Adopting Two Toddlers: Our Journey and Challenges | Pray for Our Family

[scottcooks]

We are in process of adopting two toddlers - have been married 14 years DINK, and began the process of adoption within state agency 3 years ago. Finally after 2 1/2 years (and 3 labor days~!) we have had the tots since Feb 20.

Our two are sibs of a family of 4, mom and dad had been incarcerated briefly and are just not ready for kids - mom is 23 and has 4 kids, 7,5,4,2. Dad is bipolar and unemployable, 29. They both love their kids but cannot provide them a safe home or structure. We have the 4 and 2yo; we were placement home #7 for the 2yo, #5 for the 4yo.

Tomorrow 8-16 we have a meeting with the state and the foster fam for the 7 and 5yo - we are interested in occasional visits, and they are not, based on the havoc it wreaks for the kids...the other foster mom explains it rips the kids' hearts out to not see their sibs more.

I'm not sure what is right. I know that God pointed us toward these two children, and we don't have the space to adopt all 4. The other family has the space, but in 5 1/2 months we have bonded with the tots and we want to hang on to them with occasional sib visits.

To make matters tougher, there were questionable events when we took the tots over there for a sleepover, and I had to file a CPS report for suspicions of improper activity with the 2yo.

It was goofy of us to setup a sleepover with our kids only 2 and 4 even if it was with their sibs, since we didn't know the other family at all. I resolved that we won't do another unless our kids are school age.

Challenges for us will be: seeing the other foster family face to face since the allegations, and resolving the visits issue fairly for the kids. Ultimately they are and always will be blood relatives, but we cannot raise them together...both of ours are busy families; they have 3 other kids in their house and we have very hectic lives with 4 jobs between the 2 of us.

Pray for our peace and comfort, and discernment that God's will be done for our 4yo boy and 2yo girl. Adoption is supposed to occur early October. I plan to go in to this meeting and say as LITTLE as I possibly can!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Oh Scott, my heart goes out to you and your wife! I pray that everything turns out well for this adoption and that everything goes through without a hitch!

BTW, what does DINK (I get the no kids part...but what is D and I?)

 

[BethCooks4U]

Congratulations! I admire you and your wife for opening your home and sharing your love and lives with these children. I will pray for you and all of the children. God has led them to you for a reason and you are all blessed!

 

[chefann]

Kelly, DINK is Dual Income, No Kids.

DH and I are DINKs.
And Dorks, but that's another thread.

---
Scott, I'll say a prayer, too, that everything goes well. What a mess!

 

[raebates]

Bless you for giving these children a loving home. I'll be in prayer. Be sure to keep us updated.

 

[BethCooks4U]

Beth, DINK is Dual Income, No Kids.

DH and I are DINKs.
And Dorks, but that's another thread.

---
Scott, I'll say a prayer, too, that everything goes well. What a mess!

I didn't ask the question but I didn't have the answer either. ...so thanks!

 

[Jennie4PC]

Scott I really hope all works out for you your wife and these precious kids

 

[chefann]

I didn't ask the question but I didn't have the answer either. ...so thanks!

Oops- my bad. I was responding to Kelly, but your av stuck in my head.

 

[jrstephens]

I will be praying y'all and the situation Scott. God knows and does best. I admire you and your wife for taking this on.

 

[nikked]

It takes a special heart to adopt. We will definitely be praying during this adjustment and decision time. God bless you for what you doing, and how you are doing it.

 

[ginamkiely]

You have my prayers as well. I hope all goes well.

 

[PamperedChefDebi]

Scott, your family will be in my prayers as well.

 

[dianevill]

You will all be in my prayers, too. Bless you!

 

[vtchef]

You and the children will be in my prayers

 

[chefpenny99]

I will praying for you that things go smoothly and that the adoption is settled as quickly as possible.

 

[angmillar]

Prayers being said here, as well.

Keep us updated.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Scott - adding my prayers for your family! DH and I were DINKS for many years! It is a shocking change to add a child (or in your case children), but it's all for good! Now, we don't know what we did before the little guy!

Just as God has adopted us into His Family - you are following His heart and adding to yours - I know that He will bless and protect you in this!

 

[janetupnorth]

Scott - add our occasional prayers for you too - keep us posted.

You guys are great for taking on and loving such needy kids - they need a good stable home and it looks like you are trying to provide the perfect place for them.

 

[scottcooks]

WOW! Thanks so much to all of you. I was blown out of the water when I saw 17 responses to my request. Tonight the 2yo girl threw tantrums going to bed, and I just held her for 5 minutes, took her back into the bedtime routine (for some doofy reason we didn't give them a bath after supper tonight and it messed her way way up) and she settled right down.

To mix the equation further, the other foster family are Christian as well and threw that in my face at length in the 1 1/2 hour phone call when they called to speak with me. I held my ground and we seemed resolved and copasthetic (sp?) by conversations' end. Tomorrow will tell.

It's late, and I'm blessed by all of your responses. God has something special in mind. Tonight I was thinking, why not have the kids meet at one another's church each week - they would get to spend a little time with one another in a structured, caring environment - but that may not work out for the other couple. We'll see. All I can do is "go with God"! May his words be my words. My pledge for the encounter is to exercise holy silence and listen, listen, listen. Peace.

-praying for Paige and her family-

 

[PamperedChefDebi]

Oh Scott, you will be blessed. I can see it even in your typewritten words. Your faith in God will carry you ALL through this for the best outcome, HIS outcome. Stay strong in your faith.

 

[scottcooks]

RESULTS: Eye opening meeting yesterday. All is fine with the other family. We were both informed there was a court order that the children see one another - order instituted by a judge who didn't ever see the kids, talk with a social worker who knew the family, or inform us of the court date. After 45 minutes of both our adoptive families explaining to the new SW's that meetings were re-injuring the children to this nuclear family they could never 'have' other than occasional get-togethers, we agreed to have a picnic after the end-of-year promotion event at the kids Headstart preschool/daycare program. The second boy 5yo "ages out" of the program and they have a promotion grad... event where each class does something. All 4 kids will attend then we will go picnic.

We have a new social worker and the other family with the older 2 sibs has one as well. None of these had spoken to the previous SW who had all 4 kids on her caseload, and they sent us out to get 'professional' opinions that the visits were hurtful to the kids. They asked each of us to write a statement about kids' behavior after meetings.

Thanks for your prayers. Peace! God Bless you and your PC lives!

-praying for Paige and her family-

 

[MissChef]

Congratulations on it working out!:angel: You did it by God's way, so of course it worked out! God is faithful to us when we are faithful to Him! When we put all our faith in Him, He will answer our prayers, because God can only work with faithfilled prayers!
Congrats again, I know you will be updating us regualry and that it will be all good news and we will praise God with you!
God Bless you and your wife for being such dilligent, faith filled, do-ers or the word, as my pastor says!:angel:

 

[raebates]

Thanks for the update. I'll continue to keep your family in prayer.