I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me Anymore...

[KellyTheChef]

I don't know what my problem is. My goal is still to become a director, yet in the past month I have done NOTHING for my business. I have been late getting out host packets, my host coaching is non-existant, and I am sitting here wishing I didn't have to go to a show tonight.

Aside from that, my house is a mess, I have not reconciled our bank account and really "did bills" other than paying what I know is due, and the list goes on and on. Even my BSF bible study, which I worked so hard to get into...I haven't worked on it in weeks. I can't blame it all on the pregnancy, either, cuz this has been going on for longer than I have been preggo.

I just feel so lost and I don't know what to do.

I have a show scheduled for SATURDAY that I haven't even sent her one thing or even talked to her since scheduling it over a month ago.

What the heck is my problem?

 

[vwpamperedchef]

We've all had those "slumps" the good thing is we usually get back into the momentum once we do a few shows. I am like that sometimes (and def. not preggo) but I think its because my shows are far apart.

Hopefully youll get back into it once Sat. show comes and goes!!

 

[janetupnorth]

Your problem is a very long winter and too much to do. Once you get that "overwhelmed" by everything around you feeling it is hard to crawl out and do anything.Find something you really enjoy, make yourself a lists of tasks and when you accomplish them, give yourself a reward. Break things into smaller piles so you feel more accomplished.I'll pray that you feel rested and refreshed and can get stuff done!!!!Get some fresh air with Evan in between things...

 

[Brandi2007]

I am with you in this boat! I have the same goal! I have been working so hard to get there and now a month has gone by and I havent done anything to pick myself up! My May is desperately going to pay for this! I need to get my June packets out soooooo bad! I keep telling myself... tomorrow, tomorrow... well how many tomorrows are going to whiz by without me mailing out my stuff!? I do think it has a lot to do with the long winter. Sigh

 

[etteluap70PC]

Oh Kelly are you a mind reader? I have felt the same for the past month at least! I am feeling very overwhelmed. I was hoping to drop one of my comitments but it can not happen right now.

I feel like I do not want to do anything. I feel like I am getting no where in my business. Hubby and I are going thru some issues. Where does it end?

I feel for you! Wish I could snap my fingers and snap myself and all of going thru this out of this funk!

 

[cwinter474]

Arn't you in your first trimester?

Give yourself time, I'm sure you'll snap back. Your body is using your energy to create a new little person. I bet in just a few weeks you'll be getting back to your normal attentive to detail self.

Weren't like this during your last pregnancy? If not maybe your baby is a differant sex than the other.

 

[Kristina21]

I have felt the same way! I feel like I'm just kind of floating along doing the minimal I can...and the guilty part of me screams "WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE??" I'm gonna start a list of things to do and get them done! Thank you Janet for that suggestion

 

[susanr613]

Sounds like you have A LOT going on, Deb, with pregnancy, small child, household accounting responsibilities, and your goal to make director.

I agree with Janet. Take one step at a time - starting with the fundamentals for all Consultants, basics of taking care of your house/child, and most of all, take care of yourself. The rest will fall into place.

 

[leftymac]

I don't know what my problem is. My goal is still to become a director, yet in the past month I have done NOTHING for my business. I have been late getting out host packets, my host coaching is non-existant, and I am sitting here wishing I didn't have to go to a show tonight.

Aside from that, my house is a mess, I have not reconciled our bank account and really "did bills" other than paying what I know is due, and the list goes on and on. Even my BSF bible study, which I worked so hard to get into...I haven't worked on it in weeks. I can't blame it all on the pregnancy, either, cuz this has been going on for longer than I have been preggo.

I just feel so lost and I don't know what to do.

I have a show scheduled for SATURDAY that I haven't even sent her one thing or even talked to her since scheduling it over a month ago.

What the heck is my problem?

Have you thought about the fact that it could be a legitimate depression? There's certainly nothing wrong with it or any stigma about it, and if it is, it's not your fault. But losing interest in things that you once enjoyed doing is a telltale sign. You might want to talk to your doctor about what you are going through and see what he says. Especially since you said it's been going on since before you were preggers, it just may be the case. What's the harm in getting it checked out?

 

[KellyTheChef]

Have you thought about the fact that it could be a legitimate depression? There's certainly nothing wrong with it or any stigma about it, and if it is, it's not your fault. But losing interest in things that you once enjoyed doing is a telltale sign. You might want to talk to your doctor about what you are going through and see what he says. Especially since you said it's been going on since before you were preggers, it just may be the case. What's the harm in getting it checked out?

I have seriously considered this. I have seen a counselor about 4 times in the past 3 years, but I don't feel like she is helping me. Perhaps I need to see someone else. I know that my mom suffered (probably, never diagnosed) with depression so that scares me. I need to call and make an appointment. Thanks for bringing it up and reminding me.

I know that some of my feelings of being overwhelmed are due to my hormones (I can even SEE when I am over reacting to something...but can't stop it) but like I said, a lot of this has been going on since BEFORE I got preggo (actually getting worse over the past few years) so I know that it's not all stemming from my pregnancy.

 

[janetupnorth]

I have seriously considered this. I have seen a counselor about 4 times in the past 3 years, but I don't feel like she is helping me. Perhaps I need to see someone else. I know that my mom suffered (probably, never diagnosed) with depression so that scares me. I need to call and make an appointment. Thanks for bringing it up and reminding me.

I know that some of my feelings of being overwhelmed are due to my hormones (I can even SEE when I am over reacting to something...but can't stop it) but like I said, a lot of this has been going on since BEFORE I got preggo (actually getting worse over the past few years) so I know that it's not all stemming from my pregnancy.

That thought crossed my mind too Kelly - especially with the long winter but focused on that rather than nailing you with "I think you're depressed". Leave it to Keith to be direct.

Although there is clinical depression and I believe that, I truly believe that most of us are focusing on us too much and not letting Christ fulfill our needs. I pray that you find the source of your lacking and un-motivation and that you find joy soon.

Keep us posted and let us know if you need encouragement - we're all here for that!

 

[debbieskitchenhelper]

WOW,,, So many of us just feel so overwhelmed with everything. I agree with all of you on how I feel alot of the times too,, I know what needs to be done for my business but I have a very hard time getting started. I am all alone in my business. No friends that are in PC that live close to me that we could work together on this. I want to become a director so badly but if anyone is looking at me as how great they can be , I am not a very good role model. Alot of my problem is that I keep my grandkids alot,, the newest granddaughter 4 days aweek and now her mom is expecting again and I know she expects me to keep him too when he is born in August. I can't say no to any of my children, when they need my help. My oldest daughter is forever telling me,, mom you have to treat this like a business, set business hours, learn to say No, and stick to it. My office looks like a bomb hit it.. I have papers everywhere,, stuff everywhere. I want to just sit and cry and cry and cry and feel sorry for myself,,, So Kelly, you are not alone. I am 56 years old, the mother to 5 wonderful children and soon to be 9 grandchildren and I feel like a failure because I have gotten my business going. I can not wait for conference, I need a boost so badly. Thank you to all of you for listening,, and Kelly, I hope you and all of us can get our act together.

 

[twinkie10]

Have you checked your iron lately? I tend to feel tired and don't want to do things when my iron is low? Just a thought!

Get the rest you need and do one thing at a time, rather than looking at the big picture of EVERYTHING that needs to be done!

Take care! Spring is on its way, girl!

 

[lacychef]

I kinda know what you mean Kelly.....I've been in a bit of a slump too...I agree with Janet though---too long of a winter doesn't help matters any, plus we've been so busy around here with kids' stuff. I think this weather starting to finally stay warmer will help us all out! I'll be thinking of you

 

[Geekgirl69]

I agree with all that was said above, just want to add one thing... don't beat yourself up over what you have not accomplished. Just jump back in where you are to achieve the things on the list Janet told you to make. I am proud of you!

 

[AnnieBee]

I would also think hard about going to your Doctor, and finding a new counselor, (maybe a clinical psychologist). If this is not a clinical depression, then what have you lost, but if it is, they will be able to get you the help you need. Especially with a baby on the way, the last thing you would need is a bout of PPD. And if you are a little depressed, they will be able to help you manage things and get it under control before the baby comes, and keep an eye on you afterwards. I hope this doesn't sound too negative, I just know how hard this kind of stuff can be! My DH tends to be prone to depression (usually mild), and sometimes just talking it out with a good counselor (or spouse!) can help alot. Hopefully this is just the winter blahs! And I totally agree, get outside, get some fresh air and sunshine (not that there is much of that in our area right now!) and try to get some (mild) exercise - that can work wonders with both the blah's and depression

And as Janet said, bring it to the Lord and pray! Also, let your DH know how you're feeling, if you haven't already. Although he may feel a little helpless, it is important for him to be able to be by your side, and possibly even get counseling too if he needs it to know how to help you!

Again, I hope this doesn't sound too negative, and I hope it helps a little. If you ever want to get out of the house, your welcome to take a short drive to Medina! I'd love to meet you for real

One last thing. My DH has said that his experience in college with depression really made him come closer to God and rely on Him, because he couldn't do it himself. So over all, while not a fun thing to go through, it was a good thing for him. Also made him realise that his worth was not based on his achievements or what he could or couldn't do, but on being a child of God. Something we could all do to remember, especially when feeling overwhelmed with all that life throws at us!

 

[wadesgirl]

Kelly,
I agree with everyone else. Go get a check up at your doctor. Complete physical and everything. And make sure to tell them what's been going on. I went through the same slump in March and have been doing so much better since going to see my doctor. They did a bunch of tests (blood, EKG, etc) but everything came back normal so he decided that since all the tests came back normal that I was going through a bout of depression and put me on medication to help with it. And boy has it helped! Plus it felt good to finally get everything off my chest and deal with it instead of hiding it!

 

[quiverfull7]

Kelly... I'll PM you later but go right away and ask your Doc to check your Thyroid Levels... too busy to add right now but I'll get back to you.
Love you loads!

 

[PamperedDor]

WOW - this thread has totally hit home for me! Business wise, I had a goal - and well - I haven't done a thing to get it done - I agree its the winter blues and pressure of owning our own business, plus running every weekend to 6 - 8 games with the kids sports (we won't even mention weekday practices and games!) I feel like there isn't enough time - and honestly - I don't feel like it at times as well - I have 3 shows scheduled this week (which is alot since I really only do 4 - 6 a month!) Host coached only 1 so far - and don't even feel like doing it! I have conference all booked, but am rethinking going now since I feel like I am only going to see my friend, have fun with the clustermates and well of course meet you guys!

Not helping am I?? Well, thanks Kelly for this thread and letting the rest of us know it wasn't just us!! Maybe we can all help eachother!!

 

[pamperedpals]

Kelly I swear you having been reading my thoughts or been watching me the last few months. I have been feeling the same exact way!

I was just telling DH I am in this really weird funk and can't get out of it. My May is/was packed with shows, however, I don't even know how many will still hold, because I haven't called one of them.

I do agree that you should go to the doctor and tell them what is going on and get the help you need.

 

[pampchefrhondab]

I'm there with all of you too!

 

[janetupnorth]

Must be something in the new Greek Rub...
























Just kidding - I had to get SOME humor into this!!!!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Just pretend I'm Cher's character in Moonstruck.....SNAP OUT OF IT!
(I've always wanted to use that line!)

Okay, now back to being serious. You really do need to talk to your doctor. It could be, as others have suggested, your iron, thyroid, preggy-hormones, or even just too much on your plate. I read an article this past week that these days Americans are cramming 31 hours worth of activy into a 24 hour day. I can absolutely relate to that. May is busy busy busy! It seems like as soon as the weather gets beautiful the calendar is FULL!

Take care of yourself and see a doctor. If it helps, you KNOW we love you!

Hugs!

 

[PamperedDor]

Oh good one Janet! Can always count on you to bring a smile to our faces!! Thanks for the giggle!!

 

[paroese]

Wow! I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I was diagnosed with PPD after I had my son (just over a year old). My midwife prescribed Zoloft which I am still on but lately I've been feeling lethargic and unmotivated. I haven't done any host coaching, CC calls, or anything else to help my business. I'm not much help but its nice to know I'm not alone.

 

[merego]

Gosh Kelly, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
I have been feeling the same way ( sounds like alot of us are).
Hang in there, I am trying to get myself out of a slump, I had a great April
and am not motivated for May at all.
On another note, I went through a depression when I was pregnant with my
3rd child and I went to my ob and talked to him about it. I came out of it, I was just very overwhelmed. You'll make it through
I told my DH that I feel like a hamster in that little wheel just spinning and spinning and getting nowhere. He said 95% of the world feels like that???
Take care of yourself

 

[PCMelissa]

Welcome to PREGNANCY!!! lol. I know you have done this before, but I think it is so easy to forget how we really feel!!! I was pregnant just a year ago, and I still give myself a hard time for not being right on top of everything!

I cannot keep my laundry done, or my house clean at all!

Give yourself a break during this time!!

Melissa

 

[crystalscookingnow]

I just got this in an e-mail & thought of all of you on this post. I'm actually feeling good right now, but was in a funk in January. God's blessings on you!

HANDY LITTLE CHART
God has a positive answer:
YOU SAY GOD SAYS BIBLE VERSES
You say: 'It's impossible' God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: 'I'm too tired' God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: 'Nobody really loves me' God says: I love you (John 3:1 6 & John 3:34)
You say: 'I can't go on' God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: 'I can't figure things out' God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: 'I can't do it' God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: 'I'm not able' God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: 'It's not worth it' God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
You say: 'I can't forgive myself' God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: 'I can't manage' God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: 'I'm afraid' God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated' God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: 'I'm not smart enough' God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: 'I feel all alone' God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

It looks a lot better in a table.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

That thought crossed my mind too Kelly - especially with the long winter but focused on that rather than nailing you with "I think you're depressed". Leave it to Keith to be direct.

Although there is clinical depression and I believe that, I truly believe that most of us are focusing on us too much and not letting Christ fulfill our needs. I pray that you find the source of your lacking and un-motivation and that you find joy soon.

Keep us posted and let us know if you need encouragement - we're all here for that!

Janet, I agree with what you said... Kelly, I pray that the spirits of depression, sadness, etc be lifted from you, and I will pray the fruits of the spirit over you. I claim joy for you in the Name of Jesus. I pray that you will be able to find rest in Jesus, and in that rest, start to feel like yourself again.

Having gone through a severe hormonal imbalance for years, I understand what it is like to not feel like myself and to feel off. You may just be really low in a certain hormone, too! I think speaking to a doctor wouldn't be a bad idea.

I hope you will be able to find your joy again, and find the desire to start doing the things that you have been falling behind in. I wish I could come over and give you a hug and pray with you. I feel for you and will be lifting you up in prayer my little cyber fan!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I just got this in an e-mail & thought of all of you on this post. I'm actually feeling good right now, but was in a funk in January. God's blessings on you!

HANDY LITTLE CHART
God has a positive answer:
YOU SAY GOD SAYS BIBLE VERSES
You say: 'It's impossible' God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: 'I'm too tired' God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: 'Nobody really loves me' God says: I love you (John 3:1 6 & John 3:34)
You say: 'I can't go on' God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: 'I can't figure things out' God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: 'I can't do it' God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: 'I'm not able' God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: 'It's not worth it' God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
You say: 'I can't forgive myself' God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: 'I can't manage' God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: 'I'm afraid' God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated' God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: 'I'm not smart enough' God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: 'I feel all alone' God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

It looks a lot better in a table.

Crystal, my Mom emailed this to me about a year ago! I printed it up on photo paper, and did some different colors for the God Says, You Say...and I hung it by my desk! It's a great daily reminder!

 

[Brandi2007]

Me again... after reading this thread I left work and began the drive home. It got me thinking... so what is it? Why am I slacking and letting myself do so? I think I have figured out what it must be... I am over loaded. I feel like there is so much to do and I am so behind in everything that I should just do nothing.

Well, the problem with that is when I do nothing, it all piles up higher. So starting tomorrow morning I will get all of my June packets ready to be sent. At least this way my June will be up and rolling. The rest of the stuff will all get caught up in time. I just need to stop letting it pile high...

 

[janetupnorth]

Brandi - that is the key for many of us. We do so much that it piles up as we do many things at a time. If we take a little pile and complete it start to finish then move on to the next thing on the list we do better than if we jump from thing to thing to thing......and celebrate the accomplishments with yourself so you feel good about getting things done!

 

[pampered.chris]

I too feel as though this thread has hit home and a few times thought about starting my own thread about my slump here in the last few weeks.
My boyfriend just deployed a week ago for a 4.5 mth stay in Kuwait and my gram was just diagnosed w/ breast cancer 2 weeks ago and the day I found out about her lump, my cousin was in a serious horse riding accident and is thankfully on the road to recovery from skull fractures. Everything seems to be in a downhill spiral and I just can't break the slump.
At least 3 times a week I forget something so simple, like for instance...deoderant. I am lucky that I don't stink, or if I do, not bad enough for anyone to say anything, but about 1/2 way through the day I realize, I forgot to put it on again!! It should be so routine, I mean it is right up there with brushing your teeth, but sheesh...I think I am lucky that I remember to do that!!
I don't know what in the world is the matter with me b/c like you, this has been going on for awhile and right now, I am so overwhelmed with running two houses and dealing w/ boyfriends dog living w/ me (I am so NOT a dog person and he has a lab) and it is just chaotic.
If anyone has suggestions to help me get back on track I would greatly appreciate them to and please Kelly, let me know what works for you!!

 

[janetupnorth]

I too feel as though this thread has hit home and a few times thought about starting my own thread about my slump here in the last few weeks.
My boyfriend just deployed a week ago for a 4.5 mth stay in Kuwait and my gram was just diagnosed w/ breast cancer 2 weeks ago and the day I found out about her lump, my cousin was in a serious horse riding accident and is thankfully on the road to recovery from skull fractures. Everything seems to be in a downhill spiral and I just can't break the slump.
At least 3 times a week I forget something so simple, like for instance...deoderant. I am lucky that I don't stink, or if I do, not bad enough for anyone to say anything, but about 1/2 way through the day I realize, I forgot to put it on again!! It should be so routine, I mean it is right up there with brushing your teeth, but sheesh...I think I am lucky that I remember to do that!!
I don't know what in the world is the matter with me b/c like you, this has been going on for awhile and right now, I am so overwhelmed with running two houses and dealing w/ boyfriends dog living w/ me (I am so NOT a dog person and he has a lab) and it is just chaotic.
If anyone has suggestions to help me get back on track I would greatly appreciate them to and please Kelly, let me know what works for you!!

Put a HUGE note on your mirror that says - DON'T FORGET THE DEODORANT!!!!

 

[tinat51796]

Wow! I've been feeling the same kind of a slump lately. I know I don't post much but I try to get on here and read (and learn) from all of you. I feel like I'm doing a major injustice to my hosts by not being a better consultant. But lately I just feel like I don't care. I actually decided today at work that I need to go in and see my doctor tomorrow. I've been taking wellbutrin but lately I just don't feel like it's helping. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad Kelly. But it is good to see that I'm not alone.

I hope we can all find a way to get out of this funk!

 

[fikibiff]

I'm right there with you guys. And now I have a cold and can't breath through my nose. At least that will clear up soon (unless I become addicted to my nasal spray.)

 

[cathyskitchen]

(((HUGS))) to everyone on this thread! I can relate to a lot of what has been said here, as I have anxiety and depression and manage it daily. I actually started PC 5 years ago as a way to get me out of one of the biggest slumps of my life. I was dealing with a major back injury and I couldn't lift my son who was only 1 at the time, and I felt like a complete failure.

Of course, I wasn't, but no amount of "self-talk" could convince me. Since my family has a history of depression (my sister has been diagnosed bi-polar, grandmother had "episodes" as they used to call them, the list goes on), I knew to go to the Dr. right away when I started thinking about scary thoughts (won't even go there!!). I'm SO glad I went to my Dr. I have been on medication, but that might not be right for everyone. And, the first meds they put you on might not be the best ones for you to take.

So, try not to give up and take care of yourself like you would with any other illness. It is not a personality disorder, it is an illness that can be treated. It's really time society stopped putting such a "stigma" on depression - it's a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be triggered by so many things (the weather, pregnancy, life events - all things I see listed in this thread) and should not be treated as something that is "wrong" with anyone.

Hang in there, all of you - I truly feel for you. There is hope!! I'm proof!!

 

[pampered.chris]

Put a HUGE note on your mirror that says - DON'T FORGET THE DEODORANT!!!!

Thanks for the advice! LOL!! As silly as it sounds, I may do this, but then I will probably forget something else. Good thing I have a big mirror so I can fill it w/ post-it notes!!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Wow! I can't tell all of you how much your words mean to me. Again, I am sitting here bawling...

I am (I guess?) glad to hear that I am not alone. Certainly, though, I don't wish these feelings on anyone else, but it helps to know that others feel similar, especially dealing with our business.

It really does help to know that others get in these funks. Some of it seems "new"...but other things I am doing and dealing with have been going on for a long time.

I called yesterday and made an appt with a new counselor. I just don't feel like the counselor I have seen a few times over the past 4 years is "getting it". I guess I want to know WHY I am doing these things to "sabatoge" myself and my family so I can CHANGE my actions! Unfortunately, she is VERY well known and busy. At first, they said she only had openings in July :cry: but then she looked at the cancellation list, and saw they had a cancel at the end of this month (the 27th) and one again in June. So...we have me scheduled for a few appts right now.

My show went well last night...and I enjoyed myself. I always do...once I am packed up and on my way. She's at $720 now, and has some orders to collect. No bookings though...but a couple of people told me to give them a call closer to fall cuz they have crazy busy summers going on.

I told DH that I scheduled with that new counselor. I told him that I want to find out WHY I am doing these dumb things so I can change them, and why I feel so overwhelmed all of the time. My life is SERIOUSLY not that stressful, yet it always feels like a "Number 10" on the stress scale. I am tired of feeling overwhelmed, agitated, and irritated with everyone. When it comes to doing things for OTHERS, I make time and make it a priority (for example, I will be baking two things today to take into my church for a bake sale tomorrow)....yet something as IMPORTANT as putting time into my businss, or paying bills before we get late notices....I put off. (We will have the $$ sitting in the checking account, yet I just don't pay them....then last week, I finally got online, and just paid what I assumed needed paid on everything...I have not even opened the statements, or even have my check register current with all of our receipts and such...and this has been going on for YEARS. Sometimes I do better and keep up for a few months, but then I allow it to fall behind again. When I do this...it's a constant worry on my mind, cuz I KNOW how stupid I am being, and how I am affecting our credit report...)

It's frustrating feeling like this and not knowing WHY or what I can do to change it. I agree with a lot of your posts...I am certainly one of those people who can look around me and see 1,000 things that need to be done, get overwhelmed, and then sit and do nothing. I need to "JUST DO IT" and move forward...even if it's only something small. I also 100% agree with Janet- I can see that when I started letting my bible study slip, that my stress level skyrocketed. I *KNOW* that I need to put HIM first, and then all else will fall into place. I know this, yet I choose over and over again to not do it. That needs to be one of my first baby steps...

Thanks again, everyone for the love and support that I feel from you! It is so silly that I can open up so much online, yet have such a hard time "being real" with those around me. I have a very few close friends that I know I can call on, but noone really that is there for me on a daily basis. I have been praying for someone like that (other than DH...he's a guy and just doesn't do the talk thing too well...even though he tries his hardest with me!) since before my mom passed away. Thankfully, my best friend from high school and I are getting close again, and a few of my PC buddies and I are getting closer, too. I grew up in a family who acted like everything was fine, even when it was falling apart. I have been taking steps over the past 10 years to change that, but I have a looooong way to go. You all are such a blessing to me!

http://www.forumup.com/images/smiles/slider_thankyou.gif

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Wow! I can't tell all of you how much your words mean to me. Again, I am sitting here bawling...

I am (I guess?) glad to hear that I am not alone. Certainly, though, I don't wish these feelings on anyone else, but it helps to know that others feel similar, especially dealing with our business.

It really does help to know that others get in these funks. Some of it seems "new"...but other things I am doing and dealing with have been going on for a long time.

I called yesterday and made an appt with a new counselor. I just don't feel like the counselor I have seen a few times over the past 4 years is "getting it". I guess I want to know WHY I am doing these things to "sabatoge" myself and my family so I can CHANGE my actions! Unfortunately, she is VERY well known and busy. At first, they said she only had openings in July :cry: but then she looked at the cancellation list, and saw they had a cancel at the end of this month (the 27th) and one again in June. So...we have me scheduled for a few appts right now.

My show went well last night...and I enjoyed myself. I always do...once I am packed up and on my way. She's at $720 now, and has some orders to collect. No bookings though...but a couple of people told me to give them a call closer to fall cuz they have crazy busy summers going on.

I told DH that I scheduled with that new counselor. I told him that I want to find out WHY I am doing these dumb things so I can change them, and why I feel so overwhelmed all of the time. My life is SERIOUSLY not that stressful, yet it always feels like a "Number 10" on the stress scale. I am tired of feeling overwhelmed, agitated, and irritated with everyone. When it comes to doing things for OTHERS, I make time and make it a priority (for example, I will be baking two things today to take into my church for a bake sale tomorrow)....yet something as IMPORTANT as putting time into my businss, or paying bills before we get late notices....I put off. (We will have the $$ sitting in the checking account, yet I just don't pay them....then last week, I finally got online, and just paid what I assumed needed paid on everything...I have not even opened the statements, or even have my check register current with all of our receipts and such...and this has been going on for YEARS. Sometimes I do better and keep up for a few months, but then I allow it to fall behind again. When I do this...it's a constant worry on my mind, cuz I KNOW how stupid I am being, and how I am affecting our credit report...)

It's frustrating feeling like this and not knowing WHY or what I can do to change it. I agree with a lot of your posts...I am certainly one of those people who can look around me and see 1,000 things that need to be done, get overwhelmed, and then sit and do nothing. I need to "JUST DO IT" and move forward...even if it's only something small. I also 100% agree with Janet- I can see that when I started letting my bible study slip, that my stress level skyrocketed. I *KNOW* that I need to put HIM first, and then all else will fall into place. I know this, yet I choose over and over again to not do it. That needs to be one of my first baby steps...

Thanks again, everyone for the love and support that I feel from you! It is so silly that I can open up so much online, yet have such a hard time "being real" with those around me. I have a very few close friends that I know I can call on, but noone really that is there for me on a daily basis. I have been praying for someone like that (other than DH...he's a guy and just doesn't do the talk thing too well...even though he tries his hardest with me!) since before my mom passed away. Thankfully, my best friend from high school and I are getting close again, and a few of my PC buddies and I are getting closer, too. I grew up in a family who acted like everything was fine, even when it was falling apart. I have been taking steps over the past 10 years to change that, but I have a looooong way to go. You all are such a blessing to me!

http://www.forumup.com/images/smiles/slider_thankyou.gif

This may be too simplistic - but maybe you put off paying the bills because you don't like doing it? Could DH pay the bills for a while and give you a break from it?

 

[wadesgirl]

Glad to hear that you took the next step! It took alot off my shoulders just to go see the doctor and know that I was taking the right steps to help myself.

The one thing I found that I love to do no matter what is my kitchen shows! I may not like having to do everything leading up to them but I always have so much fun at my shows and that helps out ALOT!

 

[heather223]

This may be too simplistic - but maybe you put off paying the bills because you don't like doing it? Could DH pay the bills for a while and give you a break from it?

I agree with Becky... could he do it for awhile so you have one less thing to worry about?

Good for you for taking the first step. Keep your head up it will get better. :chef:

 

[KellyTheChef]

This may be too simplistic - but maybe you put off paying the bills because you don't like doing it? Could DH pay the bills for a while and give you a break from it?

LOL

I honestly think it stems from a time in my life when we didn't have the money to pay the bills, and a fear that we will return to that. Silly, though, to not pay bills on time and then have late fees to pay, which is such a waste of money. I don't want to go back to money problems, but I contribute to doing dumb things to waste our money which will end up putting us back there....

I have told DH over and over again that I want his help with the bills...but it always seems like I need to get to a "starting point" and have the checkbook reconciled and things caught up in order for him to even have a clue as to what's going on with the bills! That never happens...so I don't feel like he can take over, or even help sometimes. He is willing to help, and wants us to get in the habit of using a money program to track our spending...but again, you need to have a starting point to begin that too!

 

[heather223]

Maybe just give him the last bank statement and he can get the rest from online banking? I had to do this when I married my husband. He never kept track of anything. I had to just pick a date and start from there and what was in the past was in the past.

I think counseling will help you out a lot. I know it has me. I will be praying for you.

 

[krzymomof4]

Oh Kelly, I am so glad you started this thread.
I have been feeling like this for over a month as well. I am not in a major depression, been there..remember what it was like, but I can't get myself motivated or even to care quite frankly.
I don't get on the phone like I know I should, my house looks like a hurricane hit it and I am putting off things I know to do to take care of myself. (I am using deoderant ).
It is hard to find something that you want to do, when you just don't want to do the things you need to do let alone things you want to do.
Just know we are all here for you. Meditation and deep breathing work wonders. I guess I need to start practicing what I preach

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm keeping you, Kelly and the rest of you in my prayers! Just remember that your help comes from the Lord!

 

[merego]

Hang in there Kelly

 

[quiltchef]

Sounds like we all appreciate and can relate to each other.
For everyday procrastination--if I write a list--even simple things like:
wash DS dark clothes, wash towels, call _____, sweep porch, etc, and then once I complete one or two tasks it feels good to cross off a list.
I realize some lists are so long they are discouraging, but sometimes just a simple list helps me get moving.

my full time job is beyond crazy--literally and figuratively
TPC is less than a priority, but even an order here and there are good for me.
...but we will take one step at a time!
Thoughts and prayers for all--

 

[kaseydee]

I'm ADD not ADHD just plain ADD & if I get a "pile" you can forget about it! It is too much for me to do by myself. So I totally understand letting things pile up & not being able to see the end. If I want to get anything done I have to take my meds or else I'm sleeping all day on & off or spining in circles not getting anything done. I'm glad to hear others have some of the same issues too w/the business.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm ADD not ADHD just plain ADD & if I get a "pile" you can forget about it! It is too much for me to do by myself. So I totally understand letting things pile up & not being able to see the end. If I want to get anything done I have to take my meds or else I'm sleeping all day on & off or spining in circles not getting anything done. I'm glad to hear others have some of the same issues too w/the business.

I hear ya!