I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me Anymore...

[Brandi2007]

Me again... after reading this thread I left work and began the drive home. It got me thinking... so what is it? Why am I slacking and letting myself do so? I think I have figured out what it must be... I am over loaded. I feel like there is so much to do and I am so behind in everything that I should just do nothing.

Well, the problem with that is when I do nothing, it all piles up higher. So starting tomorrow morning I will get all of my June packets ready to be sent. At least this way my June will be up and rolling. The rest of the stuff will all get caught up in time. I just need to stop letting it pile high...

 

[janetupnorth]

Brandi - that is the key for many of us. We do so much that it piles up as we do many things at a time. If we take a little pile and complete it start to finish then move on to the next thing on the list we do better than if we jump from thing to thing to thing......and celebrate the accomplishments with yourself so you feel good about getting things done!

 

[pampered.chris]

I too feel as though this thread has hit home and a few times thought about starting my own thread about my slump here in the last few weeks.
My boyfriend just deployed a week ago for a 4.5 mth stay in Kuwait and my gram was just diagnosed w/ breast cancer 2 weeks ago and the day I found out about her lump, my cousin was in a serious horse riding accident and is thankfully on the road to recovery from skull fractures. Everything seems to be in a downhill spiral and I just can't break the slump.
At least 3 times a week I forget something so simple, like for instance...deoderant. I am lucky that I don't stink, or if I do, not bad enough for anyone to say anything, but about 1/2 way through the day I realize, I forgot to put it on again!! It should be so routine, I mean it is right up there with brushing your teeth, but sheesh...I think I am lucky that I remember to do that!!
I don't know what in the world is the matter with me b/c like you, this has been going on for awhile and right now, I am so overwhelmed with running two houses and dealing w/ boyfriends dog living w/ me (I am so NOT a dog person and he has a lab) and it is just chaotic.
If anyone has suggestions to help me get back on track I would greatly appreciate them to and please Kelly, let me know what works for you!!

 

[janetupnorth]

I too feel as though this thread has hit home and a few times thought about starting my own thread about my slump here in the last few weeks.
My boyfriend just deployed a week ago for a 4.5 mth stay in Kuwait and my gram was just diagnosed w/ breast cancer 2 weeks ago and the day I found out about her lump, my cousin was in a serious horse riding accident and is thankfully on the road to recovery from skull fractures. Everything seems to be in a downhill spiral and I just can't break the slump.
At least 3 times a week I forget something so simple, like for instance...deoderant. I am lucky that I don't stink, or if I do, not bad enough for anyone to say anything, but about 1/2 way through the day I realize, I forgot to put it on again!! It should be so routine, I mean it is right up there with brushing your teeth, but sheesh...I think I am lucky that I remember to do that!!
I don't know what in the world is the matter with me b/c like you, this has been going on for awhile and right now, I am so overwhelmed with running two houses and dealing w/ boyfriends dog living w/ me (I am so NOT a dog person and he has a lab) and it is just chaotic.
If anyone has suggestions to help me get back on track I would greatly appreciate them to and please Kelly, let me know what works for you!!

Put a HUGE note on your mirror that says - DON'T FORGET THE DEODORANT!!!!

 

[tinat51796]

Wow! I've been feeling the same kind of a slump lately. I know I don't post much but I try to get on here and read (and learn) from all of you. I feel like I'm doing a major injustice to my hosts by not being a better consultant. But lately I just feel like I don't care. I actually decided today at work that I need to go in and see my doctor tomorrow. I've been taking wellbutrin but lately I just don't feel like it's helping. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad Kelly. But it is good to see that I'm not alone.

I hope we can all find a way to get out of this funk!

 

[fikibiff]

I'm right there with you guys. And now I have a cold and can't breath through my nose. At least that will clear up soon (unless I become addicted to my nasal spray.)

 

[cathyskitchen]

(((HUGS))) to everyone on this thread! I can relate to a lot of what has been said here, as I have anxiety and depression and manage it daily. I actually started PC 5 years ago as a way to get me out of one of the biggest slumps of my life. I was dealing with a major back injury and I couldn't lift my son who was only 1 at the time, and I felt like a complete failure.

Of course, I wasn't, but no amount of "self-talk" could convince me. Since my family has a history of depression (my sister has been diagnosed bi-polar, grandmother had "episodes" as they used to call them, the list goes on), I knew to go to the Dr. right away when I started thinking about scary thoughts (won't even go there!!). I'm SO glad I went to my Dr. I have been on medication, but that might not be right for everyone. And, the first meds they put you on might not be the best ones for you to take.

So, try not to give up and take care of yourself like you would with any other illness. It is not a personality disorder, it is an illness that can be treated. It's really time society stopped putting such a "stigma" on depression - it's a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be triggered by so many things (the weather, pregnancy, life events - all things I see listed in this thread) and should not be treated as something that is "wrong" with anyone.

Hang in there, all of you - I truly feel for you. There is hope!! I'm proof!!

 

[pampered.chris]

Put a HUGE note on your mirror that says - DON'T FORGET THE DEODORANT!!!!

Thanks for the advice! LOL!! As silly as it sounds, I may do this, but then I will probably forget something else. Good thing I have a big mirror so I can fill it w/ post-it notes!!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Wow! I can't tell all of you how much your words mean to me. Again, I am sitting here bawling...

I am (I guess?) glad to hear that I am not alone. Certainly, though, I don't wish these feelings on anyone else, but it helps to know that others feel similar, especially dealing with our business.

It really does help to know that others get in these funks. Some of it seems "new"...but other things I am doing and dealing with have been going on for a long time.

I called yesterday and made an appt with a new counselor. I just don't feel like the counselor I have seen a few times over the past 4 years is "getting it". I guess I want to know WHY I am doing these things to "sabatoge" myself and my family so I can CHANGE my actions! Unfortunately, she is VERY well known and busy. At first, they said she only had openings in July :cry: but then she looked at the cancellation list, and saw they had a cancel at the end of this month (the 27th) and one again in June. So...we have me scheduled for a few appts right now.

My show went well last night...and I enjoyed myself. I always do...once I am packed up and on my way. She's at $720 now, and has some orders to collect. No bookings though...but a couple of people told me to give them a call closer to fall cuz they have crazy busy summers going on.

I told DH that I scheduled with that new counselor. I told him that I want to find out WHY I am doing these dumb things so I can change them, and why I feel so overwhelmed all of the time. My life is SERIOUSLY not that stressful, yet it always feels like a "Number 10" on the stress scale. I am tired of feeling overwhelmed, agitated, and irritated with everyone. When it comes to doing things for OTHERS, I make time and make it a priority (for example, I will be baking two things today to take into my church for a bake sale tomorrow)....yet something as IMPORTANT as putting time into my businss, or paying bills before we get late notices....I put off. (We will have the $$ sitting in the checking account, yet I just don't pay them....then last week, I finally got online, and just paid what I assumed needed paid on everything...I have not even opened the statements, or even have my check register current with all of our receipts and such...and this has been going on for YEARS. Sometimes I do better and keep up for a few months, but then I allow it to fall behind again. When I do this...it's a constant worry on my mind, cuz I KNOW how stupid I am being, and how I am affecting our credit report...)

It's frustrating feeling like this and not knowing WHY or what I can do to change it. I agree with a lot of your posts...I am certainly one of those people who can look around me and see 1,000 things that need to be done, get overwhelmed, and then sit and do nothing. I need to "JUST DO IT" and move forward...even if it's only something small. I also 100% agree with Janet- I can see that when I started letting my bible study slip, that my stress level skyrocketed. I *KNOW* that I need to put HIM first, and then all else will fall into place. I know this, yet I choose over and over again to not do it. That needs to be one of my first baby steps...

Thanks again, everyone for the love and support that I feel from you! It is so silly that I can open up so much online, yet have such a hard time "being real" with those around me. I have a very few close friends that I know I can call on, but noone really that is there for me on a daily basis. I have been praying for someone like that (other than DH...he's a guy and just doesn't do the talk thing too well...even though he tries his hardest with me!) since before my mom passed away. Thankfully, my best friend from high school and I are getting close again, and a few of my PC buddies and I are getting closer, too. I grew up in a family who acted like everything was fine, even when it was falling apart. I have been taking steps over the past 10 years to change that, but I have a looooong way to go. You all are such a blessing to me!

http://www.forumup.com/images/smiles/slider_thankyou.gif

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Wow! I can't tell all of you how much your words mean to me. Again, I am sitting here bawling...

I am (I guess?) glad to hear that I am not alone. Certainly, though, I don't wish these feelings on anyone else, but it helps to know that others feel similar, especially dealing with our business.

It really does help to know that others get in these funks. Some of it seems "new"...but other things I am doing and dealing with have been going on for a long time.

I called yesterday and made an appt with a new counselor. I just don't feel like the counselor I have seen a few times over the past 4 years is "getting it". I guess I want to know WHY I am doing these things to "sabatoge" myself and my family so I can CHANGE my actions! Unfortunately, she is VERY well known and busy. At first, they said she only had openings in July :cry: but then she looked at the cancellation list, and saw they had a cancel at the end of this month (the 27th) and one again in June. So...we have me scheduled for a few appts right now.

My show went well last night...and I enjoyed myself. I always do...once I am packed up and on my way. She's at $720 now, and has some orders to collect. No bookings though...but a couple of people told me to give them a call closer to fall cuz they have crazy busy summers going on.

I told DH that I scheduled with that new counselor. I told him that I want to find out WHY I am doing these dumb things so I can change them, and why I feel so overwhelmed all of the time. My life is SERIOUSLY not that stressful, yet it always feels like a "Number 10" on the stress scale. I am tired of feeling overwhelmed, agitated, and irritated with everyone. When it comes to doing things for OTHERS, I make time and make it a priority (for example, I will be baking two things today to take into my church for a bake sale tomorrow)....yet something as IMPORTANT as putting time into my businss, or paying bills before we get late notices....I put off. (We will have the $$ sitting in the checking account, yet I just don't pay them....then last week, I finally got online, and just paid what I assumed needed paid on everything...I have not even opened the statements, or even have my check register current with all of our receipts and such...and this has been going on for YEARS. Sometimes I do better and keep up for a few months, but then I allow it to fall behind again. When I do this...it's a constant worry on my mind, cuz I KNOW how stupid I am being, and how I am affecting our credit report...)

It's frustrating feeling like this and not knowing WHY or what I can do to change it. I agree with a lot of your posts...I am certainly one of those people who can look around me and see 1,000 things that need to be done, get overwhelmed, and then sit and do nothing. I need to "JUST DO IT" and move forward...even if it's only something small. I also 100% agree with Janet- I can see that when I started letting my bible study slip, that my stress level skyrocketed. I *KNOW* that I need to put HIM first, and then all else will fall into place. I know this, yet I choose over and over again to not do it. That needs to be one of my first baby steps...

Thanks again, everyone for the love and support that I feel from you! It is so silly that I can open up so much online, yet have such a hard time "being real" with those around me. I have a very few close friends that I know I can call on, but noone really that is there for me on a daily basis. I have been praying for someone like that (other than DH...he's a guy and just doesn't do the talk thing too well...even though he tries his hardest with me!) since before my mom passed away. Thankfully, my best friend from high school and I are getting close again, and a few of my PC buddies and I are getting closer, too. I grew up in a family who acted like everything was fine, even when it was falling apart. I have been taking steps over the past 10 years to change that, but I have a looooong way to go. You all are such a blessing to me!

http://www.forumup.com/images/smiles/slider_thankyou.gif

This may be too simplistic - but maybe you put off paying the bills because you don't like doing it? Could DH pay the bills for a while and give you a break from it?

 

[wadesgirl]

Glad to hear that you took the next step! It took alot off my shoulders just to go see the doctor and know that I was taking the right steps to help myself.

The one thing I found that I love to do no matter what is my kitchen shows! I may not like having to do everything leading up to them but I always have so much fun at my shows and that helps out ALOT!

 

[heather223]

This may be too simplistic - but maybe you put off paying the bills because you don't like doing it? Could DH pay the bills for a while and give you a break from it?

I agree with Becky... could he do it for awhile so you have one less thing to worry about?

Good for you for taking the first step. Keep your head up it will get better. :chef:

 

[KellyTheChef]

This may be too simplistic - but maybe you put off paying the bills because you don't like doing it? Could DH pay the bills for a while and give you a break from it?

LOL

I honestly think it stems from a time in my life when we didn't have the money to pay the bills, and a fear that we will return to that. Silly, though, to not pay bills on time and then have late fees to pay, which is such a waste of money. I don't want to go back to money problems, but I contribute to doing dumb things to waste our money which will end up putting us back there....

I have told DH over and over again that I want his help with the bills...but it always seems like I need to get to a "starting point" and have the checkbook reconciled and things caught up in order for him to even have a clue as to what's going on with the bills! That never happens...so I don't feel like he can take over, or even help sometimes. He is willing to help, and wants us to get in the habit of using a money program to track our spending...but again, you need to have a starting point to begin that too!

 

[heather223]

Maybe just give him the last bank statement and he can get the rest from online banking? I had to do this when I married my husband. He never kept track of anything. I had to just pick a date and start from there and what was in the past was in the past.

I think counseling will help you out a lot. I know it has me. I will be praying for you.

 

[krzymomof4]

Oh Kelly, I am so glad you started this thread.
I have been feeling like this for over a month as well. I am not in a major depression, been there..remember what it was like, but I can't get myself motivated or even to care quite frankly.
I don't get on the phone like I know I should, my house looks like a hurricane hit it and I am putting off things I know to do to take care of myself. (I am using deoderant ).
It is hard to find something that you want to do, when you just don't want to do the things you need to do let alone things you want to do.
Just know we are all here for you. Meditation and deep breathing work wonders. I guess I need to start practicing what I preach

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm keeping you, Kelly and the rest of you in my prayers! Just remember that your help comes from the Lord!

 

[merego]

Hang in there Kelly

 

[quiltchef]

Sounds like we all appreciate and can relate to each other.
For everyday procrastination--if I write a list--even simple things like:
wash DS dark clothes, wash towels, call _____, sweep porch, etc, and then once I complete one or two tasks it feels good to cross off a list.
I realize some lists are so long they are discouraging, but sometimes just a simple list helps me get moving.

my full time job is beyond crazy--literally and figuratively
TPC is less than a priority, but even an order here and there are good for me.
...but we will take one step at a time!
Thoughts and prayers for all--

 

[kaseydee]

I'm ADD not ADHD just plain ADD & if I get a "pile" you can forget about it! It is too much for me to do by myself. So I totally understand letting things pile up & not being able to see the end. If I want to get anything done I have to take my meds or else I'm sleeping all day on & off or spining in circles not getting anything done. I'm glad to hear others have some of the same issues too w/the business.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm ADD not ADHD just plain ADD & if I get a "pile" you can forget about it! It is too much for me to do by myself. So I totally understand letting things pile up & not being able to see the end. If I want to get anything done I have to take my meds or else I'm sleeping all day on & off or spining in circles not getting anything done. I'm glad to hear others have some of the same issues too w/the business.

I hear ya!

 

[quiltchef]

Picked up a Daily Guideposts a couple of weeks ago at a conference. Today's reading fit right into this thread....
"I have a good friend who sometimes can barely get herself to leave her house or even answer the phone....She has a kind of paralysis caused by anxiety. Why brings on this anxiety no one can say. She is very smart, usually quite independent, runs her own business, and has a solid faith....
I've tried to reason with her. That doesn't work...So I resort to prayer asking God to make Jenny better. Yet, everytime Jenny has another setback, I find myself more and more dismayed. Why aren't my prayers helping? Doesn't she want to get better?
The other day I emailed Jenny, her reply was I'm getting better. I asked How? She responded--I stopped asking God to fix me. Instead I ask for help with the small things--God help me get out of bed, God help me brush my teeth and get dressed. God, help me walk out the door. I stay focused on the little thing. Littel victories.

Just thought of our thread yesterday and wanted to share.

 

[katie0128]

Picked up a Daily Guideposts a couple of weeks ago at a conference. Today's reading fit right into this thread....
"I have a good friend who sometimes can barely get herself to leave her house or even answer the phone....She has a kind of paralysis caused by anxiety. Why brings on this anxiety no one can say. She is very smart, usually quite independent, runs her own business, and has a solid faith....
I've tried to reason with her. That doesn't work...So I resort to prayer asking God to make Jenny better. Yet, everytime Jenny has another setback, I find myself more and more dismayed. Why aren't my prayers helping? Doesn't she want to get better?
The other day I emailed Jenny, her reply was I'm getting better. I asked How? She responded--I stopped asking God to fix me. Instead I ask for help with the small things--God help me get out of bed, God help me brush my teeth and get dressed. God, help me walk out the door. I stay focused on the little thing. Littel victories.

Just thought of our thread yesterday and wanted to share.

That is beautiful. Such a good reminder for everyone, but especially for those of us that are suffering from depression/anxiety/etc. and feel "broken".

 

[burtonfour]

Kelly ... do you recall what you were going thru when your depression started? Anything tragic that could have triggered it? Prayer is my sustenance. When we have nothing left, God is there to comfort, strengthen, give us peace, lift us up. We can do all things thru Him. Sometimes when we reach our and help others, we are helped in return.

Nancy