Oddest Experience at a Demo Show: Submission and Permission Needed

[Tara1021]

so, I just got home from a show. It was one of the ODDEST...

The hostess is very softspoken and I had to drag a decision out of her regarding recipes. That was the beginning. So I get there today and she says that 6 or 7 are expected. Ok...average. Anyway, these ladies get there and are talking about church and such. One of them had their daughter there who was MAYBE 20. The were talking about her recent wedding in the living room while I was fininshing final preps. They all came into the kitchen and low and behold, the 20 year old is pregnant. Ok, obviously that was the reason for the marriage from the way the conversation was going. No problem. So one of the other ladies asks her how she's coming along with submission. I was thinking HUH? Conversation continues. Obviously it means submission to her new husband. Kept my mouth closed.

I do my demo and all is well. I start to tally orders and 4 of them ask to take a catalog because they have to get their husband's PERMISSION! I really had to bite my toungue... Plus, I'm getting very protective of my F/W catalogs b/c i'm running low and still have 4 shows left this month

anyone else have an experience like this???

 

[DebbieJ]

Wow, that must have been hard! I hope they end up ordering!

 

[Tara1021]

I hope so too b/c it's only at 200 bucks and it was 45 minutes away!!!

 

[ChefAggi]

Wow....very interesting show. I think I would be biting my tongue too at that. I guess in our business we meet all kinds of interesting people. Good luck with this show and I hope your sales increase.

Cheers

 

[rennea]

Submission~~~~Never gonna happen it this household Oh well each his or her own I guess. Hopefully u receive orders from those ladies.

 

[Sk8Mom209]

WOW! Never had anything like this happen to me. Kudos to you for keeping quiet. It was have been very difficult for me. I do not submiss to anyone and am an adult and do not need permission to do anything!

It is hard to believe in 2007 there are still so many women that buy in to this!

 

[mbh06]

Well, my DH is still working on the submission issue... hehe. Okay not really, but it sounded funny. I had a really odd woman, but not that odd. She was really ditzy to put it nicely. I had to explain everything what felt like 10 times in depth and everytime she was like, "oh, okay, I get it" No she didn't get it. Oh well the show turned out good, but I felt so exhausted after talking to her. I hope you get more orders.

 

[pampermeplease]

I'm most definately not submissive in any way, but I still will ask my hubby's permission before I purchase some things...pc was one of them. Just because I respect him. But submission ??? No way was that in the contract I signed! LOL Hope you get more orders.

 

[rennea]

I'm most definately not submissive in any way, but I still will ask my hubby's permission before I purchase some things...pc was one of them. Just because I respect him. But submission ??? No way was that in the contract I signed! LOL Hope you get more orders.

I don't ask hubby's permission, we have discussions about large purchases though but I think that just part of being a "team".

 

[yummy4tummy]

One of my neighbors is like that. She came to my first PC show and her DH told her "no more than 20 bucks, we had to put a pump in the car". No problem. She came to my PL show from HELL (found on different post) and he told her "$10...that's it"! She was so apologetic...I told her that I was just glad that she came and wouldn't have cared if she didn't spend a dime (and truly meant it). It probably stressed her out more trying to find something that was less than $10 in the PL catalog than it did knowing that she was only "allowed" to spend $10. But I just wanted to tell her to wake up and smell the 21st century.

 

[mbh06]

My DH and I always discuss purchases, but we usually do so in advance b/c I know people like to get their stuff and not hold up shows too long. We usually have a set amount that we can afford and if anything else comes up or I just have to go over that amount I will call and discusse it w/ him.
When I first read the whole submission comment, I was wondering what kind of kinky thing they were talking about *snickers* but I guess it was something else...

 

[rennea]

When I first read the whole submission comment, I was wondering what kind of kinky thing they were talking about *snickers* but I guess it was something else...

Well your kind of right: wife -submissive husband--dominate

Goodness wrong DS comany

 

[pampermeplease]

We are a team but since he's the one working and I haven't for the majority of our marriage, I feel like I owe him that respect. We do discuss big ticket items but when he's gone overseas or on TDY I'm the one who's in charge of everything...so it makes him feel like he's still connected in some ways even if he's been gone a year or more. Submission is just that, choice is totally different in my opinion. After all no one forces me to ok it with him first, but I'd like to know if the money is in the account or if he spent it on something already. LOL

 

[lisacb77]

That is strange Tara, but I think you handled it great!

I am the one that makes the money so DH can't say a lot LOL. We do discuss large purchases but he doesn't mind too much on me shopping for whatever unless it's over $100 at a time, then he asks about it when he sees the CC bill. Usually doesn't mind, just asks. He totally doesn't mind when I spend several hundred on clothes! But he will occassionally roll his eyes at a PC version of a product we already own, even if it was free!

 

[sillylittlechef]

This is def. a religion based idea. I have a cousin who belongs to a church that follows this very seriously. The basis is that the Bible says the man is the head of the household, and a woman should obey the man.
Most religions have adopted changes to this with time, but some still rely on it for a solid marriage. too each their own.
But having to question every purchase is a little out there. What do they do when they go grocery shopping>

 

[DebbieSAChef]

Interesting topicI personally am under submission to my husband but you all make it sound scary!! LOL

I believe the bible and in it we as wives are commanded to submit to the head of the home, which is the husband. That doesn't mean he rules with an iron fist and treats us like mindless, useless and worthless slaves or burdens.

On the contrary my husband loves me very much and we always discuss things about expenses, or other big decisions in our household. If we can't decide, we usually go with his decision because he is the head of the home. One day my beloved husband is going to stand before God and be accountable for all the decisions he has made for this family and I pray that he makes the right decisions.
When he is wrong he admits it and humbly takes the consequences but not with me telling him, "I told you so!"

I am sorry you feel that way. I saw some responses that said "I would never submit to anyone!"
Well I have submitted my life to the Lord and in turn have submitted my life to a loving, caring husband who prays hard and trys to do what's best for us. I don't feel I am not in the 21st century for that. LOL
In fact I am in the 21st century with so much confidence in who I am and what I stand for, I am not ashamed to tell anyone!!

Someone who has a husband that tells them they can't spend more than $10, it might be because he does the finances and that's all they can honestly spend on Pampered Chef that month or week. I know there have been times when my husband tells me to stop spending so much money on things (Walmart, PC, etc) but he does it because he knows what we can afford and I sometimes over do it.
Just wanted to give my opinion.

Debbie

 

[Jilleysue]

Hmmmm, NO comment, I may go to SHOPPING HELL..OR JAIL..or someplace bad....LOL.....................

 

[gilliandanielle]

I totally see where you are coming from Debbie! I make some decisions, and my DH and I discuss others together. I don't think it is my place to judge how anyone chooses to live their life.

As long as it doesn't become a verbal/physical abuse problem I don't see how it is wrong for someone to live that way if that is how they choose...

 

[rennea]

Hmmmm, NO comment, I may go to SHOPPING HELL..OR JAIL..or someplace bad....LOL.....................

Don't worry hun you'll be in good company I'm sure what ever the place it will be tidy and organized

 

[maryhenderlite]

OH my, what a thread. Where is Kitchen Guy, we need his comment to lighten this up!!

I will just say that when me and my hubby made our vowels, we did not include the "obey" part. That being said, we have a 50-50 relationship (give or take at times). If there is a major purchase we discuss it, he is a truck driver, and only home every other weekend (lucky if that often) and makes most of our money. I do ask about things he buys, not to be nosey, but to make sure that he was in that town, truck stop, or restaurtant recently. He has no clue normally what I buy. He never asks but I do not take advantage. As long as I have paid all the bills, fed the family, taken care of all the little things, he doesn't ask any questions.

I do not feel that either one of us is in submission to the other one, I feel we are teaching our children how to be respectful and value each other equally. If that is wrong in God's eyes, well then my husband and I will be answering to him when the time comes, as will everyone else.

I do believe to each his own, and try to respect that.

Ok I am getting down from my soapbox.

 

[yummy4tummy]

Okay, I want to clear up what exactly I meant in my post. My DH and I are in a partnership. The word submissive truly has such a negative ring to it and although it really isn't when you get the "Webster's meaning". I don't in any way try to tell people how to run their lives (who am I?). I was speaking for myself. When making major purchases (in our home that is anything over $200 excluding groceries) it is always discussed and decided whether it is in "the budget". I do the financial planning in our house so I am aware of our limitations. We are fortunate enough that we don't live off of our credit cards (and that's not to say that we don't use them, just try not to carry a balance) or live paycheck to paycheck (although a loss of too many might find us living in a car). My DH respects me enough to know that I wouldn't do anything wild nor would he humiliate me in front of others to tell me not to spend over X amount of dollars. Long and short is that I would not accept that type of public ridicule from my mate.
I hope this hasn't offended anybody because I really don't mean to. Posts (and all written materials) are always subject to interpretation by the reader.

 

[SillyChef]

That is actually kinda creepy Tara.. Weird!

 

[chefann]

There is an organization that is a spinoff from the Roman Catholic church in which the wives are supposed to let their husbands make every decision. That sounds something like the group at the show at the top of this thread. While I wouldn't thrive in such an environment, some people do. It can be odd to work with such a group when you aren't accustomed to it.My new recruit encountered a similar situation last week at her first show. Her daughter is Muslim, was hosting the show, and invited a lot of the women from her mosque. They all brought their children with them (over 30 kids there!). What was a really interesting about the situation was that while all the guests shared a religion, they were from varying ethnic backgrounds: white, African-American and Middle-Eastern. And while they all wore traditional Muslim dress, including covering their hair (with a hijab), the American-born converts were more open to placing an order without checking with their husbands first.

 

[Tara1021]

My hubby and I talk about major purchases, for the most part (ignoring the car I bought without him ). But come on...the mom of the pregnant girl has a broken tube on her EAD and asked about replacing it. I looked it up on the computer and told her that I would order it for her and that it was only 5.14 with tax. She then told me that she would talk with her husband about it and give me a call. OMG!!!!!

I'm all for marriage being a team. Typically women will come to my show and make the comment that their husband said not to empty the bank account! But we all know what we can spend and that varies. I get that. If you only have 50 bucks extra this month, then so be it. It just really bothered me with this group..... Did i mention that the pastor's wife was there and she was one of the women to take the catalog and "discuss" it with her husband???

 

[rennea]

Okay, I want to clear up what exactly I meant in my post. My DH and I are in a partnership. The word submissive truly has such a negative ring to it and although it really isn't when you get the "Webster's meaning". I don't in any way try to tell people how to run their lives (who am I?). I was speaking for myself. When making major purchases (in our home that is anything over $200 excluding groceries) it is always discussed and decided whether it is in "the budget". I do the financial planning in our house so I am aware of our limitations. We are fortunate enough that we don't live off of our credit cards (and that's not to say that we don't use them, just try not to carry a balance) or live paycheck to paycheck (although a loss of too many might find us living in a car). My DH respects me enough to know that I wouldn't do anything wild nor would he humiliate me in front of others to tell me not to spend over X amount of dollars. Long and short is that I would not accept that type of public ridicule from my mate.
I hope this hasn't offended anybody because I really don't mean to. Posts (and all written materials) are always subject to interpretation by the reader.

Me myself and I didn't find your first post or this one offensive in anyway.

 

[jwpamp]

There is an organization that is a spinoff from the Roman Catholic church in which the wives are supposed to let their husbands make every decision. That sounds something like the group at the show at the top of this thread. While I wouldn't thrive in such an environment, some people do. It can be odd to work with such a group when you aren't accustomed to it.

My new recruit encountered a similar situation last week at her first show. Her daughter is Muslim, was hosting the show, and invited a lot of the women from her mosque. They all brought their children with them (over 30 kids there!). What was a really interesting about the situation was that while all the guests shared a religion, they were from varying ethnic backgrounds: white, African-American and Middle-Eastern. And while they all wore traditional Muslim dress, including covering their hair (with a hijab), the American-born converts were more open to placing an order without checking with their husbands first.

Ann, I am Roman Catholic and am wondering what organization you are talking about?

If it's Opus Dei of which you speak, you are so wrong. Along with the misnomer that only single men can be priests, that is one of the many things that people think they "know" about the Catholic religion. We have many married priests, and they are all ordained as the single ones are.

Here is a quote from the Prelature (the guiding body) of Opus Dei:

"The woman is, simply, one more person, destined to build with man the society that they are both a part of, with equal rights and opportunities.
I thank God often when I see how the women of Opus Dei work, in all sectors of society. They run businesses and hospitals; they work in the fields and in factories; they teach in universities and in high schools; they are judges, politicians, journalists, artists; or they dedicate themselves exclusively to the work of the home, with the same passion and the same professional outlook. Each one follows her own path, and all of them are conscious of their dignity, proud of being women, and winning respect day by day."


Just my 2 cents!

 

[janetupnorth]

Actually, it sounds more like the Brethern church which is actually started its roots in the very conservative German-Baptist. The sitter of my two children belongs to one. They don't get invoved in politics, no TVs in the house, don't believe women should work, wear dresses, no makeup, etc. I was raised very conservatively but don't agree fully with all their views. That being said, we have a good relationship...I explained WHY I work and mainly to keep my husband as a missionary at a Christian Camp because it is sooo hard to raise support as a missionary in the U.S. This lady is a wonderful sitter and I don't judge how they live their personal life...they are very happy in it.

Debbie - I applaud your definition of submission - it was good. Submission is not a negative thing, it is about letting your husband fulfill his role as spiritual head of the household. In our house, I do ALL the finances and my husband actually asks my permission to spend money but he chooses to give that authority over to me knowing that isn't where his gifts lie. In other things, he is in charge, but it is a partnership and we are both responsible in the end to God for the decisions we make. When I went to start PC, I already had my mind made up, etc., but I gave him the courtesy of explaining and asking his permission. I know he wouldn't say no, and knew I'd do it anyway, but I respect and love him enough to ask before I do...don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but from what I've seen, most marriages end in divorce out of ONE issue - selfishness. Even adultry is selfishness...wanting something else for yourself. I found that by striving to serve my husband and care for him, our relationship grows, and he desires to do the same for me. As soon as I get a "me" attitude, he doesn't get what he needs, has to look out for himself and gets the "me" attitude to then things start unraveling...Ok, off my soapbox...JMHO there!

On the business front, often, you'll find that the people you mentioned will make good PC consultants because it isn't considered "working" in the corporate world, and they also value healthy choices. If the tools you sell with PC allow them to feed their family better, they'll buy them. Stoneware is a good item!

 

[DizziePixie]

We may be making more out of this than what it is (or maybe not). I have had shows where if one person starts the ball rolling of, "May I take the catalogue with me and talk it over with my husband?", others hear that and follow suit. Now, the discussions are there, of course, that you overheard. They may be talking more like Debbie was talking about but just feel comfortable using "Submissive" as a terminology around their circle of friends, where normally they may never mention that.

Anyway, I wash my husband's feet everyday and bow when he walks in the door. I hope you guys don't think I'm submissive.

 

[janetupnorth]

Anyway, I wash my husband's feet everyday and bow when he walks in the door. I hope you guys don't think I'm submissive.

LOL! I thought that was just to keep your house clean!

 

[PamperedChefDebi]

JanetUpNorth and Debbie - WELL SAID regarding submission! AMEN!

The true meaning of a woman submitting to her husband is SO often misunderstood! I know I understood it in a COMPLETELY different way when I was living a WORLDY life. Once I got what it REALLY meant, it was kinda like "Oh, well duh!!!"