Midnight Alone: 28 Years of Marriage Ends

[Ann F]

It's midnight. Too late to call my family or friends. Pacing the floor. Thought of this site. Had to communicate to someone. I got home about 10:30 tonight from an out of state visit with my married children. I barely got in the house and my husband of 28 years said he's found someone else and wants a divorce. 28 years. 28 years! A friend--not close, but a friend. Younger. From church! I'm s'posed to work tomorrow...I sit down, get up, walk, sit down,...Can't think...

 

[DebbieJ]

(((HUGS))) Ann. I will say a prayer for you tonight. Try to get some sleep, okay?

 

[Ann F]

Thanks for posting. Now I don't feel like I'm the only person in the world up.

 

[smspamperedchef]

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry. (HUGS) from me!

Any signs that this might happen? Any problems before this? How did you handle it with him? I'm here to talk if you want!

 

[smspamperedchef]

Oh my gosh ANN! I didn't even realize this was you!
Call me if you want to! If you don't have my number PM me

 

[Ann F]

Is that Sharon my roommate from NDA?

 

[Ann F]

The photos are pretty small, aren't they? I PM'd you.

 

[PC1]

I have a good ear and shoulder if you need one. I totally feel for you. My thoughts are with you. We are here for you tonight to get you thru this extremely hard time for you. Is he still with you right now? UGH Men!

 

[Ann F]

Thanks.

No, he's gone. When I walked into the house, I saw some of his stuff by the door. My 1st thought was, "where's he been?" My immediate next thought was, "Oh, no! He's leaving!" He stayed long enough to tell me he wanted out and that he loved someone else...

I knew things weren't right, but I didn't expect it to be someone else (for several reasons).

Thanks, guys. I think I can go to bed now. It's really strange how much this has helped me. Thanks, Sharon, for the phone call.

 

[rennea]

{{{hugs}}} My thoughts are with you. Take care.

 

[smspamperedchef]

Thanks.

No, he's gone. When I walked into the house, I saw some of his stuff by the door. My 1st thought was, "where's he been?" My immediate next thought was, "Oh, no! He's leaving!" He stayed long enough to tell me he wanted out and that he loved someone else...

I knew things weren't right, but I didn't expect it to be someone else (for several reasons).

Thanks, guys. I think I can go to bed now. It's really strange how much this has helped me. Thanks, Sharon, for the phone call.

ANN, you are SO welcome! Now I'm having a tough time going to sleep. I can so relate to how you must be feeling. I've been separated twice before and that was just awful. We will talk again! Please call me when you want to!

 

[lissahope26]

I hate hearing this! Hugs to you!

 

[raebates]

Ann, I'm so sorry. You will be in my prayers.

 

[janetupnorth]

Ann - just saw this - so sorry! Right as I was getting married this happened to my husband's aunt. Husband left her after almost 40 years. Had a secret affair for 20!I saw the verse in your signature...do you have a good Christian marriage counselor you can talk to? Regardless of the end result, it would really help for you to talk to someone.My heart aches for you and makes me even more thankful for what I have!

 

[amy07]

I'm sure you will be experiencing a wide range of emotions in the days, weeks, months and even years to come. My heart aches for you! I second Janet's advice, get a good counselor (even if it's only for you). You will need help in processing all of the hurt, anger, and sadness.

 

[BethCooks4U]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Oh, Ann. I am so sorry to hear this. I know that you are devestated at this time but know that it is the best thing for you. A marriage is a partnership and both have to be willing to work at it.

My ex left for someone else and I had no clue before the day he announced it to me. I thought we were married for life. It was very hard but it was the best thing that could have happened. I still wish I didn't have to have gone through that but I am a stronger person and in a much better place for it. I was not me in that relationship. In time you will be stronger for it too.

You are in our prayers.

 

[PamperedDor]

I also agree with the above posts - my sister had something similar happen to her, its been 5 years now and she is in counseling on the last 2 - she wishes she had started earlier. There is a lot of feelings that surface in the next few days, weeks, months. You will need to grieve and let those feeling out. Know that we are all here for you if you need a sounding board or support - prayers and thoughts are with you!! Stay strong!!!

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I am so sorry to hear this, it breaks my heart!

You will be in my prayers.

 

[dannyzmom]

Oh Ann, I am so very sorry. We are all here for you!!

 

[jenniferp417]

I'm so sorry to hear this. My prayers will be with you. Stay strong!

 

[PampMomof3]

My gosh Ann. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the wide range of emotions you're carrying with 28 years between the two of you. We are here for you and I also agree, go to counseling to get a better understanding on how to deal with your emotions.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[dianevill]

Ann, I am so sorry for all you're going through. Please know you will be in my prayers.

 

[cathyskitchen]

I'm so sorry Ann - my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Please know we are all here for you.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I'm so sad for you. Break-ups are horrible.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

[KellyTheChef]

Wow...I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I pray that God sends lots of His angels to comfort and strengthen you through this time!

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Ann, just wanted to add my prayers and support for you. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
Satan has a way of blinding peoples eyes to what they know to be true and right. It is never part of God's plan for marriages to dissolve (marriages dissolve because of people's selfishness and cruelty). I will be praying that the Holy Spirit will work in your husband's heart and mind, and convict him, and I will be praying that God will wrap His arms around you, and be your Comfort, Shelter, and Strength during this time.
May God's peace be with you. {{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}

 

[CookingwithMary]

Ann, I'm so sorry. Was out of town when this was posted.
Along with others, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.Can you speak with the Pastor about what has happened? The Pastor and Elders have a duty towards all involved in this.Hugs,

 

[chefjeanine]

Ann,

I will be praying for you -- that you can have some peace so you are able to get some rest. Some time away from that feeling that someone reached in and pulled out your guts (just guessing).

Find someone you can talk to. . .I think a counselor is a good choice. Someone who doesn't know you or your husband who is able to listen just to you. Just get your thoughts out of your head and out of your mouth.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Ann, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even imagine how tough this is for you. I've had two of my best friends go through the same experience. They are troopers and are getting through it. Please hang in there and remember we're all here for you.

 

[chefmeg]

WHOA! Ann, I cannot express how sad I am for you! BIG HUGS coming your way. I agree on getting with a counselor (and a lawyer) as soon as possible! Glad you have this forum to vent in.....

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Wow, I'm so sorry Ann!

 

[smspamperedchef]

Ann, I hope you're ok. I will call you tomorrow to see how you are. Or you can call me anytime!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Ann, I don't know you, but I am still so sorry! I will say a prayer!

 

[Kitchen2u]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Ann ~ I can't imagine what you're feeling. I can only tell you that we're all family here and you can depend on us ~ we're not going anywhere!
Take care ~ I'll say some extra prayers for you. It maybe a rollar coaster ride for the months ahead, just hang on tight ! ! !

 

[Sheila]

I'm new to PC and to CS and have never met you, but still sending you big hugs.

And, just for the record, I'm in Japan, which means my day time is your night time. So I'm always up in the middle of your night. I even have a Dallas, TX phone number that rings my computer in Japan. So don't ever feel like you are alone. There's always someone (even people you've not yet met) who will lend an ear.

 

[peichef]

Ann
I can't even imagine what you've been going though. Please know that you are not alone -- all the other "cheffers" are sending love and prayers your way.
May God grant you peace and solace through this very difficult time. Lean on Him & you will get through this.

 

[heather223]

Ann, I am so sorry to hear this. Please go talk to a counseler and find a lawyer. Prayers and hugs to you.

 

[Nanisu]

Dear Ann:

This is very sad. My heart goes out to you and I am praying for you. I noticed your verse in your signature, I just finished teaching a Bible study to 35 women this year on the book of John. Your verse calls us to remember that He not only was there in the Beginning, He WAS the beginning. Hard as this is for you now, I encourage you to remember that He is in control. My prayer is that your heart be comforted as you rely on Him. God Bless. Come to this board often and check in--many are praying for you.

 

[susanr613]

Oh Ann, my heart goes out to you. I have been through two divorces, but not through your situation.

Like many others here, I strongly recommend counseling and a good lawyer. You need someone skilled to listen and guide you through your feelings, and someone skilled to advocate for you, without emotion, to help you emerge with what you deserve to build a new life.

Check in any time and my prayers are with you -

 

[Ann F]

You guys are so wonderful. I couldn't check in yesterday because my supervisor "kidnapped" me from work and insisted I stay at her house for the night; she didn't want me to be alone.

This afternoon I feel much calmer than I did Saturday/Sunday. When I called one of my sisters today, she said, "Jesus is just as annoyed as you are!" It made me laugh and smile--it was as though He was sitting by her listening to our conversation and she was relaying the message.

Thank you so much for your hugs and prayers. They are truly helpful.

Love,
Ann

 

[peichef]

sounds like you have a wonderful supervisor. It's nice to know that you have supportive people around you.

 

[legacypc46]

My heart ached when I read your post. Totally agree with the advice on getting a lawyer. This is all new to you, but it isn't to your spouse. He's had time to plan and develop a strategy (regardless of whether he intends to play financially 'fair' or not). Will keep you in prayers.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

You guys are so wonderful. I couldn't check in yesterday because my supervisor "kidnapped" me from work and insisted I stay at her house for the night; she didn't want me to be alone.

This afternoon I feel much calmer than I did Saturday/Sunday. When I called one of my sisters today, she said, "Jesus is just as annoyed as you are!" It made me laugh and smile--it was as though He was sitting by her listening to our conversation and she was relaying the message.

Thank you so much for your hugs and prayers. They are truly helpful.

Love,
Ann

Ann, I don't believe I've had the privlege of getting to know you, but when I read your post I started to cry. Here I'm stuck with the blues over losing my job, DH just lost his, my sister found out her hubby was molesting their 4 year old daughter, and my sister and niece are living with us and suckig us dry, my unemployment got cancelled until a judge decides whether or not it should have been approved or not to begin with, etc- etc...Today the reality of it all just came crashing down on me....

Then I read your post and felt ashamed that I've been having a pity party for myself. Satan sent out the invitations, said there would be cake and I went to the party...I should know better.

My heart breaks for you- it truly does! I am so sorry about this betrayal by your husband and friend. I will keep you in my prayers and I believe God will wrap you tightly in His arms and surround you in His bubble of love, grace, strength and mercy. Please feel free to come here and post when you can- I want to be here to offer you an ear and some encouragement and a place to vent, cry, complain, rant or whatever.

Prayers are with you!

 

[Ann F]

Kacey, dear! I'll keep you and your family's situation in my heart and in my prayers, as well. Bless you for your big heart.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Kacey, dear! I'll keep you and your family's situation in my heart and in my prayers, as well. Bless you for your big heart.

Awww- you are so sweet.

I am just sad for you- my spirit is so sensitive to those that have been hurt or are hurting. Which is one of the reasons I suppose I'm allowed to go through so many things in my life. It certainly helps me be there for others, and don't ever feel like you can't just PM me or email me- I will be a source of encouragement for you.

I will be lifting you up in my prayers tonight! God bless you- I'm so sorry about this, but we will be here for you when you need us!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

thoguht this might be helpful to some...Prayer in Personal Crisis
Article from Heal My Life Christian Inner Healing Prayer Therapy Seminar © George Hartwell, November 2002, Agape Christian Counselling, (416) 234-1850, Christian marriage couples & individual counseling retreat couple retreats

Review:

Some of the principles we follow in praying include:

1. Prayer does not control or manipulate God or people,

2. Prayer must be based in faith. Do not pray unbelief, confess it.

3. Praying together must be based on agreement - not forced or presumed agreement, but real agreement.

4. It is good to link prayer to scriptural promises, but do not use Biblical promises to manipulate or test God. Therefore confirm Biblical promises with listening prayer.

5. To confirm a promise ask God if this promise applies to you in your situation and listen for a word, sense, song, vision, or feeling that confirms the promise.

6. Do pray for protection but do not address prayer to Satan. Do not presume to control, take authority over or bind principalities over areas.

7. So praise God naming him and affirming who he is. Draw near to God in praise and focus on him. Praise builds faith and calls upon the presence of God.

8. Do start prayer from a position of humility. If you want God to act you need to give it to God, let go, take hands off and step back. An example of this is the prayer imagery of putting it on the altar.

9. Pray for those with a closed mind by "sending the Holy Spirit." Step back; take hands off, and ask God to speak to this person.

10. For the complainer and the critic who express toward you their hurt, bitterness, frustration, and anger, Use the "Mediator Prayer" - listen and send it up to heaven.

Divorce
How does one pray then in the midst of marriage breakup, divorce or breakdown of a serious legal relationship?

As in praying for the prodigal or the lost, use the "Level Playing Field" prayer. The purpose of this prayer is to strip away Satan's power to veil the eyes of the person.

A short prayer will do. Use a phrase or sentence form the following prayer.



Level Playing Field
"Father, I take a stand, in Jesus name, against all the works of the enemy in this situation.

I claim protection for (names) that they be signed with the cross of Jesus, sealed with the blood of Jesus, hidden in Christ and protected all around with your holy angels.

I call upon God: for the presence of God within this situation, for the wisdom from above for each one, and for God's quick judgment upon the plans of Satan and the works of darkness in this situation.

I call for victory in Jesus name for God's truth and God's holy ones.

I claim defeat, in Jesus name, of Satan's power to veil minds. May all veils be removed and spiritual eyes be opened to see and know what is true.

I claim defeat, in Jesus name, of any and all fascination with sin or evil. May eyes be open to the beauty, grace and truth of God.

In the authority of Jesus I break the power of any curse, negative work or unbelieving prayer against anyone in this situation. I break it off in Jesus name and ask Jesus to break the power of any evil riding upon these curses or negative words.

May ears be open to God's Word, to the truth that sets us free. Feed us Father with your daily bread - Your very word spoken to us. Send forth Your Word of healing and blessing. For Your word is living and powerful and accomplishes Your purposes.

Praise be to God."



Forgiveness
If you want protection from name-calling and mud slinging in a relationship then you have some decisions to make. Do you need to fight back? Do you need to hurt the one that is hurting you?

Taking emotional revenge comes at a price. God will not protect you from emotional hurt.

If you want God to protect you emotionally then you have to give up your right to strike back. You cannot avenge yourself by hurting the other. Whenever you are act as your own protector you keep God out of it

However, as soon as you decide not to hurt the other God steps in to protect you. You will be amazed at the invisible shield that God puts up.

Decide to walk in forgiveness toward the other. As they hurt you forgive.

Move into blessing the other. As the speak ill of you, you, in your mind, speak blessing toward them. "Father bless then, show them Your love. Give them your peace."



Broken Heart to God
Your heart may be broken. If you give your heart to God it will mend right. If you don't it will have scars. It will be hardened and bitter. You will not be able to easily love again. So trust your heart to God.

He will hold those broken pieces in His hands. As they mend you will have a soft heart. You will be able to love again with increased love.

The verbal prayer goes like this: "Father my heart is broken. I feel like it is in pieces. I need to put my heart into your care. Will you take care of it for me? I want to be able to love again. I don't want to be bitter and brittle."

Take time to listen to God. Wait for His affirmation that he will take your heart into His care. When you sense this, thank Him.

You can do the "Broken Heart to God" prayer as a story - an inner drama. Picture yourself taking your heart and placing it in the Father's hands. See Him take your heart into His hands. Ask Him to take care of your heart. Wait and see what happens. What do you sense? What do you feel? What do your hear? Give thanks.

Pray with praise
In a personal crisis it is easy to get discouraged and lose faith. Ones spirits can droop and we become depressed. Praise to God counteracts this.

One highly important action to take in times like this is to find things to thank God for. Gratitude is a healthy feeling.

You can keep a blessing book. Every day note one blessing. This brings encouragement.

Keep praise and worship songs in one's life. Praise builds faith. Praise generates spiritual power even more than prayer.

Encourage yourself with praise. Learn an instrument. Collect praise songs. Read over praise psalms.

Write your own psalms of praise - crafted praise. Listen to God, meditate and write praises to God for His ability to work everything out for good.

Overwhelmed
There are time when one feels totally overwhelmed. Grief and loss of piled up. Depression rolls in. Painful memories are more then pleasant ones. Life's frustrations outnumber the satisfactions. The ones that are closest to you hurt or desert you. No one understands. Guilt may be extreme. Energy may be minimal. Unsolved problems compound. Anxiety builds. There doesn't seem to be any way out.

Do you want a Biblical description of deep depression to the point of being overwhelmed? Look at Psalm 142 and 143 for a variety of images describing depression. Note the following words and images in the King James version: 'my spirit was overwhelmed within me' (142:3, 143:4), 'no one cares for my soul' (142:4), 'I am brought very low' (142:6), 'Bring my soul out of prison' (142:7), 'the enemy has crushed my life to the ground, has made me dwell in darkness' (142:3), 'my heart within me is distressed' (143:4), 'my spirit fails' (143:7), 'lest I be like those who go down into the pit' (143:7).

Not only is one's life is a crisis, in these verses it seems one's heart, soul and spirit - one's very life - is on the line.

"Carry Me"
In this situation where one feel overwhelmed it appropriate to ask Jesus to carry you. Jesus is willing to carry you. Remember 'Footprints.'

The "Carry Me" verbal prayer would go like this: "Jesus I feel overwhelmed. I can't stand the pressure. It is too much for me. The burden is too heavy. I need you. I need you to carry me through this period of my life. Would you carry me?"

You are asking a question so take time to listen for the answer. Be still. Wait. Don't think but do note what thoughts come spontaneously to you. What images do you see or sense? What thought comes to you? Observe your feelings, thoughts and imagination for God's response. Thank him.

"Carry Me" refers to a picture of a lost sheep. Away form the fold this sheep is out in the cold night, scared and perhaps trapped where it cannot move. The shepherd must look for the lost sheep. The shepherd picks up this lost sheep and carries it home. The sheep is calmed and warmed by the shepherd's body and calm voice. The sheep is now safe with the shepherd and soon will be safe home with the flock. This feels good.

"Carry Me" is a inner prayer drama would go like this. Imagine yourself as a lost sheep. You are calling out for the shepherd. You are scared, wet, cold and trapped. You fee awful. Finally the Good Shepherd arrives. He picks you up. Calms you down. Dries you off and carries you home. You feel warmed and calmed as the shepherd carries you. Imagine how you feel. Take a few minutes to experience you, as this sheep, being carried along by the shepherd. Imagine how thankful you feel toward your shepherd. Imagine how good you feel when you are back home.

When you are finished notice how you feel. If you have time write a prayer to Jesus the Good Shepherd that you can say every day - your own psalm.

 

[crystalscookingnow]

Ann - I'm thinking of you! Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs!

 

[quiverfull7]

Ann, I am so sorry to read this news. I'll be praying for you. Sadly, a similar thing happened to my sister and it's just plain painful.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Psalm 61:2

King James Version (KJV)
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Here is another good one.Psalm 23

1THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.
2He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.(A)

3He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake.

4Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.

6Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

 

[DebbieJ]

Ann, I prayed for you this morning. Cling to God's promises. He is good, He will see you through.