How Would You Word This? or Not Do It??

[scottcooks]

I'm doing a catered birthday party (appetizers, cake, champagne) at a rented hall for my wife's 50th birthday.

Is it totally inappropriate to include wording like:

"In lieu of presents, please consider contributing to our dream celebration as a family with Mickey Mouse in DisneyWorld, FL - every little bit helps"

in an evite? or on an RSVP response?

People can choose to contribute, or not. What do you think? Pretty much the guests would be close family and friends from church -- about 2 weeks after her birthday when the hall is available.

We'll celebrate as a family at home on her birthday, also have pizza with some close friends on her day.

(Yes, dear PC friends, I missed the incentive trip...)

 

[chef131doreen]

Well maybe not cause we have a birthday Party to go to on Jan 3 and this is what the E-vite said

Let's help them celebrate with a night of live music, food and drink, dancing, and all those crazy memories.
In lieu of presents, please bring a gag gift, create a memory page (8 1/2" by 11"), or make a small donation to help send them on a well deserved trip!

 

[NooraK]

If you were to post your question on the forums of etiquetthell.com, you would be told that it is absolutely inappropriate to reference gifts in any way on an invitation. I personally agree with that, but not everyone else might.

 

[pampered1224]

Ouch. Tricky one asking for money for any reason. I think though that it actually sounds OK the way you have it. It is not pushy and it does leave them with a choice so... I think your safe Scott. I would put it in as a P.S. though on written or e-mailed invites. Leave off the "every little bit helps" part though.

 

[susanr613]

This is a sticky issue....and my gut tells me that actively steering people in the direction of a type of present is still not on the good manners list. As it's your wife's 50th birthday, people may be more likely to ask her (or you) what she wants. Then, I think it's ok to mention the trip.

Happy birthday to your wife!

 

[Melissa78]

I think it sounds tacky unless you can find a much more subtle way of inferring thats what you'd like.

 

[pampered Ruth]

I actually think it would be fine. I woujld rather contribute $10 or $20 for a nice trip than get her something she might not like, use, or even be able to return. Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[chefjeanine]

If you were to post your question on the forums of etiquetthell.com, you would be told that it is absolutely inappropriate to reference gifts in any way on an invitation. I personally agree with that, but not everyone else might.

I agree. If someone asks, then you can tell them about the trip.

 

[mscharf]

Why not word it like "Not sure what to get someone who has everything... why not Mickey dollars, since we are going to see him in June!" People can buy Mickey dollars at any Disney store or online and they are good ANYWHERE on Disney property (food, hotels, gift shops, etc)
We are letting are kids earn Mickey dollars for the next few months, then they have spending money in June!!

 

[smspamperedchef]

Yeah, don't think it is a very good idea as it's not very good etiquette to reference gifts on an invite. Perfectly ok though to let guests know what a good gift is if they ask point blank.

 

[ShellBeach]

Yes, totally inappropriate.

 

[raebates]

Noora's right. Etiquette says that it is inappropriate to even suggest that a gift of any kind might be in order. That said, to me it would depend on if the invitation is coming from you or from someone else. For instance, if your brother is hosting the event and sending the invitations to your party in his name, a notation would come off as helpful. However, if you're hosting your own party and sending invitations on your own, it could look pretty self-serving.

 

[Chef Kearns]

Ummmm...I guess I'm a little more laid back. I don't see anything wrong with it. I would be more than happy to know up front that a welcome gift would be something specific. We are living in different times. For some that is not a welcome change, but I think it is the way we are moving towards. Less formal and more casual.

 

[pampered1224]

I was talking to my mom. She taught etiquette classes. And everyone here that said it is NOT OK - is absolutely right. But yes, if someone else sent out a gift suggestion, that is OK. I know this because I have approximately 24 cousins. All of whom have parents, I have 15 sets of aunts and uncles, that hit the 50 year anniversary mark. There was a present asked for to add to a "money tree" to send them on vacations or help with some sort of expense. It was the cousins, not the people celebrating, asking for the gift. That is OK. There is no correct way for you to ask for this as you would be included in the use of the gift. So...