Navigating Negotiations with Difficult Parents - A Babysitter's Story

[jenniferlynne]

Ok. I stay at home and babysit. I have one family that I have had for over two years. They have two great kids, no trouble with the parents, and they always pay me for the full week unless their kids don't come for the full week (Spring Break and one week at Christmas). I have a new family that started this past Fall. Both parents are teachers at different schools. They have three kids. She only wanted to pay me $11 per kid (there ages were 4, 3, and just turned 1) which is way less than anyone else has ever paid me. Since there were three of them, I decided to give her a break and take the $11 per kid per day. Well, from the second week, she has tried to get out of paying me for the full week for one reason or other. She also is always bringing the kids over sick, even though I told her up front I didn't want them here if they were sick. Since August when school started, my husband and I have each been sick 4 or 5 times, and we are not the type to get sick often. The girl that helps me 3 days a week has also gotten sick several times and not been able to come. Monday she brought her kids over and told me they were better. She proceeds to tell me that if the baby throws up, it is just from mucus and that is all. On Tuesday, the baby wont stop crying so I call her to come get him. She gets him and takes him to the doctor, he has a very bad ear infection. She calls me that night and tells me she is still bringing him on Wednesday. Well guess what. By Wednesday, my husband is sick as a dog with a fever of 103, aches and pains, and my step-daughter is barfing her guts up. I call her Wednesday morning and tell her not to bring them. She was not happy. On Thursday I give her the all clear but she takes them to her sisters instead. She finally does bring them today, but she is once again trying to get out of paying me the full amount for the week. If she was anyone else, I would tell her off, but she happens to be my oldest step daughters reading teacher and my youngests PE teacher. I have to be careful because I don't want her to treat them badly. I count on that income every week. I don't know what I will do if she doesn't pay me the full amount. I get so sick of her trying to negotiate price with me every time there is a Holiday or something. I've never had a parent do this before. Anyway, I need your help ASAP. She will be leaving school in a little over an hour and I need to reply to her email of "How much do I owe you this week."

Thank you so much for listening and your advice!!

 

[tlennhoff]

Ugh, no clue. I'd point out that you are a business like any other business and that doctors/dentists have a cancellation fee. I would tell her she owes the full amount as that is the agreement.

*snugs*

 

[jenniferlynne]

I know, I just don't know how to word it. What makes it even worse is, her kids are the biggest brats. They yell and talk back to me. If I tell them to go to time out, they tell me they aren't going to do it. I have to fix two separate lunches most days because one won't eat one thing and another wont eat the other thing. I get so frustrated I absolutely can't stand them coming over anymore. I dread it every single day.

 

[pamperedgirl3]

If you decided up front that you were to be paid for the entire week whether the kids were there all week or not (except for Christmas, etc., when they weren't there at all), then I would tell her that she owes what she owes every week.

I also babysit (but for me it's family--two nephews--one brother's son & one sister's son) & we decided up front that I would not get paid if they didn't come. Now sometimes my sister pays me anyway if I was expecting him & he got sick, but we decided up front.

Do you have something in writing? If not, maybe you should. Instead of putting it to her negatively, do a positive spin on it. Tell her that you wrote down a price schedule so that she knew what to pay you each week, so she didn't have to take time out of her busy day to email you, or something like that. Have both of you sign it & keep a record for yourself & one for her.

On a side note--it really bugs me when people treat those who care for their children all day as teenage babysitters. Don't they think their kids are worth more?

 

[luvs2sellit]

I kept school teachers children in my home day care for 4 years. You have to have everything in writing. Most of the teachers I kept for were fellow church members and friends. I did not want there to be any problems in the future so I always had them sign a form with all of my rules. One of the big rules was they pay even if they do not bring their child. The only time I ever waived this was when I had to be out myself. I also had strict rules about sick kids. I would not keep them if they were running a fever, diarrhea or vomiting. It has to be written out or you will get taken advantage of.

 

[pamperedgirl3]

I know, I just don't know how to word it. What makes it even worse is, her kids are the biggest brats. They yell and talk back to me. If I tell them to go to time out, they tell me they aren't going to do it. I have to fix two separate lunches most days because one won't eat one thing and another wont eat the other thing. I get so frustrated I absolutely can't stand them coming over anymore. I dread it every single day.

Hey, I'd tell them they eat what you serve or their mom can bring a lunch for them. Isn't that what they do at school??? That's what I tell my nephew (of course, he's family so I can probably get away with that more!).

 

[luvs2sellit]

One more thing. $11.00 a child is RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!! So you are getting paid $165 to keep all her children????? When I stopped last summer I was charging $100 per charge. The most I would ever discount for multiple children would be $10.00. As far as the food goes, have her pack their lunches if they are so picky. Girl, you need to call me. You are paying to feed those kids out of that little bit of money you get for them and she is still being a pain. Sounds like it is just not a good situation.

 

[jenniferlynne]

I know, I am just such a push over!! I told her before I ever started watching them that no sick kids!!! She always says "Oh, it's just a cold". Well you know what? Colds are contagious too and I can't have one and do PC shows. When I called her Wednesday and told her my husband had a temp of 103, a horrible headache, a sore throat and was feeling nauseaus, she said "Oh, I'm sure it is just a cold." Plus, two of her kids suck their thumbs or on their hands which I think is why we keep getting so sick. They do that and then touch everything. Her youngest one even licks the furniture
I have also told her repeatedly that I expect to be paid for the full week unless they are gone the full week. Every single time there is a Holiday that falls through the week, or a day when she doesn't have to go to school one day, she tries to get out of paying me. I'm sure she will do it again next week since Monday is a Holiday.

 

[pamperedgirl3]

One more thing. $11.00 a child is RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!! So you are getting paid $165 to keep all her children????? When I stopped last summer I was charging $100 per charge. The most I would ever discount for multiple children would be $10.00. As far as the food goes, have her pack their lunches if they are so picky. Girl, you need to call me. You are paying to feed those kids out of that little bit of money you get for them and she is still being a pain. Sounds like it is just not a good situation.

I totally agree! Even with my nephews that I watch, I charge $100/week or $20/. I did lower the price for one nephew b/c I only have him 1/2 days now, but still--you deserve more than that just for the fact that there are three of them!

 

[pcheframsey]

I would run it as if it were a daycare center. Everyone pays the same amount. If they have more than one child, the first child is regular full price and the others can be discounted. Each family has to pay you up front on Monday for the entire week, or even pay you a week in advance. If they have not payed by Wednesday, either charge them a late fee or simply don't accept them until you have been payed. They should pay you for a full week unless they are not there the entire week, like you mentioned you do with the first family. The children are NOT allowed to come if they are sick in any way. (really stick to this!) If they are sick more than one day during the week, you could give them a discount on the following week if you choose.

Really stick to it with any policy you make, and treat each family the same. Don't make exceptions for one and not the other. I know that this lady is your kids teacher, but you are running a busniess. If she treats them badly because she doesn't like the way you run your business, I would bring it up to the administration at the school or even the school board. I would suggest setting your policies in writing and have each parent sign a copy of it so that you know they are aware. Give them a copy of the policies too, that way they can't say they forgot. Just tell them that you have put new policies into effect and that these policies are for everyone's benefit. If she doesn't like it, she has the option of taking her kids elsewhere. I know the feeling of needing the extra income, but I'm sure there will be other parents who will want to keep their kids with a private baby sitter and will go along with your policies.

Good luck with it!

 

[pamperedgirl3]

I would run it as if it were a daycare center. Everyone pays the same amount. If they have more than one child, the first child is regular full price and the others can be discounted. Each family has to pay you up front on Monday for the entire week, or even pay you a week in advance. If they have not payed by Wednesday, either charge them a late fee or simply don't accept them until you have been payed. They should pay you for a full week unless they are not there the entire week, like you mentioned you do with the first family. The children are NOT allowed to come if they are sick in any way. (really stick to this!) If they are sick more than one day during the week, you could give them a discount on the following week if you choose.

Really stick to it with any policy you make, and treat each family the same. Don't make exceptions for one and not the other. I know that this lady is your kids teacher, but you are running a busniess. If she treats them badly because she doesn't like the way you run your business, I would bring it up to the administration at the school or even the school board. I would suggest setting your policies in writing and have each parent sign a copy of it so that you know they are aware. Give them a copy of the policies too, that way they can't say they forgot. Just tell them that you have put new policies into effect and that these policies are for everyone's benefit. If she doesn't like it, she has the option of taking her kids elsewhere. I know the feeling of needing the extra income, but I'm sure there will be other parents who will want to keep their kids with a private baby sitter and will go along with your policies.

Good luck with it!

Well put, Heather!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

gee, i don't get a break in dance tuition over $200 a month when the studio is closed for holidays. we pay full amount the first of each month and know what we owe.
in your eamil to her i'd tell her the full amount (she is asking)!!!
maybe since it's so close to the first of the year you could make a guideline booklet for all the families involved; costs per child, snacks you provide hours of operation etc.
Teresa

 

[jenniferlynne]

One more thing. $11.00 a child is RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!! So you are getting paid $165 to keep all her children????? When I stopped last summer I was charging $100 per charge. The most I would ever discount for multiple children would be $10.00. As far as the food goes, have her pack their lunches if they are so picky. Girl, you need to call me. You are paying to feed those kids out of that little bit of money you get for them and she is still being a pain. Sounds like it is just not a good situation.

Well, in the beginning, she told me she paid her old babysitter $165 a week. One of her kids isn't here on Tues and Thurs, so I thought that wasn't too bad. Well, then after the first week of watching them, she asks me if she has to pay me that whole amount because he is not there the whole week. I told her I thought the $165 was regardless if he was there or not. I keep telling myself to just hang in there until because school is half over and then they will be gone for the summer. I just don't know if I can!!

 

[luvs2sellit]

All the teachers I have worked with got paid once a month. So did I!!!!. They would pay me at the end of the month for the month ahead. If for any reason I was not able to keep their child I would subtract that day from the next month. It was a hard pill to swallow that first paycheck for the new moms especially but they all did it no complaints. I just took the school calendar and added the days and then gave them a bill at the end of the month for the month ahead. I also had all the copies of the bills for tax purposes.

 

[quiverfull7]

I think if you figure out what she and her children are costing you both financially and MOST emotionally... you can let her go and pray God sends someone better for you. If she shows your children ANY sign of anthing but professional treatment... go to her superior. I am a home day care provider and I have had parents take advantage of me too but for your family and the other children you keep... the cost is WAY too high! I KNOW how hard this is because I have had to exit children from my care too. I'll be praying for you... God will cover you and give you the strength you need. If you decide to continue caring for them for such a minute amount of money... then get EVERY detail of their care in writing like others here have urged and most certainly... they eat what you serve or they bring their own food. And for what they are paying... they need to bring their own food anyway. I get $25 a day per child with a break for the 2nd in a family at $20. My heart urges you to let these children go. Our prayers will be lifting you before God's throne!

 

[jodistrauss]

I am a childcare provider also. You DEFINITELY need to have something in writing. The fact that she works with your children makes it difficult, but she needs to realize that whatever policies you make are for the protection of you, her, and the children. That way, there is never any question about payment. I am happy to share a copy of my contract and policies with you if you would like.

 

[pamperedalf]

Okay that is way cheap, and you are letting her get away w/ too much. If you don't have a contract made I would make one up & give her 2-3 weeks to make notice of the change. If she does not like the changes, she can find somewhere else. Now if she mistreats your kids at school for any reason, go raise a stink w/ the principle & move the kids out. This is uncalled for.I pay $3.50 an hour & have to supply my son's own lunch. He's not there quite full time and we pay $105 for the week for 1 child. You have 3 of hers and you get $165, could you move to my area? If we were there 40 hours we would get a quarter discount.Now my day care also has 7 paid holiday's that we have to pay for. That was hard for me to swallow at first, however she is great w/ my son and this is her biz. She can run it how she wants.

 

[Veevahchef]

WowHoly Cow!!

I can't believe how cheap it is for childcare over there!!
I ran a "Dayhome" before and during the first couple of years of my PC biz. So 5 years ago, I was charging $25 a day per child and I was on the less expensive end of the scale! Most were charging $30! I used to do the 2nd child ect for $20 a day.
NOW, dayhome providers are getting between $35 & $45 per day per child!

About bringing the sick kids to your home. You really need to make up an agreement for your clients that they have to read and sign before you will take their children. It covers your butt and theirs! i had stated in my agreement that if the child was sick, they could not come to my home that day. You have to protect the other children as well as yourself from getting sick! How do you think your other clients feel about you letting that sick child come in and infect theirs? ANd if the care provider gets sick... then what?
Some people just will not honour verbal agreements, you always need something in writing to fall back on should your clients start "forgetting" what they agreed to.

Your agreement should have everything from your policy for payment, sick children, disipline, what you are feeding them, ect. I know it sounds like a lot, but if you are planning on continuing doing what you are doing, you need to make sure that people don;t take advantage of you.
Believe me they will! And I have had to pull out the old agreement to remind people a couple of times when I babysat! They are much more humbled when they "remember" that you have documentation that they agreed to those rules in the beginning.
GOOD LUCK!!

 

[quiverfull7]

Remember also that you are running a business by caring for her children... I get paid even if the children are out sick... I am open and it's not my fault that they are not there... That may sound harsh but I am limited by the state to how many children I have and they are taking up a slot ... so they have to pay for it. I don't charge for Christmas Break or Spring Break and I close during the summer and don't charge to hold their spot so I have no qualms about getting full pay all week. You are NOT a babysitter.. you are a child care provider ... a professional business ... and she needs to respect you... not trample all over you.

 

[luvs2sellit]

Wow Quiverfull7, sounds like we ran our business the exact same way.

 

[jenniferlynne]

I think it is a little cheaper in this area than a lot of places (we live in a pretty poor county). My son went to daycare for a short time and it was $15 per day for a potty trained kid. The other family I babysit for pays me $18.50 per kid (they have two), but they only come 3 days a week. I really didn't think $11 per day was that big of a discount, but now I'm starting to change my mind after hearing you all. Especially for the c**p I put up with.

 

[quiverfull7]

I am SO blessed right now to work for 2 sets of parents that are THANKFUL for me and treat me SO well. I have one other mom who's pretty much wacko that I tried to exit but didn't really have grounds to ... but I tried just because I think she's a possible loose cannon ... but she pays me every week and only brings her little girl like 1 or times a week. I feel sorry for her kids tho... she's a mess but I am SO blessed by my other's "daytime" children.

 

[yummy4tummy]

Sounds to me like she has made you her emotional hostage. She it taking total advantage of you and she knows that. Somewhere along the line she has seen your "soft side" and used it to her advantage. You need to stand firm with her. If I take my pets to the vet for something, I don't get a multi-animal discount. Nor do I get to negotiate the service fee no matter what I was charged elsewhere. If the rules were made clear upfront them stick to your guns. PERIOD. Sounds like she needs your service as much (if not more) than you need her. And DO get a contract signed. I wouldn't let the fact that she is your children's teacher influence your business practices. She is a teacher...not God. Like what was posted earllier, if she starts treating you children badly at school, she would have to answer to the school board. Good Luck.
Valky

 

[pampermeplease]

I would just about bet that this woman you're sitting for sent out general 'rules' with her students for the classes she teaches. You have just as much right as her to do the same. Sounds like she needs to take a closer look at the daycares in her area and realize how good she has it. I'd give her notice and move on, someone else may be desperately looking for a sitter and she's just taking up your time and energy. Give her an option to stay and go by the rules or leave and get some rules put out there. Maybe even post them up where the parents can see them when they walk in as a reminder.

 

[jenniferlynne]

Thanks everyone for your input. I sent her an email. Now I am nervous. She will be here in about an hour to get her kids. I told her I already charge her way less than I ever have anyone else and I just can't keep having them come over sick anymore. I told her the Mother of the other family is not happy about it and neither is my family because they keep getting sick. I let her know that we are not a sickly family and that I wasn't sick one time all last year and that since her kids have been coming, I've been sick 5 times. I also told her that my husband never misses for being sick, and he has missed 4 times since Fall when I started watching her kids. I also let her know that he does not get sick days so she will know that we are losing money from him missing as well as her trying to get out of paying me. Maybe I am just a sucker, but I really don't think she is trying to rip me off on purpose. She really is a very dingy person. She is very forgetful and loses things. Her 3 1/2 year old has no idea how to even put on his shoes because she caters to them so much. I finally had him putting them on and then they weren't here for two weeks for Christmas break and he's back to not putting them on again. He also just learned to pull his own pants and underwear up when he goes to the bathroom. I think she doesn't get a lot of help from her husband either (she just told me that he wants to have a 4th kid) even though they both work full time. He accidentaly forwarded an email to me meant for her and he was asking her to do his lesson plan for the next day.

 

[Bexs50]

Definetly need to do some sort or written contract. My aunt owns a daycare and I work for her during the summer (I am a teacher with summers off.) She has a written contract that everyone must sign. Think about everything that is important to you and then type it up and have your mothers sign it. And then, STICK TO IT! If my aunt has a downfall, its that she is too lenient and wavers on what is written in the contract. Every summer when I hear her complain about one of the mothers. I remind her that she is not consistent and therefor they take advantage of her. She has started sticking to her guns more! If a person knows your rules up front, and agrees with them by signing the contract, then it should save lots of problems down the line.

AND, this lady is a teacher she know better than to bring you her sick child. I am a teacher and its the same way at school...we don't want sick kids, they make us and the other kids sick too!! At my school, if a child is not feeling well we take thier temp. and if it is 100 degrees or above the child has to go home.

Stand up for yourself, you'll be glad you did!

 

[jenniferlynne]

She should be here any minute. I will let you know what she says. I think what really gets me is that neither she or her husband had to miss work or even pay anyone, yet she is trying to get out of paying me. My husband was told today if he misses one more day this year he will be written up. They are only allowed to call in work 2 times a year and he called in Wednesday and Thursday.

 

[jenniferlynne]

Ok, she just left. She did pay me for the full amount, but she refused to look at me the whole time she was here and she kept sniffling. Now, she has been sick too (imagine that) so I don't know if it was that or if she had been crying. She's usually real friendly and stands around for 5 minutes or so just talking, but not today. She paid me, took the kids and left.

Thanks for all your replies. I don't think I would of had the nerve to tell her what I did without your encouragement. Hoepfully things will either change or she will just hit the road. It will be hard without the income if she does leave, but God has always taken care of us and I have faith he will again if it comes to that.

 

[supergirljennie]

I'm glad it went reasonably well. Business agreements can get hard when friends (or even acquaintances) get involved. Good for you!

 

[jentapp]

You said yourself that your husband has had to take time off without pay. If you add up the doctor bills, prescriptions and over the counter treatments, and possible lost shows because her sick kids are getting all of YOU sick, can you really afford to KEEP her as a client? I would find her a couple of other referrals and send her on her way.

How much is your sanity worth to you, too, if you dread her children coming over and having to deal with her trying to get out of paying you all the time. Your services are definitely worth way more than $11 and I'm sure you could find someone else who would be willing to pay you your full price, but not if you're limited by how many children you can legally watch and her 3 are taking up all of your allotment.

Good for you, though, in sending that email and getting her to pay the full amount. Remember, you are offering her a service and you have defined the "no sick kids" policy already. You hold the right to refuse those children if she shows up with "oh, if he vomits...." and "it's just a cold." A cold = SICK! And it's not just your own family that you need to be concerned about, you are also watching other children and could potentially lose THEM as clients. Which of those 2 families would you rather keep?

 

[krzymomof4]

Don't use me as a reference LOL

 

[DebbieSAChef]

Take advantage of nice peopleThere are so many people out there who take advantage of nice people like you. It's a shame but I would have been so glad to get a daycare person who cared for my kids and was extremely nice and genuine when I was working. I am sorry you had to go through this.
I am glad you got your money. She couldn't even say thank you, that is selfish and so immature. You did the right thing in asking for your money, and for trying to work with her. Her sniffling and silent treatment are all signs of a manipulative person, who wants you to feel bad when she should be so grateful you took care of her sick kids for so long.
I had a daycare worker who was a nightmare and then had the nerve to ask for her payment.
I had to report her because my kids told me she watched TV all day and left them outside unsupervised. At this time my oldest was only 5 and my daughter was 4. She also allowed a sick child to come over even though she specifically said that she would never do that. I stuck around for a while this particular morning and the little girl threw up. She said it's ok she probably has a stomach ache. It was not a stomach ache. Accoring to my kids she threw up all day, even when I came to pick them up.
My son got a large cut on his arm from a stick that he was playing with while he was unsupervised outside and both my kids got sick because of the sick child who was throwing up all day at her house. I know kids get hurt outside, that wasn't the problem, the problem was that he never got medicine on it, a bandaid, or anything. Blood was on his sweater and he never told her and she never knew. I found out at home when I was getting him in the bathtub. He said he forgot to tell her because they came in to eat and then took their naps.
She had the nerve to ask for payment. I told her she didn't hold up her end of the bargain and so she didn't get paid. It was only 3 days!!!
I had to find another daycare mid week, plus miss half a day of work to get them signed in and in a new place. I just don't dump off my kids without checking out the new place. I am glad to be home now and homeschooling my kids. It's the greatest joy in the world to me. I thank the Lord I am able to do this instead of having to work.
Debbie

 

[cmdtrgd]

I suggest having all your clients sign a contract so as to not look like you are singling her out - it might end up becoming a bad word-of-mouth. Then again, if you want PC to go full time, you might want her to be pissed!

 

[jenniferlynne]

I suggest having all your clients sign a contract so as to not look like you are singling her out - it might end up becoming a bad word-of-mouth. Then again, if you want PC to go full time, you might want her to be pissed!

Oh, you don't know how bad I want to do PC full time. I was on a roll towards the end of last year too. I did $3000 in November which was my biggest month ever!! I know her leaving would be a huge motivation for me, but we do still have some bills we are trying to pay off and I need the money. For now anyway

 

[nikkijo]

I would call other daycares and babysitters in the area and see what the going rate is. This way you know if you are competitive or to low priced. I would also have a set fee for all of the kids. I would think that at $11 a day per kid after snacks and lunch you can not be making that much money.

Could you come up with a weekly lunch menu that you hand out on friday so if the child does not like it they can bring a bag lunch?

I would also have all of the parents sign the same agreement on pay schedule and when they do not have to pay. I know up here daycares you earn sick days...I think it's one a month or something like that. Good Luck.

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

GET IT IN WRITING!!! I hate to admit that I have been watching alot of "court" shows lately...two things I've learned. 1) Never put a cell phone in your name for someone you barely know and 2) if you babysit get the agreement in writing. It saves BOTH of you alot of hassle in the long run.

That way you don't have to stress over what she will pay you each week and she can't keep changing the amount. It's in writing and agreed upon by both of you. Stick to your guns! She doesn't call the phone company and tell them she's only going to pay for 2 weeks cause she was out of town and didn't use her phone for the full month!

 

[pamperedcindy]

New Year, New Start.
Every school has a school policy and rules, that both the teacher and parents have to sign. So she should understand this, make a policy and rules letter in which both of you sign and date give her a copy. Feb. is the start of the new semister in school, make it your new semister. Part of your policy should be: if your child(ren) have special diets or likes certain foods the parent MUST pack a lunch for that child. Figure your monthly charge for them and payment is to be paid in advance. This is your business remember that. I work at a school and sometimes the teachers are worse then the children. And who knows what could be the worse she can do, take her children elsewhere(lol). I will keep you in my prayers, I know it can be hard to work with some people.