Can I Help My Hosts Avoid Family Drama?

[Intrepid_Chef]

We've always told our hosts to invite everybody ... but ....Here's a long story about a family that has hosted several shows for me in the past year. I just got the guest list from my current host, and it omits her niece (a past host of mine) and the current host's sister-in-law and mother-in law, both of whom have attended shows in the recent past.To add a bit more detail, names have been changed to protect the innocent:First, Jess and her best friend, Gina, hosted a show for me in March. It was my biggest show EVER.Lisa, Jess' aunt, hosted a show for me in June.Betty, (Jess' mother) and Myra (grandmother of Jess, mother of Betty and mother in-law of Lisa) were guests at both shows. Rebecca (daughter-in-law of Myra and sister-in-law to Betty and Lisa) attended Lisa's show and booked off of her. (I honestly can't remember if Jess invited her too, but I'm pretty sure she was there.)I just got Rebecca's guest list. I noticed that Lisa is on it, but Jess, Betty and Myra are all left off.To complicate things ... I ran into Gina recently and she mentioned that she and Jess were talking about hosting another show. If I could confirm this, Rebececca would get the booking benefit.I know there is some bad blood between Rebecca and Betty for reasons I cannot fully comprehend. After Rebecca left the party, Betty was muttering about how she couldn't believe Rebecca said something about her mother-in-law who has always been good to her. Myra, meanwhile, is a very sweet old lady. I'm not sure why Rebecca would leave off her mother-in-law or her niece, who might host a show.To complicate things further ... I am about to send out my newsletter, which includes the names of my six November hosts, and suggests that if any of these people are their family and friends, that anyone who wants to place an order should contact them directly. Jess (and Betty, I think) are on my newsletter list. Will they be offended if they learn Rebecca is having a party and did not invite them?However ... is it any business of mine who my host invites? Should I just mention that Jess might host a show in the future and ask if I should call her up? And should I remove the names of my hosts from my newsletter so as to not cause any offense??I am very confused ...

 

[NinaPChef]

I would just keep a professional approach. Act as if you haven't noticed anything wrong.. and like you haven't noticed the missing people.Send out newsletter as you normally would.
What is going on in their lives should not interfere with your business. It is between them after all.But i do know how it feels to be concerned. Just don't talk about it unless they bring it up first, and always be neutral.. (Don't want to get involved yourself lol)Good luck and I hope it all works out.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Okay Di, just read through this...but I'm too tired right now to make sense of it!

I'll revisit in the morning and see if I can help at all - maybe someone more wise, and more awake, will be able to help before then!

 

[NinaPChef]

Yes, I had to read it a few times.. Its one of those situations that has sooo many people involved you have to go over it a few times =)

 

[jillbean]

Ok it's late and I don't know how much of that actually got to my brain. I tried reading it outloud...didn't help.
However, I would go about business as usual and let them figure it out. If you change your business to meet the needs of every host who has bad blood in their family, you won't even remember how it's ran.
I wouldn't want to hurt anyone but who's to say they want to be invited?

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Yeah, it is very confusing ... took me some time to figure out who was on first!Basically (to make a really long story short) my current host handed me a guest list that leaves off the names of her mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece, all of whom have been guests and hosts in the past year. The niece is probably going to host a party as well.I am guessing that there are good reasons for this, but wonder if it might be an oversight.Oh, and the guest list is notably short on names, there are about 15 on it. I'm doing my packet tonight. Should I commend her for her "good start" and urge her to get me more names ASAP?I like what I heard on a conference CD about "40 names and the postage is free."

 

[doughmama]

I personally would not include names of people hosting parties in your newsletter. I don't think that should be what your newsletter is about. I think that puts your hosts in a situation that they may not want to be in. When I first became a consultant I mentioned to someone that I was doing a show for "Jane". So she called Jane to go to the party. Needless to say, "Jane" was not happy but felt she could not say no. Lucky for me and the host, the person got sick and could not attend the party anyway.

I feel that the host invites who they want to and their party should not be advertised in your newsletter. But of course, that is just my opinion.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

The only reason I was including the host's names at all is to help them.I am promoting my stoneware sale. However, my newsletter goes out to many people who might place orders or be guests at the November shows.I think I will change it to say, "if you are invited to one of my November shows, please place your order with that host. Otherwise I'll put it on with a fundraiser I am doing."

 

[doughmama]

I think that is a better idea. Good luck with your parties and your fundraiser!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

I doubt 3 people that close in relationship to her was an oversight. it is her decision, do not ask her. I also wouldn't include names just a blurb about if they have a PC product they need contact you and you will add it to a show.

 

[raebates]

I'd stick with the list the host gave you. If she accidentally left these off, she'll probably realize the error and invite them. If, on the other hand, this is intentional, you don't want to get in the middle of bad blood. As for the booking, if they don't get along (a) the person booking may not want the current host to benefit and wouldn't want her at the show; and (b) the current host may dislike the booking host enough that it's worth not getting the benefit.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Okay - I'm more wide awake now...and the one thing that comes to my mind about this is (and not saying it's the case here - just a possibility) that often, I will be surprised that a friend/relative has been left off a guest list that is given to me. Then, at the show, they are there. The host, because it is a close relative/friend has either just given them a verbal invite, or has used one of the invitations I include in their host pack to hand to them personally.

So, could that be the case in this situation?

 

[buckeyefan08]

I agree with Becky. If that isn't the case then don't worry about it. It's not your job to keep the peace in someone elses family.
If it's something you like to do, Have I got a job for you!
Stick with her guest list, don't get into something you may not want to be involved in. Take the business route! GOOD LUCK!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

I gave it some more thought as I assembled her packet ... she DID say that there are some invites she plans to hand-deliver. Also that there is one address she's still looking for.

I will call her in a few days and during that call, simply explain that I've heard Jess and her friend may host a party in the future, and suggest she find out if that's the case so that she (Rebecca) gets the booking benefit. That's it. Put it all on her and let her decide what to do.

I also remembered that Jess DID invite Rebecca to her show, and she came.