My Kids' Dad Is Moving to Our State

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Discussion Overview

This thread centers around a participant's concerns regarding their ex-partner moving closer and the potential implications for their children and custody arrangements. Participants share personal experiences related to co-parenting challenges, emotional impacts on children, and reflections on parental roles.

Discussion Character

  • Anecdotal
  • Opinion-based
  • Exploratory

Main Points Raised

  • One participant, identifying as a consultant, expresses relief at having distance from their ex-partner, noting that their children have been happy and safe since the ex moved 2000 miles away.
  • Another participant shares their perspective on the emotional toll on children when parents are inconsistent or only present on their own terms.
  • Several users mention the challenges of navigating visitation rules and the importance of setting boundaries, with one participant noting their legal agreement allows for visitation only with prior notice.
  • One participant reflects on the mixed emotions surrounding Father's Day, suggesting it can be a difficult time for many, while also celebrating their role as both mother and father.
  • Another participant shares a similar experience of having an ex-partner who has been distant, emphasizing the importance of being a stable presence for the children.
  • One participant expresses concern about the potential for their ex-partner to disrupt their current routine and the comfort they have found in the distance.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Views differ on how to handle the situation with the ex-partner moving closer, with some participants advocating for setting clear boundaries while others share personal experiences of navigating similar challenges without clear solutions. No clear consensus emerges on the best approach.

Contextual Notes

Participants share a variety of personal experiences related to co-parenting, custody arrangements, and the emotional dynamics of family life, particularly around significant dates like Father's Day.

Who May Find This Useful

Readers within the consultant community who are navigating similar co-parenting situations or seeking to understand the emotional complexities of parenting may find this discussion relevant.

Paige Dixon
Paige Dixon
Messages
1,014
My kids and I have been so happy and free and safe since their dad moved 2000 miles away! As always, he couldn't hold on to his job, and has found a new one in Durango, which is about 3 hours away in the summertime. I'm thinking this is a bit close for my comfort- he could theoretically hang up the phone and be waiting at my house before the kids and I return from errands!

I have full custody, but I've always let him see the kids whenever he wants (about 3 times in the last 2 years), but I know he'll want me to meet him in Ouray (1/2 way), maybe frequently. Also, the youngest (3 1/2) has special needs (he's a full-time job) and his dad prefers to take the older two and leave the 3 year old with me. I think if he's going to take the kids, he should take them all! Imagine having a day or two break with no kids at all- the trouble I could cause!
 
That sounds tough no only on you but the kids. And we all know they are the ones who pay the biggest price for selfish "part time/on their terms/when it's convenient" parents.
 
The message at church service today was about father's, of course because it was Father's Day. It was brought up three times by three different people that for some people this isn't a good day of celebrations. For some it's a hard day that brings turmoil or disappointment. I'm sorry for you and your kids. Your kids will benefit from a great mom and grow up to be good parents because of your positive influence.
 
It would be nice to say set ground rules about visitation but I am not sure from the sound of things like he would follow the rules.
 
JAE said:
The message at church service today was about father's, of course because it was Father's Day. It was brought up three times by three different people that for some people this isn't a good day of celebrations. For some it's a hard day that brings turmoil or disappointment. I'm sorry for you and your kids. Your kids will benefit from a great mom and grow up to be good parents because of your positive influence.
Click to expand...

Yes, Father's Day can be very tough for some..... my BF is having a tough time with it today, as his ex's have not let him have any kind of relationship with his kids (and since he's paying child support, he can't very well afford a lawyer to take them to court.... catch-22, huh?)...... and then he sees that my mental midget xh could spend a lot of time with his kids, but chooses only the minimum and doesn't take the time to really "DO" anything with them...... very frustrating!!!!

Anyway..... good luck with the x moving closer. Definitely set ground rules and insist on "X" notice before a visitation, because you shouldn't be expected to turn your life and your kids' lives upside down to accomodate him. Also, insist that if he takes 1, he takes them all. It's unfair to everyone for him to "pick and choose" what's most convenient. Being a parent isn't always convenient, but it is the most rewarding job that we'll ever be paid for in only pride and love!!!
 
  • Thread starter
  • #6
Hmm, if I remember correctly, my lawyer wrote it in the agreement that he could only see them when it was convenient for me and with ten days notice. That will come in very handy.

I haven't vocalized it to my kids, but I'm considering Father's Day a celebration for me, as I feel that I am mostly mother and father. We went cherry picking- so fun and wholesome!
 
Good! So at least you'll have some legal back-up!!!! Make sure you get those papers out and read them, so you know exactly what they say (I've been reading my word for word the last couple weeks...)

And YES, Father's Day can certainly be a celebration for YOU!!!

Since my kids go to their dad's for Father's Day, we declared the following weekend as "Doggie Day" (they call My John "Bigg Dogg" lol) and we celebrate him on that day! So next weekend we celebrate My John and we're taking a road trip to whereever the road leads us.....
 
Paige: Sorry to hear that! It stinks that he can waltz in and out of their lives. At least they have you as the constant!
 
Paige,I've been thinking about this, trying to find the right words, and I just can't. I hope things don't spiral out of your control, and you can continue to be a stable fixture in your children's lives.
 
Paige,

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I am divorced ( I am married for teh second time) but my daughters father was my first husband, he lives over 2000 miles away from us as well.... When I was going through my divorce he would call and threaten to take my DD away from me, things of that nature... I had a Restraining Order put into my divorce decree that doesnt' exprie.. he hasnt' seen my daughter in 3 years, and calls or supposed to call on Sunday evenings for a half and hour. That happens for a while then it goes away. I can't find all the right words to say here... but please know your not alone.... and that I am sending some prayers your way.



Paige Dixon said:
My kids and I have been so happy and free and safe since their dad moved 2000 miles away! As always, he couldn't hold on to his job, and has found a new one in Durango, which is about 3 hours away in the summertime. I'm thinking this is a bit close for my comfort- he could theoretically hang up the phone and be waiting at my house before the kids and I return from errands!

I have full custody, but I've always let him see the kids whenever he wants (about 3 times in the last 2 years), but I know he'll want me to meet him in Ouray (1/2 way), maybe frequently. Also, the youngest (3 1/2) has special needs (he's a full-time job) and his dad prefers to take the older two and leave the 3 year old with me. I think if he's going to take the kids, he should take them all! Imagine having a day or two break with no kids at all- the trouble I could cause!
Click to expand...
 
Paige Dixon said:
My kids and I have been so happy and free and safe since their dad moved 2000 miles away! As always, he couldn't hold on to his job, and has found a new one in Durango, which is about 3 hours away in the summertime. I'm thinking this is a bit close for my comfort- he could theoretically hang up the phone and be waiting at my house before the kids and I return from errands!

I have full custody, but I've always let him see the kids whenever he wants (about 3 times in the last 2 years), but I know he'll want me to meet him in Ouray (1/2 way), maybe frequently. Also, the youngest (3 1/2) has special needs (he's a full-time job) and his dad prefers to take the older two and leave the 3 year old with me. I think if he's going to take the kids, he should take them all! Imagine having a day or two break with no kids at all- the trouble I could cause!
Click to expand...

How old are the older 2? Do they realize what a lousy father he has been? Hopefully they can see that not seeing them is a decision HE is making and has nothing to do with you or them.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #12
They are 8,6 and 3. I actually mostly like him fine now that he's so far away. He talks to the kids almost everyday, so I'm sure they don't feel that he's neglecting them, but it is so nice to not have to have his participation in parenting decisions and it drives me absolutely nuts when he's around here. I'm just really comfortable how things are now, I don't know what to expect when he's a drive away.
 
This is slightly off topic, but please know that I understand your concerns:

Everytime I read the title of the thread I miss the "kids'" part. I read "My dad is moving to our state". Then I open it expecting a cheery message. Even though I've read it already for some reason I forget and open it again expecting good news. Am I a dingbat or what?! :D

Anyway....back to your thread!
 
Paige:

I have the exact same issue as you do!! My ex is moving here next month, and unfortunately my divorce decree states that as long as he's in the state he gets her every other weekend and on the specified holidays and so forth...it's soo frustrating. So, I feel your pain, but at least he has to give you notice if he wants to see them...and I would tell him that if he wants the kids then he needs to take responsibility for all of them (JMO). I'll be praying for you that everything turns out ok!
 
  • Thread starter
  • #15
Thanks!

Given his work history, I don't anticipate him living there long. Hopefully he won't move CLOSER for the next job!!

Thank goodness I didn't follow him around the country everytime he changed jobs!!
 
How cruel :(
Paige Dixon said:
Hmm, if I remember correctly, my lawyer wrote it in the agreement that he could only see them when it was convenient for me and with ten days notice. That will come in very handy.

I haven't vocalized it to my kids, but I'm considering Father's Day a celebration for me, as I feel that I am mostly mother and father. We went cherry picking- so fun and wholesome!
Click to expand...

Kids, especially young kids realize early on when they're left out. Lucky that they have such a great / caring Mom but how can he just leave the little one out :( So sad.

Liz:(
 
Anything new?
 
Bumping this thread.
 
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