Prayers for My Kids-Husband Left(Long Post)

[Jess_K]

Hi All.
Well I'm not sure where to turn at the moment and thought maybe I could draw from a little strength from you all here. My husband decided last night that he was leaving and was walking away from me and our two kids. I'm asking for prayers for my kids and strength for me to help them get thru this. Last night my husband got very drunk (10+) beers. He had a work function and drank over half the beers there. I got upset with him and he took it from there. He handed over his wedding ring, his house key and told my kids.. yes my kids.. almost 4 yr old and a 2 yr old that Daddy was leaving because Mommy didn't want him around anymore. :cry: I'm so angry at him for making my 4 yr old SO upset last night. It was heartbreaking. Now I guess there's a chance he'll come crawling back home and decide to stay, but I'm not sure. He went on and on at me last night until almost 1 am about how this was all MY fault and how I can explain it to my kids. He called me several names in the book. I just ignored him the best I could and this morning he said Goodbye, and that was it. It's been a more than rocky road, so I shouldn't be suprised at it all. I'm the most upset about how he told our son that it was Mommy's fault he was leaving and goodbye.. he did this several times to the poor child. Now I'm stuck trying to figure out where to go from here. I've been a stay at home Mom for 2 years and not sure where to start. I know we will have to sell the house and move out as I can't find a job to pay the mortgage (most likely) and I'm not sure. The kicker is that I just told my parents to give us space and that there would be no communication until further notice. There have been issues with my husband and parents for years, so I was trying to protect him. (another book about this topic)
any suggestions on how to even start moving on would be helpful. I will do anything to keep custody of my kids and make a good life for them, I just will need a few little pushes.

sorry this is so long. . thanks for reading it if you made it this far and if you can remember my kids in the process I'd be very grateful.

Jess

Ok I think I need to add some more.. yes he's an alcoholic... it's at about a six pack a night if not more. I'm not sure I want to continue with him at this point or not. After last night he hurt my son SO bad that I'm not quick to forgive that. Honestly I can't figure out if our marriage is worth saving.. I have a feeling he'll be back later today and who knows where that will go. It's been a terrible cycle of this in the past and I'm afraid it was the deal breaker last night. He also threatened me if I go to my parents and they see the kids then they will be "banned from them" whatever that means. If he leaves he leaves.. at this point I'm angry at him and think I can do it without him if he is going to continue to live like this. We don't have much of a marraige to save.. he goes to work comes home and spends his nights in the garage drinking. *shrug* what's to miss of that. Thanks for the responses up until now..

 

[Geekgirl69]

I don't have any words of wisdom but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[janetupnorth]

Jess - it breaks my heart to hear stories like this and it makes my thankful for my DH.Alcohol and decisions do not mix, so it is VERY hard to tell what was the truth in his stuff last night.First, I would protect the children as much as possible. They should have been in another room (I know, very hard to do and note I'm not judging you at all - they were probably woken up by the noise!) But maybe you can set a time to talk to your husband without them around.I know you need to think about the future, but it sounds like you're already jumping to the "without husband scenario". You haven't shared the why or need to...however, is there hope of counseling, him working on the drinking (10 is A LOT for a social drink), or anything else? Is it a marriage worth working on to you?I don't know what else to say without writing a book, but we'll DEFINITELY pray for the kids and for you and your husband. God didn't intend for families to be divided so I KNOW he can work miracles in peoples' lives.Virtual hugs to you Jess!

 

[quiverfull7]

Jess - it breaks my heart to hear stories like this and it makes my thankful for my DH.

Alcohol and decisions do not mix, so it is VERY hard to tell what was the truth in his stuff last night.

First, I would protect the children as much as possible. They should have been in another room (I know, very hard to do and note I'm not judging you at all - they were probably woken up by the noise!) But maybe you can set a time to talk to your husband without them around.

I know you need to think about the future, but it sounds like you're already jumping to the "without husband scenario". You haven't shared the why or need to...however, is there hope of counseling, him working on the drinking (10 is A LOT for a social drink), or anything else? Is it a marriage worth working on to you?

I don't know what else to say without writing a book, but we'll DEFINITELY pray for the kids and for you and your husband.

God didn't intend for families to be divided so I KNOW he can work miracles in peoples' lives.

Virtual hugs to you Jess!

Amem.. and praying for all of you

 

[Chef Michelle D]

Do you want to end your marrage or try and work things out with your DH? If you want to work on it then I think you need to go to counseling. Does your DH have a drinking problem? If so then he needs to work on that as well. As for your parents I am sure if you talk to them they will do what they can for you and your kids.

I would not worry about the house yet you need to figure out if you and your DH are ending your marriage first. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Teresa Lynn]

while I agree with Janets post, I lived with an alcoholic stepfather and I vivdly rememebr the cycles of their anger if he did it once he'll say he's sorry but it will happen again sometime. Today he might not even remember what eh said or why he left.If you truly are ready to move on without him, go to your parents, (you said until there was further communication) You're communicating you and those babies need love support and help. I'm sure they will understand. they love you. Prayers and positive thoughts for all involved.

 

[janetupnorth]

Yes, Teresa - just a blindly accepting someone back in that state without help would not be wise. There has to be a commitment to working on the issues and change and clear goals and accountability set. If he has an issue, he can't run back and forth on his whims.Also on the parents, I agree. Explain to them. Tell them that as an adult you needed to put that severence and make a gap to try and work on your relationship with your husband without outside interference. Now you have come to a point where you need them.However, I firmly believe that the Bible's command to leave your father and mother and cling to your spouse is there for a reason. When serious issues occur, we should work it out with the one we have issues it, not run to friends, parents, others to "take sides" with us. Hopefully we can provide you support without doing that too.

 

[Humble Beginnings]

Hi Jess,

Prayers coming your way. I'm unsure whether this has been a reoccuring event and primarily due to his drinking but if it has been and is please email me at [email protected]. I can relate and was referred to a group that help me deal with the affects of it which I can share with you.

 

[PamperedDor]

Jess - first off - prayers and thoughts to you! Secondly - this is all very "new" so take it a day at a time. Possibly things can work out - maybe DH has a drinking problem and is willing to change, (that would have to be his decision!), Your children will be just fine with you supporting them and loving them thru this. Try not to talk bad about their daddy and just explain that sometimes people say things they don't mean. Try to sink down to their level and explain it in childrens terms. Do call your parents, if there has been issues in the past with DH and them it is probably because they love you and want the best for you. They will be there to support and help. Please keep us posted and know that we are all here for you. Just take it one step at a time and try to breathe.

 

[Jess_K]

I just went back and added a few things to my original post.. to clear up , YES he is an alcoholic. and its' progressing...

 

[chefmeg]

no words of wisdom that haven't already been shared...just praying for you!

 

[laurichef]

I totally second Janet's posts. She is so wise.
Sending prayers your way for you and your children. Also praying that your DH will realize what he is doing to his kids and make amends and changes in his life.

 

[Teresa Lynn]

This is not meant to be a debate so please don't anyone take it that way. (It is also not a I'm a better person than you because I'm a Christian and here are my beliefs post) It comes from my heart as I lived with an alcoholic stepfatherI totally agree with the scripture & I'm Blessed to have a loving husband who is an incredible father to our children but not all women are as fortunate and the evils of alcohol, pornography, gambling and adultery do crumble some marriages. having grown up where alcohol destroyed our home life, I also have to say the welfare (mental and physical ) of those babies is so much more important. Memories can & will haunt them for the rest of their lives. My God doesn't want you to throw it away because its easier but, he also doesn't want you to stay and take verbal abuse for the next 50 years and have your children be in a home where the parents don't love one another but tolerate one another. Trust me children will know as they get older, and it can set a cycle for how they treat their spouse and children. (You can't take back the hurtful words)Each of my children have a scrapbook page that says
"the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother"

 

[chefmeg]

This is not meant to be a debate so please don't anyone take it that way. (It is also not a I'm a better person than you because I'm a Christian and here are my beliefs post) It comes from my heart as I lived with an alcoholic stepfather

I totally agree with the scripture & I'm Blessed to have a loving husband who is an incredible father to our children but not all women are as fortunate and the evils of alcohol, pornography, gambling and adultery do crumble some marriages.

having grown up where alcohol destroyed our home life, I also have to say the welfare (mental and physical ) of those babies is so much more important. Memories can & will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

My God doesn't want you to throw it away because its easier but, he also doesn't want you to stay and take verbal abuse for the next 50 years and have your children be in a home where the parents don't love one another but tolerate one another. Trust me children will know as they get older, and it can set a cycle for how they treat their spouse and children. (You can't take back the hurtful words)

Each of my children have a scrapbook page that says
"the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother"[/QUOTE]

and that says it all in a nutshell

 

[PChefPEI]

Let me first say this...IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! Please try not to take to heart what he said about it being your fault. I can't imagine what your little guy was thinking. I have a 4 yr old DD and it brings tears to my eyes imagining what he must be feeling.

And don't underestimate how smart your DS is. I'm sure he's seen his Dad's pattern. I think a nice long talk with your DS would be good for both of you. You want him to express what he's feeling and help him through it.

As far as DH is concerned, you can't have a reasonable conversation with him unless he's sober. So, until he's ready to talk to you when he is, I wouldn't want to talk to him. When you do though, realize that the drinking is HIS problem and you can only be there for support. He's the one who has to make the move to get help.

Trust your feelings, whatever you do. I'll be praying for you!

 

[JAE]

My first reaction is change the locks, retain a lawyer and set up a new bank account with only your name. Then as I'm typing, I think you need to call your parents and tell them the whole story. If there are legitimate issues with them that aren't about just protecting your husband, then don't hide those, but you need their help. If you have a church and/or group of close friends you have to reach out to them and be completely honest.

This doesn't mean I think you should divorce him. I just think you need to protect yourself. Your husband could take all the money and run. He's obviously being unreasonable, and I do think he shouldn't be allowed around you and the kids until he agrees to a set plan of recovery. I think you need a mediator of some sort whether it is a court appointed mediator or a counselor.

 

[janetupnorth]

Jess - Based on your additions...1. Call you parents - tell them your situation and ask for some support - watching the kids for a few hours while you take care of things, etc.2. If it is a 6-pack a night, time for some "tough love". I don't know what "hurting" your DS meant - hopefully not physically but only emotionally, but the emotional pain will LAST longer! I think he needs an ultimatum to go check into a treatment center NOW or get out for yours and the kids safety. If he has any love in his heart he will. 3. With the above, I don't know your situation to know how he will react. I suggest the kids be gone and you have someone there for support/protection for the talk, maybe meet in a public place. If there is any fear for your safety, get an order of protection now. You can always lift it later IF he straightens out...I have to run do some stuff, but will be thinking and praying for you.

 

[janetupnorth]

I think Jill and I were thinking alike!...just wanted to add that a 6-pack at night, every night, doesn't fare well for morning work. It builds in your system. Does his employer have mandatory assistance programs? Maybe a call to them would be good.

 

[erinyourpclady]

no words of wisdom that haven't already been shared...just praying for you!

Ditto what Meg said...more prayers coming your way.

 

[debmac]

Jess

First things first, I am sending you all the strength that you need right now.

Second the only people you need to worry about are your kids and you. Call your parents, seek there support. Obviously they saw or sensed something was not right all along. It just takes a while fo0r others to see it too. Surround yourself with people that are going to help you through this difficult time. and those who will support you emotionally.

If you already feel that the marriage is a lost cause then do something about it, It sounds like you already know the answer.

When you need to talk or support we will be here

Good Luck & God be with you

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I won't get into the drama about my alcoholic father and sister- but I will say this...you cannot enable them, you HAVE to be tough and strong, and alcoholic's are manipulative and weak and will say anything to blame everyone else for their issues and why they drink. I was the ONLY one in my family that wanted to do an intervention for my sister when she was at her height of drinking- and get this...no one wanted to make her mad at them...

So I did what I had to do, and ya know what? This sister is now sober going on 5.5 years and has turned her life around. She's not perfect in that she still has some laziness issues and let's see if someone else will help me first so that I don't have to do anything- but she's not drinking AT ALL!!! I was the only one in my family willing to risk it all to set her straight and thankfully it paid off.

Secondly- and this is very important. My heart BREAKS for you! Your post made me cry! The only words of wisdom I have is please, respect yourself and your children and make him get help if he wants to come back and you want him to, then secondly- a couple play therapy sessions for your kids wouldn't hurt either, and know that my prayer for their hurt and pain, and fear and for your confusion, and pain and fear are going out to you and up to our wonderful Heavenly Father!

Jess- we're here if you need us- please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk, vent or cry!

 

[rennea]

My first reaction is change the locks, retain a lawyer and set up a new bank account with only your name. Then as I'm typing, I think you need to call your parents and tell them the whole story. If there are legitimate issues with them that aren't about just protecting your husband, then don't hide those, but you need their help. If you have a church and/or group of close friends you have to reach out to them and be completely honest.

My first reaction is the same Jae's but...

As a child of an alcoholics Jae has hit the nail on the head. Honesty Don't be ashamed and hide what's going on. Get help and support from those around you who love and cherish you. Outside of your circle there is also so many support groups to deal with this.

You can't change him!! His actions are not your fault and you DON'T have to lives like this. You and your children DESERVE better.

If you need to talk please feel free to email or PM me. I have dealt with this ALL my life and know what your children are feeling.

Sending bunches of good thoughts and prayers your way.

 

[cwinter474]

My first reaction is change the locks, retain a lawyer and set up a new bank account with only your name. Then as I'm typing, I think you need to call your parents and tell them the whole story. If there are legitimate issues with them that aren't about just protecting your husband, then don't hide those, but you need their help. If you have a church and/or group of close friends you have to reach out to them and be completely honest.

This doesn't mean I think you should divorce him. I just think you need to protect yourself. Your husband could take all the money and run. He's obviously being unreasonable, and I do think he shouldn't be allowed around you and the kids until he agrees to a set plan of recovery. I think you need a mediator of some sort whether it is a court appointed mediator or a counselor.

I agree! Protect you and your children. CALL your parents! If you have a relationship of any kind that you must keep from your parents, it is a relationship that you don't need to have. I'm saying divorce him either, after tough love and counciling and him sobering up. He should agree that you and your children need your parents envolved in their lives.

I really think that you and your children need to get counciling NOW.

Prayers and thoughts are with you..

 

[Jess_K]

thanks everyone.. you're ALL so great.. My Mom called me this morning.. with bad news unfortunately my Grandfather is in the hospital.. they found a large mass in is colon and it's colon cancer SO, they are going in for surgery on Monday morning. He's 90 yrs old I'm pretty sure. So go figure.. I might be the one to leave tomorrow with the kids of course.. so we'll see. I didn't tell my mom anything about things with my husband just said we had a fight last night. Not sure what I'll do, but I'll try to post of I go out of town.. could you please add my Grandpa to the prayers? thanks. When it rains, it pours.

 

[Shawnna]

Jess...I am so sorry. You will be in my prayers.

Father in Heaven...this is a tough situation for us, but not for you. I pray that you would give Jess strength and guidance to make the right decisions in this situation. I plead the blood of Jesus over her and her children, that you would protect them. Father, we cannot change people, but you can. I pray that you would change the heart of her husband...soften it...and that you would open his eyes to where he is and what is going on. I pray for complete healing because I know that alcoholism is a sickness. I also pray for healing in the family situation. Send her a Godly person full of your wisdom and love to help her Father. Thank you Father for intervening and helping Jess. In Jesus name...Amen.

Jess, you have been given a lot of good advice here. We are not with you so we cannot see the "big picture". To be honest, like someone said, my first reaction is to change the locks, clear out the bank accounts and get a lawyer. But, I know that this is not what God would want. He heals all wounds. I do not believe in divorce...but I do not believe that God wants us to stay and be abused.

So, the first thing I would tell you is find a safe place for your children...if you think your husband might do something if they went to your parents' home, then find somewhere else for them so that everyone concerned is protected. The next thing I would suggest is to go visit with your pastor...if you don't have a home church, ask a trustworthy friend to put you in touch with their pastor. You will need your parents, but as a parent I know that my first instinct is to take charge of the situation and that is not what you need. You need their support...not for them to jump in and make the situation worse. After you have spoken with your pastor ask your husband...when he is sober...to talk to the pastor...either together or alone. I would also open a checking account in my name and put some money there for emeregencies. that does not mean that I think you will need it, but just in case. and, the most important thing I can tell you is to pray...and keep praying until God answers your prayer. It might take a long time or it might not take long at all. Acoholism is a disease and God can heal all diseases. Don't give up...God works in his own time. I sing a song called "4 Days Late" about Lazurus...Mary and Martha thought Jesus was too late because Lazurus had been dead 4 days, but Jesus raised him from the dead...when He is 4 days late, He is still on time.

God bless you.

 

[janetupnorth]

We'll add Grandpa...maybe it is a blessing in disguise...Some safe time away from your husband, maybe a chance to talk to family...who knows?Stay safe and take care of those kiddos!

 

[whiteyteresa]

Prayers coming your way

First of all, talk with your children in their terms - let them know that both of you (you and your husband) love them very much and nothing is their fault - never say anthing negative about your husband or your marriage - at this age they won't understand things like this. Answer their questions right there and then - no matter what they are - this is very important to them - don't let their questions/feelings be pushed to the side (I know you would never do this - I just had to add this point) This will help ease stress from them and you too. Make everything the children do FUN. So keep things possive and this is what the children will remember.

This might seem like strange advise but

Get a notebook - write down things - from the past, the present - along with dates, people that was around, detail info, even times if you can remember

This story sounded so much like what my cousin went through about 4 years ago. The support group that she went to told her to do this - it helps to figure out what might have went on the night(day) before - when you write things down right away, you remember more of what really happen the correct way- then over the night(or day) the situation starts changing in your mind - then you start second guessing yourself. This will help a little to remember things more clearly

Just remember to put the book (spiral notebook, loose-leaf paper - something very casual) in a place where he/she won't look or find it - but keep it handy.

Prayers are coming your way

I hope what I wrote sounds right - that is how I want it to be.

:chef:

 

[cwinter474]

"Get a notebook - write down things - from the past, the present - along with dates, people that was around, detail info, even times if you can remember

This story sounded so much like what my cousin went through about 4 years ago. The support group that she went to told her to do this - it helps to figure out what might have went on the night(day) before - when you write things down right away, you remember more of what really happen the correct way- then over the night(or day) the situation starts changing in your mind - then you start second guessing yourself. This will help a little to remember things more clearly

Just remember to put the book (spiral notebook, loose-leaf paper - something very casual) in a place where he/she won't look or find it - but keep it handy."

I agree - document, document everything.

 

[Grandmarita]

Absolutely, start journaling what is going on. It helps to write it down. Gives you information later on that is so easy to get confused about. I agree on recording the times and dates, and what was said and who else might have witnessed it and heard it.

One other concern I have is about firearms in your house. It was an issue for me,
during the crumbling of my first marriage. Don't take any chances. Don't give up
hope. I have been in a wonderful second marriage for 26 years.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Jess...I am so sorry. You will be in my prayers.

Father in Heaven...this is a tough situation for us, but not for you. I pray that you would give Jess strength and guidance to make the right decisions in this situation. I plead the blood of Jesus over her and her children, that you would protect them. Father, we cannot change people, but you can. I pray that you would change the heart of her husband...soften it...and that you would open his eyes to where he is and what is going on. I pray for complete healing because I know that alcoholism is a sickness. I also pray for healing in the family situation. Send her a Godly person full of your wisdom and love to help her Father. Thank you Father for intervening and helping Jess. In Jesus name...Amen.

Jess, you have been given a lot of good advice here. We are not with you so we cannot see the "big picture". To be honest, like someone said, my first reaction is to change the locks, clear out the bank accounts and get a lawyer. But, I know that this is not what God would want. He heals all wounds. I do not believe in divorce...but I do not believe that God wants us to stay and be abused.

So, the first thing I would tell you is find a safe place for your children...if you think your husband might do something if they went to your parents' home, then find somewhere else for them so that everyone concerned is protected. The next thing I would suggest is to go visit with your pastor...if you don't have a home church, ask a trustworthy friend to put you in touch with their pastor. You will need your parents, but as a parent I know that my first instinct is to take charge of the situation and that is not what you need. You need their support...not for them to jump in and make the situation worse. After you have spoken with your pastor ask your husband...when he is sober...to talk to the pastor...either together or alone. I would also open a checking account in my name and put some money there for emeregencies. that does not mean that I think you will need it, but just in case. and, the most important thing I can tell you is to pray...and keep praying until God answers your prayer. It might take a long time or it might not take long at all. Acoholism is a disease and God can heal all diseases. Don't give up...God works in his own time. I sing a song called "4 Days Late" about Lazurus...Mary and Martha thought Jesus was too late because Lazurus had been dead 4 days, but Jesus raised him from the dead...when He is 4 days late, He is still on time.

God bless you.

Shawnna....you said everything that was on my heart for Jess! All I can add is AMEN!

Jess...you, the kids, and your DH will be in my prayers. Alcoholism is a horrible thing to deal with...it just takes away so much! I pray that your DH can get the help HE needs so your family can heal...

With love,
Kelly

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Oh Jess, you and the children are in my prayers.

I don't have much advice since I haven't been through this before, but you do have to protect your children like others have said. That doesn't totally mean not telling them anything, but protect them from being hurt. You are going to have to explain somehow why Daddy left and why he said things he really didn't mean. You can explain sometimes people do wrong things. It is evil in the world which some can't resist. I know I would tell my children the truth about the drinking, but that is a decision you need to make for yourself.

Definitely don't rush into any decisions. It is good you are thinking it over; however, you do need tough love in this situation.

Again, I'm praying for you.

 

[twinchefs]

Praying for your family, I hope everthing works out for you.

 

[Shawnna]

Definately journal...this will help if he comes back and wants to get custody of your children...now or in the future. Also, don't write anything else in it...only stuff that pertains to this type of stuff. A planner with large space to write will also work. The dates, times, behaviour is very important. I never thought about this before but it is what they tell people to do when they are having trouble with custody issues. And, write everything...even if you think it is silly...

 

[Teresa Lynn]

someone mentioned keeping it handy but in a safe place. If you reconcile and he doesn't cook what about documenting on index cards & keeping them in a recipe box or in a small composition notebook (the ones without a spiral) where it blends in with other cookbooks

 

[PChefPEI]

Prayers for Grampa going your way too!

 

[PCJen]

Oh Jess,

I am so sorry you are going through this. As I read your post I started crying, I grew up with an alcoholic father. I still have many problems as an adult because of growing up this way. I also do not let him see my kids unless I am there and he has not been drinking or should I say, wiped out drunk, because he is always drinking. If you would like to talk to someone that has gone through this as a child please feel free to PM and I will send you my Ph#. It's too hard to type everything out. It would end up being a very long drawn out book. I will keep you and your beautiful children in my prayers.

 

[aPamperedBride]

Jess, while I agree with most everything written thus far, I think it is important to stress that you should not give him a free pass to return. I would change the locks. And when(if) he comes home and bangs on the door because he can't get in and is drunk, I would remind him that he's the one who left and you'll talk to him tomorrow at noon at McDonalds or some other public place. (If you can't rely on a nearby friend to watch the kids, you want some public place with a playground to distract them.)

Don't jump ahead of yourself; if he is gone for good, you'll get child support. But if he comes back sober and can't get in, swears it will never happen again, etc. you have leverage. You can tell him what your conditions are for his return (with counseling being a requirement). When I was in pre-marital counselling years ago, they told us that the only real marriage killer was an unwilling spirit. If one or both of you has an unwilling spirit, then it doesn't matter what the other does...it is over. But if your husband is truly willing to win you back and you are willing to accept him, God can not just salvage your marriage, but make it so incredible that you'll wonder why you ever thought of calling it quits!

I agree that Grandpa being in the hospital may be a blessing in disguise...if you have to pack up and stay overnight elsewhere a few days with the kids, it may be a sobering experience for your husband to come home and not find you eagerly waiting there to take him back. It might make reality sink in for him and help him recognize what drinking costs him.

Father God, I want to echo Shawna's prayers for Jess and her kids. While it is heartbreaking to read the effects of sin in the lives of others, we know that You provide "grace that is greater than all [his] sin." Strenghen Jess as she works through both her emotions and the practicalities of this precarious situation. Give her wisdom in how to interact with and respond to her husband the next time she sees him. Thank You for Your promise to provide all Jess's needs through Your glorious riches in Christ Jesus. We trust that You are able to work in and through this situation for the good of Jess and her kids. She has asked for prayer and we gladly lift her up to You. We know that while this shocked and hurt Jess, it did not catch You by surprise. You are able to meet Jess where she is. We trust you as Jehovah Jirah, the Lord who Provides. We look forward to hearing the praise of how You work in this situation to conform Jess to Your image and bring glory to Your Name.

We also lift up her Grandpa to you now. Thank You for the long life You've given him. If You are ready to bring him home now, we ask that Jess and the kids can see him one last time here on earth, and that You take him gently and quickly without much pain. If it is his time, give comfort to all who remain. If Your will is to allow him to linger here a while longer, we ask that You heal him quickly. Give wisdom to the doctors who are providing care as to the best course of treatment so that he can come home from the hospital soon. Either way, we say Your will be done. We trust You and we love You. Amen.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Jess, I couldnt read everyone's post because this hits home for me. I pm'd you instead.

 

[dianevill]

Jess,

So much good advice has been offered. I just want to let you know you and your entire family (including your grandfather) are in my prayers.

 

[PampMomof3]

while I agree with Janets post, I lived with an alcoholic stepfather and I vivdly rememebr the cycles of their anger if he did it once he'll say he's sorry but it will happen again sometime. Today he might not even remember what eh said or why he left.

If you truly are ready to move on without him, go to your parents, (you said until there was further communication) You're communicating you and those babies need love support and help. I'm sure they will understand. they love you.

Prayers and positive thoughts for all involved.

I agree. I had a father and stepfather who were avid alcoholics and to this date, my mother has since been divorced twice. Although I"m not condoning divorcing (I want to be married for life) he needs to make the committment

Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

 

[iteachurkid]

Sending prayers for you, your children and your grandpa your way...

 

[buckeyefan08]

The only advice I have is be the stongest woman you know how to be for those children. If you can help DH that will be helping your kids. Going through alcholizm for a child is hard. (I know my mom was off the deep end for a long time) Your parents will help you, that is just what parents do and as for DH opinion on that, well he gave up his right to have an opinion when he left. I'm not saying it can't be fixed but maybe it's time for it to get fixed on your terms. His terms seem pretty unacceptable at this point!
I send you prayers, courage, and strength you will need it. Getting through alcoholism is a long road but just know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[wadesgirl]

JESS! WE ALL LOVE YOU! I come back from conference to find this and Kacey being sick (yes, your situation is a lot worse, I just saw Kacey's first). Just know that we are here you. You can PM me if you want to!

 

[jenboswood]

Jess,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I think everyone is touched by drug/alcohol/depression issues in one way or another. Remember, protect yourself and your children physically, emotionally and financially in any way. Call your family, you and your children will need their support. Get alone, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom while your children nap and cry. It does help to let it all out. You will be okay! I promise. It may not feel that way, but you will.

Jennifer

 

[Jess_K]

well here's the latest.. he's back and actually asked for help.. that's a first.. I'm still leaving this week with the kids to go back to see my Grandpa, so we'll see if he makes any progress when I'm gone. He actually has stopped drinking and hasn't had any alcohol since Friday night. Thanks so much for all your thoughts, prayers and advice. I think I'll still try to recall events to write down and I'm still very much on guard. time will tell what happens.. I'm still not sold on staying married and still considering leaving him.

 

[Shawnna]

Jess...just keep praying.

 

[janetupnorth]

Yes, keep praying and KEEP HIM ACCOUNTABLE!Hey broke your trust as alcoholism and other issues like infidelity would in a marriage and it is a tough road back! Try to remember why you married him, why you had kids with him, what you may still love about him and as long as he is working on it, you keep working on the marriage and praying for him. You are going to have PLENTY of ups and downs coming your way.Just remember the verse that occurs 85 times in the Bible."And it came to pass..."

 

[KellyTheChef]

Jess...thanks for updating us, you know we are still all praying for you! (and your kids and DH!)

 

[Chef Michelle D]

Jess, I am glad that your DH wants to get help. I can understand that you don't have much trust right now. But I think before you decide to leave him you should try to go to counceling first. If he is willing to go then I believe he really wants to get help and work on your marrage. Good luck you and your family are in my prayers.

 

[merego]

Oh my gosh, I am soooooo sorry. Sending prayers your way and will be thinking about you
BIHG HUGS!!!!!!