Navigating Wedding Registry Drama: Seeking Advice on a Difficult Situation

[mbh06]

Okay it looks like this year is going to be good for me in the wedding department. However, my brother-in-law and his fiance have hurt my feelings and I was hoping for some advice/feedback/support...
After I began my buisness and knew they were getting married I asked his fiance if she would like to register or have a shower and explained them to her and the benefits. It was pretty early so she said she'd think about it but didn't feel comfortable asking for certain gifts (weird yes I know) I told her I would work something out and I understood and would wait until later. She is very odd to begin with and we don't agree on a lot of things. So... fast forward to the past few weeks. Her and BIL have been registering almost everwhere!! So far they have registered at 5 different places (some aren't even in our state!!!) I've taken a peak at the registries and a ton of the stuff is things we sell!!! I told BIL, but he has no control in the relationship or any say in the wedding. I know that most of my DH family will buy her PC stuff b/c they will want to support us and love the products, but I am missing out on the sales of everyone else. Plus they won't get the rewards. If she is unwilling to register I am not going to just give her the benefits, is that mean of me??
What should I do or how should I approach her?
TIA!!
Melissa

 

[gilliandanielle]

I think that it is her choice who she wants to register with, even though it sucks for you. I think it is fine if you don't give her benefits, as long as family members that do buy her PC things know she isn't getting benefits for it.

 

[jdavis]

Sounds like a toughie, I would probably do as Gill suggested and go ahead and let them purchase what they want and not give her the benefits, or maybe give her one last chance, but I probably wouldn't, just me. It sounds like she is one of those 'I am too good for that' types.

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

I wouldn't sweat it. Maybe she doens't like PC stuff (there are a very few out there). It's her choice who she registers with. It would have been nice for her to register with you, but oh well, just let it go I say.

 

[nikkijo]

I agree with everyone else, it sucks but what else can you do? Most guys go along with what the woman wants for the kitchen and where to register. One of our close friends (more friends with dh) the husband comes over to our house (wierd work schedule my dh and him work together they have three days off a week) on the day his wife is working and he loves our pc items the pans cutting boards, knives everything..but because she doens't like it he will not order it. it sux but for some odd reason there are a couple of people out there that do not like pc.

 

[mbh06]

She has never said anything about not likeing them... but maybe. She'll take it if someone buys it for her so... would it be horrible of me to take her benefits and enter DH families orders on a show for me and MIL??? I know that sounds bad doesn't it??

 

[quiverfull7]

NO You have offered her the chance and explained the benefits. You can lead a horse to water..... go ahead and use this to your benefit instead.... believe me, it will aleviate your frustration and maybe one day she will feel differently. I can pretty much assure you that SHE isn't worrying about you and most likely has not given this a second thought. So stop putting youself through this pain and enjoy the benefits yourself!

 

[Shawnna]

Family...they are the worst sometimes. You just have to let it go. It is tough. But, sounds like you are kind of close to your BIL. You don't want to isolate him. Making a big deal out of it would only hurt him. I would just take the orders from family and make it a show for yourself.

 

[sslangley]

I totally know what you are saying. My SIL is getting married in June. We have talked about a registry but she didn't seem interested. And she loves PC products. She only has a few pieces of the stoneware. Family can be so frustrating.

 

[jrstephens]

I would just buy and sale for her to family and whoever else wants to buy and do it as a show for yourself. YOU should get something out of having to deal with a crazy SIL! ha!

 

[beepampered]

Why not host a Pampered Chef bridal shower with the family? She'll get the benefits and you'll make sure she gets the stuff she wants. Whatever happens, this girl is going to be in your life for a long time so don't say anything you'll regret later.

 

[pamperedlinda]

In my opinoin....you made the offer to her and she did not take you up on it. If anyone wants to purchase PC gifts from you for her I'd say that the benefits are yours to do with as you please. You could use the benefits to get her a gift yourself and not have to spend any of your hard earned money on it at the same time!

 

[mbh06]

Thanks everyone that is what I shall do. I probably share w/ my MIL. BIL fiance is really weird and I usualy don't converse w/ her much b/c I have kids and kids are a burden upon society for her. My DH and I feel for my BIL b/c things are about to get really bad for him. He loves kids and is so wonderful w/ my ds, but she will not have kids. Oh well I'm not getting married to her!!
I just wanted to make sure I was not a horrible person... thanks for making me feel better- No more anger!

 

[AJPratt]

She probably felt funny in the beginning about telling people what she wants and then read tons of info all over the place about why registering is the best bet. That's what happened to me. And, maybe she forgot your conversation all together. We are much more conscious of what we have told people than they are. Registering at 5 places is also not a good idea. One or two, three tops. I doubt saying anything to her at this point would help your situation. And, no, if she turned down the benefits, that's her loss.

*IF* you have family that wants to buy her PC products, and *IF* you feel compelled, you could call her and say, "Aunt Sally wanted to get you something PC, is there anything you want?" And then set it up for her.

I have always said that weddings and funerals make perfectly normal people nuts.

Good luck!

 

[yummy4tummy]

I can relate, my cousin is making me feel like...a charity case.

She is getting married in April. When I found out, I asked her if she wanted to sign up for the PC registry and she said she would. Just 2 days ago she emails me to get her registry set up with her info and pick a pw and she would add the choices later. I go do all that and send her the clue to her pw. I go on there today and she only has a few things selected and on the notes she says that she is also registered with Macy's and BB&B. So I go to her registry there and BB&B she has a ton of kitchen items selected. She emails me back later and tells me that she only did the PC thing for me. Gosh, I feel so special.
Valky

 

[gilliandanielle]

Sorry Valky, that sucks!!

 

[scottcooks]

Hold the phone, folks!

Some people just don't "get it" about PC. They know that you are making money from it, and it feels funky to them. I did a good demo at a family reunion 4 years ago, and sold about $350 that day, but not one family member has booked from me! I know they are buying from more local reps, and it's a little frustrating but - bottom line - they were not ever "my" customers.

The classic was Uncle "Hal" who said - 'sure, Scott and we should all get a cut of all the money you made off uf us at the Family Reunion'... umm, yes - Hal that'd be $78 split 35 ways - I could buy everyone a latte...goes with the cheesecake I made for everyone for free ( he didn't seem to mind eating the freebie dessert I made)...enough grousing.

So - let family be family. Love them, enjoy them. Occasionally let them know what great deals your customers benefit from - and get on with serving your customers. They are not always one in the same. [And hey -- with all their baggage, do you really want your family being your sole support for a PC business? I don't!] I'm sure happy to occasionally service them, but have a wealth of great customers who keep me busy.

PC is bigger than my family, and than yours - so enjoy them as family, love them, and get out there and market to the public that wants our products!

 

[chefmelody]

I had something of the same experience. My SIL registered, but didn't put much on her registry. It wasn't even enough to get her ANY benefits. A few people bought, but not many... and others bought things off her list FROM ANOTHER CONSULTANT. She didn't even get the rewards from that!

And the worst part of it was... I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. I cooked a ton of food for her wedding shower, then had to sit beside her as she opened present after present... of kitchen things not from PC. She'd registered for all this inferior crap from Target. I seriously had to bite my tongue when I saw her get some "silicone" knock-off scrapers and an imitation easy-read measuring cup.

Well, all I can say is, when that stuff starts falling apart after a year, and the mix-n'-scraper I gave her is still beautiful and functional, she'll probably come and buy replacements for all the crap she registered for her wedding!