I Am Being Selfish Here but I Need Help...

[pamperedlinda]

Great news!

 

[chefmeg]

Yipee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[raebates]

What wonderful news! I'll continue praying for you both.

 

[pampered1224]

Sorry folks it has been a while. Dealing with a lot of crap right now. but good news. Pat is up and walking!!! Not miles yet but he walked 100 feet today. They are sending him home on Wednesday and are arranging for someone to come in to work with him. Don't know how often but we are all afraid he will sit down on the chair and not move again so they are gonna help with that. I still have work to do around here so he can maneuver but I think I will be ready for him to a point. Big issue now is I simply can not wait to see the bills! That's gonna be so much fun! Anyway you all take care and I have been reading all the prayer requests out here and am keeping you all in my thoughts too! (No wonder it took me an hour to find my watch yesterday! Yes, it was on my wrist! But I could not find anyway!) TAKE CARE AND THANK YOU ALL!

 

[KellyTheChef]

John, that is good news to hear! Thanks for keeping us updated!

Good luck with everything...prayers for continued health to you, and a quick recovery once Pat is home!

 

[pamperedlinda]

Good to hear from you John. Glad Pat is doing better.

 

[pamperedbecky]

I'm glad to hear you're both doing better. Keep getting well!!

 

[peichef]

not sure how I missed this prior to now. I'm glad that you are both doing well. Keep us posted on Pat's progress

 

[Chef Kearns]

I just read this thread! OMG John! I'm sorry I haven't been praying for ya'll before now. I am also glad that everyone elses prayers have worked! I am so glad that everything is turning up roses. I know it will be challenging to have Pat home, but a relief also. It is wonderful that he's walking again. Let him know that we are thinking and praying for him!

And you too mister! Don't let someting grow on you then ask us if you should go to the doctor!! Do you need a spanking?!

 

[pampered1224]

Dear Chef Kearns! Really I didn't wait as long as it sounds. I got the zit on Saturda. It popped on Sunday night. Scabbed by Monday and I thought that was it. By Tuesday a.m. however, it had gotten big and red and sore. It went 5 hours later to the doctors. So I know better. The other good news is my new mask came in Saturday, found it this a.m. as I have not been uising the back door. I have sleep apnea and have a mask that sits on the bridge of my nose. Great palce for it considering that's where the sore is. The new does not have that so nothing touches that part of my nose anymore. Already today, the sore itself has majorly chaged. It is so dried out it is about ready to fall off. And yes, I mean fall of - I ain't touching it! (Although I really want to scratch at it as it itches so much.) I haven; tthough so!! I figure by the end of the week, it should be nice and pink new skin up there! Then I will go bald shortly thereafter with Pat back home. If he thinks for one minute I am going to play Hazel to his Mr. Baxter, he can think again!

 

[pampered1224]

Here we go again. Now I am facing another problem with this Pat situation. I find I am angry. I am so angry at him for doing this to himself that I actually do not want him to come home. I love him dearly but I am so afraid that he will not do what the doctors are telling him to do, he has not before what makes me think he will this time, that I want him to stay there until he can do a jig. They want him home. Tomorrow. They are going to do in home therapy. As he lays in the hospital, yes lays, he does his therapy but stops there. He still is using a urinal at his bed instead of trying to go to the bathroom. He gets everyone else reach for things on his table and he even gets them to scoot him up on the bed. Yeah, I know it may be difficult to do that right now but he isn't even trying. I can not be home 24/7 so I am afraid that he will simply lay in bed until I am there then make me run all over kingdom come for him. How do I handle that without setting him back mentally. I already know I am dealing with a big baby. His pain thershold is very low. I can not tolerate someone who will not fight. I did. I spent 8 weeks at home. I spent 8 weeks moving when I was told not to. Only because I knew that if I didn't, I may never walk again. I am not a quitter and and I can not tolerate one. How do I handle this? Any ideas at all? Should I go see a concelor or something? Thanks in advance.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

John,

A counselor might not be a bad idea....and is Pat seeing a counselor? It sounds like there may be issues he needs to work on. He needs to see that what he is doing isn't healthy for himself, physically, mentally, or emotionally -and it's not healthy for you either.
You are stuck in a place of trying to help someone heal...but at the same time trying not to enable him....that is a rough place to be!

 

[chefann]

Is there someone at the hospital you can talk to about this, too? Like the physical therapist and a social worker at the same time, so they can back each other up when they talk to Pat. I feel for you, hon. That's not a good place to be in, and we all want you to be able to HELP Pat, not resent him.

 

[pampered1224]

I haven't asked yet but I think I will see what they have available. I need to do exactly what you both said. I want to help not enable. But I need to know how to do that without getting POd at him. Or myself. Thanks. I can do that tonight when I get to the hospital and talk to one of the nurses about who to contact. Then I get to go home, steam clean the carpet where he spilled everything, take HIS laundry into the basement and do some of it so he has clothes to wear and so he can get into the room where he will be sleeping, do some dishes, straighten out the kitchen and fix the curtains in that room as well as the neighbors keep their outside light on and it is right outside that bedroom window. OK. Maybe I can put some of that off but either way, I am gonna have alot to do this coming weekend. (I did treat myself last night though. I sat on the couch and watched that High School Musical show then Bewithed which I love.) Then I cleared all the crap out of that bedroom, put a TV from the living room that was no longer being used because God forbid he should have gotten rid of it three months ago when he got the new one, and was sitting in the dining room in the way of him getting into that room in that bedroom, cleared off the top of the cabinet so it could go there and put, get this, three old VCRs and a cassett player int he cablinet, picked up everything he had set on the bed, on the floor, on the bookcase, on the ... and I still have to get his dirty clothes out of there! UGH! I was up until midnight! Then I wonder why I am so angry! Never mind, problem solved. I just need some lime aid and anit-freeze!

 

[KellyTheChef]

John...you are venting, which is a good thing! I am glad that you are planning on talking to the nurses and drs about what help is available for BOTH of you! I agree with Ann and Becky about being a HELPER for him, without DOING IT ALL for him. He's not going to gain strength laying in a bed ordering you around. Plus, it's just gonna make you even more upset with him. Does he have family who will help you "kick him in the butt" so that he TRIES? I certainly feel for you, and hope you can find some help so that you don't become more and more resentful towards him. It's hard dealing with something like this for so long (on top of the things YOU have been dealing with on your own) so I pray that things move in the right direction quickly!!

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[pampered1224]

I wish I could say his family would help but they have been to the hospital once for about 5 minutes. His brother who lives in AZ came up while I was at NC, he never came over to the house to see his brother at all until I got on the phone at 10:30 p.m. on the Sunday night before they were flying back and BI#*ed him out! He stopped for 10 minutes on the way to the airport. WOO HOO! Then his older brother, who is off every Sunday, only finally stopped at the hospital the first Sunday he was there for all of 5 or 10 minutes. The only time I really talked to him was the Tuesday before I sent Pat packing. That call was to tell me what to do about Pat and that I needed to get him to a hospital and blah, blah, blah. He didn't know I had been trying to for weeks but Pat would not go. It took getting stuck on the floor for an hour or so to convince him. "Oh yeah, I'll make it point to talk to him every day on the way home from work." That's what he told me two and a half weeks ago. Pat has been in the hospital for three weeks. 20 days thus far! He's called 4 times. His wife called this past Sunday. So that's 5. WHOOPDEE DO! He could not even keep up with phone calls! GEEZ! Pat has gotten more calls and visits from my family and "my" friends who ALL live over an hour away and our neighbors than from his own family. THEY S(@*!
Anyway, I will be leaving in about an hour so I can finally get some answers to a few questions of my own for myself.

 

[raebates]

You've gotten some good advice, John. I know you'll figure things out. In the meantime, know that you and Pat are in my prayers.