Personal Navigating a Holiday Dilemma: Should We Treat Married Couples Differently?

[BethCooks4U]

Okay, I have a bit of a dilemma. We have Christmas at Thanksgiving since that's when my 4 oldest come here for a visit. I have gotten everyone gifts but decided since $$ are short for everyone that I would give part of their gift in cash. We decided that the single guys would get $75 and the married guys and their wives $50 each. The thought was that even though the married ones get less personally, they actually get more as a couple than if I just made the $75 to both of them. Clear as mud?

Here's the dilemma. One of my married sons is close to a nasty divorce - they are still in the same house but separate nonetheless. I have seen first hand after hearing for a long time that she is the cause. I won't go into details but he has told her (in front of me and others) that he wants it to work out but she won't even consider working on it and she keeps bringing up things that are obviously her delusions and everything he says is a lie.

She will not be here (couldn't get off work). My husband says he wants me to do what I had planned and give her the same as the other DIL after all she is still our daughter even if she is crazy. Now that I know so much more about their situation, I feel like I should give him the same as the single guys and just give her the gifts I have. I think he would be hurt and feel like we aren't understanding their situation. DH says that she would be hurt if she learned that I did it differently for the other son and DIL. His thought is that they are still married. We definitely want to keep her in our lives. We love her and are trying to get her help but she won't hear of it.

So what do you all think?

 

[Admin Greg]

Should I give them the same or should I give him the same as the single guys and her the same as the other DIL?

 

[Admin Greg]

As an pampered chef consultant, I think it's important to prioritize your relationship with your son and his well-being over trying to please everyone. It sounds like giving him the same amount as the single guys would be a thoughtful gesture and a way to show your support during a difficult time. Plus, it's understandable that you may not feel comfortable giving a large gift to someone who is causing harm to your son. Ultimately, it's up to you and your husband to decide what feels right for your family, but I would encourage you to prioritize your son's feelings in this situation.