Ya'll - Please Tell Me if This Is Rude - Because I Sure Think It Is!

[kspry]

Something similar happened at my son's 7th BD party. It was at a Chucky Cheese-type place. You know, where there are little roller coaster rides and bumper cars, mini tilt-a-whirl and also arcade games.

Each kid got a band for unlimited rides and 20 tokens for the arcade games.
These other parents brought a sibling, no big deal, but I was surprised when the dad asked for tokens for himself. He had the grace to look sheepish while he did it.

I'd actually forgotten about this ... they did bring a gift for my son. They always had good parties for their own son, backyard parties in early June with imaginative (not store-bought) games, and invited my son. I know they were very financially strapped at the time...no hard feelings at this late date, but I remember feeling like I'd been taken advantage of, at the time.

I think you handled it very gracefully!

 

[Shawnna]

Some people...!!! I cannot believe how society is these days. I have to be honest and say most of the time when I send/take my kids to birthday parties they take a card with $$ inside. Around here kids of all ages prefer $$ to actual gifts. It is much easier on me because I don't have to go to the store and try to figure out what the kid will want. But, my kids have all had parties where guests did not bring even a card. But I have never had to deal with extra people.

I would put those parents into the category with the guest at our shows who show up just to eat and talk but not place an order.


I guess my worst birthday party experience was when my daughter was in the 1st or 2nd grade and a little boy invited her to his party. He was/is the sweetest boy, but his parents/grandparents and other family members were alcoholics and drug users. My first words were "No way are you going to the party, just forget it". But then I began to feel bad because I knew everyone else would say the same thing. I could not stand the fact that he might have no friends at his party...how hurt he would be. So, I took my daughter to the party and stayed with her until it was time to go home. There was one other parent who brought their child and also stayed until the party was over. The family was actually very well behaved and no problems came up at all. The kids had a good time.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I would have done the same thing Linda. Including coming on here to gripe about it, ha! I run into this problem when inviting kids. I do not want to invite the siblings but end up just inviting them anyway b/c I know they will probably come regardless.

Thanks Jennifer, I had to have someone to gripe to! Since I didn't know this family, I didn't know how many kids there were - now I know that there are at least 3

 

[erinb]

It is amazing how inconsiderate people can be. I have two kids (8 year old girl and 5 year old boy). If one is invited to a birthday party, we all go as a family, BUT my husband and I have always just automatically paid for ourselves and the child that was not invited. It's just common sense for us.

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this, Linda. I would have handled it just the way you did, only because of the siblings, not the parents.

 

[erinyourpclady]

We do tend to attend things as a family.....HOWEVER, we usually split up. I take the invited child to the "party" and DH takes the other 2 kiddos off to do their thing. I would NEVER assume that someone would pay for my family unless it is specifically labeled a "family" party (we actually have quite a few of those around here). But even then...I always offer to pay our share.
My DD turns 6 next month...no bowling parties! LOL!!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

You handled it with class Linda.

I dont have kids, but I don't think I would have maintained my cool. LOL

 

[crystalscookingnow]

I think 6 must be the bowling age! We just had Emily's bday party in January & it was at the bowling alley!! Ours went pretty well, though, considering it was co-hosted with four parents (me & DH, her dad & step-mom!) Just one uninvited 13 year old. But, he is the son of a woman my ex works with & he just thinks she's the cat's meow. ::yuck::

 

[rennea]

I think you handled the situation well Linda. Sometimes people just don't have their heads on straight.

 

[scottcooks]

Hi, Linda!

I am a newbie parent, but I can see a (wrong and I don't agree with it) convoluted logic on the other family's point, that they may not have felt safe dropping off their kid and just leaving - especially if they were from another culture. Many other societies have a group mentality when it comes to child rearing.

Too, if they travelled from far away, I could understand them paying to bowl in a nearby lane, but not lumping their uninvited kids in with the party.

Also, some cultures are consistently late to events - but it is still disrespectful in our society.

So decide if you want to keep the 'peace' and feel like a doormat for a while, or want to see and enact justice, endure some conflict and perhaps teach your kids a better way to live.

I would write them a letter and send them a bill for their uninvited kids. The worst that will happen, is they won't pay for it. Do you really care if those people never speak to you again? Word would get around and their freeloading would end sooner. Their rude points were
-not bringing a gift (while your presence was gift enough, it is customary to honor the birthday child with a rememberance... if you want to twist the point just a little, say your child asked you if you might have left a gift behind at the bowling alley - and let their imagination and guilt paint the picture)
-arriving late (especially that the game had already started--you had no obligation to them, beyond the 1 invited kid--this was probably the least of their boorish behaviors)
-extra children mooching (simply state it was not an open activity, you had only budgeted for so many and you just assumed they will be paying for their other children, like they just assumed you would include them in the childrens' activity)

A bill would keep it among the adults. Just a thought.

Finally, you could just write the letter to make you feel better about it and not send it.

 

[scottcooks]

Billing the BoorishHi, Linda!

I am a newbie parent, but I can see a (wrong and I don't agree with it) convoluted logic on the other family's point, that they may not have felt safe dropping off their kid and just leaving - especially if they were from another culture. Many other societies have a group mentality when it comes to child rearing.

Too, if they travelled from far away, I could understand them paying to bowl in a nearby lane, but not lumping their uninvited kids in with the party.

Also, some cultures are consistently late to events - but it is still disrespectful in our society.

So decide if you want to keep the 'peace' and feel like a doormat for a while, or want to see and enact justice, endure some conflict and perhaps teach your kids a better way to live.

I would write them a letter and send them a bill for their uninvited kids. The worst that will happen, is they won't pay for it. Do you really care if those people never speak to you again? Word would get around and their freeloading would end sooner. Their rude points were
-not bringing a gift (while your presence was gift enough, it is customary to honor the birthday child with a rememberance... if you want to twist the point just a little, say your child asked you if you might have left a gift behind at the bowling alley - and let their imagination and guilt paint the picture)
-arriving late (especially that the game had already started--you had no obligation to them, beyond the 1 invited kid--this was probably the least of their boorish behaviors)
-extra children mooching (simply state it was not an open activity, you had only budgeted for so many and you just assumed they will be paying for their other children, like they just assumed you would include them in the childrens' activity)

A bill would keep it among the adults. Just a thought.

Finally, you could just write the letter to make you feel better about it and not send it.

 

[Kitchen2u]

Oh Linda, you're much nicer than me......can you say,

OH HECK NO!

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I would have been ticked as well......... some people have no tack at all... you don't bring the whole family to a birthday part. I would have done the same thing that you did to avoid confrontation.

 

[DebbieSAChef]

WowWow I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It's amazing how some people can just use other people and not even be grateful. It's a shame and unfortunately exactly how their kids will end up when they are older, expecting something for nothing.

I am on a budget so I probably would not have paid for the two extra kids to bowl. The pizza and cake I would not mind sharing with extra kids and even goody bags are fine to give away. I always make way to many anyway, but to add them on to the bowling list when they didn't even RSVP would not have been ok with me or my hubby. Presents are not mandatory to come to our birthday parties even though guests always do bring gifts, our kids have way too much stuff from the grandparents and my brother so they don't need anything else.

I would have been honest with the parents and said I cannot afford to pay for two extra kids to bowl, especially because I only invited a certain amount of kids to fit my budget. But that they could eat with us. I think too many times we are afraid to offend people or make them feel sad, that we ignore rude and inconsiderate behavior so they get away with it and think it's ok. I think we need to speak up more, not in a mean way, but in an honest way and correct the wrong behavior. Kids need to learn from someone, if not from their own parents. We are mentoring many kids who need guidance and love in our home. We correct wrong behavior and I know they will grow up thankful we took the time to teach them those things.

BTW, I homeschool so I never have this problem. We just invite certain kids that are my children's age from church, so we don't have to invite a whole classroom. Unless it's a party at our home where we have a bouncer, games, and pizza, then we can invite everyone from church with kids!!

Debbie

 

[pamperedlinda]

Thanks everyone for your comments. Like I said before it's really not about the money (one of the reasons I do PC is so I can treat my child ). I'm glad that I was in a position to give these kids some fun (and it's not the kids who are at fault). I was just caught way off guard and I did not appreciate it. (Sometimes I think that when strangers who don't know you but know where you live assume things about you and your financial position and that they then assume that they are entitled for you to provide for them - kwim?) I live in a very close knit neighborhood so even when it's a kids b'day party the parents and even grandparents attend. The adults socialize and watch the kids while they have fun. At this age I still would expect the parents to stay.

 

[JenniferD]

Just my two cents ... for what it is worth. In my son's school & daycare, you can not pass out invitations unless you invite EVERYONE. That is 24 kids at school and 35 at daycare. On the invitations, I put a label on the invitations that siblings are invited at a cost of $0.00 (whateverthe cost is) per game. I do this because it is usually cheaper for them to bowl with the party than on their own, but also to let the parents know that I am not paying for siblings to participate. This has really worked out great for me! Hope it helps you.

 

[janetupnorth]

Just my two cents ... for what it is worth. In my son's school & daycare, you can not pass out invitations unless you invite EVERYONE. That is 24 kids at school and 35 at daycare. On the invitations, I put a label on the invitations that siblings are invited at a cost of $0.00 (whateverthe cost is) per game. I do this because it is usually cheaper for them to bowl with the party than on their own, but also to let the parents know that I am not paying for siblings to participate. This has really worked out great for me! Hope it helps you.

That is true while AT SCHOOL for many but parents always break it...I've seen kids hand out invites without the rest...

That being said, there is nothing wrong with mailing invites SEPARATE from your school and inviting whoever you wish.

But your note on the invite would work really well. A tactful way of emphasizing you aren't paying for it but being accommodating to those who want to come. Many parents do not want to send their kids off to a party (myself included) - while little I'd rather be there. I don't want to make it like I'm asking for "free babysitting" and dumping my child for a few hours.