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My kids' dad is moving to our state

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Paige Dixon, Jun 17, 2007.

  1. Paige Dixon

    Paige Dixon Veteran Member

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    My kids and I have been so happy and free and safe since their dad moved 2000 miles away! As always, he couldn't hold on to his job, and has found a new one in Durango, which is about 3 hours away in the summertime. I'm thinking this is a bit close for my comfort- he could theoretically hang up the phone and be waiting at my house before the kids and I return from errands!

    I have full custody, but I've always let him see the kids whenever he wants (about 3 times in the last 2 years), but I know he'll want me to meet him in Ouray (1/2 way), maybe frequently. Also, the youngest (3 1/2) has special needs (he's a full-time job) and his dad prefers to take the older two and leave the 3 year old with me. I think if he's going to take the kids, he should take them all! Imagine having a day or two break with no kids at all- the trouble I could cause!
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #1
  2. etteluap70PC

    etteluap70PC Legacy Member Gold Member

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    That sounds tough no only on you but the kids. And we all know they are the ones who pay the biggest price for selfish "part time/on their terms/when it's convenient" parents.
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #2
  3. JAE

    JAE Legacy Member

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    The message at church service today was about father's, of course because it was Father's Day. It was brought up three times by three different people that for some people this isn't a good day of celebrations. For some it's a hard day that brings turmoil or disappointment. I'm sorry for you and your kids. Your kids will benefit from a great mom and grow up to be good parents because of your positive influence.
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #3
  4. Kathytnt

    Kathytnt Senior Member

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    It would be nice to say set ground rules about visitation but I am not sure from the sound of things like he would follow the rules.
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #4
  5. soccermama

    soccermama Advanced Member

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    Yes, Father's Day can be very tough for some..... my BF is having a tough time with it today, as his ex's have not let him have any kind of relationship with his kids (and since he's paying child support, he can't very well afford a lawyer to take them to court.... catch-22, huh?)...... and then he sees that my mental midget xh could spend a lot of time with his kids, but chooses only the minimum and doesn't take the time to really "DO" anything with them...... very frustrating!!!!

    Anyway..... good luck with the x moving closer. Definitely set ground rules and insist on "X" notice before a visitation, because you shouldn't be expected to turn your life and your kids' lives upside down to accomodate him. Also, insist that if he takes 1, he takes them all. It's unfair to everyone for him to "pick and choose" what's most convenient. Being a parent isn't always convenient, but it is the most rewarding job that we'll ever be paid for in only pride and love!!!
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #5
  6. Paige Dixon

    Paige Dixon Veteran Member

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    Hmm, if I remember correctly, my lawyer wrote it in the agreement that he could only see them when it was convenient for me and with ten days notice. That will come in very handy.

    I haven't vocalized it to my kids, but I'm considering Father's Day a celebration for me, as I feel that I am mostly mother and father. We went cherry picking- so fun and wholesome!
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #6
  7. soccermama

    soccermama Advanced Member

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    Good! So at least you'll have some legal back-up!!!! Make sure you get those papers out and read them, so you know exactly what they say (I've been reading my word for word the last couple weeks...)

    And YES, Father's Day can certainly be a celebration for YOU!!!

    Since my kids go to their dad's for Father's Day, we declared the following weekend as "Doggie Day" (they call My John "Bigg Dogg" lol) and we celebrate him on that day! So next weekend we celebrate My John and we're taking a road trip to whereever the road leads us.....
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #7
  8. AJPratt

    AJPratt Legend Member Silver Member

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    Paige: Sorry to hear that! It stinks that he can waltz in and out of their lives. At least they have you as the constant!
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #8
  9. chefann

    chefann Legend Member Gold Member

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    Paige,

    I've been thinking about this, trying to find the right words, and I just can't. I hope things don't spiral out of your control, and you can continue to be a stable fixture in your children's lives.
     
    Jun 17, 2007
    #9
  10. mommyhugz1978

    mommyhugz1978 Legacy Member Gold Member

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    Paige,

    I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I am divorced ( I am married for teh second time) but my daughters father was my first husband, he lives over 2000 miles away from us as well.... When I was going through my divorce he would call and threaten to take my DD away from me, things of that nature... I had a Restraining Order put into my divorce decree that doesnt' exprie.. he hasnt' seen my daughter in 3 years, and calls or supposed to call on Sunday evenings for a half and hour. That happens for a while then it goes away. I can't find all the right words to say here... but please know your not alone.... and that I am sending some prayers your way.



     
  11. katie0128

    katie0128 Legacy Member Silver Member

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    How old are the older 2? Do they realize what a lousy father he has been? Hopefully they can see that not seeing them is a decision HE is making and has nothing to do with you or them.
     
    Jun 18, 2007
    #11
  12. Paige Dixon

    Paige Dixon Veteran Member

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    They are 8,6 and 3. I actually mostly like him fine now that he's so far away. He talks to the kids almost everyday, so I'm sure they don't feel that he's neglecting them, but it is so nice to not have to have his participation in parenting decisions and it drives me absolutely nuts when he's around here. I'm just really comfortable how things are now, I don't know what to expect when he's a drive away.
     
    Jun 20, 2007
    #12
  13. Chef Kearns

    Chef Kearns Legacy Member Gold Member

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    This is slightly off topic, but please know that I understand your concerns:

    Everytime I read the title of the thread I miss the "kids'" part. I read "My dad is moving to our state". Then I open it expecting a cheery message. Even though I've read it already for some reason I forget and open it again expecting good news. Am I a dingbat or what?! :D

    Anyway....back to your thread!
     
    Jun 20, 2007
    #13
  14. ElizabethPurvis

    ElizabethPurvis Member

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    Paige:

    I have the exact same issue as you do!! My ex is moving here next month, and unfortunately my divorce decree states that as long as he's in the state he gets her every other weekend and on the specified holidays and so forth...it's soo frustrating. So, I feel your pain, but at least he has to give you notice if he wants to see them...and I would tell him that if he wants the kids then he needs to take responsibility for all of them (JMO). I'll be praying for you that everything turns out ok!
     
  15. Paige Dixon

    Paige Dixon Veteran Member

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    Thanks!

    Given his work history, I don't anticipate him living there long. Hopefully he won't move CLOSER for the next job!!

    Thank goodness I didn't follow him around the country everytime he changed jobs!!
     
    Jun 20, 2007
    #15
  16. lizcooks4u

    lizcooks4u Advanced Member

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    How cruel :(

    Kids, especially young kids realize early on when they're left out. Lucky that they have such a great / caring Mom but how can he just leave the little one out :( So sad.

    Liz:(
     
    Jun 21, 2007
    #16
  17. AJPratt

    AJPratt Legend Member Silver Member

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    Anything new?
     
    Jun 23, 2007
    #17
  18. AJPratt

    AJPratt Legend Member Silver Member

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    Bumping this thread.
     
    Jul 2, 2007
    #18
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