Hilarious One-Liners for Your Show!

[cookingwithlove]

I am looking for some funny one liners for my show. My upline director has one that I use and it goes like this. When we get to the part about payment, I say we take all forms of payment: cash, check, credit card and the husband payment... a little cash, a check and a credit card... that way he doesn't know how much you spent. It is usually good for a laugh.

Anybody else have a funny line or two?

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Now, take my wife...please.My wife loves to shop but she won't buy anything unless it's marked down. Last week, she came home with an escalator.She called me at work and said, "The car is in the kitchen." I said, "How did the car get into the kitchen?!?" She said, "I made a left coming out of the living room."Da-bump-dum. Thank you, Henny Youngman.Oh. That wasn't what you wanted, was it. Never mind.

 

[cookingwithlove]

No, but that was pretty Vaudville! Thanks for the response!

 

[cmdtrgd]

I think there might have already been a thread with one-liners. Did you do a search?

 

[AJPratt]

There was a great download called Adding Humor to your show or something like that.

 

[chefann]

I tell people that if you are what you eat, I'm cheap, fast and easy.The scrapers are the Kitchen Baywatch - silicone on the top and skinny on the bottom. And they come in A, B, C and D cup sizes.The measure-all cup is the Kitchen Wonderbra - it pushes everything up and out.I also use the "spouse" payment plan line. But when describing payment, I say that I take cash with 3 forms of ID.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Well, there is at least ONE line I can use out of those four. Okay, two, but don't tell The Kat Lady, okay?

 

[gilliandanielle]

Here's what I found in the files

http://www.chefsuccess.com/showthread.php?t=635&highlight=one+liners

http://www.chefsuccess.com/showthread.php?t=7208&highlight=one+liners

http://www.chefsuccess.com/showthread.php?t=7870&highlight=one+liners

http://www.chefsuccess.com/showthread.php?t=22&highlight=one+liners

 

[PamperChefCarol]

I tell people that if you are what you eat, I'm cheap, fast and easy.

The scrapers are the Kitchen Baywatch - silicone on the top and skinny on the bottom. And they come in A, B, C and D cup sizes.

The measure-all cup is the Kitchen Wonderbra - it pushes everything up and out.

I also use the "spouse" payment plan line. But when describing payment, I say that I take cash with 3 forms of ID.

I have been using the Baywatch line for awhile, but hadn't heard the Wonderbra one. What a hoot.

Every Thursday morning I meet with my networking group. Can't wait to share that one this week!

 

[cookingwithlove]

Chefann,

Thanks for the response, I loved them.

 

[adventurechef]

Here's a one-liner I have been using for the February specials:

The Stones are coming!
Not Mick and the gang.... not Fred and Wilma... but PC's stoneware! (this last part is a little hokey but you can work on it).

For January I have something about "cross this off your New Years Resolutions - New Cookware!"

Linda

 

[chefann]

For February, you need to tell people that "It's even easier to get stoned - legally - in February!"And, related to that, you can tell people to come to you to get their pot(s) in January.

 

[gilliandanielle]

Since hosts only get one piece 60% off I offer discounted pot in January, and getting stoned twice in February!!

 

[raebates]

These are great! I'm making note of the Baywatch and Wonderbra lines. I'll have to work those in. I already use the "fast, cheap, and easy" line. It floors me how many people think I made that up. I've heard it for years. Maybe I just hang around too many cheap, fast, and easy people.

 

[chefann]

There's also: Pick the chef that most describes you in the kitchen - Top Chef, Home Chef or Chef Boyardee.