Ya'll - Please Tell Me if This Is Rude - Because I Sure Think It Is!

[pamperedlinda]

We just got back from DS's birthday party at the bowling alley. It was tons of fun - except for one situation that has really twerked me. :grumpy:

All of the kids that RSVP'd came. Then @ 20 minutes into the bowling party one kid who did not RSPV shows up - with his 2 siblings and parents (btw, I don't know this family, DS goes to school with the little boy). Since he was late I told him he'd have to wait about 10 minutes until they finished the first game and then we could add him in to play the next one, but to go ahead and get his bowling shoes. Well -this is where I start to get twerked - the parents tell all the kids to go get bowling shoes and wait until it's time to bowl . This is evidently a family of moochers! The parent's didn't ask if the uninvited kids could join in - just looked at me expectantly. Of course, I added them into the party - they bowled, they ate pizza and cake, they took goodie bags....they never said thank you or even brought my child a present....MOOCHERS I tell ya! I am still twerked! And, it's not that they can't afford it either - the parents paid for themselves to bowl in the next lane! Oh yeah, the parents ate pizza and cake too. The mom did apologize to me for not RSVPing .

This cost me $13.00 per kid. It's not the money so much as I think this is extremely rude. And on top of it to not even bring a card or at last a small present for my son.

So, what would ya'll have done? Am I off balance here (KG - zip it! :angel: )

 

[SusanBP0129]

TOTALLY rude!!! but I wouldn't have said anything either. I avoid confrontation at all costs.
UGH!! Some people amaze me.

 

[JAE]

I would probably have said something about the extra kids because I am so tight with my money. I would have informed the counter guy that those kids weren't on my bill. "This child is with my party. They are with them." As for everything else, I'd be feeling the same as you. Nothing you can do about it now. You'll probably get to know them better over the years, and you'll either laugh about it, or know what's coming in the future.

 

[janetupnorth]

I would have done like you and graciously let them bowl although it would have really hurt my pocketbook.

The poor kids can't be responsible for their parent's irresponsibility/insentivity.

 

[wadesgirl]

I agree it's rude but think you handled it perfectly. It's hard to come out on top with a situation like that. Some people don't realize the time, cost, etc with b-day parties. If you had complained or someone, they would have made you out to be the bad person. Hold your head up high and remember this next year.

 

[Stampaholic1961]

WOW! Some people have lots of nerve! I would be furious! I probably would have done the same thing you did but I would have wanted to tell them off big time!! I'm not sure if I would have given them goodie bags or not. I would have said something like "I'm sorry, I only have enough bags for the kids who R.S.V.P.'d." I'm sorry you had to deal with this situation. I'm sure it put a damper on an otherwise fun day.

 

[pamperedlinda]

.....The poor kids can't be responsible for their parent's irresponsibility/insentivity.

Exactly, that's why we added them in, I don't think they had a clue that only the one boy was invited. I think it's just sad that this is the example that the parent's are setting for their children.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I......You'll probably get to know them better over the years, and you'll either laugh about it, or know what's coming in the future.

I don't think I will have to worry about this again (at least from this family).

 

[JAE]

I don't think I will have to worry about this again (at least from this family).

Don't you think you'll have to deal with them here and there with school related things? You'll probably hear about them from others even if you don't actually have to deal with them personally. Maybe no birthday party invites, but other things.

 

[raebates]

The Furry Guy is sitting nearby reading the paper, so I shared your story with him. He says he would have told the parents that we were only paying for the invited child. He also claims that he would have told the parent to take the siblings to the snack bar themselves.Honestly, though, I can't imagine him really making a couple of little ones suffer while their brother partied with pizza and cake. We probably would have done exactly what you did--maybe minus the goodie bags, since we would probably have brought just enough for the RSVPs. He would, however, have been very ticked about this for days. It really was nervy of those parents. Some people have no sense, tact, or conscience.

 

[JAE]

The siblings could have bowled with the parents, right? I'm with the furry guy as far as not paying for the siblings. I probably wouldn't have come out and said it that way. I probably wouldn't have had any extra goody bags either.

 

[heat123]

OMG~ the nerve of some people! That's horrible and not to bring your son a present!
Although, unfortunately that is probably exactly what my lame ass brother would have done! He and his family are the BIGGEST Moochers I know, sadly enough!

 

[chefann]

SO RUDE!!If it happened to me, I would have wanted to tell the parents that the party was pre-paid based on the RSVPs and I couldn't add any children, as I had left my wallet at home. But I probably wouldn't be able to.

 

[PamperedTammy]

Sometimes you wonder about people! :grumpy: It is too bad that you had to deal with this. It sounds like you took it in good stride, but I am with you, I would be fuming too.

 

[JAE]

SO RUDE!!If it happened to me, I would have wanted to tell the parents that the party was pre-paid based on the RSVPs and I couldn't add any children, as I had left my wallet at home. But I probably wouldn't be able to.

Isn't that against the rules? Sorry. Couldn't help myself!

 

[chefann]

That's it, JAE - you're off the buddy list. <giggle>

 

[chef131doreen]

I would talk her into havig a Pamperedchef party and tell her she has to have 25-30 people there

 

[KellyTheChef]

I would talk her into havig a Pamperedchef party and tell her she has to have 25-30 people there

So your commission can cover her family mooching!! LOL

It was VERY rude of them...but I would have done the same thing you did. First, cuz the kids probably didn't know any better, and second cuz I am a sissy!!

 

[kspry]

I bet they only get invited places once.

 

[K_Jurich]

Yes I have too some parents just don't care. One time my oldest daughter had been invited to a party but wasn't able to attend, so when I RSVP I told the mom that maybe we could get the girls together so my daighter could give her a present, because the girl had just attedned my daughters bday party, so I kinda felt we should get her something even thought she couldn't attend. Anyway the night of the party I was getting ready to walk out the door to go to work when the mother pulled in with a car full of kids and everything and came to the door with the little girl. So I opened the door the little girl runs upsatirs and starts running around with my daughter meanwhile I am trying to leave for work. So I look at the mother and ask her if there was something she needed, you know since I had now idea why or even that she was going to show up on my door step. So anyway the mother says "Well I thought you said you had a gift for her", well needles to say you can imaginge the look on my face. . . I told her I hadn't wrapped it yet but really I hadn't even gotten anything yet, because we were supossed to set up a playday for me to give her the present. So I just could not belive that this women had done this. . .It just goes to show you that some people just don't care.

 

[JAE]

Oh my gosh, Kara. That is insane. So, did you have a back up gift or what did you do?

 

[pamperedlinda]

I bet they only get invited places once.

LMAO!!!! They had their ONE time with me already!

 

[pamperedlinda]

I would talk her into havig a Pamperedchef party and tell her she has to have 25-30 people there

Her friends are probably just like her (who else would put-up with that?) I don't want to deal with it.

 

[pamperedlinda]

..... I probably wouldn't have had any extra goody bags either.

They were first in line when DS handed them out! Funny thing too - I should have had 2 extra goodie bags (even after the moocher family got theirs) and there were none left.....I wonder who got them....hmmmmmm

 

[chefann]

She's probably never been called on it, and doesn't realize how rude she's being. And unfortunately, women are trained to be nice, and we give in instead of confronting someone (generally - there are exceptions).semi-hijack
We deal with this in our car club all the time. We'll have RSVP and payment due dates for events, and people will still show up at the event and expect there to be room. When I suggest to DH that we tell those people that they're out of luck (or at the very least have to pay full price instead of a group rate), his response is that the board doesn't want to tick people off so they quit. Which means that we're stuck with inaccurate counts for events, and deadbeats who don't pay for them, either.
end hijack

 

[K_Jurich]

Oh my gosh, Kara. That is insane. So, did you have a back up gift or what did you do?

All I could come up with was that I hadn't wrapped it but. It just goes to show you that people are rude. Plus I told her my daughter couldn't come because I had to work, and that was what I was trying to do. So even if I did have a back up present I wasn't about to get it out cause I was trying to get out the door for work. :grumpy:

 

[JAE]

Kara, I'm glad you didn't have anything to give her. Hopefully, she (the mom) realized how obnoxious that was.

 

[K_Jurich]

When I went to work that night I was telling one of the other girls I work with about it. . . and she said I should buy her Miss (don't remember)'s . . Book of proper edicit (not a good speller either.) But just like you all. I don't like conflict so I did say anything either.

 

[daniellemorgan]

Both of these stories are blowing my mind.

I really hope nothing like this ever happens to me.

I'm not one to keep my mouth shut, so I can't even imagine what I would say.

Since having a child my filtration system, that used to sometimes work, between my brain and mouth has completely disappeared.

Kudos ladies for keeping your cool!!!! :angel:

 

[cmdtrgd]

I would have said something because the kids DO need to learn at some point. If we let it keep happening (as a society), we perpetuate the rudeness!

 

[janetupnorth]

I would have said something because the kids DO need to learn at some point. If we let it keep happening (as a society), we perpetuate the rudeness!

True, but I think Linda's son just turned 6...I'd be a little discretionary at that age and talk to the parents, not the kids.



Linda, I actually had something similar happen for my DD's 6th birthday - funny it was a bowling one too. However, difference was when the mom came late with the child and siblings, she specifically told them not to eat the party food, asked if they could join the bowling, apologized for being late and not RSVPing and paid for her kids own pizza and bowling.

I guess the key is don't have a bowling party if your kid is turning 6.

 

[katie0128]

Or only invite kids if you know the parents!

 

[katie0128]

Isn't that against the rules? Sorry. Couldn't help myself!

owww... now my nose burns because I just took a drink (thinking this was a "safe thread" - my mistake) and it came out my nose... thanks a lot JAE

 

[JAE]

The thing is, if you wouldn't act that way, you don't even think ahead that something like that could happen. Bowling parties are fun, even for 6 year olds, especially with those bumpers. My plan is to only invite a few people in the most discretionary way. I call the moms and tell them that I'm only inviting so and so and so and so, etc. OR, I just let my kids have one person for their birthday. I've never done the bowling thing because it's too expensive for me. We do free most of the time.

 

[JAE]

Sorry. I hate it when that happens.

 

[JAE]

owww... now my nose burns because I just took a drink (thinking this was a "safe thread" - my mistake) and it came out my nose... thanks a lot JAE

Sorry. I hate it when that happens.

 

[Mwalker]

I'd send a nice thank you note to them. Thanking the for ALL of them coming to the party to celebrate.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I would have said something because the kids DO need to learn at some point. If we let it keep happening (as a society), we perpetuate the rudeness!

I was so flabbergasted that the parents were this blatently rude that I just didn't know what to say - especially with their kids right there looking at me. It's really not about the money either (although I didn't expect to pay for 2 additional children and I would much rather not have spent it on them). It's really about the fact that these parents knew that they were imposing and that they expected me to pay for their family. Then to top it off they were not even grateful.

 

[K_Jurich]

I was so flabbergasted that the parents were this blatently rude that I just didn't know what to say - especially with their kids right there looking at me. It's really not about the money either (although I didn't expect to pay for 2 additional children and I would much rather not have spent it on them). It's really about the fact that these parents knew that they were imposing and that they expected me to pay for their family. Then to top it off they were not even grateful.

Yes point made. It is hard to say something when the kids are right there and prob gonna be the one thats it is gonna hurt cause obviously the parents don't have a problem.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Yes point made. It is hard to say something when the kids are right there and prob gonna be the one thats it is gonna hurt cause obviously the parents don't have a problem.

Yep, I would have been the bad guy for making the kids cry!

 

[K_Jurich]

Thats right then no matter how wrongnthier parents were you would have been that "person who made the kids cry" and you would jave been the bad guy no matter what.

 

[jenne]

I wish you would have invited me...the only way I even come close to breaking a score of 20 is by having the bumpers!! and I would have even paid for my own bowling and pizza!! The gift bags might have been hard to pass up though...especially if you had extra!

I think you should send them a thank you note and enclose a bill for the extra bowling, pizza, etc.... that'd get their attention!

 

[pamperedlinda]

I wish you would have invited me...the only way I even come close to breaking a score of 20 is by having the bumpers!! and I would have even paid for my own bowling and pizza!! The gift bags might have been hard to pass up though...especially if you had extra!

I think you should send them a thank you note and enclose a bill for the extra bowling, pizza, etc.... that'd get their attention!

LOL! The Bowling Party included coupons for the arcade and a free round of bowling on another day - I gave those out as everyone was leaving (to the parents) and I did not give coupons to that family so I have extra coupons if you want to come bowling with me!

 

[JAE]

Here's some wording for youinsert names where applicable)
"I'm so glad so and so ended up being able to attend my son's birthday party. Oh, and how nice that we were able to get to know your other two children. I'm glad we brought enough gift bags for the extra two kids. My son really had a great time with his friends and your two other kids. He's really enjoying all the gifts he received too. It was nice to meet you and your family."

Are there enough "hints" in there? Seriously, I wouldn't send her anything. I think you gave her enough. Bless and release, as is said on this forum so often.

 

[pamperedlinda]

And if it makes you feel any better - I like using the bumpers too! It improves my score

 

[jenne]

LOL! The Bowling Party included coupons for the arcade and a free round of bowling on another day - I gave those out as everyone was leaving (to the parents) and I did not give coupons to that family so I have extra coupons if you want to come bowling with me!

I'd LOVE to come bowling...you buying???

I have some friend in Macon GA...they left our cold for the warm of the south...is that close to you?? I could let them know you love to take people you don't know out for bowling and pizza!!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Too funny JAE....but, I don't think I could even do that.

This family doesn't participate in school activities so I don't forsee running in to them in the near future. Even if I do, I wouldn't say anything. I do feel better since ya'll let me ***** about it though And glad/sorry to hear that I'm not the only one this has happened to. The kids had fun and I guess that's what is really important. They will remember the bowling party and when they see me at school they will remember me and say hello.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I'd LOVE to come bowling...you buying???

I have some friend in Macon GA...they left our cold for the warm of the south...is that close to you?? I could let them know you love to take people you don't know out for bowling and pizza!!

LMAO! I am about 45 mins north of Macon. I go through there all the time to see my Granny who is @ 30 miles south of Macon (I'm going to see her on Tuesday). Also, GeorgiaPeach (Lisa) lives in Macon.

 

[jrstephens]

I would have done the same thing Linda. Including coming on here to gripe about it, ha! I run into this problem when inviting kids. I do not want to invite the siblings but end up just inviting them anyway b/c I know they will probably come regardless.

 

[Kristina21]

The Furry Guy is sitting nearby reading the paper, so I shared your story with him. He says he would have told the parents that we were only paying for the invited child. He also claims that he would have told the parent to take the siblings to the snack bar themselves.

Honestly, though, I can't imagine him really making a couple of little ones suffer while their brother partied with pizza and cake. We probably would have done exactly what you did--maybe minus the goodie bags, since we would probably have brought just enough for the RSVPs.

He would, however, have been very ticked about this for days. It really was nervy of those parents. Some people have no sense, tact, or conscience.

LOL!!! my husband said the same thing! Although he sounded pretty grumpy when he said it...I agree with ya though...I couldn't let the other siblings be sad about being left out. Poor kids.

 

[RebelChef]

This family doesn't participate in school activities

Maybe because they'd have to pay their own way? lol

Bravo, Linda! You handled it well and showed you're the bigger person. I'd have been ticked and would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut but you did the right thing if only for the kids.