Pre-K vs Kindergarten: Considering Holding Back My DD for Social Readiness

[Jules711]

My dd is in Pre-K right now and is doing well. However, she's the youngest in her class (Aug bday). The teacher asked about her staying in prek another year and I don't know what to do. She's academically ready. Her only concern is her social readiness. When they do something new, she's hesitant and doesn't want to do it. Or she thinks it okay to "be silly" (a term she uses whenever she isn't doing what you want). She's not bad or anything. She just gets distracted when they are eating. She kind of likes just watching the interactions of the other kids (some not so good ).

So...I guess I'm just looking to see if any of you have summer kids and kept them in prek 2 yrs or had them move on. Plus, I just needed to put this out there so that I can process how I feel as well.

I'm leaning towards letting her go to Kindergarten. After all, if it's just social, she can figure that out. She IS a good listener, she just likes to watch others and do her own thing. I worry that keeping her in the SAME class when she's ready academically is the wrong thing to do. Why stifle that, esp when some of the kids that probably will go on aren't as good with the alphabet and numbers? :yuck: :cry:

Thanks for "listening".

 

[wadesgirl]

I was a summer baby (end of August), I missed the deadline for Preschool by 1-2 days but they let me in anyway. I turned out fine! Well, that I know of.

Half the time they go too much by age and not the child themselves.

 

[ChefTess]

I think that the whole "social readiness" thing is a line of poo myself. I was told the same thing about my son when he was that age (he is now 13). He advanced to the next grades and has done just fine. Maybe (like my son) she is kinda "bored" because academically she knows her stuff. I believe that the social part will catch up with her, besides, having to make all new friends the next year isn't going to help her be more comfortable socially in my opinion...good luck with whatever you decide and I am sure she will be just fine in the end.

 

[Jules711]

I think her teacher is trying to go by HER, but is definitely paying attention b/c of age. She said that her maturity level is, of course, less than the other kids (who are pretty much ALL 6-12 months older than her!!). But should she repeat Pre-K or just jump into Kindergarten? The school I'm thinking of seems like extended Pre-K really with more academics. It's just so much pressure having to know what to do for my child (b/c even my husband hopes I just can decide). I don't know everything just b/c I'm the mom. Though...I have to admit, there IS something to mother's instinct. I'm waiting for it to kick it. I know I'll have to pray about it and wait for God to point me in the right direction.

 

[peichef]

As a former teacher here's my advice....Do take into account what the teacher says. She's seen enough kids to know who is ready & who will benefit by staying put.
That said, you're the mom & you know your child.
On the other hand, most research indicates that children who are a little older when they enter school find more success. This may be attributed to having more confidence & maturity. Plus, they have a few additional months of "life & experience" under their belts.
But there can be exceptions to the rule (both of my siblings & I were among the youngest in your grades & we all did very well in school. It varies, child to child.)Hope some of that helped- though I probably just confused the matter. As a parent, it's tough. You want your child to succeed. You don't want to do anything to "hold them back." (literally & figuratively)
Be as objective as possible & think about the long term benefits of both options. You'll make the right choice. Besides, she'll ultimately be / do fine, regardless of the choice you make.

 

[Jules711]

Thanks Tess. I'm wondering about the importance of social readiness too. I don't know if she's bored right now (worried she WILL be in later years). She's never been at daycare or anything so she just loves being with all of her friends. I don't think she gets the concept that it's actually school.

 

[reba515]

I would go ahead and send her to kindergarten, especially if you think shes ready academically.
My DS (5 yo) is a June baby so he had just turned 5 and he is doing great.
My other DS (10 YO) is a October baby so hes on the older side of the class and i'll tell ya he gets bored quite easily, he definitly was ready to start a year earlier.

My birthday is Aug. 30th and I did well in school too.

 

[Jules711]

As a former teacher here's my advice....

I appreciate this. I AM taking it into account. She IS a fairly new teacher AND doesn't see what happens at Kindergarten since it's not even the same building. I imagine that THEY have more to say about the matter. In fact, she mentioned that the K teachers were asking if they did keep kids another year.

However, I went to Junior High & HS in this district and they LIED to me about what was available for classes. I ended up take the SAME science class I'd JUST had the previous year (earth science...seriously...rocks...) and basic math vs Algebra! I was bored and actually did the teacher's job in the math class b/c he couldn't teach. I'd walk around the room helping the kids with their work. DUH! When I got to the high school and they put me in Pre-Algebra (which I'd had TWO years before), the teacher threw me into the CP Algebra class (not even regular) b/c I knew everything already.

So...you can see my concern with the district. She WILL be going to private school. Oh...and I was one of the youngest (May baby). I was MORE mature than most of my classmates, but then that comes from an imperfect childhood that helps you grow up fast.

 

[kspry]

Think about it some more, and whether you value that teacher's opinion.

Also think what it will be like for her when dating age rolls around...

I want my son to stay a kid as long as he can....only one shot at childhood.
That being said, I don't want to hold him back, either.

 

[wadesgirl]

If she is doing well academically, then why make her repeat what she is already doing well in? I was the youngest in my class, didn't turn 18 until my first week of college and I didn't have any issues with academics.

 

[pamperedpals]

I have been told that my DS is academically brilliant by all of this teachers, since he was in Kindergarten. He is now in 2nd grade. However, is lacks social skills. He will start acting silly and disrupts the class if he get's bored. It has been really hard for me, because intelectually he is reading at a 6-7 grade level and doing math at 7-8 grade level. He just recently tested for the "advanced program" for the district and the teachers have told me they will not recommend him for the program even if he does well on the test, which they told me they know he will, because of his social skills.

I have said all along he is acting out because he is bored, but no one will listen to me. Hopefully next year he will be in a completely different school district and things will be different.

However, as a Mom you need to follow what is in your heart and do what you think is right.

 

[etteluap70PC]

I will tell you what I was advised and what I have told friends who have also been in your shoes and were Very Stressed about this topic.

Register your DD for KG, and preschool if possible that way you will be ready just in case KG does not go well for the 1st few weeks. Here Preeschools fill very quickly and if you don't have a spot reserved you may not get in or have to go somewhere very spendy. You may loose a deposit at the preschool if KG goes well but it may give you peace of mind.

I had a very good friend who struggled with this all summer last year. Her DD is a mid Aug B-day. She had other friends telling her she should NOT send her DD to KG!!! She was so thankful to be able to chat with someone about options!

I say as others have.. Yes listen to the teacher but also you know your child best. My DD is a late July b-day. She would have been boored out of her skull if I had held her back. I do notice sometimes she has confidence issues in some situations but it is more personality than anything and I work with her to talk her thru it.

 

[Jules711]

Think about it some more, and whether you value that teacher's opinion.

Also think what it will be like for her when dating age rolls around...

I want my son to stay a kid as long as he can....only one shot at childhood.
That being said, I don't want to hold him back, either.

You've made me consider other issues. Do I want her graduating at 17? It seems SO young (of course, I look at 14 yr olds now and they seem older than I was when I graduated!).

Dating age. Which way do you think that should lean me? I hadn't considered that b/c...hello...she's a baby . But I'm thinking...hmm...so if she's the youngest in her class, she'll probably be dating boys in her class! If she's the oldest, she'll be jumping up a grade or two for dates. Okay...can't think about that stuff. Not yet!

I do value the teacher's opinion (I really like her) and I want my child to enjoy childhood as long as possible too, but I think that's more important as she gets older. Sheltering her from the world a bit since they seem to think it's okay for a 4 yr old to dress like a... well, not like any CHILD should dress.

I think that maturity comes from experiences, not age so much. I know a lot of people that are really immature even though they are much different in age. So keeping her again may give her confidence b/c she knows what will happen, but does that help with the next year when it's all SUPER new?

Thank you to everyone and there 2 cents. I REALLY appreciate being able to "talk" it out. I thought just picking a Kindergarten would be hard (and it is), but now this throws in another option. I just don't want them to be holding her back b/c it's easier for the teacher. It needs to be what's truly best for her.

 

[PCJenni]

My DD is 2. Her verbal skills are beyond most 4 year olds I know. She knows her entire alphabet (the letters and the sounds that each letter makes). She knows all her colors, shapes etc. She puts together very abstract images and ideas. I have a large candle holder that has a wrought iron design on it. She points to it and says "that's an eight". I start looking around and realize that indeed the design is an abstract figure 8 design.

I am a SAHM, but am starting her in a Montessori preschool at the end of next month for a few mornings a week. Other moms I know are looking down on me for doing it. But I, as her mom, feel I am doing the right thing. She needs the social interaction because she is very clingy and an only child. But she also needs the challenge of new places, new experiences and learning from other people not just me.

You need to follow your head, heart and gut. And hey, you can always change your mind too if things don't work out how you expect them to!

 

[PampChefJoy]

My DD is in kindergarten this year and is a May baby. She was actually not academically ready but her teacher worked with her alot to get her up to speed and to understand the way classroom etiquette works and stuff.

I think the teacher is key... do you know how much attention the teacher can give individually to each child?

 

[janetupnorth]

My opinions:1. Social readiness will really jump from now until Fall.
2. Kindergarten is different than pre-K.
3. If she is in Pre-K and doing fine academically move on. I think it is better to consider repeating K than Pre-K and you could make that decision then.
4. She may do better socially with a different teacher.
5. Although they have to compare with classmates at that age it is hard to tell. I'd personally hold a kid back for academics more than I ever would for "social readiness". I can see if she had NO schooling to start but you are using pre-k to get her ready.
6. Does she go to S.S./AWANA? All of those are other "classroom-type" settings that will prepare her with different groups of kids.P.S. I am a July 29th B-day and made it into "my grade" being the youngest. I did more than fine and they even wanted to have me skip a grade but my parents held me where I was. I'm sure by today's standards things would be different, but I excelled. Hence why I tend to focus on academic progress more so than social progress. My daughter struggles with immature peers which make her focus a struggle sometimes but academically she is way beyond them. So we talk through each "social struggle" all the time.

 

[wadesgirl]

You've made me consider other issues. Do I want her graduating at 17? It seems SO young (of course, I look at 14 yr olds now and they seem older than I was when I graduated!).

Dating age. Which way do you think that should lean me? I hadn't considered that b/c...hello...she's a baby . But I'm thinking...hmm...so if she's the youngest in her class, she'll probably be dating boys in her class! If she's the oldest, she'll be jumping up a grade or two for dates. Okay...can't think about that stuff. Not yet!

I do value the teacher's opinion (I really like her) and I want my child to enjoy childhood as long as possible too, but I think that's more important as she gets older. Sheltering her from the world a bit since they seem to think it's okay for a 4 yr old to dress like a... well, not like any CHILD should dress.

I think that maturity comes from experiences, not age so much. I know a lot of people that are really immature even though they are much different in age. So keeping her again may give her confidence b/c she knows what will happen, but does that help with the next year when it's all SUPER new?

Thank you to everyone and there 2 cents. I REALLY appreciate being able to "talk" it out. I thought just picking a Kindergarten would be hard (and it is), but now this throws in another option. I just don't want them to be holding her back b/c it's easier for the teacher. It needs to be what's truly best for her.

Like mentioned above, I was the youngest in my class and I never dated boys in my class, they were too immature. Always went for the older ones! Not that you want to hear that. DH is 11 years older than me but I never dated that older in HS.

 

[janetupnorth]

Like mentioned above, I was the youngest in my class and I never dated boys in my class, they were too immature. Always went for the older ones! Not that you want to hear that. DH is 11 years older than me but I never dated that older in HS.

Boys were always too immature for me...didn't date until I was 19 and he was 23!

 

[janetupnorth]

Boys were always too immature for me...didn't date until I was 19 and he was 23!

P.S. Refused to marry him until he was 30 'cause it still took him that long to grow up!

 

[PCJenni]

oh lucky you that your actually grew up in his 30's... mine.. not so much! ha ha ha

 

[wadesgirl]

Boys were always too immature for me...didn't date until I was 19 and he was 23!

Even with the 11 year age difference I still am way more mature than DH.

 

[nicki25]

My DD has a late Aug. birthday and when she was getting ready to go to school I based it all on her. I know that if we had held her back another year she would have been bored out of her mind. Now, saying that when she was in preschool the first year she NEVER talked to her teachers. She would use another student who was her friend to tell the teachers what she wanted then to know. The 2nd year of preschool she started talking to them a little bit. I was worried about sendng her to Kindergarted but then I knew she was ready for "real schoo". She would figure out the social part of it.
She is now in 1st grade and is doing great in all her school work. She is reading at the mid way through 2nd grade reading level. She is still not the most outspoken in the classroom especially when they do stuff as a group. But she will talk with the teacher and she is very social with the other kids in her class. I don't ever regret my decision for a minute.

 

[lkprescott]

My son is a June baby and well, our school has a habit of discriminating against male summer born kids for Kindergarten. He went in though at age 5 and while his Kindergarten teacher complained about his 'silliness' we knew that wasn't age related but personality related. She wanted to hold him back but we knew a challenge is what would keep him on track so the school relented but with support *shrug* so he went into 1st with Title 1 support and ended up (now in 6th grade) reading above his age level and yes, he's still silly but now he's had teachers who appreciate his humor and this teacher even related that his sense of humor is above his peer's too... so much for thinking he wouldn't make it.

Now with DD she missed the cut off this year by...13 days... we attempted 'early entry' as we felt she was ready and alas, she didn't make it... she tested well but it's the 'maturity' thing that rears it's ugly head so now she'll be fully 18 her senior year and by the time she graduates, nearly 19.... *sigh*... she's not going to get mature dealing with younger kids in her pre-k class... she's a mimic... she'd have been much better off with older kids and the challenge of Kindergarten. She has a cousin that's 5 weeks older and is in Kindergarten... she wasn't nearly as academically ready as DD was and yet, thanks to her b'day, she went to school... I even used the argument with the administration that it's silly to think that had my daughter been premature in birth that it wouldn't have been an issue, she would have been admitted...

We do what we can at home and she's learned to tie her shoes and knows all she'll need to know for Kindergarten academically, telling time analog and digital and things like that. She'll have the same teacher as DS and know it'll be a fight.. she's just not a happy person and tends to prejudge kids and well, 1st grade the teachers are much better... alas, she's the only Kindergarten teacher in our school and yes, she makes all the parents' eyes roll. LOL.. so, we'll muddle through with all her 'observations' but let me tell you this:

YOU are your child's first teacher and best advocate. Only you will know your child best and what they're personally capable of. You are able to discern maturity vs personality vs capability and while some teachers will say they spend the majority of the day with your child, you have spent the majority of your child's life with them and that always trumps.

 

[lkprescott]

BTW, I was a late summer baby too (early Sept)... I was 4 when I started Kindergarten... nobody worried about 'maturity' or anything back then... my bff was 4 months younger than me and the youngest in our class and still she did great too... I find it interesting that kids are so much different these days to need to be more 'mature'... uh.. their kids. And while Kindergarten in some ways now resembles 1st grade, it's still Kindergarten... and by the time 2nd grade rolls around it's the same curriculum as when I was a kid... they still do multiplication in 3rd... state history in 4th... and nothing has changed elsewhere so why this thinking that holding kids back is helpful is beyond me, unless it's to do with these danged state tests... I'm always the conspiracy theorist though. LOL...

 

[wadesgirl]

My nephew and his best friend have been seperated just because the best friend is 6 months older and was able to start preschool earlier. Hopefully they can still be good friends with the difference.

 

[janetupnorth]

My nephew and his best friend have been seperated just because the best friend is 6 months older and was able to start preschool earlier. Hopefully they can still be good friends with the difference.

My best friend and I were NEVER in the same classroom throughout school (we had 3 classes per grade). It never deterred us. We didn't miss a single birthday from age 5 to 30...after that the miles finally got to us and family. Now we see each other about every couple years.

 

[wadesgirl]

My best friend and I were NEVER in the same classroom throughout school (we had 3 classes per grade). It never deterred us. We didn't miss a single birthday from age 5 to 30...after that the miles finally got to us and family. Now we see each other about every couple years.

Glad to hear that. I know they still play all the time together. My sister has her hands full with my nephew being her only boy. Kid is crazy and active! My best friend in elementary actually got held back in 1st grade other wise would probably would have never even known each other.

 

[erinb]

Both of my kiddos are May babies and have done just fine. They have both been above the expectation levels. I, on the other hand, started Kindergarten when I was 4 (my b-day is in Oct. and I made the deadline by 2 days) and I did fine. I was only 17 when I graduated high school, but my age (being the baby of the class) didn't make a difference.

 

[KellyTheChef]

I agree with Janet...sending her to K now is not that big of a deal. Especially since she is academically ready. If she really struggles socially in K, you can have her repeat K.

I graduated HS at 17 (July 29 bd like Janet!!) and there was actually a boy who was younger than me!! I think his BD was in June or the beginning of July) and I never felt out of place. I was definately more mature than most kids my age...even the ones who were a year older than me!!

 

[pamperedalf]

Okay another teacher's point of view.If she is ready with academics I say send her. The social skills will come eventually. I would not stress over this, it was a suggestion. Now I would also hold off on saying anything to the kinder teacher for a few months and wait to see what her/his observations are. Now if for some reason she is not ready for first grade I would hold her back in Kinder. As a teacher I try not to hold students back, but I go on academics first then social behavior. When I first started working in Kinder, going through the credential program. There was a boy who was not ready academics & socially. His b-day was mid July, & his mom said no. Later on at a different school I was job sharing w/ a 3rd grade and this student is on our list(he should have been 4th). It turns out he had to repeat 3rd grade (which was a lot harder socially on him in 3rd grade than it would have been in kinder).I have a friend now w/ a son who is 3rd & has struggled in all areas academics, socially & now his teacher wants to hold him back. My friend doesn't want to hold him back because how it will effect him & is willing to let him to struggle w/ academics because he's struggled all his school career. (this is not to scare you, just stay aware)