Personal Will We Lose Our Home? Need Help During Financial Struggle.

[candiejayne]

I've known money has been extremely tight around here lately, but I had NO IDEA that it was this bad. Our house was in the newspaper this week for forclosure! We have been fighting with the bank for a few days now. I didn't know my BF was struggling to make the house payments, if I would have known, I would have done more to help out financially. He is out of work right now, and I am struggling to make ends meet myself. PC saved Christmas, for the kids atleast.

I really don't know what is going to happen. We have about one month before the house goes up for auction. We are trying to get the bank to work with us, but they act like nothing is happening. They can't even give us any straight answers. My BF says he has been making the payments, just late every month, but I'm so confused as to what exactly is going on. Alls I know is that in just over a month we could be homeless.

I'm super scared right now. To top things off, my BF is at the ER right now. The side of his face has swollen up and his whole mouth hurts. He's been gone for a couple hours and still no word from him. I wanted to go with, but someone has to stay here with his son.

I'm not a religous person, but I'm desperate right now. We could use a miracle of some kind!

 

[Gina M]

Andrea,

I'm praying for you - I hope you guys get something resolved with the bank and that your house stays with you. And that your boyfriend is okay - did he have an infection? Or allergic reaction? Sending good thoughts your way!

 

[DebbieJ]

If you have any money at all in retirement accounts, now would be the time to liquidate those and save your house.Then, go to www.daveramsey.com/fpu and find yourself a Financial Peace Class.

 

[Kitchen2u]

Many prayers coming your way...

 

[raebates]

You're in my prayers.

 

[gailz2]

I guess if you are living with someone, married or not, you really need to keep a better handle on your finances/joint and single. One of you, probably him if it is in his name, needs to make an appt. with the bank and sit down with them, asap. If this is your residence, he needs to be honest with you about it, as well.My prayers go to all of you to save the house and get out of this situation. It may be time to call upon family for loans. But, you need to meet with the bank, first.

 

[chefcharity]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Is your BF any better? You said he was in the ER last night.....

 

[dianevill]

Andrea,

You'll be in my prayers. Hope your BF is feeling better, too.

 

[heather223]

Thoughts and prayers coming your way!

 

[babywings76]

I've known money has been extremely tight around here lately, but I had NO IDEA that it was this bad. Our house was in the newspaper this week for forclosure! We have been fighting with the bank for a few days now. I didn't know my BF was struggling to make the house payments, if I would have known, I would have done more to help out financially. He is out of work right now, and I am struggling to make ends meet myself. PC saved Christmas, for the kids atleast.I really don't know what is going to happen. We have about one month before the house goes up for auction. We are trying to get the bank to work with us, but they act like nothing is happening. They can't even give us any straight answers. My BF says he has been making the payments, just late every month, but I'm so confused as to what exactly is going on. Alls I know is that in just over a month we could be homeless.I'm super scared right now. To top things off, my BF is at the ER right now. The side of his face has swollen up and his whole mouth hurts. He's been gone for a couple hours and still no word from him. I wanted to go with, but someone has to stay here with his son.I'm not a religous person, but I'm desperate right now. We could use a miracle of some kind!

He needs to go to a dentist... could be an abscessed tooth! (used to be a dental assistant)Depending on which tooth it is, he may want to have it removed. It's not ideal... but it's the cheapest and fastest fix. Once the source of the infection is gone, he'll feel a lot better. He may need antibiotics just to be sure to clear up any lingering bacteria.

 

[merego]

I used to be an underwriter and worked for a mortgage company and dealt with foreclosures for 13 years up until 3 years ago and I still do some contract work here and there. You need to find out from your b/f if the payments are more than 1 month late every month. The banks right now don't want all these houses back and banks have been working with people, you just have to find the right person to talk to and be persisitant. You will also recieve notices, many of them before your house goes into foreclosure. Good friends of ours live in a million dollar neighborhood ( must be nice, I know), their neighbors bought more house than they could afford, he lost his job and that was over 1 year ago and they still have not gone into foreclosure yet.
I am not familiar with IL guidelines, but I know several others and it seems like something is missing. I am not trying to worry you or doubt your b/f, but he may have been trying to not cause you any stress by keeping this from you.
I hope things work out for you and will be sending good thoughts your way and I hope your bf is feeling better.

 

[twinchefs]

Sending prayers.

 

[cookin to the top]

Have you gotten any word from your b/f? Is he ok? My prayers are with you both.

 

[pcchefjane]

I am praying for you both. You really need to call the bank if the house is in your name! With so many people going into foreclosure, if he was only "late a couple of times", it would not be in foreclosure. My DD & SIL got notice they can refinance their mortgage to a lower interest rate yesterday. They are going to see if they can switch to their Credit Union. They have had late payments since June but always paid the mortgage each month.

I hope he is okay. Does really sound like an abcessed tooth. I've had 2 and that is exactly what they do!

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Wow, I'm so sorry you are going through this and am praying for you!

I don't know much about foreclosure, but agree w/others you need to get with the bank as soon as possible.

I hope your BF is okay. My brother once had a disease that only affected one half of his face, but his was numb. I don't remember what it was called, but hope that's not what your BF has.

May God Bless all of you.

 

[janetupnorth]

Wow, I'm so sorry you are going through this and am praying for you!

I don't know much about foreclosure, but agree w/others you need to get with the bank as soon as possible.

I hope your BF is okay. My brother once had a disease that only affected one half of his face, but his was numb. I don't remember what it was called, but hope that's not what your BF has.

May God Bless all of you.

Probably: Guillain-Barre Syndrome

 

[candiejayne]

Thanks everyone, we are having a heck of a time getting the bank to talk to us. Luckily for me, the house is in his name. He's fighting with the banks, and I'm preparing for the worst. I'm researching housing in our area for rent. He's trying to cash out his annuity to "fix it", he's also going to talk to a friend who will eventually owe him some money after he restores his car to see if he can't get an advance from him. If anything, we want to postpone things for a bit with the bank, the next board meeting for the annuity company isnt until Feb. 18th, but the auction date for the house is set for January 20th. We are hoping a few thousand dollars will make them happy for a little while, atleast until we can get more.

As far as his face, OMG!!!!, I came home from work today and was shocked to see it swelled up even more! It is an infection in a tooth. He has an appointment for the middle of January to have about 10 teeth pulled and partials or something put in, implants? maybe? He's not in as much pain tonight, but the vicadine is helping, and hopefully by morning the antibiotics will be working and the swelling will go down.

I decided today that it's time to put PC into full gear and really start making some money! Looks like it's gonna be a rough ride ahead of us! Isn't gonna be a cheap ride either!

Thank you all for your advice and prayers! I'll keep you updated!

PS- I dunno if I should laugh about this, or think myself as pathetic, but one of my first thoughts was s*** now I have to order a new stamp and new business cards... bad me! LOL Guess I gotta keep humoring myself with silly stuff like that otherwise I'd go insane!

 

[pcchefjane]

You still need for him to be honest with you. If he has made all the payments, they would not be foreclosing! They don't do that over "late" payments!

 

[SeeMe4PC]

Good Luck Andrea - You are all in my prayers

 

[candiejayne]

I'm slowly getting him to talk to me about it. We had a bit of time without his son home tonight. He won't tell me what he is behind though. I've asked a few times and he says he doesn't know, and the bank wont tell him. I know he's hiding it, but I don't want to start a fight over it, he's stubborn and will tell me when he's ready.

In the meantime, I'm preparing for us to move. I'm looking for somewhere, cause there is no way I'm going back to my parents house, and I definatly am not going to his parents house! NOWAY LOL! There is a house for sale on this street, its been on the market for quite a long time. We know the owners, we are pretty confident that they would rent to us since its not selling, but I'm not sure I could live there and look at our house everyday knowing that we lost it.

I'm worried about our dog too. Most places around here don't let you have pets. We couldn't give him away, he's mean to people he doesn't know. He's strictly a guard dog, except with us and the kids, he loves them. We'd probably have to put him down. That would break my heart!

 

[candiejayne]

Ohhh, I had a question that maybe someone knows the answer to. Once the auction takes place, I know its up to the new owners to evict us, but does anyone know normally how long that procedure takes?

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Are you sure this auction is due to foreclosure from the bank? It sounds like it is due to back taxes to me. Most foreclosures from a bank round here are just put on the market for sale - not an auction. They do auction for back taxes though. When that happens the old owners have 1 year still to come up w/the back taxes.

 

[DebbieJ]

You still need for him to be honest with you. If he has made all the payments, they would not be foreclosing! They don't do that over "late" payments!

Yeah, this is not only a financial problem, but it is a relationship problem. If your house is being auctioned in a month, he has missed more than just a few payments.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I know we are talking about your bf here, but be very careful. Do not marry this man! There are way too many secrets and more importantly (right now anyhow) his financial problems become yours if you are married!

 

[gailz2]

You sure have a lot going on and a lot of decisions to make at this otherwise happy time of year. My thoughts and prayers are with you to lead you along the right path.

 

[ljeffries]

I read your questions/vent several times before I decided to respond. This may sound harsh to a lot of people, but I'm gonna say it anyway:
1. Your b/f is a liar and dishonest, plain and simple. 'The bank won't tell us'? 'The bank won't talk'? That is a bunch of crap. If he (or you if you are on the mortgage or the deed) won't take the time to go to the actual bank office, then too bad.
2. Banks don't foreclose unless they absolutely have no other option. And, it doesn't happen because of late payments. It happens because of NO payments - and lots of them.
3. According to what you said about looking for housing in your area, and that you know your b/f is not telling you everything - then why, WHY are you staying in that situation??? You are accepting what he tells you and just going along. THis is called enabling. Your situation with him will never, EVER change.
4. Don't blame the bank. Not their fault - he should have records of paying the mortgage. I am sure he does not pay in cash, so surely there is a canceled check, money order receipt or bank draft that he can produce to show that he has paid.

Ok, finished now. I just get so frustrated with folks who won't and don't take responsibility for themselves and always point the finger of blame to somewhere or someone else.

 

[mscharf]

My best advice would be to take things one step at a time. I know you said you are not a religious person, but you were hoping for a miracle. There is only one who creates those "miracles", and you might want to turn to Him!! Reach out to a church, in my opinion this is where you are going to find the help you really need. Religion, financial counseling, financial help, and the love and support it takes to get through something like this. It is so much easier to get through the tough times, when you know he has a plan, but if you need someone to lean on there are a lot of warm bodies willing to help. I am praying for you.

 

[BadGirl]

Return your Christmas present and apply that money to the outstanding mortgage payments. Although it's unlikely that the presents will bring in a whole lot of money, it'll help.

Having a home to call their own, is what matters most to kids. What's the point of having cool Christmas toys and games if they are living in a homeless shelter?



The only thing that I could come up with regarding the "late" payments is that perhaps your bf's bank collects the mortgage money and applies money first to the outstanding late fees, leaving which then leaves an outstanding balance on the actual mortgage payment. As a result of the late fees coming out of the payment first, you'll always have an outstanding morgtgage balance.

Your boyfriend is a liar. Banks nowadays are doing everything possible to KEEP you in your home. He must have effed up pretty badly for you to already have an auction date in a few weeks.

 

[heather223]

I hate to be harsh too- but he is lying to you. When I decided to leave my children's father 2 years ago he was 3 months behind on the mortgage to his house.... It was over a YEAR before the bank finally auctioned the house off.

I know you said money was tight... but that doesn't mean it is right or ok for him to plain lie to you.

It irrates me when people who are a couple, whether married or not, don't discuss finances.

I really hope things get better.... for your housing situation and for your relationship.

 

[janetupnorth]

Andrea - You're reading some blunt things above, but please take them with kindness...they are speaking the truth from experience. If there is a future for you two, he HAS to be open. If he can't be open with you two living together, what will a ring or a marriage certificate do to change that?He needs to sit down and be honest.He needs to have a strict budget.You guys need to focus on the 4 walls of your house.Like everyone said, foreclosure doesn't happen overnight. There is warning after warning to people. To have an auction in less than 1 month, warnings have been ignored and lots of payments not made. He needs to decide what is important to him and act now.I'd personally be upset if I received a nice gift or a ring as you expect and didn't have a roof over my head.Good luck! You'll get lots of good advice and support here, please be wise.

 

[wadesgirl]

I agree with everyone else on this issue, it's time to take a serious look at your relationship. My biggest question would be have you been helping to pay the mortgage? If so, I would defidently want to know where my money was going.

 

[ljeffries]

Ohhh, I had a question that maybe someone knows the answer to. Once the auction takes place, I know its up to the new owners to evict us, but does anyone know normally how long that procedure takes?

I think you are incorrect there - typically when a foreclosure happens, the house is empty. There is not typically an auction, typically the bank tries to sell the property. Again, sounds like the person that you are so in love with is telling you stories that you are buying hook, line and sinker.

 

[DebbieJ]

Most times you are evicted immediately. Depends on who buys the house at auction.

 

[jodie]

I've worked at an oral surgeon and maxillofacial office for 7 yrs. Implants are best done by a surgeon and sometimes a periodontist. The dentist can put on the crowns (teeth) after an implant is placed in the jawbone. Implants are made of titanium and will stop further bone loss which is the most important thing because it will bond to the bone. check out http://www.piads.org just for more info on them. Implants are expensive! Most insurance plans do not cover them. Some people will have 3-5 implants placed and then put a partial (like a row of teeth) on top of the implant. They are worth the money. However, a good dentist will tell him ALL of his options. And they should be able to provide a payment plan. Sending prayers to you!

 

[candiejayne]

He wasn't lying, I did some calling on my own and got what information that I could. It's the back taxes that is due. I did know about them, I work for the goverment and deal with the property taxes daily, I just really did not think of that as being the issue, slipped my mind I guess. I saw forclosure in the paper and assumed it was with the bank. He is one payment behind for the year, but it has been sent in, and should reach them soon.

I am very familiar with the tax sales, so we will just have to wait til auction, then pay off whoever bids on ours.

We have also contacted his annuity company and they are working on letting him withdraw money from there to pay it off.

We have also decided that from now on, his money will go to me with the exception of an "allowance". I'll take care of paying all bills.

I feel stupid for not thinking about the taxes, especially since I knew they were past due and for a long time. He thought he had escrow, but when he refinanced a few years back, they did not set the escrow back up. It happens a lot, but people usually catch it before it gets this far. As for it being part of my job, i feel even stupider for not trying harder to get it paid!

 

[janetupnorth]

Good thing it is figured out now!Are you able to pay the taxes and pull it out of auction?

 

[gailz2]

I agree this year there should be no presents -- you need to get your home back and your lives back in order. Contact a local Salvation Army -- they may be able to put you in contact with some organization (like a Christmas Bureau I work for locally) that will help provide food and gifts for Christmas. Call right away -- it may not be too late. I'm glad to hear he is willing to turn over the finances to you. You probably should also control the mail coming in to your house so there are no more surprises. Be smart, your own future is up to you.Check into paying the taxes NOW -- don't wait. He should have paid his late payment in person, not send it in the mail at this late date.

 

[BettieC]

Don't feel stupid!! Stuff happens. I hope this can all be resolved!

 

[pamperedbybarbara]

I wish I was around the corner from you and could give you a big hug, but cyber hugs will have to do {{{{HUGS}}}}. I am praying for you.....

 

[candiejayne]

Having the money before the auction will depend on the annuity company and what they get done for us. I know that we can pay them at the county beforehand as long as we have the money either cash or cashiers check!

While I was typing this he called, the annuity company wants a denial letter from 3 banks saying he can't get a loan, and then within about 5-7 business days we will have a check to save the house! AND he just collected on a side job he is working on (he's laid off right now) so he's gonna give that to me to save!

 

[pampchefrhondab]

I thought it sounded like a tax sale (like I said before). My first hint was that it was listed in the paper and going up for auction w/o you having to leave the house.

Well hopefully you can get it paid before the auction, if not it sounds like you can pay up. Maybe it won't eve sell w/the economy - you can always hope.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

 

[Lisa/ChefBear]

I am very familiar with the tax sales, so we will just have to wait til auction, then pay off whoever bids on ours.

Unless IL is drastically different than PA or NY, if my neighbors house goes up for Back Taxes and I bid and pay off their back taxes, that property and all it owes becomes mine.

My neighbors can't come to me later and pay me off, as that's my property now, not theirs.

HTH,

Lisa

PS,
I would tread carefully before going forward with a relationship where your payments on your home and children's home are not being taken care of. That would be a first for me. I'd go without Christmas myself and cut WAY back for my kids so we would have roof over head.

 

[candiejayne]

I don't have any kids, his son lives with us.

In IL, when taxes are sold, and the auction is held, the people bidding bid an interest rate. the person who bids the lowest rate buys the taxes. You then have 1 year to pay off the "loan", if you do not, then they have the rights to file for a deed to the property. The area I work in has about 10,000 parcels, and only about 5 per year actually lose the house due to the taxes. I think we have an excellent set up for people to redeem themselves. I have always thought that, and think so even more now!

This isn't me defending him, but it's my fault too for not getting involved in all of the finances. When we moved in, we discussed what I could afford to help with, and we set up an arrangement that I paid certain bills for the house, plus provided all of the food/household items like soaps and shampoos and cleaning supplies, stuff like that. I'm not always an angel keeping up on the bills myself, and I think it's rotten of me because those bills are in his name, not mine. It's his credit I'm messing with, not my own. I wasn't around when he bought this house, so honestly, I have no say in what happens to it. If we were married, it'd be a whole different story! If he wanted to kick me out tomorrow with no good reason, I have no choice but to leave. This is his house and if he doesn't want to pay for it, thats his right. It may affect me, but I'll survive. I can make it on my own, but I don't want to. I love him, and I'll stand by him.

I'm not new to all of this game playing crap, I spent 8 years married to a creep who was abusive in many ways. He is nothing like my ex, atleast my BF can hold a job. He might be laid off right now, but it's not his choice to not work, and he does what he can on the side, people just are not looking for people in the construction field right now, especially people who do a specialty trade like him. I've sat there and watched him fill out tons of applications, and I've written out the envelopes, stamped them, and personally mailed them.

I guess what I'm saying is people screw up, I'm not big on giving second chances, but for him I will. He's not like any other guy I've dated or known. He's really a good guy.

2 years ago, I had a vehicle repossesed, I was going through a divorce, and I couldn't afford both car payments plus everything else. I'm still paying the debt from my marriage, and I will be for a long time. My BF doesn't know about all of the money I owe, is that wrong of me to keep it from him, or is it alright that I just don't feel he needs to be bothered with my past? He knows I have debt, but no where near the extent that I have. If he's so bad right now, then so am I!

 

[pamperedlinda]

................ I'm still paying the debt from my marriage, and I will be for a long time. My BF doesn't know about all of the money I owe, is that wrong of me to keep it from him, or is it alright that I just don't feel he needs to be bothered with my past? He knows I have debt, but no where near the extent that I have. If he's so bad right now, then so am I!

I think you both need to have a good, strong, open, and honest heart to heart if you want this relationship to move forward and to last. How would you feel if he had the financial past that you do and you didn't find out about it until after you were married (if you two decide to get married)? Once you are married, his debt becomes yours and your debt is his (at least it is in GA).....think about it Is your love is strong enough to handle that too.

I had a bf a long time ago that I was very much in love with, we even talked about getting married and having a family and I was expecting a ring any day! One day I found out about his financial situation - he owed a lot of money to his ex, his mom, and he hadn't paid his taxes in 5 years....he made very good money too. This was in the 80's and he made over $100k annually - he chose to piss away his money instead of taking care of his obligations. He borrowed money from his mom to pay his back taxes and then on his way home he stopped by a car dealership 'just to look' and came home with a brand new $40k car!

If you two can't be honest with each other - at least be honest to yourself! (I'm not trying to be hurtful towards you - just brutally honest.) Be careful please.

 

[mscharf]

I would NOT even MENTION the word marriage until ALL of your cards are on the table. Marriage is hard enough without secrets, it will never last unless you both know ALL of what you are getting in to.

I also don't believe in one person handling all of the money and the other getting an "allowance". Is he your child or partner. It sounds like together you need to go over EVERY bill, little or big, and set a very STRICT budget. Do it together, or he might resent you for not being able to buy a hamburger because it was not in his allowance!!!

Don't get me wrong, my husband and I don't sit down every day and go over everything, but we did in the beginning. He has free reign on all of our accounts, but he honestly won't buy anything with out talking to me about it. Not because he needs my permission, but because we don't spend without talking, it avoids having the fight later! It works!!

My best advice, Don't try to save him, get all of the facts and if you want to stay then figure out a game plan together and implement it TOGETHER.

 

[Chef Michelle D]

I feel you need to tell him about your past all of it the good, the bad, and the ugly. Just as he should tell you everything. How long have you been together? I agree you can't have secrets if you plan on staying together for ever married or not. I really hope all this works out for you and your family. Good Luck.

 

[wadesgirl]

By the way, in most states you have to give 30 days notice to "evict" someone from your house. Even if the house is in his name, he couldn't legally kick you out like you mentioned. I'm glad that you figured it all out and are on top of taking care of everything! I hope the new years brings great things for you! And I do hope that you could be honest with him about your money issues too. He needs to know, as much as it is about you, he is a part of your life.