What Would You Do? A Cheffers Dilemma for Saturday

[finley1991]

I have a dilemma coming up this Saturday and just wanted some input from fellow Cheffers as to what would you do if faced with this situation. I haven't decided what I am going to do yet and just wondered which way (either way) some opinions would go on this. I hope as I write this out, you will be able to follow this drama. (Plus, it's a great reason to take a break from working and/or add to daily procrastination!!!!)

This Saturday I am attending the wedding of a friend of mine. We volunteer together with the Jaycees and are okay friends. She has become the BRIDEZILLA from you-know-where the last 8 weeks. She has already uninvited the best man because he didn't throw the bachelor party for her fiance (which the fiance didn't want in the first place) and has an "everyone will come and be happy for me or I won't talk to them ever again" attitude. She and her two sisters stopped speaking about 6 weeks ago. She's basically alienated almost everyone (in our circle of friends) who are coming to the wedding. The wedding is at 4pm the reception is at 6pm and the reception is about 40 minutes from my house.

Saturday night at 8pm is the Detroit Red Wings game. If the Wings win tonight, chances are they will win Saturday and have won the Stanley Cup. It's very important for me and my family for all of us to be together for this. We are very dedicated fans mostly because my dad worked for the Wings for over 45 years and as rare as championships are, we, as a family, are always together to celebrate and honor my dad for all of his work and dedication to the TEAM.

If I'm not here, I will be the only family member not present and that will be a riff with the family. If I am not at the reception, it will cause a riff with my friend the bride. She has already TOLD me personally that she knows that the game is probably more important to me and everyone coming than her wedding is and she's thinking of having a TV brought in so people can watch the game because she knows that if she doesn't most of her guests are going to leave anyway so they can see it somewhere. And she also said that if her guests get "too into" the game, she will turn it off as everything should be about her and that we should be more excited for her than a hockey game. Normally I would agree if it weren't for my family involvement.

So what are your thoughts on this? What would you do if you were me?

 

[DebbieJ]

I would spend time with your family.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I have a dilemma coming up this Saturday and just wanted some input from fellow Cheffers as to what would you do if faced with this situation. I haven't decided what I am going to do yet and just wondered which way (either way) some opinions would go on this. I hope as I write this out, you will be able to follow this drama. (Plus, it's a great reason to take a break from working and/or add to daily procrastination!!!!)

This Saturday I am attending the wedding of a friend of mine. We volunteer together with the Jaycees and are okay friends. She has become the BRIDEZILLA from you-know-where the last 8 weeks. She has already uninvited the best man because he didn't throw the bachelor party for her fiance (which the fiance didn't want in the first place) and has an "everyone will come and be happy for me or I won't talk to them ever again" attitude. She and her two sisters stopped speaking about 6 weeks ago. She's basically alienated almost everyone (in our circle of friends) who are coming to the wedding. The wedding is at 4pm the reception is at 6pm and the reception is about 40 minutes from my house.

Saturday night at 8pm is the Detroit Red Wings game. If the Wings win tonight, chances are they will win Saturday and have won the Stanley Cup. It's very important for me and my family for all of us to be together for this. We are very dedicated fans mostly because my dad worked for the Wings for over 45 years and as rare as championships are, we, as a family, are always together to celebrate and honor my dad for all of his work and dedication to the TEAM.

If I'm not here, I will be the only family member not present and that will be a riff with the family. If I am not at the reception, it will cause a riff with my friend the bride. She has already TOLD me personally that she knows that the game is probably more important to me and everyone coming than her wedding is and she's thinking of having a TV brought in so people can watch the game because she knows that if she doesn't most of her guests are going to leave anyway so they can see it somewhere. And she also said that if her guests get "too into" the game, she will turn it off as everything should be about her and that we should be more excited for her than a hockey game. Normally I would agree if it weren't for my family involvement.

So what are your thoughts on this? What would you do if you were me?

I'm not even going to finish the rest of your post. You had me at RED WINGS- I'm a huge hockey fan, and since my MN Wild can't be there- the Red Wings can...and Hockey is so much more fun than the wedding of a brat! Not sure if that is where you were going with this, but c'mon- it's the STANLEY CUP! Hockey rules, weddings drool!

Sorry- can you tell I like hockey? hee-hee

 

[rennea]

She seems "lovely"

I agree with Debbie, spend time with your family.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

For you - it's not just about the game - it's about your family, and honoring your dad.

We just had to make a decision between a friends wedding, and a nephew's graduation party.....we decided that Family trumps Friends in this situation.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

And on a side note, a wedding is about the joining of a new family- not JUST the bride- what a brat... That's no more immature than me on my 30th b-day party when the guys started playing nickel poker and let us girls to do girl things... I was upset because it was my party, but I lost sight of the fact that everyone was having fun- which was more important!

 

[susanr613]

Hmmm.....Bridezilla or close-knit family?

Not even close!

Enjoy the game and Go Wings!

 

[amy07]

do the game with your family. And if it is like most weddings, the bride is so wrapped up in the moment that she can't remember anything that really happened that day anyways.

 

[Addie4TLC]

do the game with your family. And if it is like most weddings, the bride is so wrapped up in the moment that she can't remember anything that really happened that day anyways.

She'll notice if she's alone because everyone left to see the game. After she turns it off ofcourse!

 

[finley1991]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I have to say I'm a bit surprised at how everyone has leaned on this one. I really thought it might go 50-50!!!

My plan is to go to the wedding and reception and then leave early. I think the toughest part is that I know there are others there who will want to do the same, even if she does have a tv in the room. I'm sure she won't want the screaming and cheering and either will the venue!

But it does boil down to being with my family and above all else, that's the most important thing to me overall.

See... I knew I'd have you all to back me up!!!! Anyone available to come to the wedding with me on Saturday and back me up when she starts pitching her fit????

 

[PamperedDor]

Ha - I just read thru this post and was going to suggest you go to the ceremony and leave the reception early - most brides (that are like her!!) wouldn't even notice - she sounds too wrapped up in "me" then anything else - this way no one gets insulted!! Have fun Colleen!!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I have to say I'm a bit surprised at how everyone has leaned on this one. I really thought it might go 50-50!!!

My plan is to go to the wedding and reception and then leave early. I think the toughest part is that I know there are others there who will want to do the same, even if she does have a tv in the room. I'm sure she won't want the screaming and cheering and either will the venue!

But it does boil down to being with my family and above all else, that's the most important thing to me overall.

See... I knew I'd have you all to back me up!!!! Anyone available to come to the wedding with me on Saturday and back me up when she starts pitching her fit????

You don't want me there- I'd tell that little hillbilly-princess to take a big girl pill and pull on her big girl panties and shut the heck up!- I don't have any patience for people that get so self absorbed that they start off their new life with their spouse having alienated half their friends, and for what?...undivided attention for 4 hours? That is one person who has lost their way, and has lost sight of the big picture. Maybe she should pop in a DVD of The Passion of The Christ, and get a clue of what is really important in life?

So- with as hormonal as I've been (due to an imbalance of my nice hormones being overtaken by an influx of my crabby hormone) you wouldn't want me to come because I'd make her cry.

 

[janetupnorth]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I have to say I'm a bit surprised at how everyone has leaned on this one. I really thought it might go 50-50!!!

My plan is to go to the wedding and reception and then leave early. I think the toughest part is that I know there are others there who will want to do the same, even if she does have a tv in the room. I'm sure she won't want the screaming and cheering and either will the venue!

But it does boil down to being with my family and above all else, that's the most important thing to me overall.

See... I knew I'd have you all to back me up!!!! Anyone available to come to the wedding with me on Saturday and back me up when she starts pitching her fit????

I would agree with the scenario you picked. You are giving both attention, but family comes first. This is important to your dad and it is important for you to honor him when you can.

Selfishness sucks and I hate to say I see her marriage failing fast. That all about me attitude will end that marriage WAY before it starts!

...and on that last note, nope, rather be in a hockey fight than fight with a selfish, pissed-off bride!

 

[janetupnorth]

Hey Colleen...how are you feeling by the way...COUGH-GASP-CHOKE...feeling a little too ill for a wedding. If you aren't standing up in it, you aren't OBLIGATED to be there all the time...life happens!

 

[finley1991]

you wouldn't want me to come because I'd make her cry.

Actually, that might be quite fun for me to see. (Again, my evil side coming out!)

And you're all right... she'll have so many people there she won't notice. Although one of my friends has already called me and told me that her boyfriend is planning on wearing his Wings shirt under his suit coat. I will have my lucky shirt with me as well, although I won't be wearing it. I'm just too superstitious not to have it with me on game day.

GO WINGS!!!!!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

do the game with your family. And if it is like most weddings, the bride is so wrapped up in the moment that she can't remember anything that really happened that day anyways.

While I completely disagree with you on your statement, I would be so hurt if someone ditched my wedding to go to a sporting event.

I understand so and so might not be speaking with the bride, and she has become "bridezilla" she could probably use a friend or two at the moment. It is apparent she isnt thinking clearly ---

And yes, I can see there is some history between your family & the Red Wings...but you've already committed to going to your friends wedding. I think it would be terribly wrong to back out.

JMHO...

 

[finley1991]

Hey Colleen...how are you feeling by the way...COUGH-GASP-CHOKE...feeling a little too ill for a wedding.

If you aren't standing up in it, you aren't OBLIGATED to be there all the time...life happens!

God NO I'm not standing up in the wedding! We were all secretly hoping she didn't ask any of us to stand up. Thank GOD she didn't! I'm too old to be a bridesmaid anyway!

And yes... I think I have a stomach ache coming on around 7:15pm Saturday night!

If it's any consolation, she is serving ham on the buffet and the last wedding I went to that had ham, EVERYONE got food poisoning. I'm just sayin'....

 

[Jennie4PC]

Colleen, Here is what I would do. I would definitly attend the wedding, which to me would be very important. Do you have to stay the whole time at the reception? Are you part of the wedding party? If not I dont see any reason why you cant leave early. The only receptions I stay the whole time for is family and VERY close friends. I also posted this before I read any responses so if you get a duplicate I am sorry.

 

[finley1991]

I think it would be terribly wrong to back out.

JMHO...

I'm not planning on NOT going at all... my plan is to go to the wedding and go to the reception for 90 minutes and then leave to be with my family. I didn't mean to give the impression that I wouldn't go at all. Sorry about that! My concern was with leaving the reception early. Hope that makes sense...

 

[PamperedTre]

What good does it do her to force people to pay attention to her anyway? It's artificial.

She sounds like a brat and it seems that your family has an awesome memory to make. Go with your fam!

:blushing:

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I'm not planning on NOT going at all... my plan is to go to the wedding and go to the reception for 90 minutes and then leave to be with my family. I didn't mean to give the impression that I wouldn't go at all. Sorry about that! My concern was with leaving the reception early. Hope that makes sense...

Then yes, I think you are making the right choice. :thumbup:

 

[finley1991]

Then yes, I think you are making the right choice. :thumbup:

Thanks!

 

[heather223]

I would go to the Ceremony and not to the reception so I could spend time with my family. JMHO.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I would go to the Ceremony and not to the reception so I could spend time with my family. JMHO.

(SHHHHhhhhh) Yes, but there's free food at the reception!

 

[chefann]

See... I knew I'd have you all to back me up!!!! Anyone available to come to the wedding with me on Saturday and back me up when she starts pitching her fit????

Shoot- I have a show, or I'd go to back you up.

And if I were in the same situation, I'd do the same thing.


Kacey-- as a hockey fan, you need to ask Colleen what's in her avatar pic that got cropped.


GO WINGS!!
http://image1.etsy.com/il_430xN.27371897.jpg
Etsy :: smallpackagess :: Hockey Octopus (Ironically, made by a crafter who lives in Pittsburgh)

 

[reba515]

See... I knew I'd have you all to back me up!!!! Anyone available to come to the wedding with me on Saturday and back me up when she starts pitching her fit????

you really don't need to tell her when your leaving. :angel:

 

[finley1991]

I can't figure out how to upload the picture! It keeps saying that my pic needs to be smaller than 800x600 and my pic is 600 x 761 so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong...

But if you look to the left of my shoulder, that's the corner of the Stanley Cup.

 

[dannyzmom]

[/B]

I'd tell that little hillbilly-princess to take a big girl pill and pull on her big girl panties and shut the heck up!- I don't have any patience for people that get so self absorbed that they start off their new life with their spouse having alienated half their friends, and for what?...undivided attention for 4 hours? That is one person who has lost their way, and has lost sight of the big picture. Maybe she should pop in a DVD of The Passion of The Christ, and get a clue of what is really important in life?

::::applauding::::::
You go to that game with your family and ENJOY it!!!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I can't figure out how to upload the picture! It keeps saying that my pic needs to be smaller than 800x600 and my pic is 600 x 761 so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong...

But if you look to the left of my shoulder, that's the corner of the Stanley Cup.

THAT IS sooo cool!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

::::applauding::::::
You go to that game with your family and ENJOY it!!!

Thank you Carolyn!

I really should go and take a chill pill- I'm WAY to crabby today!

 

[finley1991]

Maybe it will work this time....This was from 2002...

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Maybe it will work this time....

This was from 2002...

My DH will want this matted and framed and hung in his den! I can hear his jealousy over you being next to THE cup and he hasn't even seen this picture yet!

Too funny!

 

[finley1991]

The night that picture was taken was an amazing night! Behind the picture on the wall is a poster of the Stanley Cup that was to serve as inspiration! If I had noticed that, I would have had my mom (who took the picture) angle it better! We walked into the room where it was and no one was in there. I didn't even see it at first because my back was to it! She told me to turn around and I screamed and hopped up onto the table and was like, "TAKE MY PICTURE!!! TAKE MY PICTURE!!!!" One of the top 5 nights of my life!!!!

 

[pamperedlinda]

You made the right decision.

semi-hijack: I totally can't believe that Janet said (typed) 'pissed-off' back in post #13!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

That is sooo cool! That you got a picture with the cup, not that Janet said Pissed-off, but come to think of it, that is sort of cool, too. but not as cool as THE STANLEY CUP!

 

[janetupnorth]

You made the right decision.

semi-hijack: I totally can't believe that Janet said (typed) 'pissed-off' back in post #13!

That's as bad as it gets in my world.

 

[janetupnorth]

Oh, I have been known to say, "She just needs to shut her trap" too...but that's about the worst you'll ever hear from me...

 

[BethCooks4U]

Just getting to this... I think you are making the right decision.

I am concerned about your friend. Is she a bridezilla or is she always this way? Could be she's just stressing too much. I would write her a note telling her how honored you are that she invited you to share in her day and that while you wish you could stay the entire evening you need to spend the time with your family, saying a few things about the family history as you did here.

I say write a note because she will not hear anything but "your day is the only important thing" right now. Later she will be able to think more clearly. If not... well, you will have done everything you could to be true to both commitments.

Have fun!

 

[pampchefrhondab]

I personally feel sorry for the bride. It would have to be hard to plan a wedding for 1-2 years (usually), spend all that money, and then have this huge hockey game come up. She had no way of knowing. I know fans didn't either, but the wedding was first.

My children have had small things similar like this happen. Like they may have been invited to a friends and then another "better" friend invites them to something. I tell them they already made a committment to someone else. I think your family would understand, you just don't want to miss out.

I think it's great you are planning on at least making a show at the reception. I guess if it's busy and your friend doesn't notice, sneak out. If she would notice I think it would be rude.

This is just my opinion.

Good luck!

 

[Jean DeVries]

Colleen,

This one is easy.

In my family, sports always win. Wings, Tigers, and the Wolverines always trump anything else. In fact, a few years ago, my cousin got married on Michigan/Notre Dame day. Fortunately it was an away game, so I could go to the reception, but he knew better than to not have a TV available to watch the game.

Last year, another cousin planned his wedding date for the Michigan/Notre Dame game (apparently, some of my family members JUST DON'T GET IT) and it was a home game. I told him I'd send a card...... (As it turned out, I had just had surgery that weekend and wouldn't have been able to go either place, but I digress.)

Fortunately, he lost his job (well, not so fortunate for him, way more convenient for me) and he needed health insurance, so they got married in February instead.

Unfortunately, as you know, it will not be the Standey Cup winning game on Saturday. So that does take the edge off a little, but it sounds like this probably won't be the only time your friend gets married, so you'll have another chance to attend one of her wedding receptions

 

[DebbieJ]

Maybe it will work this time....

This was from 2002...

Yeah, I was going to say.....your hair is WAY too short in that pic.

 

[rennea]

Colleen,
Unfortunately, as you know, it will not be the Standey Cup winning game on Saturday. So that does take the edge off a little, but it sounds like this probably won't be the only time your friend gets married, so you'll have another chance to attend one of her wedding receptions

LMAO!!!! OMG Jean you are tooooo funny http://www.smilieshq.com/smilies/happy0009.gif

 

[Sheila]

I've never had to deal with a bridezilla, so I can't even begin to imagine your frustration dealing with this girl.

I'm not a sports fan, so if it were a close friend and NOT a bridezilla, I would always choose my friend over a game. But I guess I can see your point in this particular instance. Bridezilla or not, she's probably going to have her feelings hurt if you leave her reception early to go watch a hockey game. I doubt that she will even listen to your reasoning.

If the bride is not a huge sports fan & doesn't really understand your need to see the game live, maybe you could leave that part out? Just say that your family is having a little family reunion (which is true) the same night & that you will attend the wedding and the first 90 min's of the reception, but regret that you must leave early to attend both commitments. That way you won't be putting the thought "the hockey game was more important to her than my special day" in her obsessed little bridezilla brain.

 

[finley1991]

Well... the Wings lost last night so Saturday night won't be the last game. So I will stay at the reception for about 3 hours and then be off... I'm not usually good at any place longer than 3 hours.

Ironically, the bride is a HUGE Michigan Football fan. She won't do anything if Michigan is playing. When someone said to her that they thought she would understand where I was coming from because of her love for MI football, she said she DID NOT, because it was Hockey, not football... totally different. Huh?

In any case... the comment about her first wedding. That's funny!

The saga continues... we got an e-mail this morning that one of her friends is coming in for the wedding (she's in he wedding and arriving tomorrow) and she needs a place to stay and can only stay in the hotel if someone splits the room with her. So since she can't afford the hotel herself, the bride wants one of us to put up this girl for the weekend.

I haven't responded to the e-mail...

PS: Hey Deb... I cut my hair! It's about that length again! Did locks of love in February!

 

[Kitchen2u]

Blood is always thicker than water...a GOOD friend would understand...if not, she's not a friend but only one to think of herself and not you. What would she if the tables were turned? Probably spend the time her family...

 

[dianevill]

I don't know how I missed this thread, but OMG, some of these responses were hilarious!

I know it's a moot point now, but I think how you would have handled it would have been what I'd done as well...gone to the ceremony (which IS the most important part of a wedding) and then to the reception for a little bit.

As for her e-mail asking someone to put up her friend, good thing sometimes e-mail gets lost, hey?

 

[janetupnorth]

Well, once again, I totally agree with Jean since I mentioned the marriage was already over before it started with her attitude!I understand the stress of a wedding, and what the bride is going through and competing things, but my goodness...it's all about the bride by tradition, not by DEMANDING it! By demanding it, everyone is turned off. This girl is starting a miserable bitter life and obviously cannot enjoy the little things.I'm glad though Colleen you do not have to make a decision between the twn the e-mail. I'd just not respond. If asked, just say, yes I got it but couldn't do anything.Depending on how she worded it, that is pretty presumptuous. Glad I don't know these people...oh wait, sounds like my cousin but she got married about 11 years ago (Yup, marriage #2 for her already and I'm surprised it's still together - barely)....and hard to believe this person didn't plan ahead for lodging!

 

[finley1991]

Thanks Janet!Having the friend stay with me is not an option anyway. Our house if for sale and we have 2 showings scheduled for Sat. morning anyway so having guests really isn't an option right now.And actually, I know the girl who is looking for a place to stay. There are a few things going on here... she used to live in MI but moved to Ohio about six weeks ago. She sold her house and moved out of it 2 weekends ago, so she already KNEW she didn't have a place to stay. She is an MBA and very smart and made a comment 2 weekends ago that she was so sad that she wouldn't be staying in her house every again. So for her to "forget" that she didn't have a place to stay (which was part of the e-mail) is BS. Also, she basically doesn't want to spend the money for the hotel room, which I understand. I wouldn't either. Also, she used to work here for GM so she has plenty of other people she could stay with. And to ask the day before she arrives is a difficult situation as well.... I am sad to say that I'm going to be VERY happy come Sunday morning and this whole thing is OVER!!!!

 

[janetupnorth]

Sad thing is...weddings are supposed to be joyous celebrations, not frustrating!I hope you can still have some fun in the midst of all this chaos!

 

[finley1991]

I hope you can still have some fun in the midst of all this chaos!

I'll be fine. She did finally decide to offer alcohol at the wedding. Her fiance doesn't drink so she was thinking of making it a dry wedding but then she realized that would be a BIG mistake!