area (including my 3) and they each pick a name to exchange with. Well the oldest is 16 down to my 7 yr. old. I think it's a nice gesture but we have been doing it forever and the cost adds up - no one wants to give it up (except my husband and I) - we think it would be nice just to get together and not exchange gifts - we all have what we need and that way the kids appreciate more of what we got them for Christmas as well.

My side of the family generally gets the shaft in get togethers - my husband works retail so Christmas Day is his only day off from Thanksgiving til the end of the year. We finally put our foot down at getting together on Christmas Eve - that is our sole day with our kids and then my parents are usually over for Christmas Day Brunch and the rest of the day (usually 1 pm until - I'm not kidding 11 pm) is spent with the in-laws. My sister and her family and my brother and his wife generally have to spend Christmas day with their in-laws so we try and get together sometime between Christmas and New Year's - I wish people would focus on just the gatherings and not so much on the gifts - I hate hearing people complain they have no money and yet keep buying everyone presents. Keep yourself out of debt! My favorite Christmas memories as a kid were the ones when we went on vacation - Disney World, Hawaii and a Cruise - they were hand downs the best time and we didn't exchange gifts those years. I also enjoyed just being home with my parents and siblings by ourselves having a Turkey Dinner and enjoying our new presents. My husband would love to do this but knows he'll be the black sheep of the family if he tried to change "their" tradition!

 

[raebates]

We've learned to embrace the label "cheap." Yes, we're frugal. Yes, our priorities differ from other family members in both families. I have no problem with someone else choosing to spend their money on a nice car and designer clothing. It's their money, and there's nothing illegal or immoral about their choices. However, that same courtesy is not extended to us. We make substantially less than some family members and more than others. We've chosen not to go into debt for our vehicles, so we drive older ones. People who truly know us consider us giving and generous, so that label holds little power for us anymore.We've also learned to embrace the label "weird." We wear it proudly. Frankly, I don't feel that average is something to aspire to. Finally, I've learned that I get to decide whether or not to be offended. If there is a positive way to take something, I choose that one. This has two benefits. First, I don't accidentally take something the wrong way. Second, it really annoys those trying to subtly insult me."Gee, that's an interesting sweater."Thanks. Interesting is exactly what I was going for."

 

[Jessamary]

I love in-law stories, mainly because I can share mine. Up until last Christmas, this is how it was with my in-laws at Christmas:

Gifts for DH and myself was a check, which is great. But then there's the stuff from Walgreens. Huge bottles of lotion. (I'm not talking about gift-sets or Bath and Body works stuff...it's like the economy size version of Vaseline intensive Care) or bath salts or soap...even though I told her when we were engaged that I am highly allergic to most of this stuff. For the kids, it was horrible. They'd get a few books from Goodwill. Maybe a toy or two...from Goodwill. Now, I'm not bashing Goodwill at all. But it's hard for me to justify the presents for my kids...they're ONLY grandkids...and then see the brand new gunS (yes, plural) they got at the most recent gun show. They are not poor people and have no mortgage payment (never have because the house has been in the family for 100+ years...which gets me mad when they give us "advice" on saving money...)

Last year, they actually bought the kids presents. At a store. And they were all age-appropriate and everything. I don't know if it was a fluke or what. We'll see in a couple of months.

I re-read this, and like others have said, it sounds petty. I just don't understand why these grandparents don't want to spoil their grandkids. (I mean, c'mn, they're your GRANDKIDS!)

 

[nicki25]

My DD who is 7 is writing a book. It is about 15 pages and we are having it made into a real hard bound book to give to grandparents & aunts and uncles. It is so cool. She almost has it down. It will be done in her spelling, her handwriting and her pictures. I can't wait to see it.

 

[rennea]

First off I must say that I LOVE Christmas!!

I shop ALL year for Christmas:blushing: But I can say that I don't spend lots of money. I buy goodies through out the year to add to my Christmas box. I do baskets, one year I didn't and there was a huge boycott!!

Last year I did a "London" basket for both sides of parents. We were in London last October and I picked goodies up. My Mother was very protective of hers and won't let anybody near it This year I will do the same thing, I found beautiful baskets at a store here this summer. Beautiful square wicker baskets that came in a set of three for $5.99:thumbup:

I spend a lot of time on wrapping my gifts as well, my sister thinks that wrapping should be better then what's inside because it is part of the decoration under the tree. I also spend time "making" my own gifts.

Here is a sample of what I do:

Christmas decorations for the tree
Homemade candles
Lip balm/bath salts
Chocolates/candies/cookies
Jams/Jellies
Pickles
Apple sauce
pillow covers
PJ's
Personalized stationary
This year I have made beaded bracelets for my niece and sister

I love homemade gifts or gifts that support a cause. Last year my sister recieved a goodie bag full of "pink" products.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

If your folks are older and are of the "whatever they don't have, they don't want" then I would suggest food. Something they wouldn't ordinarily buy for themselves, like a standing rib roast.

And a pressed corn log for a side dish.

 

[Curlyone]

Our families have been coming over to our house for the last 25 years. Every Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and when the boys were little, their birthdays.

We exchange gifts with everyone on both sides of the family. Including my husband's cousins and their children! Talk about stress and $$$$$ spent. I have asked that we just draw names, or just give gifts to the kids (17 and under), but nooooo, that wouldn't be Christmas! This is mostly my MIL. FIL died 9 years ago and she is not financially well off. But she still insists in buying tons of presents (stuff we don't need and sorry to say, just junk).

I am going to talk to each family individually and see what they want to do. I would much prefer to gather the money that we would have spent on "adult" presents and sponsor a family or Angel Tree child. Wish me luck, I know that I will be opening up a can of worms!

PS I just love this site!

 

[raebates]

Great idea, KG, except my parents live in Florida, and I live in North Central Indiana. It's a little hard to ship something like that. Plus, my mom no longer cooks. She makes Dad instant oatmeal some mornings, but that's about it. They eat breakfast at McDonalds and other meals at Taco Bell.Don't get me started!Renea, I love those ideas. I enjoy making gifts, and we do that for friends. What's sad is that our families don't enjoy those things.Trust me, they wouldn't be appreciated.

 

[cookin to the top]

So much to think about for X-mas...closeness, drama, and everything in between! (I won't get into my In-laws...yuck!) I'm doing a family cookbook this year (my family). Generations of recipes, and photos throughout of family and close friends. Food brings such memories!

 

[raebates]

Ooh, what a neat idea.

 

[rennea]

Rennea, I love those ideas. I enjoy making gifts, and we do that for friends. What's sad is that our families don't enjoy those things.Trust me, they wouldn't be appreciated.

My MIL used to get upset that her SIL would make gifts, she complained that it was "cheap". Well since I have been in the family she hasn't said a thing, if act now she raves about it!! I always get upset if my DH aunt doesn't make her annual tree ornament. I just love receiving them. So much time and energy goes into making them. More thought then running to the store and buying a gift card.

But I know what you mean Rae some people just don't appreciate the thought.


My Mother always has to buy the "perfect" gift. It is always something she thinks we need. Usually some appliance that I will never use. Don't even get me started on last year!

 

[rennea]

So much to think about for X-mas...closeness, drama, and everything in between! (I won't get into my In-laws...yuck!) I'm doing a family cookbook this year (my family). Generations of recipes, and photos throughout of family and close friends. Food brings such memories!

Excellent idea!

 

[Shawnna]

Nicki...what a wonderful idea. Another idea is to take their drawing or handprints and laminate them for a placemat...you can even add a picture. Its hard to buy for parents who have everything. One year I had all the grandkids pictures made for my parents and they loved that.