Bil Getting Married-Not Personally Invited?

[lockhartkitchen]

Got a call tonight from my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law is getting married in 11 days! My husband (his brother) is not in the wedding! only one best man (his friend) and one brides maid (her friend). My BIL was the best man at our wedding. My one daughter can be the flower girl, but not the other? Why is she privelaged? I have a show that night, that invites have already been sent. What is he thinking? Who tells someone 11 days before a wedding? I'm not going! Now my husband says he won't be going if since he's not in it. How inconsiderate. Though that's my BIL. He's always been self centered. Why is my mother-in-law calling to invite us? My BIL can't? Of course this is his second marriage. This one he got pregnant after meeting her at the bar. Two years after their baby is born, he's now getting married out of the blue? Tried calling my BIL and he's not answering his phone.

 

[chefsteph07]

Obviously the wedding is low key...I don't understand why you would not have known about it before now, but I don't think you guys should take NOT being in the wedding personally...I'd love to be invited to a wedding and not have to fool around w/ being in it! No bridesmaid dress to have to buy, no tux for your husband, all unneeded added expenses if you ask me!

I think your brother definitely needs to go...it's his brother...regardless of the situation or how you found out about it...

I also think he should be commended for marrying the mother of his baby...It doesn't sound like he is being self centered at all...

 

[bsaxman]

Sounds like maybe this was just a low-key last-minute type thing! Lots of people are going this route nowdays, especially if it's not their first marriage... maybe they are just wanted to get it over with and get the show on the road! I would encourage your hubby to go and support his brother if he can. Encourage him (and you too) not to take it personally, their wedding is not like yours was, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. However, they MUST understand that on 11 days notice that they should not expect everyone to be able to jump up and show up- thats just poor planning/ lack of judgement on their part! Do what you can but don't break your neck about it! Do be supportive because you never know what may be going on in their lives, and they may need to turn to you and your husband for some advice or encouragement later in their marriage!

 

[gailz2]

I agree if you can't make it your husband should definitely go. I could be your husband's mother here and just say, "Oh, I'll call Tommy and see if he and Jane can make it". I'm sort of like that. It does sound low key, and having been married twice myself, it is nice if people you love can make it, but with short notice it is difficult for others. It sounds like they will be cutting expenses with this smaller wedding, too, which is wise. Second weddings are much more relaxed. Be happy for them.

 

[Darcia]

I agree if you can't make it your husband should definitely go. I could be your husband's mother here and just say, "Oh, I'll call Tommy and see if he and Jane can make it". I'm sort of like that. It does sound low key, and having been married twice myself, it is nice if people you love can make it, but with short notice it is difficult for others. It sounds like they will be cutting expenses with this smaller wedding, too, which is wise. Second weddings are much more relaxed. Be happy for them.

Ditto, I truly agee less is more. It is their plans - not necessarily selfish. They may just want a small an intiminate wedding party.

 

[Fluffy215]

With my second marriage, current one LOL, we did not tell anyone we were getting married. We were having a huge BBQ and invited everyone to come to that. Little did they know they were actually attending the reception. I did all the cooking, and instead of receiving gifts some the guests we gave raffle prizes. No purchase you just got tickets and then we pulled one every hour which were wrapped in wedding paper. It was summer, June, and it was done in our own backyard. I did all the cooking, this was before I became a cheffer We had everything from burgers, pulled pork, corn on the cob, grilled chicken, every kind of salad imaginable etc. Even his family had no clue and in fact his mother had a hissy fit when she found out. LOL Not like we get along anyways but whatever LOL This was my second and his third so we didn't want everyone to go nuts. I would not take it personally, you don't know the entire situation especially where you haven't spoke to him. I agree though, hubby should go because he is family. Wether it was last minute or not. But thats my opinion

 

[cookinmama]

We weren't even invited to my SIL wedding and it was their first. But we were expected to go to the luncheon after and I was expected to give her a shower (which I did) It was during hunting season and my husband (the brother) refused to come home from hunting just to go to lunch. So he told her that if he wasn't invited to the wedding then he wasn't coming to the lunch. And not to expect his wife (me) to drop her plans and come. they told us 2 weeks before. Well I did end up going by myself to support and then headed down to girls weekend after. Still to this day I do not know why we weren't invited becasue the younger sister went to the wedding. Very confussing, but it is their wedding.

 

[Sheila]

They could have gone to the court house, but have chosen to include the family. Hopefully they will understand that some people have prior commitments that they can't change with this short of notice. I agree with everyone else that your hubby should go even if you can't.

Tradition says 1 bridesmaid/groomsmen for every 100 guests you are inviting. Although you husband chose him to be the bestman, it's okay that he didn't choose your hubby to be his bestman. It happens all the time.

And as far as choosing one daughter over the other, it's probably not a "favorite" thing. Most people only have one flower girl unless they are doing a huge wedding party. So it's probably just a "who's closer to the flower girl age" thing. Who knows, maybe neither of them have ever been to a wedding with more than one flower girl & they don't realize it's even an option. But with this small of a ceremony, I agree that one is more appropriate.

I say be happy for them HOWEVER they have chosen to tie the knot. Some people are into the huge church wedding with hundreds of guests. Others prefer a nice quiet ceremony. It doesn't mean that one is wrong and the other is right. KWIM?

 

[rennea]

I believe you and your DH should make the time to go. A lot of people are having small low key weddings.

I don't mean for this to sould nasty but who says a brother HAS to be the bestman, I don't think it's fair for you to assume that. Take a deep breath, step back. Then call and ask if there is anything you can help with!!! And let's hope that they life a long and happy life together

 

[lockhartkitchen]

Got the invitation today. The wedding is at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon, more than an 1 1/2 drive from our house. My husband and I can't take off work and kids can't leave school. (We've missed a lot of school and work because of my diabetic son in the past two weeks). My husband called his brother today to wish him congratulations and let him know we were unable to attend because of the time. He nicely let him know that it would have been nice if he was the best man, since he was in ours, but my husband said he understood. My MIL had already called my BIL and (long story about nutty MIL) anyway she started a big fight and said untrue things making my BIL yell at my husband saying he didn't want us there anyway. "I have 35 other people that can make that time, so I guess I'll see them". End of story.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Families are weird and some family dynamics are even weirder!! Sorry about all the stress this is putting you through. We weren't invited to our nephew's first birthday party (I know-not quite the same as a wedding) and for no apparent reason. We were invited to our neice's 3rd birthday party two months later, so go figure. Never got an explanation. My in-laws are a WEIRD bunch with all these unwritten rules....:yuck:

 

[wadesgirl]

Here's my point of view... It's their wedding, not yours so they can handle it however they want to. It's their choice of who's the best man, when to have their wedding, etc. It may hurt but this day is about them, not you. I'm not meaning this in a harsh way but in a reality way, it's their wedding. If you absolutely cannot make it, then send your wishes but I would try to make it if you can.

 

[crissy11]

would you have been able to take off work if husband had been the best man??

 

[gothim0802]

Crissy while your question is good....

I see it like this. he would have known a while ago he was going to be the best man and planned accordingly. But with such short notice I can see why they are upset! I would be definitely!

I mean the fact that the are not in the wedding is fine BUT being it's his brother they should have gotta a personal invite from him.

I can see where you guys would be upset. But really I've never heard of a wedding at 3pm anyway on a Friday!

 

[lockhartkitchen]

I wouldn't been able to take off work even if husband is the best man. I'm a teacher. It's a school day. I've taken all my personal days this year already, driving my son to doctor's appointments for his diabetes. The brother in law called my MIL last night and chewed her out for butting in and for her lies she's been telling. I think all will be well between him and my husband.