How do I cope with my spouse's deployment?

[pampered.chris]

Please help. For those of you that have ever dealt with a deployment, would you mind talking to me? I really need someone who has been through what I am going through to talk to, to find out if the feelings I am having are normal. Why I get so frustrated and cry so freaking much all the time. I am such a strong person and I don't feel that way anymore. I haven't had a GOOD day since he left. It has only been 3 weeks and he won't be back until mid-September, this is so much harder than I imagined. I am just in need of someone to help me know if this is "normal".
If you have been through this and are willing to help me learn to deal or offer a shoulder or advice, please pm or email me at [email protected]
Thank you,

 

[dianevill]

Chris, I am sorry that I am not of any help with this type of situation, but just wanted to give you a big {{{HUG}}}}. I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[cvaccaro]

Chris, I cannot imagine what you are going thru however my 21 year old son is in the military and will be going overseas in February of 2009. I think of this constantly and cry often. My co-workers have also cried when I have cried and am almost crying now with your thoughts.
Thinking of you
Cathy

 

[PamperedTre]

He's not feeling much better, likely. But spouses are the backbone of the military. He's going to need you to be a rock. It will be good for you in a backwards way ... you'll become more independent.

Whatever you do, be sure to support him with everything you've got. I was fortunate enough to have a husband who sent me boxes and letters nearly daily when I was deployed. We even got this journal that we wrote in and mailed back and forth to eachother ... we added drawings and photographs and and love letters. I pretty much looked forward to mail call more than anything.

Reach out to your military community. There are some helpful resources for spouses there.

Remember that you can do it. It's going to get better for you.

Try not to argue over the phone or through an email. This will leave both of you miserable and if his situation is like most out there, he may not be able to call you every day... and there's nothing worse than sitting on an argument without reconciliation for days and days.

I hope I helped. If you need anything, let me know.

You will feel better. You'll become more independent and you may even miss some of your alone time when he gets back.

 

[cookin to the top]

I was on the other side...was deployed in Iraq for 2 years while my husband was home. Write letters often! E-mail often! Let him know how much he is missed/loved/appreciated! And know he needs you and your support as much as you need to know his heart is with you. Tell him about the big AND the little things- sometimes we couldn't talk about what was going on over there- it really helps to hear about the goings on at home, even if it seems trivial to you- they're a real comfort. Communicate as much as you can, and don't be afraid to lean on family and other military spouses that are on the home front. I hope this helps!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I will email you!

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

Chris,
I pm'd you. My husband has been gone since January and wont be back til feb. next year.

 

[lissahope26]

Remember you are not alone. The feelings you are having are normal. I went through 2 deployments so far. I just kept a super busy schedule and scrapbooked to relieve stress after my son went to bed.

 

[baychef]

Pampered Chris {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I am not a military spouse and have not been through what you and other families have had to endure, but I live near Fort Drum, NY so many of my customers and friends are military spouses with and without children. Most do not have family nearby.

Cookin to the top summed it up. Our troops are so stressed out and they do so rely on their families state side for support. And yes, your feelings are so very normal. I have heard that it helps wives to stay busy and not watch the news. Those things have helped them stay strong. If you have children, volunteer at their school or pre-school. (even if you don't have children, kids can take your mind off from many things!!)

The military friends that I have LOVE to do direct sales parties when their spouses are deployed too. It must be hard to get in the "party mode" right now, but keep working on it. There are officers and enlisted wives luncheons once a month in my area and they invite direct sales reps to their monthly luncheon for displays. (of couse they prefer military spouses to support their direct sales business)

Do you belong to an FRG (Army's Family Readiness Group)? Get active with them. They offer support so much support.

All I know, is that I wouldn't have made a very good service wife and my heart goes out to you and all of the other brave men and women who not only serve our country, but are at home keeping the homefront strong until their return.

Let us know how you are doing! We care!

 

[DebbieJ]

hang in there Chris. (((((HUGS))))

 

[crystalscookingnow]

All I know, is that I wouldn't have made a very good service wife and my heart goes out to you and all of the other brave men and women who not only serve our country, but are at home keeping the homefront strong until their return.

Let us know how you are doing! We care!

I completely agree! I wanted to say thanks to you for 'sharing' your hubby with us! We wouldn't have our freedom if our soldiers didn't have their families to help them. I don't know how you do it, but I'm lifting you up in prayer!

Hugs!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Chris, I PM'd you. My dh is retired Air Force- was was on active duty for over 23 years. I understand a little of what you are going through, so please feel free to email me at any time! I included my email in my PM to you!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Hugs to you.I am not a spouse or military ... but my cousin and her husband are career Air Force, and she REALLY leaned on us during his deployment. Reach out to your famiy, even if they are far away ... and find a military support group if you can.You are stronger than you think you are!

 

[pampered.chris]

Thanks!!Thank you all!! To all of you who responded, to all of you who are still responding to those who have been where I am and those that are there now and to all of you reading!
I so much appreciate all of your kind words, hugs, and advice.
I have always been a very independant person and was single for over three years prior to meeting my boyfriend. I am a single mom and have been of an 11 year old. I have never been married before, always choosing to be on my own. SO, this should be easy right?
I thought it would be. I thought it would be a breeze to get through 4mths, I mean, it is 4 mths, goes by so quick right? Well, his dog moved in with my DD and I and I do not care so much for dogs, but the things we do for the ones we love. I am trying to take on two households, we don't live together yet. and do everything for both of us. In almost everyway except the ring and last name, it is like we are married.
I find that I am so easy to tears and so emotional and that is not me. I am probably better described as bubbly, yet cynical and sarcastic. But not emotional. I am not a crier. And yet I cry everyday.
I can't wait for him to come home and for us to be able to continue our lives together. But until then, I feel like a basketcase.
How do I stay motivated? How do I pick myself up long enough to get those bookings and to sign my recruit leads and not let on that I am not "happy"?
I so appreciate all of you on this site. It is an amazing place to belong, we have such a GREAT company and we are AMAZING people!! I am so glad to have the opportunity to know all of you!!

 

[jessicafawn]

Chris... first know that you're not alone. There are many that go through what you are going through now everyday. I am one of them. Although my husband is not in Iraq or what many call the "sandbox", my husband is in the Navy and many days of the year (last year he was gone 300 days out of 365) he's gone.
Write him often, whether it's email or hand written, many take those letters for granted. I speak from experience because my husband is under water and unable to write or send packages at all at times or it could compromise their mission. We do have email but it's read by everyone on board due to security. So when I do get to email him it's unknown whether he'll get it at all.
Tell him even the smallest of things. My dh and I don't have kids yet but we have two dogs and he loves hearing about what funny things they've done when he gets back from sea.
My brother has been to Iraq 4 times and I send him a letter every week and packages of goodies every week or two.
Keep everything as positive as possible. He knows you miss him and he misses you and knows it's hard on you when he's gone... but remember how great it's going to be when he gets home. It's like a whole new honeymoon period every time my dh gets home... many couples outside the military take advantage of the fact that they come home and see their spouse everyday... we don't... it's a gift. Know you're in my thoughts and if you need to talk I'm here. You can email me anytime. [email protected]They say, "the spouse is the backbone of the Navy" and I believe it... whether it's the Navy, Army, Airforce, Marines, or National Guard... if they didn't have us to take care of things at home, it would all fall apart. You're stronger then you think!!!