Grieving Our Cat: Our Family's Journey Through Loss

[MissChef]

Our cat is dying as I write this. My DD is not handling it well, crying like crazy, and quite frankly neither am I! This is the first time I've and my kid have had to deal with this. My DH has....
My DH had to go somewhere this morning and asked me to call the places that will put a cat to sleep and I did. I was getting ready to call him and tell him to get home so we could take him in... I went into the garage, where the cat has been and he was dying! My hubby rushed home and is dealing with it!
I just want prayers for God's peace for my family! My DS & DD are not doing well! Me either!:cry:

 

[KellyTheChef]

Oh, Cathy, I am so sorry!

Losing a pet is hard no matter how it happens...

I pray that God comforts all of you. Praise to Him for getting your DH home to help out, too.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I willpray you find comfort at this time.

 

[Teresa Lynn]

I'm sorry, prayers and hugs coming your way. Losing a pet is hard.

 

[BethCooks4U]

I'm so sorry. It is hard to lose a pet.

 

[raebates]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[baychef]

Kathy,

Huge {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you and your family. I pray your cat goes peacefully and quickly. I can relate to not just your sadness, but you DD too. As I child, I did not handle pet deaths too well. It was just heart breaking and that little pal was just not there. What an empty part of our soul is left. Big hugs to her. How old is she? She has a big kind heart and let her know her cat will be in a better place.

On a personal note, I had written in a thread about my son's cat that he has had for 14 years. He is dying and when I went to see him a week ago, I could not believe how poor he looked. He has not eated for a week and will be gone soon but does not seem to be in any discomfort. Just weak.

My son lives about 10 miles away with his Dad and my son is 18 so he is on the go during the day but his long time buddy and friend sleeps with him at night and my DS makes sure his cat is by his side even if he takes a nap. These innocent little creatures are so much a part of our life.

Prayers are with you all to help you through this loss.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm praying for you and DD- I HATE losing pets. It just isnt' right...they should live much longer!!!

 

[janetupnorth]

The Rainbow Bridge'There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent; her eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying her faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.'

 

[MissChef]

Thanks for all your kind words.....
Our cat has passed and my heart aches, my DH is affected but won't shed a tear... that tough man routine. But after he took care of things, he came back and said " I need a drink!" Which is NOT like my hubby! He drinks from time to time, and drinks red wine with me with our dinner a couple times a week, but a drinker he normally is not. I think he just wants to dull his pain too. I thought I could see the look in his eyes like maybe he did have an emotional moment, if you know what I mean... but I'm not going to ask.... he keeps coming up to me and hugging me and then I bawl! I'm trying hard not to cry too much because of my DD. She didn't do well when he told her that he was gone. We keep telling her that the cat is with God and he's happy and young again.... I just wish I hadn't been the one to walk out and find him in the process of the end, because now that is all I see when I close my eyes. He was my cat, more than anyone elses here... I'm the one that started feeding him when he started coming around 12 years ago, and he was always my cat. Him and I just seemed to understand each other.... everyone has always said I have the independent personality of a cat.... at that my nick name "Cat" for Cathy, seemed so appropriate!
We also called him our Cog! LOL! Because he was our cat but he was loyal like a dog and loving like one too. He always seemed to know when to be near me and when to let me be.... and that is something I will miss. I miss him so much and it has barely been an hour!
Okay.... I'm stopping now, the tears are back in full force!:cry:
Thanks for "listening" and letting me let it all out!

 

[janetupnorth]

Grief and the Loss of a Pet by Drs. Foster & Smith Educational Staff

Grief upon the loss of a pet is a normal response, and a very individual one. For some people, grieving for a pet who has died may be an even more difficult process than grieving for a human loved one. One reason is that the support network of understanding and caring people may be smaller. If a person has lost a human loved one, the friends, family, co-workers, etc., will all be understanding. They may send cards, flowers, and offer food and companionship. This is often not the case when a pet dies.

The death of a pet is difficult enough to bear; in some cases, the whereabouts or cause of death of the pet is unknown. The pet may have run away or been stolen, or, the owner may have needed to surrender the pet to a humane shelter. In these situations, there is seldom any 'closure.' The owner does not know when or if the pet has died, or if lost, whether the pet will ever come back. As a result, when to stop searching and when to start the grieving process are unsure. There may also be additional guilt associated with this type of loss.

Doing something positive during this time of sadness may help the grieving process by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

* Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
* Making a charitable donation or volunteering your time at a local shelter
* Holding a funeral or memorial service (you may want to personalize a monument or memorial urn as a tribute to your devoted pet.)
* Placing your pet's nametag on your key ring
* Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
* Framing a photograph

Should I get another pet?

When or if you should get another pet varies with the individual and the choice is a personal one. Some people may want to find a new pet almost immediately. Sometimes, they may have unrealistic expectations of the new pet, especially if they are getting a young, rambunctious animal after an older, mature one has died. Others need longer to work through their grief before they are physically and emotionally ready for another pet. In either case, we all know you are not replacing your pet, but finding another animal with whom you can share life. Some people may find it is just not possible for them to have another pet. You need to do what is right for you.

In general, you should give children some time before getting another pet. Getting a pet too soon may cause the child to feel guilty or disloyal, and they may have difficulty bonding to the new pet. The child may also think that if something happened to them, they would soon be forgotten and a substitute would be found. They need to understand that friendships cannot immediately be replaced.

People who have a pet who has died need to talk to someone. Often, family members and friends are very supportive, but in some instances, they may not understand how important your pet was to you. It is important to find someone who does understand.

Do Animals Grieve?

We all know of animals who have stopped eating, playing, or interacting when another pet in the household has died. They are experiencing a loss of their own; plus they often sense the owner's sorrow as well. After a pet dies, we can help the other pets in the household by keeping their routines as unchanged as possible. Increasing their activity through going for walks or playing with toys may be helpful. This will not only benefit your pet, but help you too. If they are acting depressed or are not eating, be careful not to reinforce or reward their behavior. Giving them extra attention or different food when they behave this way may actually cause them to start using those behaviors as ways to obtain more attention or get special treats.

 

[janetupnorth]

Cathy - Get those tears out - you need to grieve. Sorry for your loss!!!!

 

[MissChef]

Kathy,

Huge {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you and your family. I pray your cat goes peacefully and quickly. I can relate to not just your sadness, but you DD too. As I child, I did not handle pet deaths too well. It was just heart breaking and that little pal was just not there. What an empty part of our soul is left. Big hugs to her. How old is she? She has a big kind heart and let her know her cat will be in a better place.

On a personal note, I had written in a thread about my son's cat that he has had for 14 years. He is dying and when I went to see him a week ago, I could not believe how poor he looked. He has not eated for a week and will be gone soon but does not seem to be in any discomfort. Just weak.

My son lives about 10 miles away with his Dad and my son is 18 so he is on the go during the day but his long time buddy and friend sleeps with him at night and my DS makes sure his cat is by his side even if he takes a nap. These innocent little creatures are so much a part of our life.

Prayers are with you all to help you through this loss.

My DD is 8. She didn't get a whole lot of time with the cat because she's allergic to him but she still loved him, everyone did. My DS is not showing any tears, but I know him, it will hit him tonight when he's in bed and he'll probably cry himself to sleep and wake up tomorrow and be okay, he's a lot like his Dad. And my DD is just like me and our eyes are red and we just keep crying. We'll be okay for a bit and then we start crying again! I put on a movie upstairs and that has her distracted.... but for me the movie wasn't entertaining enough, and I just decided to come down here and be by myself. Just like my cat personality!!
Thanks for the kind words!
Your son's cat will no doubt pass real soon. My DH told me 2 days ago, that it wouldn't be long, and he said he'd be surprised if he made it a month... he said it wouldn't happen and he said it would be in the next week and then yesterday he told me it would be in the next day or two. He didn't even make it another 24 hours after he said that! It's amazing to me how he knew this.... shows he's been through this before.... where I haven't.

 

[MissChef]

Grief and the Loss of a Pet by Drs. Foster & Smith Educational Staff

Grief upon the loss of a pet is a normal response, and a very individual one. For some people, grieving for a pet who has died may be an even more difficult process than grieving for a human loved one. One reason is that the support network of understanding and caring people may be smaller. If a person has lost a human loved one, the friends, family, co-workers, etc., will all be understanding. They may send cards, flowers, and offer food and companionship. This is often not the case when a pet dies.

The death of a pet is difficult enough to bear; in some cases, the whereabouts or cause of death of the pet is unknown. The pet may have run away or been stolen, or, the owner may have needed to surrender the pet to a humane shelter. In these situations, there is seldom any 'closure.' The owner does not know when or if the pet has died, or if lost, whether the pet will ever come back. As a result, when to stop searching and when to start the grieving process are unsure. There may also be additional guilt associated with this type of loss.

Doing something positive during this time of sadness may help the grieving process by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

* Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
* Making a charitable donation or volunteering your time at a local shelter
* Holding a funeral or memorial service (you may want to personalize a monument or memorial urn as a tribute to your devoted pet.)
* Placing your pet's nametag on your key ring
* Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
* Framing a photograph

Should I get another pet?

When or if you should get another pet varies with the individual and the choice is a personal one. Some people may want to find a new pet almost immediately. Sometimes, they may have unrealistic expectations of the new pet, especially if they are getting a young, rambunctious animal after an older, mature one has died. Others need longer to work through their grief before they are physically and emotionally ready for another pet. In either case, we all know you are not replacing your pet, but finding another animal with whom you can share life. Some people may find it is just not possible for them to have another pet. You need to do what is right for you.

In general, you should give children some time before getting another pet. Getting a pet too soon may cause the child to feel guilty or disloyal, and they may have difficulty bonding to the new pet. The child may also think that if something happened to them, they would soon be forgotten and a substitute would be found. They need to understand that friendships cannot immediately be replaced.

People who have a pet who has died need to talk to someone. Often, family members and friends are very supportive, but in some instances, they may not understand how important your pet was to you. It is important to find someone who does understand.

Do Animals Grieve?

We all know of animals who have stopped eating, playing, or interacting when another pet in the household has died. They are experiencing a loss of their own; plus they often sense the owner's sorrow as well. After a pet dies, we can help the other pets in the household by keeping their routines as unchanged as possible. Increasing their activity through going for walks or playing with toys may be helpful. This will not only benefit your pet, but help you too. If they are acting depressed or are not eating, be careful not to reinforce or reward their behavior. Giving them extra attention or different food when they behave this way may actually cause them to start using those behaviors as ways to obtain more attention or get special treats.

Thanks Janet.... this helps!

 

[dannyzmom]

I am so sorry, Cathy.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cathy))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[KellyTheChef]

Awww, Cathy. I am so sorry! Your kitty is keeping God company right now...but I know that doesn't help you out any!

{{{HUGS}}} and lots of LOVE!

 

[katie0128]

We also called him our Cog! LOL! Because he was our cat but he was loyal like a dog and loving like one too. He always seemed to know when to be near me and when to let me be.... and that is something I will miss. I miss him so much and it has barely been an hour!
Okay.... I'm stopping now, the tears are back in full force!:cry:
Thanks for "listening" and letting me let it all out!

This sounds just like the first cat I had as a grownup. DH (then was the boyfriend) bought Caramel for me as a housewarming present when I bought my condo. Caramel was just like your COG and he was MINE. Even after DH and I got married and he moved in, Caramel would still growl at him when he came in the house. Caramel slept with ME and would follow me around the condo whenever I was home. I could carry Caramel on my shoulders... like the biblical pictures of shepherds carrying their sheep! He was only 1-1/2 when he died, but I held him in my arms when he went. We knew he was very sick (multiple x-rays and ultrasounds, bone marrow aspirations and 3 blood transfusions in just over 3 weeks), but I knew exactly when it was his time and found him curled up under our bed. As hard as it was at the time to find him that way, looking back, I'm glad I did find him before he passed and was able to hold him and pet him and talk to him as he died. It was my time to say goodbye and now I realize how important that was to me.

There are enough cheffers that have experienced this horrible situation and will sit and cry with you through it all. Please let us know how you are doing and if there is anything else we can do!!

 

[rennea]

Oh so sorry to hear of your kitty passing. It's hard losing a part of your family like that. I know the pain. Sending {{hugs}} your way.

 

[Ann F]

Oh, I'm so sorry! I know how that hurts. Hugs to you all.

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Oh Cathy I am so sorry and sad for you and your family. I understand how hard it is to go through. I lost my 18 year old cat almost threee years ago and still miss him as much as I did then!

I do have a new cat (picture left) and I love her dearly. I saved her from the animal shelter. I got her two months to the day after I lost my beloved cat. I cried the entire way home. Sad because he was gone, but happy I was saving her. She was soooo sick. I took her directly to the vet. When I arrived the vet (who had just gone through me losing my cat) said, "Oh, why couldn't you get a healthy one?" She only gave me a 50/50 chance of her surviving. She did survive and is a very healthy cat. It makes you feel so much better about your loss when you can save a cat who needs a home.

I know it is too early for you to think about that now, but I just wanted to tell you my story. I had very bad depression after I lost my cat. It is very common. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

 

[dianevill]

Sorry for your loss, Cathy. May all the good memories of him comfort you during this time!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Oh Cathy I am so sorry and sad for you and your family. I understand how hard it is to go through. I lost my 18 year old cat almost threee years ago and still miss him as much as I did then!

I do have a new cat (picture left) and I love her dearly. I saved her from the animal shelter. I got her two months to the day after I lost my beloved cat. I cried the entire way home. Sad because he was gone, but happy I was saving her. She was soooo sick. I took her directly to the vet. When I arrived the vet (who had just gone through me losing my cat) said, "Oh, why couldn't you get a healthy one?" She only gave me a 50/50 chance of her surviving. She did survive and is a very healthy cat. It makes you feel so much better about your loss when you can save a cat who needs a home.

I know it is too early for you to think about that now, but I just wanted to tell you my story. I had very bad depression after I lost my cat. It is very common. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Rhonda, that sounds like me with the passing of Gus, and then putting down Weasel because his heart was broken over missing his brother (Gus) and then getting Camilla Bean 4 months almost to the day of when Weasel went home to be with Gus in the sky.

Anyway, back to Cat (Cathy) I'm so sorry about Cog! (Cute name) I feel for you and understand completely what you are going through! I had that with my two cats, Gus and Weasel. Not a day goes by where I don't miss them- and I will pray that the pain will lessen and that God will just give you strength and a calm to get through the next few days and weeks.

Sending you hugs, prayers and love...

 

[lacychef]

Sorry Cathy! It's so hard to lose a pet; they're just another family member.

We had a kitten pass away at the end of March; we just got another kitty a couple weeks ago, cause my girls really wanted another one. They'll still say they miss the old kitty every once in awhile.

 

[pamperedbecky]

I'm so sorry to her about your cat. I hope you all have wonderful memories and are comforted during this tough time.

 

[letscook04]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a pet.
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[MissChef]

Thanks again everyone! Today, has been hard. I had to tell the neighbors, who were close to him too, that he had passed. I broke down trying to tell them.... My neighbors are a middle aged couple with no kids so they had a lot of of time to spoil him too!
Anyway, they were very supportive and you can tell they felt sorrow too.
I didn't sleep well last night and EVERY time I woke up, he was the first thing that came into my mind, and I look forward to when I can think of him and not see him laying there dying and in pain. That part of this is almost too much for me to bear (how do you spell bear...bear or bare??) Anyway, it rained here last night and that was good because it was loud and I was able to cry a few times without my hubby knowing.... the grief just kept overtaking me....
I feel sorta numb right now and just feel sick whenever I look outside and see one of the other cats in the neighborhood running around! I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of the headaches from the crying! Last night was hard because when I put my daughter to bed and she started to talk to me, I got up and shut her door, so that it would be just me and her and my heart just ached and she cried and cried, I cried with her and it actually felt strange but a good kind of strange because she and I connected big time and I think she appreciated me just letting her let it out and not telling her to stop. She told me that I didn't have to be strong for her either, and that's when I cried and we just laid there and hugged and cried some more.
She said that she doesn't feel as safe outside anymore because when she played outside, especially when she was in the back porch and her brother wasn't with her, she said the cat always sat by the porch in the grass by the side of the house and looked out to the front and back at her, and she said he made her feel safe, like he would warn her if anyone was coming, and the few times someone did pass the house that he would stand up and all his fur would raise up and she would watch to make sure no one was coming, or she'd start talking to me through the screen (because she plays out there a lot while I cook dinner). Funny thing is that now I remember that and now I can remember the times I went outside and I remember him being right there where she told me he was and how I didn't realize any of this. And now, she feels her little protector is gone, and I told her that he's still protecting her from heaven! I told her that I'd let the dog go out with her from now on and she felt a little better.
So now you can see why this is even harder on me... because not only am I dealing with my own pain, but I'm trying to help her and it's like the blind leading the blind because I've never dealt with this before either!
But I think I'm doing okay because she keeps smiling at me today and telling me, It's okay Mom. Kinda funny how we've really bonded over this.

 

[PampMomof3]

Cathy, sorry I wasn't on ALL weekend and then I run across this thread. I just finished reading the whole thing and first off, I'm so sorry for your pain as well as your familys. Please remember all the special times (ie, the cat being your dd's protector, cuddling with you) with the cat and try and get rid of the last time you saw him. THat's going to be key. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} to you.

Oh and THANKS A LOT for bringing tears to my eyes! WHy am I such an emotional person? I cry if someone is crying on TV for goodness sake!:blushing: :blushing:

 

[baychef]

Cathy, I am so glad that you and your DD have been able to grieve together. Cog not only touched your hearts but he continues to bring the family together. My heart aches for all of you. I am sure your DH is trying to be tough too, I am sure, but sounds like Cog captured his heart too.

My ex, my DS and I all spoke yesterday and we are all going to the vet's office today to send Silky to a better place. He continues to bloat and for 1 1/2 weeks now, he eat and drinks nothing. Occasionally he will but it is not much. It was a hard conversation and I insisted on being there. Our DS was given the option, but I felt in my heart he would want to be there. DS did not want to talk about it, but we told him that we had to, it was time and we owed it to our best little friend to not have him suffer any longer.

My son was telling my parents yesterday how he lifts Silky up on his bed every night and puts him on his body pillow. They sleep facing each other.

I am trying not to think about what we will go through later today, but I remember seeing Silky a week ago and I know in my heart that even though he is not showing signs of suffering, he has to be.

Tonight I have a party so I will have to pull myself together in time to do that. I did take today off from work.

 

[PampMomof3]

Cathy, I am so glad that you and your DD have been able to grieve together. Cog not only touched your hearts but he continues to bring the family together. My heart aches for all of you. I am sure your DH is trying to be tough too, I am sure, but sounds like Cog captured his heart too.

My ex, my DS and I all spoke yesterday and we are all going to the vet's office today to send Silky to a better place. He continues to bloat and for 1 1/2 weeks now, he eat and drinks nothing. Occasionally he will but it is not much. It was a hard conversation and I insisted on being there. Our DS was given the option, but I felt in my heart he would want to be there. DS did not want to talk about it, but we told him that we had to, it was time and we owed it to our best little friend to not have him suffer any longer.

My son was telling my parents yesterday how he lifts Silky up on his bed every night and puts him on his body pillow. They sleep facing each other.

I am trying not to think about what we will go through later today, but I remember seeing Silky a week ago and I know in my heart that even though he is not showing signs of suffering, he has to be.

Tonight I have a party so I will have to pull myself together in time to do that. I did take today off from work.

Oh Ann, I'm sorry for what you will be going through today. You'll be in my prayers. Good Luck at your show tonight.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Ann...I feel for you and your DS too. I pray that God comforts you and Cathy's family!

Cathy...you had me bawling all over again! I am sad that you and DD are going through this...but thankful that God is using this to draw you closer to one another.

Love,
Kelly

http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/1226617200