Your Kids' Friends Calling Your Child...

[missyciccolella]

Ok, I have a 7 year old daughter (my oldest) in 1st grade. As the year has progressed, several of her friends have started calling...on occasion I think this is fine, but it seems to be turning into more of a regular event.
For instance, I literally just got off the phone with one of her friends calling a few minutes after 9PM...my daughter is in bed by 8PM, and I don't like phone calls after 9PM (I get up 5:45 every morning so 9PM is sort of late to me)...so my question is at what age did you start allowing your children to have phone time, how long were they allowed to talk, and I am crazy for thinking this is way out of line/too young to be getting phone calls?
My son is in kindergarten, and then one more after him...I knew the teenage years would tie up my phone line, but I didn't expect that in elementary school! LOL

 

[Jennie4PC]

my DS hasnt started that yet. But I was doing a show and this 7 yr old girl kept getting phone call after phone call. Of course it as the same little boy. Her mom said it was annoying also. I would just set limits.

 

[pampered.chris]

My daughter is 12 and I very much limited her phone time with friends. It actually worked until this past year. There have been times this year that the phone has rang over 20 times in one evening. I get very frustrated as well. I know it will only get worse as she gets older.
Recently I got my DD a cell phone. I never thought I would, but now my phone isn't ringing off the hook, but her cell phone is. So after her having it for one month I set some very strong ground rules. She is only allowed a two hour window for phone and this is AFTER all homework is complete and chores. She has to "turn in" her phone for the night to me (she was texting friends after bedtime, sometimes after my bedtime). It is easier with the cell phone and harder.

I really don't know what suggestions to give you on how to control the phone. Only that if you don't limit the times and calls they can receive, you will need to get a second line so you can use the phone.

Good luck!!

 

[itsjustCarla]

I too do not allow phone calls after 9pm. When my kids were younger, I simply told the person on the other end of the phone - "I'm sorry, she's not allowed phone calls after 9pm" and I would strongly urge my daughter to let her friends know that rule. I rarely had a problem after that. Taking the cell phone away in the evening is a GREAT idea. I - the naive mom that I am - also found out my daughter was getting calls and texts after everyone went to bed, but my kids were in high school before I allowed them to even have a cell phone.....so as long as she doesn't wake anyone...and as long as she gets her homework done and gets up in the morning, I'm ok. She's 18 now and very responsible. Luckily, my son who just got into high school this year and just got his phone this year has friends with the same limitations.

 

[raebates]

Our son has always had lots of friends. At 7, I think 10 to 15 minutes per call is a good limit. We always had a policy of no calls after 9 p.m. Unless there was a particular crisis (and, the criteria for "crisis" was limited), phone calls were never allowed to be more than 1/2 hour. He got a cell phone his senior year because he got started in a business. If he'd had one earlier, it would definitely have been collected at bedtime.

 

[merego]

my son has had a cell phone since 8th grade and that solved tying up our line but when he was way younger, he wasn't a phone person, still isn't he is a texter, wait til you get to that stage. Set limits on time is what i would say good luck.

 

[susan g]

My oldest, dd9, started getting a lot of calls last year (2nd grade) and it has continued this year. My best solution has been taking the viewpoint of, if his/her mom isn't going to teach phone manners, I will. Ex. I insist that the child state their name before asking to speak to DD and we do not let her talk after 7pm. For a while, I just told the caller, "she can't talk after 7", then I discovered the handy "do not disturb" button on my phone and now I usually use that. Because of 1 kid who calls repeatedly, I finally have a new rule this year that once they have talked on the phone, they are done for the day. This has all worked out well for our family. It won't work for all, but it is great for young children because you can say a lot without the hurt feelings/drama that you get from older kids. I think a huge part of all the calling is the novelty of learning and being allowed to use the phone. The bottom line is You are the Grown Up and the Boss-they do what You say! Good luck!

 

[missyciccolella]

Well, I've been doing 10 minutes a call no more than 2 people a day. I'm not entertaining a cell phone...maybe I'll revisit that in middle school, but both my husband and I feel that is not necessary.
I wasn't prepared for phone calls at the age of 7, and I'm a little old school in that I don't think she needs to really use the phone regularly anyway. LOL
Thanks for the tips!

 

[chefshawna]

I think girls are worse than boys! My step son is 9 and doesn't ever talk on the phone at our house, now my DD who is 3 would talk for hours to my sister or my mom if I would let her, so I know that when she gets older and gets friends I will be enforcing some strict rules!! LOL Good luck!! I also agree to the no cell phone at a young age! I think it's ridiculous that young kids have them.

 

[chefann]

Maybe I'm a little old-school, but what the heck would a couple of 7 year olds have to discuss (unless they're working on a school project together) that can't be covered during recess or waiting for the bus?I'd be inclined to use the grade/age formula: no more than (grade number) calls per evening, of (age) minutes length each. So a 7yo in 2nd grade could receive (or place) 2 7 minute calls per day. And definitely have a rule about how late the child can be on the phone, like up to 1 hour before bedtime, no calls during dinner, and no calls until homework is done. Another rule I'd consider would be that all of the child's calls must be made/taken on a corded phone in a common room of the house (kitchen, family room) so they can't just go camp out in their bedroom on a cordless phone for hours.

 

[raebates]

Excellent ideas, Ann. You'd probably be surprised to find out how little unstructured play time elementary students get today. It's sad. I remember elementary school as a great time with long (but never long enough) recesses morning, afternoon, and at lunchtime.

 

[chefann]

Excellent ideas, Ann.

You'd probably be surprised to find out how little unstructured play time elementary students get today. It's sad. I remember elementary school as a great time with long (but never long enough) recesses morning, afternoon, and at lunchtime.

We only had 1 recess of about 20-30 minutes, plus a 15 minute lunch period. But that was plenty of time to catch up with friends. And because I went to parochial school, none of my classmates lived in the neighborhood, we couldn't just drop in on them to visit/play.

Maybe I'm just showing my age, but I don't think that there's a big need for children under the age of 10 or 12 to use the phone. And it's up to the parents to say so - if you don't like your kids getting calls (or getting so many calls) then it's perfectly OK to set rules and make sure that your children and their friends know those rules. Once they can pay for their own phone, then they can talk on it.

 

[raebates]

I'm with ya. Since we moved when our son started first grade, we were encouraging anything that helped to form attachments with his friends. I can't say he had lots of calls at the age of 7. Those were mostly "Hey, can you come over" calls. He was getting pretty regular calls by the time he was 12 or so, though. Still, it wasn't an everyday thing.Missy, Ann has a good point. Don't be afraid to decide what you think is acceptable, state the rules clearly, and hold your ground. That's what parents are supposed to do.