How Long Before They Suggest It Here?

[chefann]

Shopkeepers everywhere are habitual offenders!

The most recent entry in the Discworld series of books includes the president of the Merchants' Guild, who is a greengrocer. The author purposely sprinkles his speech with random apostrophes, as if people can hear them.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

my misuse of ellipsis drives my DH crazy.......as do my long pauses in conversation!

A bear walks into a bar. The bear says, "I'll have...a beer."The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

 

[raebates]

That one made me groan out loud, KG. It's just bad.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"John Kerry walks into the same bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

 

[ChefBeckyD]

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll have...a beer."

The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Wait - who asks for a beer? The bear, or the bartender?

Because I'm not getting it, if it's the bartender..........

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

It's a roll your own joke.Alright alright alright, I fixed it.Did you hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?

 

[ChefBeckyD]

It's a roll your own joke.

Alright alright alright, I fixed it.

Did you hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?

Okay, then I did get it! But then I thought you might be messing with mind (not hard to do!) and there was something in the joke I was missing...

...and you know when you have to think that hard..., ...it's just no fun anymore!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

It's a lot harder for some of us around here than it is for others of us.

 

[chefann]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch."===A bartender walks into a bar and asks, "What'll I have?"===A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.===A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "HEY! We've got a drink named after you!""Really?" the grasshopper says. "You have a drink named Steve?"

 

[lkprescott]

Are you trying to suggest that someone might hijack a thread around here?

I don't think anyone was trying... or suggesting...

 

[lkprescott]

That one bugs me too - but what really drives me nuts is the misuse of words that are similar in spelling, and have the same/similar pronunciation. For instance - to, two, and too......there, their, and they're.........accept, and except........

Well, weather or not that's correct (heheheh... sorry couldn't resist... DH actually does this one and it drives me BONKERS! - I know... short drive).

My worse peeve... fav peeve, however one references their ultimate peeve...

Irregardless

*shudder*
I had a boss that used it to emphasis her status. It was like fingernails on a chalkboard to my brain.

 

[raebates]

What I want to know is who is this Simon, and why do we have to do what he says?

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

That one bugs me too - but what really drives me nuts is the misuse of words that are similar in spelling, and have the same/similar pronunciation. For instance - to, two, and too......there, their, and they're.........accept, and except........

Unless they're someone like me. Like when I write about seafood, I misuse homonyms on porpoise.

 

[KellyTheChef]

ETA - I also hate when people misuse an ellipsis. It is three dots...not two...not four...not seventy five...THREE.

Hey.....you talkin to me?

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Sort of like the Foo Bird, no?

 

[chefann]

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