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Dealing with Bullying: My Kids' Struggle with New Friends in a New Neighborhood

In summary, the new family next door has been bullying my kids, and I handled it by talking to the girls' mom.
peichef
1,215
I warn you, this may turn into a lengthy message as emotion is running high right now. here's my issue....

I have 6 yr old twins boys and 4 yr old girl. We recently (not even 2 weeks yet) moved to a new city. Our street is brand new, mostly homes nuder construction, but has already has 21 kids on it -- most under age 10. My kids have been playing a lot with 2 little girls who live 3 doors down (ages 6, 5). When it's just my kids and them ,things are great. When 2 kids from another family are involved (aged 8, 5) things turn nasty.
Bear in mind, my kids have been pretty sheltered. They've never really been exposed to kid older than themselves (except cousins). The haven't started school yet (kindergarten is private & not part of the schools in our old province).
I am the first to admit that my kids aren't the most "socially aware" kids around. They are quite shy and despereate want to be accepted by other kids.
So... the problem. WE get home from shopping this morning and my kids go to join the others (the 2 girls and the 2 others), playing in a neighbour's yard. I hear the other kids tell mine they dont'want to play with them. Which is fine. My kids (again being socially unaware) follow the other kids to one of their houses, even after being told not to come. I'm walking down, going to ask my boys a question, when I see the 5 yr old girl (who looks about 7) come out of the garage and push one boy on his chest, knocking hm to the ground.
I continue to walk to the kids, check that my son is oaky, and ask what happened (even though I watch it unfold). The girl admits to pushing him. I call her over, tell her to apologize, then continue to tell her that it is not okay to push my kid or any kid, ever. I tell her I'll be talking to her mom when she returns from errands.
Now I am becoming friends with this girl's mom. In fact, she's doing a show for me very soon. I've left her a message, telling her there's been an incident between the kids and that I handled it in a manner I hope she approves.

Did I do the right thing? Did I overstep? Should I allow my kids to keep playing with these kids, given that this is not the 1st incident of bullying, more like the 5 or 6th in less than a week?

BTW: When I got my kids home, I sat them down to explain they when they are told they aren't welcome, they need to leave people alone rahter than following or staying to watch lioke wounded puppies.

Sorry for the length. I'm just sa sad after watching my kids be bullied this week.
 
Sounds to me like you handled things well. You didn't lose your temper. You let the little girl know that her behavior was inappropriate. You even explained things to your children so that the situation won't happen again. It hurts when our kids are hurt. Don't worry. You didn't overstep. You handled things like a caring adult.
 
I think you handled it well also. My guess would be that this may be a temp thing since they are all new friends. I would just keep an eye on it. I know with my son, he quickly learns that he doesn't want to play with or around the kids that aren't nice to him.
 
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  • #4
Thaks guys. I just talked to her mom, and she was fine with how it all went down. Her 2 girls aren't the primary issue -- it's the other 2 who want to be the "king and queen" that seem to stir the pot. And you're right -- it breaks your heart to see your kids start to learn that people can be cruel. At least they had their innocence longer than many.
 
I have found that a large group of kids have a harder time playing together and smaller groups work better. Once more kids move in your children will have other kids to play with.
 

1. How can I help my child cope with bullying in a new neighborhood?

As a parent, it can be difficult to see your child struggling with bullying in a new neighborhood. One of the best ways to help your child cope is by having open and honest conversations with them about their experiences. Let them know that it's not their fault and that you are there to support them. You can also encourage them to find a trusted adult to talk to, whether it's a teacher, coach, or family friend. Additionally, it's important to teach your child to stand up for themselves and to not engage with the bully. Role-playing different scenarios can be a helpful way for your child to practice assertive communication.

2. How do I address the issue of bullying with the other child's parents?

Approaching the other child's parents about the issue of bullying can be a sensitive and delicate situation. It's important to remain calm and respectful when talking to them. Start by expressing your concern for your child's well-being and share specific incidents or behaviors that your child has experienced. Ask the other parents if they are aware of their child's behavior and if they have any suggestions on how to address it. It's also helpful to come up with a plan together on how to prevent future incidents of bullying.

3. What steps should I take if the bullying continues?

If the bullying continues despite your efforts to address it, it may be necessary to involve other adults or authorities. Talk to your child's teacher, school counselor, or principal about the situation and ask for their support. They may be able to provide additional resources or interventions to help your child. If the bullying is severe or involves physical harm, it may be necessary to involve the police. Remember to document any incidents and keep a record of your attempts to address the issue.

4. How can I help my child make new friends in the new neighborhood?

Making new friends in a new neighborhood can be challenging, especially for children who are being bullied. Encourage your child to join clubs or activities that align with their interests. This can provide them with a sense of community and help them make new friends who share their interests. You can also reach out to other parents in the neighborhood and set up playdates or outings with their children. This can help your child build new friendships in a safe and supportive environment.

5. What can I do to prevent my child from becoming a bully?

It's important to address the issue of bullying with your child early on and teach them the importance of treating others with kindness and respect. Encourage empathy by talking about others' feelings and perspective. Teach them conflict resolution skills and how to communicate assertively. Also, monitor your child's behavior and address any concerning behaviors immediately. Consistently reinforcing positive behaviors and values can help prevent your child from becoming a bully.

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