Help Me to Not Feel Guilty Over Christmas..

[chefsteph07]

I always use my November PC pays (the 22nd and Dec 8) for Christmas...have been doing this for 5 years...this year, however, we have fallen behind on a few bills and when we get paid next week (my biggest pay until Jan I think) that money would pull us out of our hole and get us back on track. I am SOOOO not wanting to use this money for anything other than gifts. BUT, I want to be able to sleep at night knowing that we are not behind on things for a while. We usually give our kids the "Rockefeller Christmas" as I like to call it. We always buy lots for our family, etc. I ENJOY it, it is the one time out of the year that I can truly spoil everyone and I DON"T feel guilty over it.

The other day I made up my mind to take what I had and pay us first and whatever is left, use that for small gifts for the kids and buy a few things for my parents and in laws. I am struggling with this though and I don't know why! I will have a small check on the 8th, maybe about $150 to finish up and get some stocking stuffers.

How do you guys handle gifts for your kids? Quantity? Do you have a "set budget" for them? I feel if I can get them 10 smaller things at $5-$15 a piece that is going to be ok because they will feel like they had enough to open...I already told our 12 yr old not to expect a whole lot (he is my step so he gets gifts from tons of relatives so I dont feel so bad) but my 4 yr old (almost 5) only usually gets from us and my parents and just a little bit from my dh's side.

I don't know, am I being ridiculous? I've just never had to use my Nov pays for bills before and it's killing me!

 

[PChefPEI]

No, you're not being ridiculous, you are being a caring mom who wants to spoil her kids!! Nothing wrong with that! But, if paying off some bills would make you feel better, then do it.

I have been buying gifts for my DD, who is 4, since the summer. In fact, I must get my act together and gather them up to see what I have, 'cause I have no clue how much I have for her...., but I know there's lots.

Funny story....she was working on her list for Santa on the weekend. She had it in her head that she had to make it NOW. When I asked her what she wanted, she said to me "I don't know Mommy, I have everything!". LOL!!

Now, I'm sure that your kids will get more than enough gifts from everyone. I think it's more the little traditions we have that stay with us, not all the "stuff" we get. How many of us really remember what gifts we got when we were 4...even 12!

Don't beat yourself up, Steph. You're doing the right thing. (((HUGS)))

 

[baychef]

I think we have all been in your shoes in some form or another.

Sounds like you have handled your 12 year old quite well. And your 4 year old will be just as happy with a few more inexpensive items.

My mother tells about when she was a child in the 1940's how her mother used to take them all to the local orphanage to give the children small gifts. She remembers them being so genuinely happy with these little gifts. This was such a great thing to do because it not only taught her to be generous with her blessings, but also to count her own blessings.

Perhaps the family could make a point of donating to an Angel Tree or do something that does not cost money to help out others with less. Just a suggestion that may make everyone feel a little better about the true meaning of Christmas. Even Christmas caroling for shut ins can put me in a good frame of mind. To see an elderly person tear up with a huge smile hearing children sing Christmas carols will tug on everyone's heart.

Most of all DO NOT feel guilty. Children will remember the love at Christmas and not the specific gift.

 

[AnnieBee]

Honestly our gifts are always pretty small anyway! My kids don't really need more "stuff". I love the giving part of gift giving, but I don't see the pint on making it expensive. Our gifts for adult relatives are usually about $25. I don't think we spend much more than $25-$50 on the kids. (Last year the baby got something fopr probably $15, and then only because I felt bad not getting her something! She really didn't need anything with 2 older siblings...). At their age they have no concept of how much something cost! Of course as they get older the things that they want have a habit of getting more expensive... But there is no point in going into debt to splurge.

My advice - Try to focus on the meaningful stuff. Think about the meaning of christmas, spend some real family time together - have a movie night, decorating night, caroling night. Maybe think about collecting money or giving a gift asa family to an organisation like toys for tots or angel tree, to remind all of your family that there are so many who have so much less than most of us...

 

[rennea]

Always remember it's the thought that counts...

I know that you want to spoil your kids but debit free Christmas sounds good too


Think of over things you can do with your kids that aren't hard on the bank account, maybe this year is the year to start some new family traditions.

Getting yourself out of the "hole" will be an excellent way to start of the New Year.

 

[chefsteph07]

Thanks for the encouragement!

I just don't know what other families are used to...my parents always gave my sister and I sooo much, their tree was filled up and we had tons to open, it's what I'm used to ya know?

My other friends, they were lucky to get 2 or 3 things from their parents as kids and that was Christmas. Last year my best friend came over the day after and I asked her what she got from her parents, she told me something like a bracelet and I was like "that's it?" one thing? But she didn't seem affected by it in the least. She said she never got too much as a kid either..

 

[SeeMe4PC]

all good points...

one things to add - your quality time spent with the kids will be better if you are not stressed about money - it's your time that is more important than the gifts. Also, wrap up coupons for something really fun that you can do together - or that can be redeemed in January when money is better or something like that..

I am having to do things like that this Christmas, too. Homemade coupons to go to the pottery place and paint pottery, 1 hour of Mom's time - NO INTERUPTIONS - playing whatever they want to play

Just trying to be creative hoping it may spark an idea for you...

 

[baychef]

Steph, we seemed to get a lot for Christmas too, but I now know, it wasn't expensive items. My highlight was to get one doll that I just wanted so bad!! Ofcouse I wanted the Barbie condo, the car, the ranch and everything else Mattel had to offer, but I survived quite well!!

My biggest Christmas memory? We grew up on a farm and my father helped my Grandfather milk cows from 5:30 am until 8 am. Then he had to come home, change his clothes, shower and eat breakfast. It was about 9 to 9:30 am then. It seemed like ETERNITYbefore he was finally done and ready for us to open gifts!!! (that was surely a time when he could "pay us back" if he wanted to!!) And yes, I remember some of the dolls and gifts, but I remember going to my Grandparents' home later that day and opening one gift from them, all the family gathering, playing with what we got for Christmas and eating this huge meal my Grandmother fixed. My uncle would make homemade ice cream for one of the desserts! YUMMO!

It is the love and the time with family that they will remember. There is not one Christmas that goes by without me not thinking of my grandparents on both sides of the family...and they had little to work with or give.

Tara, I love the coupon idea!! I think we sometimes think that if we don't spend "x" amount of money, than we are a Grinch, but unless you are giving coal out, that is the farthest from the truth!!

 

[jrstephens]

I know a little of how you feel Stephanie. I was always lavished with gift from my parents, and still am by the way. This year since I have gone to 3 days a week working after having Cole in May, my funds are not what they use to be either. My PC $ and $ from another side job have always been MY $ to do what I wanted with, this year those funds now go into our account that we pay bills out of. I am so thankful to be able to only work 3 days a week but I am having to adjust to not have extra $.

We are spending about $200 on Luke. I have sent around $100 on Cole but feel bad b/c I have not spend as much as I did on Luke. But he is only 6 month old and has no clue what is going on. Russell and I normally spend $250on each other and around $50 or so on each parent. We usually spend more than $200 on our children but then this is also our first Christmas with 2 children, so, we had already said our limts would have to be reduced.Although, I do not spend as much as his parents b/c they are impossible to buy for and they do not spend a lot on us or our kids for that matter.

We set limits on each for every gift giving occasion. This way one does not get mad at the other when one spends $20 and the other spends $200.

It is hard when we have to cut back. I keep telling myself how blessed we are to be able to do what we do and for me to spend extra time home with my children.

We had a video in church last Sunday from Operation Christmas Child and it really put things in better perspective for me. Here I have been feeling bad b/c we're ONLY spending $200 or so each and those children were OVER JOYED with the toys that go in a shoe box! I was in tears when it was over.

I remind myself of that video when I start feeling guilty.

But no matter how much we TELL ourselves to feel better, we are still going to have that little place that will not go away. But when we see the joy through our children's eyes we will feel better.

I constantly remind my kids the REAL reason for Christmas. We do not celebrate to get gifts we celebrate b/c of the gift we have already received. So, please, do not read this and think that I go through Christmas being all about the gifts b/c those that know me well, know that ain't true.

I think I am having a hard time for Thanksgiving too. Every year for the past several years, I have had the $ saved up to spend Thanksgiving in the mountains if we are not still in the football play-offs that week. I have wanted to do this for years and my parents owuld go with us. Well, this is the only year in a while that we have lost out early and you guessed it, this is the only year I have no way of getting extra $ to go!!

So, Stephanie know that you are not alone but know that you are doing the right thing by putting your bills first. I know that people that will have their phones cut off but their kids will be loaded down with Christmas presents. I know you would rather your children have a warm bed, hot water, food in their tummy and a roof over their heads more than a toy, even if they do not realize it yet, HA!

Feel free to PM me if you need to have a private pitty party, HA!

 

[SeeMe4PC]

It is the love and the time with family that they will remember. There is not one Christmas that goes by without me not thinking of my grandparents on both sides of the family...and they had little to work with or give. I think we sometimes think that if we don't spend "x" amount of money, than we are a Grinch, but unless you are giving coal out, that is the farthest from the truth!!

Great Post! I, too, remember church & family moments, not the gifts.

I ask my children, what is the one thing you would want Santa to bring if he could only bring one thing? The one thing that you think you are going DIE without? That gives me an idea of the dissapointment they may experience if their little hearts are set on something. It also gives me the opportunity to explain, if that one thing is completely unreasonable, WHY they shouldn't expect it from Santa. Kind of talk them down from it...

 

[heather223]

My kids got so much last year from us, family, and friends that it was sick! This year they are each getting one "Large" (Meaning expensive) item, a few small items, and clothes/ PJ's (which they both NEED). Since I am going to Denver I only asked my husband for a new coat and a large lap board so I can sit in bed and work on school/ PC. We are trying to save for a house and it is something we both really want and need. Don't feel guilty about spending the $ to pay bills, there are always other Christmas's and it is about spending quality time with those you love.

 

[DebbieSAChef]

Thanks for the encouragement!

I just don't know what other families are used to...my parents always gave my sister and I sooo much, their tree was filled up and we had tons to open, it's what I'm used to ya know?

My other friends, they were lucky to get 2 or 3 things from their parents as kids and that was Christmas. Last year my best friend came over the day after and I asked her what she got from her parents, she told me something like a bracelet and I was like "that's it?" one thing? But she didn't seem affected by it in the least. She said she never got too much as a kid either..

We try to really show the kids that Christmas is a time to give to God FIRST (not only church but saints in the church who are hurting), then to others who are less fortunate (people we minister to who are not part of our church) and then finally to our family.

I usually get my kids to help me bake things for Christmas for most of our friends and some family members. We go all out and make all kinds of cookies, petit fours, pies, cakes, etc... And we have fun wrapping and decorating the packages they will go into. We also are going to try to make our own bath salts, bath fizz, lip balms, etc... this year from our own kitchen! With different food coloring and pretty packaging these gifts will be a huge hit but won't break the budget.
We have a strict budget when it comes to Christmas. We tend to get more special gifts during their birthday. They are not without much thanks to grandparents, uncles, and aunts.
We really want to stress to our kids that the Lord wants us to be good stewards of our money and that means that we are not to lay up for ourselves treasures here on earth. Years ago my kids asked me "Why can't I have a TV in my room, with a DVD player, radio, and cool furniture like so and so."
I sat them down and read to them Matthew 6:19-21:
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I told them I would rather give my money to missionaries and to the church where I know it's going to be used for God's work and for poor people. I told them Christmas is about the birth of Christ not about getting stuff. More than that it is about giving to the lost to show them the love of Christ and in turn it allows an open door to share about the gospel. My kids understand now and are grateful for what they do get. I usually shop for bargains no matter what and Christmas is no exception. Craigslist, eBay, resale shops and Thrift stores is where I get most of what I need throughout the year. I never wait until Christmas to shop, I do it all year long and usually have stuff in the closet for nephews, neices and kids from my church. I teach children's church and try to give all the kids something for Christmas (book, candy bag, game, puzzle, etc...) We also invite those in need to come and eat with us on every holiday and even when it is not a holiday. We want it to be a lifestyle and something we can pass on to our children. Most importantly they will see Christ in me and my husband and want it. Hopefully the Lord will be merciful to save them!

Debbie :chef:

 

[mscharf]

Sometimes it is hard, but let us truely remember what CHRISTMAS is all about. I too as a child was given so many presents and even though we were told the meaning of Christmas it still seemed it was all about presents.

DON'T put yourself in a hole to start the new year, just to have more presents to open under the tree. The guilt and remorse in January is not worth it!

Get creative with all of the others you have to buy for. I am buying a couple sets of prep bowls and filling them with homemade goodies. For my girls teachers, friends, etc I can give two prep bowls (filled with yummy treats and tied together with a pretty bow) and that will be a great gift. I will also include the recipe as a gift tag!

Good luck!

 

[pampered.chris]

My fondest childhood memories growing up about Christmas is the Christmas Eve midnight candlelight service at church. Every year at that service I always looked forward to hearing John Buckler sing O Holy Night and the lights going out and the candles getting lit. This service is still my favorite Christmas service today and every year I wish John was still alive to hear him sing. He had the most powerful and amazing voice ever. I don't remember the gifts, except the year that my Pop-pop spent his own money to get me and 3 of my boy cousins each a play chainsaw (yes I was the only girl that got one) and how excited I was to be "like the boys" and how my pop-pop could never spell my name right and my chainsaw said Cris no "h". LOL

This year, my shows haven't been up as much as years past, and I have been kicking myself b/c it is my fault. But since my BF came home, I have been so busy spending time w/ him, that I have let my business slide. He got my DD a Wii and I have spent about $200 on her already and I think I may get her a few more things. I got him tickets to a Pittsburgh Steelers game (cost me almost $500 for 2) for his b-day (nov 9) and told him that they are 1/2 b-day and 1/2 Christmas. I am still going to get him a watch he wants from Fossil, but that is it. I can't afford to spend too much more this year.
I agree w/ the others who talk about the spending limits. I spend about $50 per parent, and $30 per sibling (I have 2) and about $20 for their significant, then about $50 on each nephew, even though they don't really "get it" at 3 & 1 but my sister is less off than I and I want to spoil those boys. My DD I have spent WAY too much on. The girl has 4 sets of grandparents plus my BF's parents and umpteen aunts and uncles that buy for her, that she doesn't need much at all. In fact, she has everything she "needs" and most of what she "wants". She did ask for a Nintendo DS this year, but we aren't getting her one b/c she is getting the Wii. Her b-day is in Jan, so maybe if she really acts bummed that she didnt get it, I will get it for her b-day, but who knows.

I agree that you need to be financially able to sleep at night w/o the worry that the heat will be turned off or the phone or the internet (gasp)! But I can totally understand the guilt!!

Free yourself first. You can't be honest in spending that money on gifts when you are in financial trouble.
I hope this helps!!

 

[Humble Beginnings]

I needed this reminder as well. Thank you for starting the thread.

 

[jrstephens]

This is not the video we watched in church but one with Michael W. Smith that put it in prespective too.

YouTube - Michael W. Smith and Operation Christmas Child

 

[jbdowd0798]

Don't feel like you have to get the kids everything. I'm like others, one big item (it could be a new leapster game-$25 or something like that) and small stocking stuffers. They get lots from others so no point in loading them up more.

One thing that this year is new- my sisters and I are not swapping gifts. We are all trying to pay down bills and such so we agreed that the only adults to get something would be our parents. My two kids are the only grandchildren/niece/nephew so they will get some things but not a lot. Oh and I told my sisters that since I stocked up after all the major holidays on things I knew the kids would like, they could send me $25 for the kids (total) and I would wrap and get presents under the tree from them. Mind you- I hit clearence....50-90% off! I love Target so most things are from there.

 

[DebbieSAChef]

This is my Christmas list:

Mortgage
Water bill
Energy bill
Grocery bill
Cell phone bill (no longer have a home phone)
DSL internet
Gas money
M&M Cookie ice cream sandwiches (my weakness)

HA HA HA! Just kidding.
I told my hubby I just wanted another 5 qt. bowl for my kitchenaid mixer because I use it so much and I always have to wash it. My wire beater is broken too.
For my birthday he got me all kinds of cool Wilton products for fondant, a cake turntable, and bag tips. I was so excited! Plus he takes me to a B&B every year for our anniversary and birthday. I always use coupons and extra money we make on the cakes I sell, the moonwalk we rent out and floral work I do. And of course PC.

Debbie

 

[chefsteph07]

This is my Christmas list:

Mortgage
Water bill
Energy bill
Grocery bill
Cell phone bill (no longer have a home phone)
DSL internet
Gas money
M&M Cookie ice cream sandwiches (my weakness)

HA HA HA! Just kidding.
I told my hubby I just wanted another 5 qt. bowl for my kitchenaid mixer because I use it so much and I always have to wash it. My wire beater is broken too.
For my birthday he got me all kinds of cool Wilton products for fondant, a cake turntable, and bag tips. I was so excited! Plus he takes me to a B&B every year for our anniversary and birthday. I always use coupons and extra money we make on the cakes I sell, the moonwalk we rent out and floral work I do. And of course PC.

Debbie

Hmmm...that looks exactly like my list! LOL

 

[wadesgirl]

I didn't have a chance to read the other posts but I do have to say WAHOOO!!!! It makes me sick sometimes to think of how much money people spend on their kids (no offense) when there is other things they need to take care of. With the younger child, he's so young he won't know how much you spent on him anyway.I don't really remember much from when I was younger as for presents but I buy for my 5 nieces and nephews and I spend $40 on them a piece. They are my children until I have my own but I will not go broke buying them gifts.

 

[candiejayne]

I came from an extremely poor household, gifts were never a big part of christmas. my parents would buy one larger gift for my sister and I to share, and clothes that we deseratly needed. The big gift always came from santa, and the clothes from them.

my mom asked me what to get the kids this year, and I said they could really use some clothes, she told me to buy them and let her get the fun stuff cause thats what grandma's do! The kids will get socks, underwear, a pair of pajamas, and one outfit from us Christmas morning, Santa will bring a few toys, and the rest of what they get will come from family. As for us buying for each other, I'm not sure that we will do anything, although, I'm really hoping for an engagment ring... he did ask me my ring size a couple weeks ago!!!

 

[chefshawna]

My parents and my inlaws give so many gifts that we wouldn't have to buy the kids anything if we didn't want to, but I just can't stop myself at Christmas. We really don't buy the kids much any other time but Christmas, so I guess we go overboard sometimes. Not on really expensive stuff, just things they need like p.j.'s, clothes, socks, underwear, books, shampoo, soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste, etc... This year we don't have as much money so we aren't buying anything for the adults. I am going to make up some candies and stuff and give that instead of buying presents that may or may not be used. Plus, all adults will get a SB, of course!!
I think this year I am going to have the kids go through all their toys and get rid of everything they don't play with and then we'll all take it and donate it. I think that the kids need to see how lucky they are that they get so much when others get nothing. I know we are truly blessed to have such great parents that shower us and our kids with gifts and want the kids to see that too! Plus, I think they need to know that if you can help someone less fortunate out, you should!! We may be there one day and want someone to help us!
Anyway, don't worry about the gifts, concentrate on the memories. What my kids remember from last year is making pretzel wreaths around the dining room table with all the family!!

 

[Karen]

Right now it's just hubby and I, so I can't comment on buying for our own kids. However, we do have many nieces and nephews that we buy for and we do tend to go overboard because they are our "kids" to spoil at the holidays.

However, the youth pastor at our church has 8 children and his wife is a SAHM. I will never forget the conversation that we had one time in regards to what their kids get for their birthdays. It made so much sense, that it just stuck with me. For each child's birthday they get three gifts from mom and dad (one outfit, one book, and one toy). He said that they have always done that because they get sooooo much from other relatives and friends and the kids know when they have three packages from mom and dad that that's everything. I'm not sure what they do for Christmas gifts, but I would guess that it's pretty similar.

 

[erinyourpclady]

If you ask my kids how many gifts Santa brings to our house...they will say 3. If you ask why...they say that is what baby Jesus recieved from the wise men. Someone shared the idea with me and it has really helped my children identify with the real reason for Christmas (no lie they love the gifts but they understand there is SO much more to the day).

They get three from us as well....one being their new Christmas pajamas and a homemade gift....this years is fleece blankets.
Additionally...we are rolling our own beeswax candles for our advent wreath and to give as gifts and baking gifts from our kitchen.

 

[cookingwithkelly]

I applaud you for taking care of your debt first!! As hard as it can be, you will be so much more peaceful in January when you don't have credit card bills haunting you! We are also in that same boat this year, so I know how hard it can be- we listen to and watch Dave Ramsey and have committed to a Total Money Makeover- if you don't listen, I highly recommend it- he'll have your finances sorted out in no time. If it makes you feel any better, my third daughter just turned one today- we did not have a huge party like the other two; she had three small gifts that my other daughters wrapped with magazine pages- no what, though? She was just as happy as the other two were (actually happier because she wasn't overwhelmed w/ a huge crowd of people) and we saved about $200!! So as sad as it made me, I know we made the better choice.

I hope you find peace in your wise decisions. Merry Christmas!

 

[Ann F]

I did for my kids the way my folks did for us(sounds like most of us do): One gift came from Santa and two (or 3) came from us. I'll spend between $100-$150 per child, depending on our circumstances. BTW: for birthdays we just gave our kiddos one gift. Of course, now, instead of just 2 children, I also have 2 in-law children and 1 foster son. That kills a budget but brings so much joy!

One tip I taught my in-laws: have each person open one gift, then the next person open one, and so on until all are unwrapped. It makes the occasion go longer, the giver can see the recipient's reaction, and the recipient can be taught to be gracious no matter what!

To cut back on expenses, my sisters (and families) and I first started drawing names, then one year we saved up all the "free" stuff we gathered during the year to give to the person whose name we drew, then finally we quit exchanging gifts altogether. However, we still look forward to getting together during the Christmas season, having our special meal, and eating all the wonderful candies we've all made to bring.

 

[gingertannery]

Well, I will get my grandson a few things.. but we are not going to exchange gifts this year... funds are short and Ike the hurricane got all the extra... I agree to get more.. cheaper items.. and offer situational gifts.. outing to the park.. dinner and a movie night, arts and crafts.. Good luck.. I remember growing up and having a lean Christmas or two.. or three. Focus on helping less fortunate because we are all in the same boat. Keep your bills paid up!!! Give love this year!! Declare this the year of love!! lol You are also teaching great things too.

 

[WLMcCoy]

It's the thought that counts. Make homemade gift/crafts with your kids for other family members. Make it so much fun to give, that they forget about getting =)

 

[tabnat80]

Honestly, I too have been buying up bargins for ds since this summer. I need to stop. I have a friend from church that really put it in to perspective for me. She is very wealthy and has 3 kids. Her hubby makes well over 250,000 a year and could afford to do much more but choses not to. She told her kids, "Jesus only got 3 gifts and that's all you're getting". I think we all get so caught up in the gift aspect of Christmas that we forget the true meaning. I really want to get my shopping done early so I can focus on God and the true reason for Christmas. I bought a little book at Hallmark the other day, DH was shocked that it was so religious. But, anyways, it had the alphabet and every letter stood for something to learn about Christmas. Like J- is for Jesus and it goes into why we celebrate His birth and so forth. We are going to begin reading it on Dec 1st to DS and try to teach him about why we have Christmas.

 

[raebates]

Financial security and a less stressed-out mom are great Christmas gifts.


If your children are old enough, explain your decision to scale back this year. If they're too young, chances are they won't be particularly aware of the change unless you draw it to their attention. There are lots of ways to have fun without spending money. Concentrate on those this year.

 

[quiverfull7]

I too applaud you for being responsible with your funds. It's hard to make that change but God will honor your decision. Since we've got such a big family, we've always tried to keep things fairly minimal. The year we lost our farm and there was virtually no income that fall, I went to yard sales and resale shops. We bought one new item for the older children who were aware what was happening but all the little things I found for .25 - $1 made the younger kids just as happy as if I'd paid $20 for them. Do what God is leading you to do and I bet the blessings of a peacefilled heart and mind will far outweigh anything you could have purchased. Bake homemade goodies with your kids, go caroling, visit someone who can't even get outside... there are so many ways to be the hands and feet of Christ that you can involve your kids in that will end up being the best gifts you can possibly give them. Sleep well at night with a peaceful heart! Thanks for posting this. I think it has made us all think about what truly matters! God Bless You!

 

[lacychef]

This is not the video we watched in church but one with Michael W. Smith that put it in prespective too.

YouTube - Michael W. Smith and Operation Christmas Child

I have to say, this is a fabulous program. My mil is in charge of this in our town & we do shoe boxes in our church group, & our girl scout group too. The kids LOVE wrapping these & picking out items to go in them. Wonderful program:thumbup:

Hang in there Steph....I do know what you mean. People can go too crazy at Christmas though. My kids don't need a thing...I'm trying to convince family to just give money that we can put in their savings accounts.

 

[chefsteph07]

Wow, I can't believe all the responses to this since last night..you guys really made me feel better!

I love the idea of the 3 gifts because that's what Jesus got...my 4 yr old already knows that Christmas is "Jesus birthday" as we call it...and I took another suggestion on here and asked her if Santa could only bring one thing what would she like...she said the movie Wall E ...then said she would also like some Barbie's...LOL...so I think we can accomodate both of those requests and just let everything else slide...I've already gotten her a couple of things so I broke the 3 gift rule but I might start that next season. My daughter is very generous and selfless anyway...get this, my mom took her out a couple weeks ago and they stopped at the store afterwards, mom wanted to get her a coloring book and some new crayons and my daughter told her that she already had plenty of coloring books and didn't need any more! What kid, esp a 4 yr old, would do THAT? I was shocked! When I asked her myself about it, she held up her hand as if to say "stop" and she said the same thing, she said "I have plenty, I don't need more"...WOW. I was so proud at that moment, although my mom said she was disappointed because she really wanted to get her something! LOL

Her school is doing a food drive this week and last night I started going through the cupboards putting cans in a bag and when she asked me what I was doing I told her we were giving food to those who didn't have any and weren't we lucky that we had enough to share and we are lucky to have a warm place to sleep and food in our bellies when other people don't. She seemed to understand this and started helping me put food in the bag.

So thanks for putting this all in perspective for me. There is a catalog like LTD, called Lakeside Collection in case you want to check it out, it has some inexpensive gifts in it, I was going through that last night and I"m going to order a few things next week...hopefully I won't have to spend more than $100 total on everyone! Plus, my dd birthday is in Jan so she will get some more things then from everyone.

We are not in such dire straits...my pay will just give us the cushion that I am used to! We are not in danger of losing our electric or home or anything that major, so it's not so bad. We've been living totally paycheck to paycheck for the last few weeks due to some unexpected things that have come up with nothing for extras, like if we had to go to the dr or something...but my pay will catch us up and we'll be ok again! Thanks for all your suggestions and words of inspiration, keep em coming!

 

[cookingwith_tara]

It doesn't matter how many gifts you receive but how many you were able to give.

We don't spend alot on Christmas either. We honor the celebration of the day, Jesus' birthday by giving to others. For every gift someone gets, whether it came from us or a relative we give something away. We do this for birthdays, too.

We also 'do for others' - like clean their house, mow their yard, wash their car, take the elderly to the store, spend time at nursing homes, etc. For us, it's never about what we get, even though we enjoy getting, it's always about what can I give.

My husband is the Music/Choir director at church. And we usually have a Christmas dinner the Saturday before we perform the Cantata at church. This year we decided to add a gift - we are to bring something from our home (purchasing is not allowed) to give to someone else. The idea is to part with something that has meaning to you so that someone else can enjoy. I think it's a great idea and one we will continue to do.

 

[wadesgirl]

I had a friend in high school who just had one other sibling. Their mom said when the boys were little, it didn't matter how much she spent on them, the boys would always count their gifts to make sure they had the same amount of gifts! It didn't matter if one had $200 in gifts and the other had $50, they had to have the same number of gifts. She said it got old after a while because she tried to keep even spending amount but also same amount of gifts!

 

[baychef]

Steph, I am SO glad that we have helped you feel better! It sounds like you have wonderful traditions and Christmas activities already in place.

And the wonderful ideas, suggestions, support and stories on this thread makes me glad that CS is back to where it should be.

And that 4 year old is one smart cookie! To realize that she has enough of something says so much good about her! Kids can be so amazing!

 

[merego]

My kids are very spoiled by the grandmas and godaprents that we don't really have to buy alot for them. Kyle was very spoiled growing up since he was the only child for so long. We now sepnd $200 on him and he doesn't get much since his gifts are more expensive now, but he also asks for clothes, i-tunes cards and cash. He has my family, his dads family and my husbands family, so he cleans up.
Regan is actually understanding Santa and presents and everytime she see something on TV she says I want that, Santa bring to me HO HO HO. The grandmas already know what they are buying and we asked the aunts and the godparents to put money in the kids college funds since they have sooo much, it really is insane. I just cleaned out a bunch of stuff that I gave to goodwill and amvets. I found some stuff we bought last year and forgot about and I will donate those items to toys for tots and other charities.

 

[merego]

I forgot to mention that we draw names for the adults and set a $30 limit, write 3 items we would like and then exchange on X-mas eve.
Clint and I usually pick 1 gift ( under $100) for each other. Last year we did $50.00 since money was a little tighter. Since he has this new job he may splurge a little, but usually if we wanted something we would just go buy it, so I never really needed anything.

 

[darlinclem]

Honestly, I too have been buying up bargins for ds since this summer. I need to stop. I have a friend from church that really put it in to perspective for me. She is very wealthy and has 3 kids. Her hubby makes well over 250,000 a year and could afford to do much more but choses not to. She told her kids, "Jesus only got 3 gifts and that's all you're getting". I think we all get so caught up in the gift aspect of Christmas that we forget the true meaning. I really want to get my shopping done early so I can focus on God and the true reason for Christmas. I bought a little book at Hallmark the other day, DH was shocked that it was so religious. But, anyways, it had the alphabet and every letter stood for something to learn about Christmas. Like J- is for Jesus and it goes into why we celebrate His birth and so forth. We are going to begin reading it on Dec 1st to DS and try to teach him about why we have Christmas.

Could you please share the title of that book? It would make a GREAT gift for my nephew/god child!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

This has been a good thread for perspective.

It has made me reflect on Christmases past....growing up, we always had HUGE Christmases. Honestly, I cannot remember much about the gifts at all. What has stuck with me are the traditions surrounding Christmas.

Going as a family to cut down our tree
Decorating, while listening to Christmas Music, and drinking hot cocoa
Each of us kids going on a shopping trip by ourselves w/ Dad to buy gifts for each other.
Making Christmas Cookies w/ Mom
Reading Reading T'was The Night Before Christmas & Luke 2 together on Christmas Eve, before going to bed.
New Pajamas on Christmas Eve!
Breakfast Casserole on Christmas Morning.
Waiting endlessly - hours and hours! - at the top of the steps until Mom & Dad gave us the "okay" to come down Christmas Morning.



Many of these traditions I am now continuing with my family - along with some new ones that are just "US".

Like - Cinnamon Rolls on Christmas Morning.
ShoeBoxes - we each do one for Samaritan's Purse.
Adopting an Angel Tree Family from Prison Fellowships Angel Tree Program.
Advent Wreath and Calendar that we do together as a Family.
Making Cookie/Candy Trays for neighbors and friends.


So much of what I hold dear, and the best memories from my childhood have absolutely nothing to do with gifts - other than giving gifts to other people! This thread has been a great reminder of that!

 

[JMT]

We have tried to adopt a suggestion from some friends for Christmas for the kids...we try and make the focus about Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas. Keeping in that line of thought the last 2 yrs. we did 3 gifts for each child (the 3 wise men idea). One is a spiritual gift of some sort (devotional book to do with us, cross necklace for our oldest...), 1 educational (pretty broad catagory - puzzles, games, computer game if it has educ. value), and 1 just for fun gift. We learned very early that by Feb. all those wonderful gifts were forgotten in the toy box somewhere! I also try and take the kids to pick an angel tree child, or operation shoebox for a child in their age/gender and let the kids do the picking and "giving" of their gifts. I remember very few specific gifts as a child, but I do remember going and picking a child, or children from the Angel tree with my mom every year to shop for!
As for the "Christmas list" above...I have to laugh b/c the best gift I can get is knowing the bills are paid and we are not going into debt! Also, Debbie, I enjoyed reading your post and the reminders of what we are to be doing.

 

[jcsmilez]

I don't know if anyone posted this already (I didn't see it), but my church is participating in the advent conspiracy, you can find more info on Advent Conspiracy/

check out this youtube video YouTube - Advent Conspiracy Promo Video even if you aren't Christian, it is amazing what we as a nation could do if we came together on this.

The gist of it is - every year Americans spend 450 Billion Dollars on Christmas gifts that most don't even remember the next year where the world problem of lack of clean drinking water kills more people every day than anything, a problem that could be solved with about 10 Billion Dollars. Pretty crazy ehh?

It comes really close to home for me since I have friends living in Zimbabwe where it has been all over the news that thousands are falling ill to cholera due to contaminated drinking water BBC NEWS | Africa | Zimbabwe cholera deaths near 500. Anyway, I hope it puts a different perspective on all of it for all of us. Kudos to you for not being willing to go into debt over Christmas this year!

 

[chefsteph07]

Well, I went out and did some shopping on Friday, stayed within my budget and I am about done, plus the bills are paid...whoo hoo for me, I'm pretty happy!

I really liked the idea on here about starting traditions, or reiterating them...we are going to be doing alot of fun things, things that don't cost much...we spent the day on Monday decorating the house (no tree yet, but that's all that's missing) and then yesterday we made some cookies. (ready made, but still...LOL) We are going to a metropark this weekend to look at lights, and I spoke w/ my husband last night about starting the tradition of going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. Years past I thought my dd was too young, but she's almost 5 so I think she will really appreciate all the beauty of it.

 

[chefsteph07]

This is an article that was posted today in our local paper. I thought it was worth a read and very interesting. Makes me thankful for what we have. It's long...




Merry Christmas. Here's your orange.

No joke. An orange was a pretty common Christmas gift during the Great Depression, according to the folks who lived through it.

And for those who may darkly mutter about Depression deja vu, in light of the current economy, the kids of the 1930s say that when it comes to the holidays, we aren't even close . . . yet.

They were the children who waited for Santa during an era that started with the stock market crash on "Black Tuesday," Oct. 29, 1929.

Over the next 10 Christmases, nearly 25 percent of the American labor force was unemployed. As the economy tanked, banks collapsed and factories shut down. Bread lines and soup kitchens for the impoverished became common. A popular song asking "Buddy can you spare a dime?" summed up the economic desperation.

"Everybody was poor. Nobody had money"

Richard Grondin, 85, of Medina, grew up on an 80-acre Michigan farm during the Depression, and remembered getting an orange -- along with a banana, nuts and candy -- in his Christmas stocking.

"An orange was a big thing because you couldn't afford one during the year," he said.

In those days, most everything was homemade or homegrown, including Christmas gifts, according to Grondin. But he still fondly recalled the rare exceptions in a little red wagon and his first "store-bought" lunch bucket, which was "quite the novelty" at his one-room schoolhouse.



Some things about Christmas never change, regardless of the economy, as illustrated by children surrounding Santa in this Depression-era visit.He and his eight siblings accepted the reality of Depression holidays. "We never felt any different from anybody else," Grondin said. "Everybody was poor. Nobody had money. If you had food to eat and a place to sleep, you were thankful for that.

"That's what's different from today," added Grondin, noting that such government support as Social Security and unemployment compensation didn't exist during the Depression. "A lot of people are hurting now, lost their jobs, but there's still a little money floating around."

Just something to be looked at

For Salvatore Calandra, 86, of Cleveland, Christmas during the Depression meant looking for his holiday presents in the stove. There was no fireplace.

"There'd always be a quarter at the bottom of the stocking, plus a tangerine and walnuts," he added. "We didn't have elaborate Christmases."

As for tinsel and toys, "We didn't know what those things were," he said. "You'd see them in the window of Higbee's or Sterling-Lindner. But they were just something to be looked at."

Ah, but those gaily bedecked downtown department store windows were a sight to behold, according to his wife, Marie, 86. "We always went downtown to see Santa Claus and look at all the windows," she said. "The displays were fantastic, wonderful."

The daughter of a shoe-repair shop owner said their Christmases were nothing extravagant. "But hey, we were lucky. We ate," she said. "We didn't have that much, but we were never deprived."

And she noted that if her parents ever heard any whining, they would have a ready response: You should be happy you got what you did. People are starving.

A special treat for the very youngest


Thomas Ondrey/The Plain Dealer
Edward Ferreri remembers Depression-era Christmas presents that were mostly handmade or things to eat. "In those days you had to make do with everything you had," he said. "My grandmother made bed sheets and aprons out of flour sacks." The Depression leveled the Christmas playing field for everyone.
"They were very rough times," said Clarence Jamison Sr., 90, of Shaker Heights, who would get through those days to become one of the famed Tuskegee Airmen during World War II.

He recalled that although his father had a job, the holiday was still tight for a family with six kids. He said his dad would always wait until late Christmas Eve to buy a Christmas tree because the prices were as drastically cut as the evergreens by then.

As for Christmas presents, "We'd usually get something very practical, like long underwear or a pair of shoes for the year," Jamison added. "Toys were a special treat reserved for only the very youngest."

Nothing you could really play with Eugene Lyons, 86, of University Heights, said that as one of three children raised by a single mother during the Depression, "there wasn't much levity in that household." But there was always hope.

From her pay as a domestic worker, his mother gave her kids oranges, apples and nuts as gifts for the holiday. "No toys. Maybe a couple pairs of socks, but nothing you could really play with," Lyons said.

And no Christmas tree. "Oh no, no, no. We'd have burned that for heat in the potbellied stove," Lyons said with a chuckle.

Still, every year the kids "knew Christmas was coming, we'd get all excited, looking over the rooftops to see Santa," Lyons said. "We always hoped, but it just wasn't to be.

"You couldn't get angry about it," he added. "In your heart you knew the lady was doing the best she could, and she always made sure we had a decent dinner. She was a very strong woman, and we realized she was having a rough go. It'd just tear you apart, really.

"Cookies so hard . . . Edward Ferreri, 91, of East Cleveland, similarly recalled that the holiday reflected the times when it came to Christmas presents.

"Our family was never poor, but never rich, either," he said. "I never got a brand new bike. I got an old bike that had a broken front wheel, but I put new spokes in it and it ran for years."

His wife, Jeanne, 83, remembered that she had a Shirley Temple doll, modeled after the then-famous child actress, and said her mother made her sets of doll clothes for Christmas presents.

Her husband's family had a Christmas tree decorated with candles they weren't allowed to light and hand-crafted paper decorations.

"Big dinners were a treat, so we'd go to Grandma's house in Youngstown," he said. "She'd make these Italian cookies that were so hard you had to soak 'em for a while before you could chew 'em."

'Where's our dollar? Where's our dollar?'

A common Christmas Day routine during the Depression consisted of waking up, opening what presents there were, then going to church.

Afterward came Christmas dinner, either at home or at a relative's house, where the men played cards, the kids just played, and the women cooked -- usually chicken.

"Oh yeah, and we were glad to get it, too," said Rose Guerra, 92, who grew up in Ashtabula during the Depression but now lives at Precious Care Assisted Living Inc. in Concord Township.

Fellow Precious Care resident Bertha Cann, 87, recalled, "We always had a [Christmas] tree, but there weren't a lot of clothes under it. My mother used to make them for us."

Sitting nearby, Janet Hirz, 84, formerly of Lakewood, remembered that every Christmas an uncle would visit and give each of the three kids in her family a dollar. One Christmas he didn't come, "and we all sat down and cried, 'Where's our dollar? Where's our dollar?' But we still loved him anyway."

All of the Precious Care ladies said the economy has a long way to fall until it hit a Depression-level basement. "This generation doesn't know how fortunate they are, and I hope they never have to go through it," said Guerra.

"Oh, it's nowhere near," said Hirz. She frowned, sadly shook her head, and added, "But it could be."

Then suddenly she brightened, remembering a hard lesson learned from those bygone Depression Christmases. "Things don't make you happy," she said.

The ladies nodded. In looking back to those days after 70 years, what they remember best are the families, traditions and holiday gatherings, not the gifts, trees and tinsel.

They didn't have much back then, compared to the Christmas cornucopia of more recent decades.

But in some ways, maybe they had much more.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Glad you're feeling better, Steph!

I've been worried sick because I cannot figure out how to get Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews. I started this tradition when they were little and I had a credit card. Last year was my first credit-free Christmas. I managed to get around it by avoiding my bills. This year things are MUCH worse. The only reason I have more than 30 cents to my name is PC. I get paid Monday so maybe I can do something for the adults too. We can't do a gift exchange because I am the only family member my brother speaks to ... he's at odds with my sister and dad ... so I am by extension obligated to get something for them as well as their kids.

So this year ... I got CDs for my close friends and one newphew via my music club. My eldest niece (who tried living on her own and will probably try it again in the future) is getting a griddle from the "spree." My sister and her husband are getting a round stone with handles that I bought for 60 percent off in November. My sister's younger daughter will probably get a necklace from my jewelry-selling days that I think she'll like.

So that leaves my brother's two, my great niece and my sister's youngest. It is my goal to find gifts for each of these at $10 or less. Ditto for my brother and his fiance (whose birthday is Christmas Eve.) We're all pretty financially tapped this year.

I don't expect much from my family ... I told my sister in law (who raised a cow last year and is pretty sick of beef) that if they didn't want to get me anything, they could give me 10 pounds of beef!

 

[beepampered]

One idea for gifts is to give a coupon for an event later in the year. So, your 4 year old could get a coupon for the circus in February. She can have something to look forward to and you can spend the money when you have it instead of now. Or, the event could be a beach picnic in January where you get a small pool, turn up the heat and make sand castles out of brown sugar....Merry Christmas...