Dealing with an Inappropriate Boss: Venting and Crying at Work

[thecougchef]

...ill start crying.

i have the most inappropriate boss. shes not the attorney. just the "lead paralegal." so i guess boss isnt the right word for her.

anyway. she makes me insane. period. this is why i want to lock her in her office TODAY:

#1. our receptionist is going out of town thursday - tuesday. so it will be up to us to answer the phones. fair enough. we are all adults who know how to do that. brenda decided it would be a BETTER idea to make a schedule. so everyone has designated times to answer the phone. this is a bad idea because we are ALL on the phone about 80% of our job. so there is a good chance i will be on the phone my entire "shift." so someone else will have to pick the phone up in that case. this might be a small issue to be venting about - but if you knew this woman, it would just be another thing she felt she needed to micro manage.

#2. her daughter got married on saturday. she was in a panic because their photographer bailed on them last minute. i have a digital slr camera, and i take pretty good pictures (if i do say so myself). she knew all of that so she asked if i would do it FOR FREE. i obliged just because i cant imagine what her daughter would do if she found out there was no photographer at her wedding. today, brenda is telling me everything WRONG about the pictures. there was no editing done. the pictures were all taken inside because the bride "didnt want to get her dress dirty." so the lighting wasnt great. I DID IT FOR FREE & it took up my whole saturday! NOT TO MENTION - i helped with the decorations and the centerpieces. UGH!

#3. just as i was leaving for lunch - brenda came into my office and said "i love your sweater. im not a sweater person but that one is a nice color & cut. im a big girl like you & big girls shouldnt wear certain fabrics and cuts. THEN. she asked if i would pick her up some food while i was at lunch. i said "no - as of right now i dont eat lunch anymore." she probably wont get that that was aimed at her comment. i am 5'6" & weigh about 150. probably less today because i am getting over the flu. so i wouldnt call myself "a big girl." & especially not like her - she is a very large women who wears clothes that are too small for her....often resulting in the attorney discipling her repeatedly over it.


okay so this was long. & i promise you i could go on and on about this women. but she makes me insane. i love my job. i love my clients. i love my coworkers. but i dont think i can work for this women forever.

thanks for helping me through it :yuck:

 

[vwpamperedchef]

HUGS!!!! I hope your day/week gets better!!!!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Oh Meghan! That stinks! What an (obviously) unhappy person she must be! I can't believe she is whining about the pictures that you took as a favor to her and her daughter so they would have SOME pictures! Gee...wonder why the photographer backed out? lol

 

[FHL]

Wow - and I thought some of my co-workers were bad. You are a much better person than me - i would have never ever done the pics at her daughter's wedding.

 

[pcchefjane]

I'm so sorry! I had a boss like that (male) who was always making "backhanded remarks" to my face. They were designed to make him look smarter and me to look stupid. You are not that much "overweight" and believe me at 305, I know overweight! I hate it when "fat people" make hateful remarks to others about their weight when they are usually bigger than the person they are talking with. Can you go over her head or talk to the other people about how to handle the schedule? I know trying to be answering the incoming calls while being on the phone for your calls is crazy. I have done that before and it is nuts. Then a client complains that they needed you specifically and you were on another call...then it's your fault!

She sounds like a real jerk! I always told my DD when her dad would be especially ugly to her or break yet another promise, to imagine flushing him down the toilet! Maybe that would help! LOL!

 

[Jessamary]

Yikes! What a PHB. (That's Psycho Hose Beast...y'know, like in Wayne's World.)

I had a boss like this once. She did this to me because she knew I wouldn't say anything. I wish I had. Just something to preserve my dignity...like in your case "Brenda, I did those pictures for you as a favor and you're hurting my feelings."

But still, I think I'd quietly replace all her pens with ones that don't work or silently wish a yeast infection on her.

 

[pampchefsarah]

When was the last time you 'vented' to her boss? You, and your co-workers, shouldn't put up with abusive behavior. Write down every offense over the next week or so (with reference to similar past behavior), and bring it to upper management. If they've already had to discipline her repeatedly, they may give her an ultimatum to change - and would, I'm sure, rather lose her than you.

Don't mention the free photography issue, though, is that was not work-related, and entirely voluntary on her part. For this, I can only say, as Kacey has taught us, Bless and Release.

 

[janetupnorth]

I would probably comment to her on #2 and say I'm sorry you are unhappy with the pictures, but it was the best I could do with giving up my entire day for free, helping her with decorations and having less than ideal conditions. If you wanted something better, it would have been good to spend the $1000 to hire another professional photographer.

 

[thecougchef]

Oh Meghan! That stinks! What an (obviously) unhappy person she must be! I can't believe she is whining about the pictures that you took as a favor to her and her daughter so they would have SOME pictures! Gee...wonder why the photographer backed out? lol

she is a hypocondriac (sp?). she is always dying of something. and shes always telling us shes going to have to go on disability & wont be able to work here anymore. i wish she would just do it already.

But still, I think I'd quietly replace all her pens with ones that don't work or silently wish a yeast infection on her.

thanks for atleast making me smile

When was the last time you 'vented' to her boss? You, and your co-workers, shouldn't put up with abusive behavior. Write down every offense over the next week or so (with reference to similar past behavior), and bring it to upper management. If they've already had to discipline her repeatedly, they may give her an ultimatum to change - and would, I'm sure, rather lose her than you.

my coworkers & i have vented repeatedly to our attorney. he is a fairly young atty & brenda has been a paralegal for 20 years. she has him convinced we cant run the firm without her. about a month ago one of my coworkers mother died unexpectedly. she was obviously very upset about it & as her friends, she talked to us about it. brenda told her to "not bring her personal problems to work." that was the last straw for all of us and we revolted. i thought there was going to be a mutiny. we went to the attorney with a list of problems AND SOLUTIONS. and after a week of her staying at home and him contemplating the situations, he decided we were better off WITH HER. theres no getting rid of this woman.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Yikes! What a PHB. (That's Psycho Hose Beast...y'know, like in Wayne's World.)

I had a boss like this once. She did this to me because she knew I wouldn't say anything. I wish I had. Just something to preserve my dignity...like in your case "Brenda, I did those pictures for you as a favor and you're hurting my feelings."

But still, I think I'd quietly replace all her pens with ones that don't work or silently wish a yeast infection on her.

LMAO! Never heard that one before!

 

[thecougchef]

But still, I think I'd quietly replace all her pens with ones that don't work or silently wish a yeast infection on her.

btw. if she DID get a yeast infection - she would come in & tell us ALLLLLLLLL about it. talk about keeping your personal problems out of the office. YUCK! :yuck:

 

[chefsteph07]

I cannot believe that about the pictures.
That just blows me away. I would not be doing anything that wasn't work related for her again. Maybe you should send her a bill for the photos.

 

[thecougchef]

I cannot believe that about the pictures.
That just blows me away. I would not be doing anything that wasn't work related for her again. Maybe you should send her a bill for the photos.

a coworkers wife (who also attended the wedding) suggested i send her a bill on company letterhead saying i had consulted an attorney who recommended i be paid for my services. haha.

 

[janetupnorth]

a coworkers wife (who also attended the wedding) suggested i send her a bill on company letterhead saying i had consulted an attorney who recommended i be paid for my services. haha.

That's a good one.


This lady is one more reason why certain people shouldn't reproduce...






WANTED: One lifeguard for gene pool.

 

[tabnat80]

what a heartless person. I can't believe she didn't want her mentioning her dead mother. I'm sorry, but that lady has issues. She must not have any family or loved ones or understand those kind of situations. My mom lost her monther this past March and without her family , friends and coworkers, I don't know how she would have gotten through it.

 

[DebbieSAChef]

I have learned that those who are the hardest to get along with are usually the people God has purposely put in our lives!! HA HA HA

They are also people who are very unhappy, have no real friends and alone in this great, big world. My greatest advice to you is to love her with an overwhelming amount of kindness.

But please don't feel you have to be a doormat or taken advantage of. You know the saying "Fool me once, shame on them, fool me twice, shame on me."

If she continues to mention the pictures, tell her it hurts your feelings because you did give up an entire Saturday to help her since the photographer bailed on her and you didn't charge her a penny.

Do the best you can do at your job and shine for the Lord. Everyone will know you are very capable of doing your job and eventually your young, inexperienced, naive boss will realize when people start leaving that it's better to sacrifice one person for the good of everyone else, no matter how much experience she has!

Debbie :chef:

 

[pampchefsarah]

I have learned that those who are the hardest to get along with are usually the people God has purposely put in our lives!! HA HA HA

Debbie :chef:

Yep, these are the ones Beth Moore calls our "testies!" :balloon:

 

[thecougchef]

Yep, these are the ones Beth Moore calls our "testies!" :balloon:

she DID have a party for me to help me qualify back in february. HOWEVER. when i got to her house, there was a Home Interior consultant there setting her table up too! it was a 2 consultant party & neither of us knew about each other!

 

[DandyG03]

OMG vent away, let it out good lord that woman sounds like a piece of work!! I 2nd & 3 the ragging yeast infection. I know it's not nice to say but *if* it was bad enough she might miss a few days of work, not a bad deal I'm think'n. But again I know it's not nice but still very possible lol. I hope your work week gets better and I'm glad you have others at work who you can mini vent to when needed - it's a must sometimes!!*hugs*

ETA: I just read your last post....OMG!!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

UNBELIEVABLE!I can't imagine the emotional damage she inflicted on her daughter and other children! I wouldn't be surprised if she or one of her offspring suffered from an eating disorder!I've seen your photo and you are not big by any stretch of the imagination.Remember ... big girls don't cry! But you're not big at all ... so go ahead and let it out!

 

[tlag1986]

People like that should never go outside their homes. She is a total Nut Case from what I have read antisocial behavior for sure. I also agree to a ragging yeast infection.

Meghan I wish you the best with your ability to ignore her and her ignorance. May you have the patience to Bless and Release.

 

[pcchefjane]

what a heartless person. I can't believe she didn't want her mentioning her dead mother. I'm sorry, but that lady has issues. She must not have any family or loved ones or understand those kind of situations. My mom lost her monther this past March and without her family , friends and coworkers, I don't know how she would have gotten through it.

She sounds like my former boss. I was 5-1/2 months pregnant with my DD (who is now almost 26) when my dad died. About a month later, my boss asked me how I was preparing my "maternity leave replacement". I told him that I had not been thinking about it too much since I was still dealing with my dad's death. He said, "You mean you aren't over that yet?" HELLO! I still miss him 26 years later....

 

[Nanisu]

OMG!! Feel free to vent away, sistah!! Holy Shimoly. Next time the pictures come up hand her the disc and steer her to Adobe Photoshop--the professional version for $600+, LOL and tell her it's absolutely the best for editing...she can do it herself. How about unplugging everything in her office that uses power so that it all blinks off and on when you plug it back in???? Give her something else to do with her time? Casually leave a Lane Bryant Catalog in with her mail???? With pages dog-eared to the most unflattering pictures???? Let me sleep on it tonight--I can come up with more---advertise her car for sale in the paper, with message to call after 10 p.m. because the owner works late? Back in high school when cars were easier to work on I used to know how to cross the horn wire with the brake lights wire so that when people stepped on the brakes the horn honked....but that's too hard to do now. Um....gravel inside the hub caps of her car??? Makes it really loud when they drive....How about one of those slinky snake things (like the ones we used to buy in the fake cans of peanuts that would jump out at your when you opened the can), stuffed in her glove box so that when she opened it it popped out and she peed her undies? Um.....

 

[raebates]

You poor thing. I've worked with miserable people before. Usually they're miserable to be around because they feel miserable about themselves.When it comes to outside-the-office things, I have a wonderful, small but powerful word for you--"No." It is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation. It takes some practice, but it's worth learning. BTW, my favorite turn-down of all time was on Friends. Phoebe was asked to do something and said, "Oh, I would, but I don't want to."

 

[tlag1986]

Nancy you had me ROFLOL I loved your responses.

 

[heather223]

Hope it gets better for you. Nancy- you made me laugh too!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Note to self: NEVER make Nancy mad at me!

 

[TammyStar]

Yeah I'm with Linda, never make Nancy mad!

The worse thing I've ever done was when I was nearing a separation which led to divorce I used to run my ex's toothbrush around the toilet bowl a few times. I was young and vindictive back then. It sure made me feel good, but I would never do something like that now! okay okay and I did one time make meatloaf with dog food in it, but my justification was why the heck was I still cooking for the idiot! And he didn't even question why I wasn't eating it! And this was a smart man with a doctorate degree!
Wow that was a long time ago and I"ve never told anyone, I feel so much better today getting that off my chest!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Second note to self: NEVER EVER make Tammy mad or accept a dinner invitation to her home!

 

[Jessamary]

You guys are too funny!
My husband once had a boss that absolutely stabbed him in the back, so I went online to all these really graphic porn magazine sites and sent him subscriptions to his workplace. It was one of those "try us once for free...you'll want more" deals.
I , too, have never told anyone. Feels good to confess.

 

[TammyStar]

LOL hey I've outgrown it!

Meghan, Sorry you are having a tough time with one mean person. I just wanted to tell you what I've done in the past at work. When I'm working with someone who annoys me I pretend they do not exist. I only speak to them when necessary and work related. I've been told it's pretty funny and obvious too so it tends to make the person stay away from me.
For example I had a person my heighth and who weighed more than me say " are you pregnant?" because I had gained weight. I turned to someone else and said "you know I'm starving, is it lunch time yet" and I walked away. When she would talk about personal stuff I would just play a song in my head and then I'd be the first person to totally say something off topic and totally change the subject. I used to walk by her and look right thru her. My friends call it the "FREEZE OUT" and I've been told that friends of mine do it and it works well.
Now I work temp jobs and travel because if I don't like someone I'm working with it doesn't matter because I work with a contract that has an end date on it! Makes it easier to tolerate rude mean people.
I think sometimes you have to be a stronger person in dealing with these types of people especially because you love everything else about your job. When people are rude to me at work I say in my head "I'll pray for you that God softens your heart and makes you a nicer person" and sometimes I kick in a "because you obviously need it!"
But sometimes you have to say things to yourself in your head to move on and not let it get to you!

 

[thecougchef]

OMG!! Feel free to vent away, sistah!! Holy Shimoly. Next time the pictures come up hand her the disc and steer her to Adobe Photoshop--the professional version for $600+, LOL and tell her it's absolutely the best for editing...she can do it herself. How about unplugging everything in her office that uses power so that it all blinks off and on when you plug it back in???? Give her something else to do with her time? Casually leave a Lane Bryant Catalog in with her mail???? With pages dog-eared to the most unflattering pictures???? Let me sleep on it tonight--I can come up with more---advertise her car for sale in the paper, with message to call after 10 p.m. because the owner works late? Back in high school when cars were easier to work on I used to know how to cross the horn wire with the brake lights wire so that when people stepped on the brakes the horn honked....but that's too hard to do now. Um....gravel inside the hub caps of her car??? Makes it really loud when they drive....How about one of those slinky snake things (like the ones we used to buy in the fake cans of peanuts that would jump out at your when you opened the can), stuffed in her glove box so that when she opened it it popped out and she peed her undies? Um.....

i have photoshop --- the $600+ version. and i know that those pictures would be amazing quality once i worked my photoshop magic. but there is no way i am going to sit at a computer for another couple of days ... FOR FREE ... after the way shes been treating me --- & all of my coworkers.

your ideas were too funny. this woman has been married FIVE times. she is 52. we decided last summer that she was probably acting the way she does because she is lonely & not getting enough attention. so we signed her up on match.com. she still makes comments about how shes not sure why she gets emails from the site :angel:

 

[tlag1986]

Note to self: careful not to make anyone on this site mad they may retaliate.

 

[Hathery]

Just wanted to step in and say that at 5'6" and 150 lbs, you are definitely NOT a big girl! She probably just wanted to make herself feel better by comparing herself to you.

 

[janetupnorth]

Just wanted to step in and say that at 5'6" and 150 lbs, you are definitely NOT a big girl! She probably just wanted to make herself feel better by comparing herself to you.

Yeah, send her here to input your height and weight: Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

You are NORMAL according to them...

 

[thecougchef]

Yeah, send her here to input your height and weight: Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

You are NORMAL according to them...

i wear 3-4" heels almost everyday. so if i put in that im 5"9 & 150 my BMI looks alot better

 

[Hathery]

Yeah, send her here to input your height and weight: Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

You are NORMAL according to them...

Heck, I'd do just about anything to have your BMI! (except exercise, apparently)

 

[pamperedlinda]

i wear 3-4" heels almost everyday. so if i put in that im 5"9 & 150 my BMI looks alot better

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Heck, I'd do just about anything to have your BMI! (except exercise, apparently)

That made me laugh.....in total agreement!

 

[tlag1986]

Heck, I'd do just about anything to have your BMI! (except exercise, apparently)

I have to agree with you.LOL

 

[tabnat80]

Oooo. I don't like your chart. I'm 5'1 and 136 lbs and it says i'm overweight! NOw, I know I'm not as slem as need be, but no where over weight. I actually watch what i eat. Silly charts

[


QUOTE=janetupnorth;551496]Yeah, send her here to input your height and weight: Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

You are NORMAL according to them...[/QUOTE]

 

[thecougchef]

Oooo. I don't like your chart. I'm 5'1 and 136 lbs and it says i'm overweight! NOw, I know I'm not as slem as need be, but no where over weight. I actually watch what i eat. Silly charts

tabnat - everytime i see your avatar i think about how pretty you are! overweight never even crossed my mind!

 

[Hathery]

I don't like those charts; they don't take body frame into account at all.

 

[tlag1986]

I don't like them cause I always fail.

 

[Hathery]

I don't like them cause I always fail.

Well yeah...that too! :blushing: