Teacher Problems..venting and Wanting Help

[WyomingsPamperedRancher]

Ok, here's the story my daughter goes to a 1 room school and there are 4 kids there this year. She is one of 2 kindergarteners. She IS suffering from seperation anxity, but I've been told by doctors and other teachers that it is normal. I have a cooking show booked with her teacher for the middle of October, and since I am brand new to the business I really need the party. BUT the teacher calls me almost everyday because my daughter throws a fit. Today she called because my daughter refused to go to PE. Talking to other kindergarten teachers this kind of thing is taken care of in school, not by calling the parent and haveing the parent tell the kid they have to do whatever. But I'm afraid that if I call the principle and complain then the teacher will cancle the show. I'm tired of having to do what I feel is the teachers responsibility, but I also really need her show. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
If anyone has any pointers I'd grately appreciate them. THANKS for listening.

 

[susan g]

Without really understanding what kind of school this is, I think your best plan would be to sit down and have a meeting with the teacher and ask for suggestions about what you can do to make your child's transition easier and at the same time find out what she is doing to deal with the situation PRIOR TO CALLING YOU. If you can't be that direct, maybe you just won't be able to answer the phone next time they call.

Also, talk to your daughter about how "big girls" act at school and how she is expected to behave.

Only go over the teacher's head as a last resort. It isn't fair to complain about her if you haven't given her a chance to work with you.

If she is a reasonable person, she will help you to work it out and your show with her will be fine. If she isn't reasonable, you don't want to deal with an unreasonable hostess anyway!

Good luck!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Ok, here's the story my daughter goes to a 1 room school and there are 4 kids there this year. She is one of 2 kindergarteners. She IS suffering from seperation anxity, but I've been told by doctors and other teachers that it is normal. I have a cooking show booked with her teacher for the middle of October, and since I am brand new to the business I really need the party. BUT the teacher calls me almost everyday because my daughter throws a fit. Today she called because my daughter refused to go to PE. Talking to other kindergarten teachers this kind of thing is taken care of in school, not by calling the parent and haveing the parent tell the kid they have to do whatever. But I'm afraid that if I call the principle and complain then the teacher will cancle the show. I'm tired of having to do what I feel is the teachers responsibility, but I also really need her show. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
If anyone has any pointers I'd grately appreciate them. THANKS for listening.

How long has this person been teaching Kindergarten? Do you know if she calls the other mom's this much too? Have you asked her how she handles the situation in school with your daughter? (Is she doing anything to take charge of the situation or just allowing your daughter to throw a fit? If she's allowing the fit, well then it looks like your daughter has the upper hand in that battle!) I'd schedule a conference with her asap - in person not on the phone, and without your daughter present - maybe have the principal there as a mediator. Maybe you all can come to a conslusion that is mutually satisfactory to both of you.

And, if she cancels the show, then you'll just have to bless and release. At least you know that you tried and that your daughter's best interest is being taken care of.

 

[susan g]

I had another question-in a 1 room school, how long will this person be her teacher? I would guess more than just K. If you don't get it resolved, will you have to look for a new school?

 

[ChefJWarren]

I'm a teacher and I agree with susan_g. Call the teacher and request a meeting to discuss ways of dealing with your child's transition. Approach it as you are seeking HER help. More than likely, she will be very responsive and helpful. That way you and her can work out steps to follow before calling you and/or procedures to follow regarding her behavior. Maybe they just don't know what to do and need your feedback about when you would like to be called. I've had parents that want to be called for everything and some that don't. Good Luck!

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

I agree with the meet with the teacher idea. Approach it as a team, how can WE help my daughter transition easier. Also, you might try a reward system with your daughter. Give her a sticker for each day she has a good day and she can pick a prize for a certain number of stickers. Most schools have agendas for the kids. When my kids were in K-3 grade they were on the red light-green light system. If it was a good day...green light. If they had some bad moments-yellow light. Really bad day-red light. If your school doesn't offer this..set up your own where the teacher gives you some kind of feedback each day. Find something your daughter REALLY likes and make that the reward. Let HER choose so she can work towards it.

 

[baychef]

Great ideas here. Try to keep personnal situations and your PC separately also along with the great suggestions her. It is difficult. As much as I try, being a department head in a school, I have to make some unpopular decisions in my job. Unfortunatley, some will roll this into my business and refuse to have parties and/or order because they do not agree with what I have to do in my school job responsibilities. I do bless and release. I am not regulated with PC and am a whole lot more fun doing PC!
And {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} to Mom and your daughter.

 

[WyomingsPamperedRancher]

"How long has this person been teaching Kindergarten? Do you know if she calls the other mom's this much too? Have you asked her how she handles the situation in school with your daughter? (Is she doing anything to take charge of the situation or just allowing your daughter to throw a fit? If she's allowing the fit, well then it looks like your daughter has the upper hand in that battle!) I'd schedule a conference with her asap - in person not on the phone, and without your daughter present - maybe have the principal there as a mediator. Maybe you all can come to a conslusion that is mutually satisfactory to both of you. "

To answer these questions...She is an Elementry teacher, not specifically Kindergarten. But she has been a teacher at this school for 17 years. She has 3 grades this year, 3rd, 1st and kindergarten.
According to the other 2 parents, she hasn't called them once. Only me.
I have asked how she handles the situation, she says that she tries to redirect my daughter, but it doesn't always work.
For the most part, I think she is allowing my daughter to throw the fit. And I agree she lost the battle before it even began if she does let her throw a fit. The one thing that has me totally baffled is that my daughter is a little bull headed, but she doen't throw fits at home, or at grandmas...only at school.
Personally I'm thinking she figured out the teacher on day one and is seeing how much she can get away with at school. She has been sent home once, but I refused to go get her the second time the teacher called, because all my daughter wanted to do was come home and I said that was giving into her fit.

I agree on scheduling a conference, and I'm going to try that on Monday when she goes back to school. I'm really begining to think that it is the teachers problem, not mine. When she was in Preschool, no fits, no seperation anxity. When she goes to one of our friends classes (she is also a kindergarten teacher) there are no fits, and no seperation anxity attacks. I'm not quite sure what to think about this.

I'm really thinking of moving her to a different school, but at the same time talking with the other parents, I'm wondering if I shouldn't get the Principle involved and the School Board to open their eyes about some of the shifty things going on at the school. EXAMPLE...the children spend quite a bit of time on the computers while the teacher is on the phone. Students have mysterously known answers to questions that are way out of their grade range on tests, but when asked later have no clue. Maybe its just me being paranoid, but I'm thinking that the school needs to have someone really look at the situation.

 

[cmdtrgd]

The one thing that concerns me about your original post is connecting your child with your business. Of course, it is your business, but personally, I wouldn't connect them.

 

[kspry]

Personally I'm thinking she figured out the teacher on day one and is seeing how much she can get away with at school.

Funny how kids are so good at this!

Hope the conference with the teacher goes well.

For my son, he switched from a Montessori kindergarten to a traditional 1st grade. He cried every morning the first 2 weeks. He didn't like having to sit in rows and be quiet for so long - it was very unlike his previous school.

When I started taking him to a playground (with a snack) right after school every day, he let off a lot of steam and things got smoother during school.

 

[MicheleC]

I agree with talking with the teacher. Wouldn't you want a chance to resolve things with someone before they went to your "boss". If you are going to be dealing with her all through elementary school it is worth cultivating her friendship and assistance.

Kids are so smart when it comes to playing on our emotions! She very well may be acting out to get time home with you but there may also be something going on at school. Ask if the fits are happening at a certain point of the day or during a certain activity.

I like the idea of rewards. We did this with my daughter who experienced a lot of "tummy aches" during first grade. She is just not one who does well with transition and we have found really discussing everything with her and letting her know as much about something new beforehand helps.

Good luck with your meeting. I know when you're starting out your business you hate to lose a show potential but I'm sure that is secondary to you. I hope you're able to work out the situation and still have a successful show as well.