How can I politely ask my in-laws to stop buying me unwanted home decor gifts?

[dannyzmom]

How do you POLITELY ask someone to stop buying you "home decor" gifts?

I am so aggravated.

My inlaws, from the moment we got married, have bought us home decor gifts...the problem is that THEIR style of home decor is not my taste AT ALL.

They are travelers - they like to travel to third world countries. Then they come back with these God-awful "pieces" that we are then obligated to display around the house.

I put a few of the pieces in a small bathroom (MIL has made comments every time she visits about how offensive it is that the wall-hanging is in a bathroom)...and little by little our family-room has been taken over by all these ethnic-ish pieces. It's now crept into the kitchen and up to our bedroom...I feel like my entire house is being taken over by their cr*p! AND I HATE IT!

Problem #2...DH likes their stuff.

They have brought home everything from masks made of animal skulls to drums with phallic snake/penis carvings on the sides (I have kids!!!) to wall hangings that would look stunning in a Chinese restaurant (but NOT in my livingroom).

I have been polite, I have been gracious. I have asked DH to drop hints that we would prefer to decorate our own house!!!! But tonight I popped my cork...

They came back today from 3 months in Guatemala and stopped by DH's work this evening and gave him more home decor fo rus. He, of course, LIKES it. He calls me and tells me they brought us home a "door from Guatemala" -- WTF am I going to do with a DOOR from GUATEMALA??? Last I checked we live in South Florida where all the homes look like this:

or

... I don't see where a Guatemalan door would fit in. I told him I am SO sick of them being so presumptious as to think they have the right to decorate MY house! I work my A$$ off to pay for this house...I deserve the right to decorate it the way I want to - the way WE want to! He was like "Well, only the family room is filled with..." and I cut him off to point out that NO, this crap is creeping into every room of my house! There is not ONE room in our house that WE decorated to a combination of OUR tastes...ARGH!!!!

Please help me find a kind and peaceful way to tell his parents to stop buying us home decor sh*t. Can't they bring us home a book, or a t-shirt or hey...how 'bout nothing??? Nothing would be REALLY terrific! :cry:

 

[KateD]

Man, Carolyn, I feel for you and I wish I had advice. I hope someone does, because I need it, too! We don't get quite as exotic things as you... my MIL is a Cracker Barrel junkie. And anything that plays music or has those lights. For every season or holiday (real or created by Hallmark). I drew the line at a light up plastic nativity. Geez! It's not that any one piece is so bad, and it's so hard to say "please don't buy us anymore!", but our attic is stuffed (I let ONE item at a time stay out, and put the rest up; I used to bring down their stuff if I knew they were visiting, but I figured that encouraged them to buy more. His mom did ask about it once and I said as politely as I could that we had to keep some of my stuff, some of his stuff and some of "their" stuff put away or else we wouldn't be decorated, we would be buried!)

 

[Gina M]

Sorry for your aggravation Carolyn! Don't know quite what to say but I totally see your side in the situation. Seems like some odd things to bring home as souvenirs - guess I'm lucky - my folks always bring us t-shirts or cool things! Hope you don't get stuck with a door (what an odd gift!)

 

[amy07]

Carolyn, I feel your pain! Well, maybe not as bad as a snake penis, but ya know what I mean.
I like Kate, have a MIL who LOVES Cracker Barrel.

Can some of these pieces have an "accident" while you are dusting?
Now the Guatemalan door? Can it go in your DH's shop?

 

[Teresa Lynn]

Snickering at YOUR problem..... Be glad they care HA!!mine dilemma is at Christmas with the in laws we have a $25 limit (which I don't have a problem with)MY gifts are always very "country" related ya know the ducks, geese whatever they are called, (hello, we are in the next decade), & I never had them in the 80's, clearanced things they leave the sticker on for $3.99 maybe cost $10 before clearance. (I know its not the cost of the gift) but the thought..... We draw names every May so its not like it was a last minute, last ditch effort to shop.

my favorite was a $5 Victoria's Secret gift card and one (yes you read that right 1) unscented tealight. I think it was to be the shock factor that I would admit to shopping there so I looked at DH and said well, Honey, now I'll only spend $195 my pleas fall on deaf ears adopt an angel from your local angel tree, donate a book to the library, etc.They always say I have everything. I'm hard to shop for WHATEVER!!!I have a little taste and if there's any ducks in this house they'll be served on a platter thank you very much!!

 

[dannyzmom]

Well, I am certainly glad to know I am not the only one - LOL
I was so spoiled by my ex-ILs...they were very generous and would LISTEN when you told them what you liked...geez, if you so much as mentioned you liked something as you walked passed it in the mall, you could rest assured you'd find it on the gift-pile at your next b'day.
I appreciate that my IL's care enough to think of us...but are they really thinking of US?? Who are they thinking of? Cause it sure as heck ain't me!!

 

[KateD]

Well, I am certainly glad to know I am not the only one - LOL
I was so spoiled by my ex-ILs...they were very generous and would LISTEN when you told them what you liked...geez, if you so much as mentioned you liked something as you walked passed it in the mall, you could rest assured you'd find it on the gift-pile at your next b'day.
I appreciate that my IL's care enough to think of us...but are they really thinking of US?? Who are they thinking of? Cause it sure as heck ain't me!!

If they're like my MIL, they're thinking of their baby, who has no ability to decorate for himself and is accustomed to their style.

Is their house already full of souvenirs from their trips? I imagine so. They probably think of buying things for your house like being benefactors to a museum, and when they come they kind of like to look at their collection.

My MIL and FIL have been living in their 1000~ish square foot home for thirty years. They have no room for any more tchatckies, but are addicted to buying them. My husband was the first to get a house. MIL started making curtains, buying lamps, providing him with seasonal, um, items.

I came on the scene and they really have backed off a lot. It helps that my SIL and one BIL bought houses for them to help furnish.

 

[PamperedDor]

I would politely say to them - that although you appreciate their gesture, that really you would prefer they make a donation to the third world countries they like to visit! You have enough in your home and feel that it is better to give then receive.

Might just do the trick AND keep peace in your home! HTH!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

OH MY!Does DH have a "man cave" where HE can hang all this stuff if he likes it so much?Don't know what to say except that every time I see your screen name I think of the following line from a Tyson "anytizers" commercial and this seems to be the perfect time to say it:"So here's to YOU, Dannyzmom!"

 

[ShanaSmith]

I am so there with you. I won't go into details, cuz it would be a llloooonnnggg post.

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

I would just stick all their stuff in a box put it in the basement and tell them you're redecorating and has much as you like all the "ethnic motiff" you're re-decorating with a different theme. Tell them you've started collecting thimbles. Hey they are small and you can easily "display" them without them taking up any space!

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

I had an angel picture I really liked so I put it in my living room. Not a big deal right? My FIL took that to mean I loved angels (I do not collect angels by any means) and for years bought me angels for every holiday and my birthday. I finally got sick of the angels (I repeat I do not collect angels) and was running out of room. I put them in a box, took the picture down and he got the hint!!! I won't tell you about the years he bought me beany babies for every holiday and my birthday. I have no idea where he got the hint that I collected or even wanted beanie babies!

 

[KateD]

How about telling your in laws that you like that they want to share about their fascinating travels and all of the places they've been, but you feel like the pieces are losing something in the translation. Suggest they take pictures of some of their favorite pieces while on vacation, as well as sights to big to ship back and make a simple digital album where they can write a little bit about why they find the pieces inspiring/interesting/worth remembering. It would cost less to have it printed than to ship back almost anything - certainly a door - and will make sure the meaning behind the gift (which is the important part, anyway) is preserved.This wouldn't work for me. There is no deeper meaning behind a scarecrow ghost with a light up stomach.

 

[KateD]

I had an angel picture I really liked so I put it in my living room. Not a big deal right? My FIL took that to mean I loved angels (I do not collect angels by any means) and for years bought me angels for every holiday and my birthday. I finally got sick of the angels (I repeat I do not collect angels) and was running out of room. I put them in a box, took the picture down and he got the hint!!! I won't tell you about the years he bought me beany babies for every holiday and my birthday. I have no idea where he got the hint that I collected or even wanted beanie babies!

This thread has just hit a big ole nerve for me tonight!

I'm so sorry you had to take down the picture you liked so much to get the point across. I bet by the time you did take it down you didn't even like that picture as much, and that's a shame.

Have you noticed it snowballs, too? Once one person thinks you collect something they start getting you things, and then other people see all of the items and they think you're collecting, and before you know it you have over 2,000 elephants! This happened to the mother of my husband's best friend. At some point she did just embrace the elephants.

What may be even worse is when you legitimately do collect something and people with all of the best of intentions ruin it for you! My SIL collected pressed pennies. An inexpensive souvenir that took up little space, but commemorated her travels. Then everyone started getting them for her, and every style. She was over inundated with pressed pennies!

 

[jbachen]

Have you noticed it snowballs, too? Once one person thinks you collect something they start getting you things, and then other people see all of the items and they think you're collecting, and before you know it you have over 2,000 elephants! This happened to the mother of my husband's best friend. At some point she did just embrace the elephants.

That happened to friends of mine, too. They decorated their bathroom with rubber duckies, until they started to absolutely take over the place because any time any one saw a duck they bought it as a gift to them... Now, people buy them a duck at their own peril...

 

[lissahope26]

What is it with in laws? Mine apparently do not speak the same language as me either! lol

 

[pamperedlinda]

OMG Carolyn!! Our lives really are parallel! I have a similar problem. My in-laws are in love with Africa! They spent several years teaching there when DH was a smalll kid so guess what kind of 'decor' they dish out? So far it hasn't taken over my home - but I'm really worried that one of these days it will. They have that crapola ALL OVER their home and I just know that DH will want half of it as a memento when they are gone (and I fear that may be in the not too distant future) They gifted us with a Zebra Skin right after we were married and now it is hanging on the wall in our office (it's very sentimental to DH b/c when he was 7 y/o he watched them gun down this poor defenseless animal and.....whatever...:yuck: .) I'm off to baseball this morning, but I will take a photo for you later.

I feel for ya girlfriend!

 

[itsjustCarla]

OH MY!

Does DH have a "man cave" where HE can hang all this stuff if he likes it so much?

LOL @ "man cave". I feel for ya....My hubby had a stuffed giraffe that he slept with as a child. My MIL assumed that he LOVED giraffes and collects them, so she buys him a giraffe for birthday, Christmas, etc. He made a comment about her buying them, but doesn't have the hangy-down-things to tell her (HUGE mommy's boy). Sooooo since he has his side of the bedroom and I have mine, his is being bombarded with giraffes and mine ISN'T. LOL. One day he'll get sick of 'em. LOL.

 

[chefshawna]

Are there any local Art Museums near you?? Maybe you could suggest donating some of it in their honor to an Art Museum, that way everyone could enjoy the great gifts from around the world. Tell them you feel so selfish to keep it all to yourself!!!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Sorry Carolyn - I have no thoughts for you about what to do - my IL's buy practical gifts. I've received things like an Upright freezer, a Kitchenaid hand mixer, a new vacuum, a space heater......anything decorative I've received has been small and in very good taste. (maybe not always my taste though.)

However - I am glad that I read this thread first thing this morning - I've already gotten in some good laughs! Thanks to Di, Linda, Kate, Rebecca, and others for your hilarious comments on the situation!

 

[BethCooks4U]

How about taking one thing down for every new thing you get. After all you only have so much space!

Or take it all down and "re-decorate". Have DH choose x number of things to keep up for now and then agree that every time they give you something new you take something else down.

Tell them you are freshening and decluttering.

 

[chefshawna]

You could also start buying them hideous home decor items and suggest wonderful places around their house to put them. Everytime they bring you back something, go get them something and tell them that you just couldn't accept anymore of their great gifts without giving in return!! Maybe eventually they'll get the hint, unless they're really daft!!

 

[amy07]

LOL @ "man cave". I feel for ya....My hubby had a stuffed giraffe that he slept with as a child. My MIL assumed that he LOVED giraffes and collects them, so she buys him a giraffe for birthday, Christmas, etc. He made a comment about her buying them, but doesn't have the hangy-down-things to tell her (HUGE mommy's boy). Sooooo since he has his side of the bedroom and I have mine, his is being bombarded with giraffes and mine ISN'T. LOL. One day he'll get sick of 'em. LOL.

THAT made me laugh out loud!!

 

[chefjeanine]

Or take it all down and "re-decorate".

Tell them you are freshening and decluttering.

And then take the stuff to Goodwill -- get rid of it. Perhaps if they don't see you displaying the items anymore, they'll get the hint.

I had the same problem with a giraffe collection. It just doesn't mean the same thing when someone else buys the stuff for you -- it was my collection to create. Now I don't collect anything.

Like the pressed pennies -- they're keepsakes from HER trips! She doesn't care about your travels!

I don't like clutter so usually about once a year I take a little box of stuff (things that well meaning people gave me for my birthday or Christmas) to our Goodwill store.

 

[dannyzmom]

You could also start buying them hideous home decor items and suggest wonderful places around their house to put them. Everytime they bring you back something, go get them something and tell them that you just couldn't accept anymore of their great gifts without giving in return!! Maybe eventually they'll get the hint, unless they're really daft!!

You know - this just gave me a GREAT idea!
THEY are always bringing me gifts that are THEIR taste and would go well in THEIR home...maybe I should start buying THEM home decor gifts that are MY taste and would go well in MY home!?!?! Maybe that would get the point across?????
And when DH and I are out shopping for a gift for them and he says to me, "Well, that's not really their style" I can point out to him that everything they buy ME is their style so one good turn deserves another!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

I wonder if they'd mind you having a yard sale to raise money for NC by selling all those "gifts". I also wonder if you'd mind if they mind ...

Or maybe to help people in need ...

 

[urbnk8]

My in-laws are very similar too...but at least their taste isn't too horrible. They have always bought us stuff for our home, without really finding out what we want. In fact, we had our anniversary on Thursday and they bought us a set of placemats and napkins. Very pretty ones, but not necessarily what I would buy for myself. And the collections!! My husband has a neice that collects piano stuff, one that collects salt and pepper shakers, one that collects ladybugs...all becuase of them! They're all grown up now and they still buy them these things for their "collections". I can sense the "oh, gee, thanks" vibe from them every time they open the gifts.

The funniest thing is that my husband is a NASCAR fan. He has mostly been a Dale Jarrett fan. And he HATES Jeff Gordon (no offense!). But every Christmas for the last 3 years they have gotten him Jeff Gordon stuff! I'm sure it's because they sell a lot of it around here and just assume he likes him. The first time we just thought it was funny. Now, finally we have decided we HAVE to say something! Otherwise, they will keep getting it!!

When we first got together, they knew that I loved cats. They bought me cat stuff for years! I think they finally gave up on that now.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Hey Carolyn (or any of you who have the unwanted in-law-decor) How'd you like having THIS on your wall? They have been trying to give us some sort of tribal drum table too :yuck: And I know what you mean about the phallic-snake-looking-statues Carolyn, my IL's have those things too. Plus a lot of masks and naked african people art and carvings as well.....it is so not my taste! And I dread the day that DH and his sis have to sort through it and decide who gets what....I don't want ANY of it!




http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc293/lindachild/034.jpg



It hangs in the office on the wall behind my desk, thankfully it is behind me - I'd sure hate to have to look at this everytime I looked-up!

 

[daniellemorgan]

I'm over here cracking up!!!

My MIL is obsessed with being Irish so she loves to send us obnoxious Irish stuff. I wouldn't mind if it was nice, but it's not. I wish sometimes parents and in-laws would think to themselves, "I really want to buy my son/daughter something; is a _____________ really what they need and want? Maybe I'll ask them." I guess then we wouldn't end up with doors from other countries, zebra wall hangings and in my case really tacky Irish crap!!

 

[dannyzmom]

I wonder if they'd mind you having a yard sale to raise money for NC by selling all those "gifts". I also wonder if you'd mind if they mind ...

Or maybe to help people in need ...

Darlin', I'd hafta PAY people to buy this stuff from me!

 

[dannyzmom]

OMG Linda - you have a huge dead animal on your wall!!!!!
BAhahahaha!
If it's any consolation, I love your paint color!
I may have to grab my digicam and snap a few pics of the stuff they bring us...

 

[etteluap70PC]

I have been a collector of items over the years. My mom startes me on Pathces from different trips and vacations we went on as a kid so I could remember the trips I took with my family. Well.... why then do people bring/buy you patches (or whatever In later years for me it was shot glasses) from trips thay have taken? Like I give a darn about where you went. Yeah like I have fond memories of when you went to Disney and didn't ask me to go with you? Cummon people...

I had this converation with my stepmom at Christmas about the "filler/just to have another gift type gifts. I told her how I do not have the room for these type of gifts and gave an example of yet another cute snowman candleholder I got from my SIL. So after we are done opening gifts at Christmas my Step mom comes out of the bedroom with a coupple of gift bags that she forgot for my sis and I. And guess what...... yup another snowman candle holder!! ARRRGGGGGG!!!!!

How hard is it to think of a useful gift!!!

 

[chefjeanine]

I had this converation with my stepmom at Christmas about the "filler/just to have another gift type gifts.

How hard is it to think of a useful gift!!!

This is why I encouraged my family to stop giving gifts at Christmas time. My argument is that we purchase for ourselves anything we want so there really isn't a reason to exchange gifts -- we don’t' need anything! Now at Christmas we do a Yankee Gift Swap with a price tag of $10. Once in awhile you get something you can use and that you like. If not, it's off to the Goodwill store so someone else can benefit.

 

[dannyzmom]

Ok - here goes...picture one is the maskes made out of bones...

Next is the drum...notice on the bottom right of the drum you'll see that the man's penis is in the snake's mouth...lovely...

...I keep that side turned toward the wall (abviously)

Next comes the wallhanging that MIL kvetches about every time she visits. It's hanging in the bathroom on a side wall where it won't be all that noticeable. I think it would look fabulous in a chinese restaurant. the little doors in the front open up and I am so tempted to stick a Chinese take-out menu inside them - LOL:

Finally you'll see the misc items hanging on the bathroom wall - a wooden purse of some sort...a not-so-offensive walking stick, and (drumroll please...) the PENIS GOURD!!! On one of their Third World Country visits the men wore penis gourds...so, my IL's bought one!! LOVELY. Oh, and did I mention the penis gourd has bugs??? Every week or so I find a bunch of dead bugs on the floor under it. Niiiiice.

And here is a close-up of the penis gourd...wouldntcha like DH to come to bed wearing one of those??? NOT!!

 

[etteluap70PC]

I wish my family would go for no gifts or it has to be a charity donation or something.... No way, they will NOT go for it .... You have to have gifts!!!!

drives me nuts!!!

 

[etteluap70PC]

Wow Carolyn!!! Holy buckets!!!!

I guess I am ok with the 200 snowman candleholders!

Otherwise I am speechless! LOL!

 

[chefjeanine]

Carolyn,

:thumbup: You should absolutely put a menu inside the wall hanging with doors!

Seems like they may have paid a pretty penny for some of this stuff. . . I wish I had some sage advice for you to get it out of your house (and keep any new coming in) without hurting feelings.

By the way, I snorted when you gave the evil laugh to Linda about the big dead animal on her wall. That cracked me up. How sensitive of you!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

This has been the most entertaining thread......


But Carolyn - I don't think I would care if I offended my IL's - that stuff would not be on display at my house.....:yuck:

And c'mon - who BUYS penis gourds and drums with snakes biting penises to give as gifts? It really seems a bit tasteless. "Oh, that? Why, that's a penis gourd - we thought you would just love it!"

I guess I should be happy that my IL's bought me a garbage disposal! At least I use it and can appreciate it!

 

[janetupnorth]

I can sympathize in the fact that my kids have about 200 stuffed animals in the house!!!! My mom thinks she needs to buy them one all the time...I always here that it was on sale or something...I told her to stop buying them and now she buys a bunch of stuff at the dollar store it seems...On the wall decor...yeah, that can get overwhelming! I don't know what to say except to try and be honest with them. Also, I'd be curious to ask them WHERE they THOUGHT you were going to put it all?!?!?!On a side note, LOVE your houses, they are beautiful...I'd be ashamed to take a picture of my little 2 BR house with 14 year old carpet!!!! I was trying to save to replace it this year, but our roof has a soft spot so that might win out. If you're thinking of selling all this "fancy stuff" you can donate to my floor fund! LOL!

 

[janetupnorth]

This has been the most entertaining thread......


But Carolyn - I don't think I would care if I offended my IL's - that stuff would not be on display at my house.....:yuck:

And c'mon - who BUYS penis gourds and drums with snakes biting penises to give as gifts? It really seems a bit tasteless. "Oh, that? Why, that's a penis gourd - we thought you would just love it!"

I guess I should be happy that my IL's bought me a garbage disposal! At least I use it and can appreciate it!

Hey, maybe you can "accidentally" drop Carolyn's penis gourd down your garbage disposal?

 

[pamperedalf]

I just showed the pics to DH and he said can you say ugly??As my friend Ida would say Holy Crackers!! I don't know how to fix this, sorry I couldn't be more help.

 

[pclinskie]

Don't know if anyone posted this, but my mother in law gives me kitchen stuff. I've been doing this for eight years!

 

[ragschef]

Are there any local Art Museums near you?? Maybe you could suggest donating some of it in their honor to an Art Museum, that way everyone could enjoy the great gifts from around the world. Tell them you feel so selfish to keep it all to yourself!!!

LOVE this idea!!!



BTW, what happened to your avatar, Shawna?

 

[ChefLisa]

Oh Carolyn! Just Oh Carolyn!

If your husband likes the penis gourd so much, I think he needs to start wearing it. Those decorations definitely do not belong in a traditional Florida home.

I really liked the advice someone gave you about suggesting they donate money to a charity in the countries they visit.

As far as the items currently on your wall, I am kind of at a lost as to what you should do. I really do think they need to come off the walls!

Oh, Linda, has that animal ever come off the wall at night? I would definitely listen for footsteps. That thing would scare me!

Lisa

 

[PChef_ang]

:blushing: WOW!! It's like watching National Geographic everyday! This thread has definitely made my day....Zebra wall hangings, penis gourds....the door OH MY!! The scary thing is your IL's agree together on this. They see something and say oh, this would be great you guys!! It's unfortuinate as I am sure it isn't cheap to ship some of these things back to the states!!
Thank the Lord I don't have this problem, my stepmom knows my taste, don't really talk with or receive anything from my mom, the IL's are divorced and a bit loopy, we don't get things from them very often either..

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, yikes!

I would be agonized on how to stop this....I am a people pleaser and would be so worried that i would upset someone, I would end up living in agony just to keep the peace!!:yuck:

 

[MORFIA]

cant relate I have OUT-LAWS---only----

smile and wave==

 

[pamperedlinda]

Okay Carolyn - you definatley win this one! Yikes, that stuff is just plain BAD!! After seeing your pain, my zebra skin isn't so bad after all. I do like the walking stick thing though. Your ILs should meet my ILs - I'm sure they'd have a heyday with who has seen more poverty in whatever country they tend to visit.....LMAO!!!

btw, my ILs have a mask very similar to yours......please pray that I don't have to have it one day. My only saving grace in some of the "family heirlooms" that DH will inherit is that by that time he will have his hangar built and he can hang all that stuff out there in "man town". As his friend told him "the chick gets the house, but she can't say anything about how the hangar looks" I'm good with that!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Oh, Linda, has that animal ever come off the wall at night? I would definitely listen for footsteps. That thing would scare me!

Lisa

Nope, not yet. I 'lovingly' refer to it as the "carcass"! LMAO

 

[chefshawna]

LOVE this idea!!!



BTW, what happened to your avatar, Shawna?

I've just never put one in! I need to download a pic of my family and put in there.


Carolyn....WOW is all I can say!!!!! I really wouldn't want to have to explain the penis drum to my kids.... or anyone for that matter!!! And a penis gourd!?!?! You should tell your in-laws that DH is having an allergic reaction to all the bugs inside and maybe FIL wouldn't be so sensitive so he can have it back!

Good luck!!

 

[cooking.with.ann]

I will never complain about the gifts I receive from my in-laws again.

Carolyn, can you pack up some of these "treasures" to keep them safe for your children to have in their own homes one day? Of course, the box might get lost...darn it, I hate when that happens!