Trish in Texas: Seeking Help After Husband's On-the-Job Firing

[Trish in Texas]

My husband got fired yesterday...for drinking on the job. He lost his diabetes glucometer somewhere along the day (he was going up to get beer several times throughout the day). I noticed he was out of test strips so will have to see how expensive that will be without insurance. No unemployment bennies coming our way. He insisted I take him immediately to an AA meeting. Dropped him off at 5:30 -- meeting doesn't start until 7. Luckily, someone showed up a few minutes ago to let him in. Not sure how to proceed. Definitely need food stamps. Will definitely be going to Al-Anon meetings myself. Luckily just paid mortgage so I have 30 days to come up with it again.

He came out of the AA meeting thinking it wouldn't work.

Car died and we are using a friend's car until Sunday.

What to do? Where to get help in Dallas/Fort Worth area (Mid-Cities in particular) ??

Trish in Texas
Independent Consultant

 

[NooraK]

((((((Hugs))))))

The first thing I can think of for help is the United Way. They have a lot of resources they can direct you to:

http://www.unitedwaydallas.org/7.0/ContactUs.html

Here in Atlanta, we can dial 211 to get in touch with them, I don't know if it's the same there in Texas.

 

[gailz2]

You could call a local church, even if you don't go there, and they can also guide/help you. Good luck, and I'm hoping for a better new year for you.

 

[Sheila]

Big (((hugs))) sweetie! I'm so sorry!!!I'm from Dallas, but I have no idea where to send you guys for help or guidance. Sorry!!!

 

[Chef Kearns]

Your family will definitely be in my prayers. It has to be a tough position to be in. Just trust in the Lord, Trish!!

 

[Sheila]

Here are some resources:
North Texas Food Bank
Tarant (County) Area Food Bankhttp://www.dallascounty.org/department/hhservices/services/grantswelfare/county_welfare.html - temporary financial aide (Alcoholism is classified as a disability in the state of Texas)

 

[Sheila]

You can also check into Medicare/Medicaid

 

[susanr613]

Oh my Trish - my heart goes out to you and your family. My prayers are with you.

 

[cmdtrgd]

My first suggestion is to get on the Pampered Chef insurance - even if it is catastrophic insurance like a $10,000 deductible. Especially with his diabetes, you don't want to have to deal with the "previous conditions" clause in many other insurances. I looked and in my area it would be $79 a month for two people. I know that can sound like a lot, but it isn't when you look at never being covered again for his diabetes.Second, talk with him to see where you two want to be/go with your relationship. Once you do that, you can figure out the road map. Good luck!

 

[heather223]

Thought and prayers coming your way! Hopefully you can find some help.

 

[legacypc46]

My first suggestion is to get on the Pampered Chef insurance - even if it is catastrophic insurance like a $10,000 deductible. Especially with his diabetes, you don't want to have to deal with the "previous conditions" clause in many other insurances. I looked and in my area it would be $79 a month for two people. I know that can sound like a lot, but it isn't when you look at never being covered again for his diabetes.

I ditto the insurance advice, if you can somehow swing it. I fell recently and would have incurred over $20K in medical bills if not for insurance.

 

[Chef Kearns]

Just for a bit of levity...I sent your email out to my prayer warrior friends. I didn't preface it or anything. I just copied your post (without your name) and sent it out. My friends all started freaking out. At least I know they got it and will be praying for you!!

 

[scottcooks]

What's the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt - a woman and a teabag have a lot in common - their best comes out when they get into hot water! Praying for you and your family, Trish!

 

[baychef]

((((((((((((((((((HUGS!!))))))))))))))))))))

Wow, what a tough position to be in, Trish. To add on to everyone's great advice, if you have school aged children, get a free or reduced meal application immediately. Your income would be based on what your income was (after business expenses are deducted) last month. Don't add your husband's income last month because at this time it is zero. Get it immediately to the person that processes the application. Drive to their office and hand deliver it yourself. Can you guess what I do for a full time job other than PC?? I am a school lunch director.

When our Food Bank person visited, they said that they help guide people to agencies that can help them so don't be afraid or ashamed to ask. This is what they are set up for...helping those that have a need.

Stick with Anon meetings yourself. You need the support and the tools to help in help himself. Tough love is so hard, but in the end it will help you and it just may save your husband too.

And wise words from my Mom when I was in a difficult position in life. "You aren't the first person that has had this adversity...and you won't be the last." In other words, keep your chin up. Lean on others for help and stay strong. Love Scott's words from Eleanor Roosevelt. And here are great words from Mother Teresa...I know that the Lord will not give me anything that I can not handle...I just wish he didn't trust me so much.

Prayers for strength and better days to come. It may get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better.

 

[pcchefjane]

Praying for you in this situation. He may be able to collect unemployment benefits. It just depends on how his company writes it up. They may or may not be amicable to letting him collect. Maybe this is the wake-up call he needed! There is also some great alcohol/drug programs in that area as well that are "income based".I second going to local churches for help. Also check out the local food banks, etc. United Way in your area could probably refer you to other places.

 

[Trish in Texas]

Your words have been so very comforting! Thank you so much for all the great advice.

Since our car died the same day. Driving a friend's car through Sunday. Then, I'm off from my part-time job (thst has me working practically 7 days a week) for a few days. Hopefully, my nephew, the mechanic who buys cars and fixes them up, has a car for us.

I'm Fully Relying On God (FROG) but my husband is having major arguements with God. He doesn't think AA will work. Still not sure where to go from here.

 

[itsjustCarla]

Prayers going out to you and your family.

Everyone has given you great advice here....just one more......most of the companies that make meters for testing your husband's blood sugar will send you a free one and they ususally have quite a few strips with them. It is important that your husband keep testing!!! Maybe you can talk with a rep who can send you additional test strips if you explain your situation?

 

[baychef]

I'm Fully Relying On God (FROG) but my husband is having major arguements with God. He doesn't think AA will work. Still not sure where to go from here.

Trish, I have been through another type of Anonymous program and it does work...and as they will say...IF YOU WORK IT!!

He will need to go to several meetings and get a sponsor who has been right where he is today...and is only one drink away from being right back there again no matter how long the sponsor has been clean and sober.

Where he is right now is damn painful and totally out of his comfort zone. If he is angry with God then his sponsor will help him get clarity. I do not go to church but I had to realize that my God (or Higher Power) was not the God that was represented by the faith I was raised in.

I know it is difficult to get to an Alonon meeting with your car being on the fritz, but go on the internet for some inspiration on how to help you. (this is not being selfish because he needs you but if you don't take care of yourself and get the support you need, you both will be in jeporady).

He needs to get a copy of the AA Big Book. It was written by "Bill" and it paint things in a manner that he may help him understand the depth of his disease. This is recommended reading with all of the Anonymous meetings.

He may find that this is not the particular meeting for him. There are so many available in every area. I was amazed that even on the cruise ships they have AA meetings available...I think daily too.

Again, keep us posted and we will keep you in our prayers.

 

[pampered1224]

WOW! OK. First and foremost, BLESS YOU BOTH! NEXT You do NEED to get a sponsor and some guidance for yourself. You will need someone with experience to listen to you. You will need a sounding board. With out strength of your own, there is no way you can be there for him. In fact, you could actually get pulled down into it. So unless you want to become him, learn how not to. That is the only thing you have going for you right now is your own strength. As for him, there is only one reason he does not think AA can help is because he has not admitted yet to himself that he has a problem. AND NO, YOU CAN NOT TELL HIM! He has to see it for him self. No matter what has happened, he still thinks it is someone else's fault! Whether he says it or not, that is what he is thinking. I know, I had to figure it out for myself 24 years ago. Now for the best part. The worst has not yet come. Right now he is feeling betrayed by his boss. Wait until he starts blaming you, his friends, your kids, his patents. That will all come out I assure you. And it will be angry! Now there is one more thing before I get you so distraught. There is one other very important thing you need a "program" for. To keep you from your own self doubts. This is nothing more destructive to anyone on earth. WHAT IF can haunt you till you go over the edge. You need to KNOW it is NOT your fault. In his process, he WILL blame you for a lot of things, even his drinking. It is always easier to blame someone else. You need a good defense against that. That can only come from you with the help of a sponsor. Now, get with the program, go to food banks, there has to be a Feeding America Branch in your area ask them for recommendations for assistance, there are Social Service offices run at state levels that provide info about state run medical, food stamp and other services, utility bill help and have him go to a free clinic for his meds and they will get him a meter. Bless you and yours.

 

[baychef]

Great words of advice, John!!

 

[Trish in Texas]

We will be getting a new, used car on Wednesday...has 52,000 miles, new A/C and window switches, good maintenance record...and most importantly, something I can actuilly afford. Thank God my nephew came through!!

Once I can get around on my own, Al-Anon, here I come!!

As for my husband, he's in God's hands now. I know I can't affect him.

 

[baychef]

Glad to hear about the car and keep us posted. Hope your husband realizes that the journey is worth before it is too late. Stay strong!

 

[Trish in Texas]

All you prayer warriors, I ask a request. My husband is in spiritual crisis. He is trying to find God again...doesn't think He's there for him. I know He's there for him because I am still with him. He continues to drink (promised to stop again !!) but doesn't think he is an alcoholic and doesn't believe in the AA program (his excuse...there's only one God, not a God of your understanding). I have been thinking more and more of divorce, but don't want to do that unless I have to. He's been too drunk to look for a job, which we desperately need. Thanks, in advance, for your help.

Trish in Texas

 

[raebates]

Prayers said.

 

[baychef]

Trish, hugs and prayers to you. Have you both discussed a rehab center?Have you been attending Alonon? He may not have hit rock bottom yet and they can help you not to take that ride down with him (that doesn't necessarily mean divorce). He has lost his job, can't get another because of being drunk. What is the next thing he is willing to lose for the sake of a drink? The house, the marriage,etc.

Where is he getting money to buy the alcohol with?

I feel so bad for you. What a terrible situation to be in.

 

[pampered1224]

Ann good question? Where is he getting the money to buy booze Trish? Trish, if you are giving him the money, you really do need a program. If you are, you are enabling him. If not, you have to find out where it is coming from. Did YOU get an AA sponsor yet? Because here is the poop on this. As long as you keep picking up pieces for him, he will never hit bottom. I am going to be very blunt here but you need to see something. He is killing himself. Plain and simple. Alcoholics are self centered, self absorbed, extremely selfish. No ifs; ands; or buts about it. HE WILL KILL YOU MENTALLY, MAYBE EVEN PHYSICALLY IF HE GETS MAD ENOUGH AT THE WORLD, IF YOU DO NOT DO SOMETHING. That something is this. If you threaten to leave, DO IT. Trish you need to get weapons. AA and a sponsor is the best way. You may need to do an intervention. Your husband may not believe in a God that can help him. Fine, you then have to use the one and only thing you have to bargain with, YOU. If you are important enough to him, take YOU away from him and tell him point blank, you are not coming back until he gets help. Sorry, it is the only way. You have to blackmail him as he knows blackmail. He uses it on you all the time. I think I am hearing things but I am not sure. Trish it sounds like you are still letting him get away with this. Please step back and look at the situation. You may be a bigger part of it than you think. If you want your marriage to survive, you need to see things the right way.

 

[Trish in Texas]

I have news...I am moving to my own apartment this weekend. It's small but neat and clean...has a hot tub and fitness center and covered parking. It has taken much to get me there...he kept drinking but seems to have stopped now (?1?). He can't get unemployment and is working a dinky part-time job that doesn't pay anything. My folks have stepped in to help me and thank goodness friends are helping me move. My husband doesn't seem interested in seeking out help like I have. He thinks he can continue to live in the house with no electricity or heat or water until they foreclose on the house. I have to leave my beloved chihauhaus here and am sad about that. Now, I am praying for a full-time job that has good benefits. I'm kind of worried because our bankruptcy has fallen through and now I will owe mega-bucks. Going tonight to a friend's church to attend the 13-week Dave Ramsay Financial Peace University.

Thanks guys for listening to my ramblings!

Trish in Texas
Independent Consultant

 

[kristina16marie]

oh sweetie, i'm praying for you! ((hugs))

 

[ShelbyMichalek]

Praying for you. I stumbled upon this thread and I feel like you've been through so much. Stay strong Trish, know that you'll always have support through your family and us here on CS.

 

[raebates]

I'm so proud of you for taking control and moving ahead. I know those are difficult decisions. I'm praying.

 

[NooraK]

Rae said what I wanted to say. Good for you for taking control. FPU is a fabulous step to take, and will help you not only with just the money, but with the support you will find there.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Stay strong! sending prayers your way

 

[Katiek77]

Trish,
I am so sorry. I hope that you and your families situation improve. God bless you.
Katie

 

[Ginger428]

I have news...I am moving to my own apartment this weekend. It's small but neat and clean...has a hot tub and fitness center and covered parking. It has taken much to get me there...he kept drinking but seems to have stopped now (?1?). He can't get unemployment and is working a dinky part-time job that doesn't pay anything. My folks have stepped in to help me and thank goodness friends are helping me move. My husband doesn't seem interested in seeking out help like I have. He thinks he can continue to live in the house with no electricity or heat or water until they foreclose on the house. I have to leave my beloved chihauhaus here and am sad about that. Now, I am praying for a full-time job that has good benefits. I'm kind of worried because our bankruptcy has fallen through and now I will owe mega-bucks. Going tonight to a friend's church to attend the 13-week Dave Ramsay Financial Peace University.

Thanks guys for listening to my ramblings!

Trish in Texas
Independent Consultant

Good Grief!!! You cannot leave your dogs!!! Please give them to someone or take them with you! HE will not take care of them! You might as well bring them to a shelter! I KNEW I didn't want to read this, now I'm SO sorry I did.

 

[legacypc46]

Holding you in my prayers. Starting over is never easy, but it's the first step to getting your life back.

 

[pampered1224]

Trish you are a very strong person for doing what you are doing. It is one thing to know what you need to do but it takes so much strength to do it. I too hope you can figure out something for your dogs. If he will not be taking care of himself, he certainly will not take care of them. I am still praying for you!

 

[Sheila]

Moving ahead is not always an easy set of stairs to climb. Just take it one step at a time and you'll make it girl!

 

[scottcooks]

Praying for you...Here is a glimpse into your near future: You will look around a new space you are living in, with a small twinge of sadness for what isn't there -
- familiarity
-not yet a favorite view
-less comfortable neighborhood relationships
- but something you notice will absolutely take your breath away... peace of mind. Suddenly, a smile will break out; you might end up laughing to yourself - no worrying about
-will your resources still be available
-will your car still work
-will things you bought and intended for later still be there
-will others still regard you wella brighter tomorrow awaits. Blessings to you, and your puppies too. -Scott

 

[Trish in Texas]

MOVING DAY...10 am.

 

[baychef]

Trish, I am SO proud of you!!! Scott's words are so true. Expect some challenges,but keep looking forward. Life will get better for you.

Dave Ramsey is incredible. Very logical steps to get you back on your feet and to a better place. God knows you need financial peace as well as emotional peace.

Your husband may get a wake up call and for his sake, I hope he does, but you are taking care of yourself and that is #1. Again, I am so proud of your strength in recognizing that you can not get dragged down into his addiction.

I am guesing that you may not be able to take you dogs because of a no pet policy. If you can't get them to another home, then keep a close eye on them because I too think they may be ignored. The good thing is...they can bite!!

Keep looking forward. Life is going to throw you curve balls, but it sounds to me as if you have got a great handle on things!

Stay strong and keep in touch as to how you are doing!

 

[Trish in Texas]

Thank you, all, for kind words. I am glad I am doing Dave Ramsay. My first night was eventful..I fell on my face (tripped over my own two left feet). Have very black eye...interesting to have at my product demonstrator job!! We have a couple of people interested in buying the house. My folks, who are in their 80's but very vibrant people, come tomorrow to help me get things sorted out at the apartment. I took too many things so some will have to go to Goodwill. It's just a 592 sq. ft. place.

For those worried about the dogs, I have people looking for homes for them. It's goiing to be in the upper 60's and mid-70's here this week. Hooray for the good weather!

Trish in Texas
Independent Consultant