Personal Moving On: My Journey After Ending a Toxic Relationship - A Personal Story

[candiejayne]

I don't know where to start. A week ago Friday, my BF and I sat down and had a long talk. We decided together that with all that had been going on in the house (his son was mentally and physically abusive towards me) that it was best if right now I move out and give him time to try to get his son some help without me there to complicate things. It was a mutual agreement. By Sunday I had my things moved out of his house and back into my parents until I could save enough money to safely get my own apartment.

We have talked every day on the phone since then, and I even went and spent a couple hours with him one night this week after his son went to bed. Everything seemed fine.

Yesterday I got an email from his daughters mother telling me to remove all pictures of her daughter from my myspace page since him and I weren't together anymore. I wrote her back telling her that she didn't know what she was talking about. That him and I were together, that I just moved out.

I was awoken by a text message this morning from him saying that it was over between us. I tried to call him to see why and he turned his phone off. So I got up, went online to see if there were any explanitory emails or anything. When I got on, I had another message from her. She told me to remove the pictures now, that him and I aren't together because he was back with her.

I am so mad right now that he didn't have the courage to tell me the truth a week ago, and that he's avoiding me now.

I have been in somewhat of a funk all week, and temporarily lost my desires for everything, including PC. I know that I will get over it, but right now, I just don't have the motivation for much.

I really thought his guy was the one for me. I know some of you remember some of our problems in the past, but they really were minor in the overall of things. Although, maybe I should have listened to all of you advice then. Might have spared me the pain now.


So, anyone got any single brothers LOL! jk Thought I'd end this with a joke! Anything I can do to lighten my mood! LOL

 

[wadesgirl]

Sorry to hear about this. Sounds like he's an all around dishonest guy (I remember your previous issues). You are so much better off without him and his lack of support for you as a person.

 

[janezapchef]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I haven't been on much lately, so, I'm not sure of the other issues. But, it sounds like (even though there's no way to feel this way right now) he is doing you a favor. Dishonesty is something that really can't be fixed! Positive thoughts coming your way!

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

I'd use a photo editor and paint mustaches on her.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

I am so sorry for all that drama!

And from a fellow singleton, let me just say that as hard as it may be to be alone right now, the last thing you need at this time is another man! Use this time to work on yourself and the other relationships in your life. I would rather be single the rest of my life than unhappy in a relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Jolie_Paradoxe]

I'd use a photo editor and paint mustaches on her.

LOL.....ah, to listen to our inner meanie!

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this mess. Better to learn his inability to be honest before getting married. Even so, I am sorry you have to endure the heartache and disappointed feeling of being let down by one you believed was good and meant for you.

Praying God help through this time and guide you to the one who will be honest and value you as you deserve to be.

 

[babyicebean]

What a charmer!

So, anyone got any single brothers LOL! jk Thought I'd end this with a joke! Anything I can do to lighten my mood! LOL

I have a single, quite presentable brother - want me to Fed-Ex him over to you?

 

[pampered Ruth]

Sorry to hear about your situation. That is low, low,low and hurts even worse that he couldn't tell you what is going on. You are better off without him if that is the way he is, but I know lit hurts a lot. Hugs, and wishes to find someone much better to you!

 

[AnnieBee]

So sorry to hear this, especially as things seemed to have been getting better. Try to take some time with good friends and family who will be supportive and keep you smiling, but also have a shoulder for you to cry on.

Remember you can always "talk" to us too!

 

[pampered.chris]

Andrea!! I am so sorry about all of this. It is too bad that he didn't have the "guts" to be honest with you and to tell you what was going on.

I am wishing you the best right now and the strength to get through this.

 

[kcmckay]

That totally sucks. I'm really sorry about that. And what a cowardly way to end things. Via text message really?? You will realize in time you are better off without someone like that. You definitely have the right attitude. I do agree though that another relationship is probably the last thing you need. Spend some you time enjoying what you want to do and your family and friends. Good luck and I hope you're desire for PC comes back full force!!! (((hugs)))

 

[pampchefsarah]

My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her via text message. He's 17. If your ex can't behave in a more mature fashion than a teenager, you're way too good for him.

If you have pictures of his daughter on Myspace because you truly care about her, then I would let the mother know this, in a friendly manner. If not, then you may as well remove them (I know, you didn't ask for advice about this, but I'm really bad about keeping my advice to myself). You might also want to be generous enough to tell this other woman exactly how he broke up with you - because he probably won't treat her any better.

The funk you're in is understandable - you're grieving the loss of a serious relationship. I agree with others, turn to your friends and loved ones for emotional support, but don't pressure yourself to feel all better tomorrow.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I was wondering where you were! So sorry to hear this. He is a weenie and you deserve so much better!

Hugs!

 

[etteluap70PC]

What a jerk... well something did seem a bit off but that does not matter at this point or maker you feel better...

Concentrate on yourself, surrounding yourself with those that care about you and throw yourself into your biz! You will be greatly rewarded!

 

[PamperedDor]

Girl - Message me on FB - if you need to talk - so sorry you are dealing with this - [[HUGS}}

 

[rennea]

I kind of knew something was up but didn't want to pry. I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. He has showen you his true colors, best to be rid of him! Take some time out to treat your self and take time to get back on your feet girl!!

 

[scottcooks]

Sorry to have to ask, but could the new "GF" possibly have swiped his phone and texted? Maybe I've seen too many TV dramas lately (hmm--judging from my commissionable sales, probably so!) but I wouldn't give up on this until you have a live conversation - not telephone, not text, not email.Take a good friend and go find out for certain. Do NOT go all by yourself.

 

[candiejayne]

I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!! I am feeling much better now. I have decided I have no tears for cheaters/liars. In another message from her she said that he came back to her 2 weeks ago. That explains a lot. Everything is coming together and the picture is much much clearer. I'm not going to fall for their head games and for that I AM the better person.

babyicebean, its so funny you say that. My best friend and I were just talking this week about that subject. She lives 1500 miles from me and with all this going on, she wants me to come for a visit to take my mind off things. Neither of us has the money for me to fly down, so she says she's gonna ship me there, but not FedEx cause she works for UPS, but the same concept.

Now I'm mad about the few things I left at his house. I have learned this week that both of my digital camaras are out there, and I left some things being nice, thinking he was going to be struggling being a single dad. So, I want my stuff back LOL. I'm debating if I want to persue the issue, or just let it be and worry about it later. Right now let it be is sounding pretty good.

 

[candiejayne]

scott, i never thought about that.... either way it happened, i'm done with him. even if it is her pulling a one over on me, with her being his daughters mother, she would never be out of my life if I went back to him. I'm better off this way.

 

[pamperedlinda]

remembering all the crappy stuff helps you get over it much quicker!

You deserve to be treated well - thank him for the opportunity to find a better person...and when you meet that better person, send him a thank you note! LOL

HUGS!!!!

 

[dianevill]

Andrea, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know this doesn't make it any easier, and you'll have a lot of emotions to get through, but you ARE too good for him. You deserve so much better...

Big hugs!

 

[BettieC]

I agree with everyone else....You DO deserve better......

 

[dkitten13]

I am so sorry, I know how hard it is to be with cheaters and weaklings. You are definitely too good for him even thought I don't know you! I would not let the stuff there go; if you don't have someone to go with you maybe try calling the police to see if they will escort you there to get your things...you mentioned his son being somewhat abusive and the way his ex is behaving is a little harrowing. I'll pray for you healing and keep you head high!

 

[wadesgirl]

Def. go back and get your stuff!

 

[scottcooks]

true. You are a caring, sensitive person - who deserves the best in life. Write a list of the stuff you need back and MAIL it to them. While he may be a struggling dad, he was dishonest (same as not revealing his heart for 2 weeks) and the stuff isn't his/theirs.

Get on the phone tonight - after 7pm and book a couple shows... you'll feel like the awesome, fierce, capable person you ARE!

 

[Dina Atnip]

Andrea anytime you need to talk just let me know and I will listen. I will lend you all the support you need, I am so he did not physical hurt you we would all have to hunt him down. Just remember you have lots of friends here.

 

[Ann F]

Andrea, my heart aches for you. I can certainly empathize.
I don't think you need advice right now, just lots of hugs and prayers. Ready? Catch! {{{{ hugs }}}}

(And I know about wondering if text msgs are from "him" or "her.")

 

[chefsteph07]

I'm very sorry to hear this!
After everything you went through, defending his behaviour, putting up w/ his son, etc. You definitely did not deserve to be treated like this.
Yes, I would at least get my cameras back. You don't need that B**** using it!

 

[susanr613]

well that just sucks! andrea, i am so sorry things ended this way, especially after all you have done for him. i would definitely write to him to get your things back.

as someone who has given to takers three too many times and wound up worse off for it, i agree with di that it's better to be alone than in a bad relationship.

now you can focus your kindness and energy on yourself and your life.

 

[pampered.chris]

I agree with everyone else. Get your stuff back NOW. I left a house/relationship years back and realized later that I forgot some things and I did start "demanding" them back right away. I gave a list a very detailed specific list and went as far as to send a copy to his mother (she was one of the many reasons I left, had some issues allowing him to live) and I got some, but not all of my things back. But be specific and get everything back, it is yours and while you were being nice, he isn't.

Again, I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I really hope that everything goes up from here for you. You deserve so much more!!

(Like your stuff back...)

 

[tlag1986]

Andrea I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. He is losing someone very special. I hope you realize you are loved. I will pray for your comfort. God brought you to this, and He will bring you through it. {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Crystal Patton]

Hon ... I have no words (at least not nice ones), other than I am thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

 

[candiejayne]

I sent him a message earlier that I wanted my things back, and told him what things. I also told him that we could swap my stuff for his keys (PO Box, house and truck) at that same time. No response. One of his friends is willing to go do the swap for me, so that helps.

Crystal!!!! For not being too tech savvy, you did a great job of tracking me down. Thank you for the text/phone call tonight! It was awesome to talk with you.

All of you have made me feel not so alone, and given me that umph I needed to get my head on straight!

 

[Crystal Patton]

Crystal!!!! For not being too tech savvy, you did a great job of tracking me down. Thank you for the text/phone call tonight! It was awesome to talk with you.

My first reaction was to send my DH over with a baseball bat, but DH doesn't do those things any more. LOL

It was awsome to talk with you too! Keep your chin up and call me any time!!

 

[raebates]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Allow yourself some time to grieve, whine, and wallow. We're here for you.

 

[chefsteph07]

I sent him a message earlier that I wanted my things back, and told him what things. I also told him that we could swap my stuff for his keys (PO Box, house and truck) at that same time. No response. One of his friends is willing to go do the swap for me, so that helps.

Crystal!!!! For not being too tech savvy, you did a great job of tracking me down. Thank you for the text/phone call tonight! It was awesome to talk with you.

All of you have made me feel not so alone, and given me that umph I needed to get my head on straight!

No response? How interesting. I wonder since you have the keys if you could call the police dept and get your things back. Wouldn't that be considered stolen property if he doesn't give them back? I'd think the cameras might be worth a little something. I'd think you could at least file a report and put a scare into him and the little wench.

 

[candiejayne]

, but DH doesn't do those things any more. LOL

LOL that cracked me up! But it would be nice, one quick swing to his right knee and he'd be outta commission for weeks!

 

[candiejayne]

Steph, I am going to email him this afternoon and tell him I'm coming with the police to get my things if he doesn't get them to me by.... I haven't decided when yet. I would just go on my lunch break today and walk in, but my luck she would be there, and since she doesn't have a car I wouldn't be able to tell. PLUS, her parents live right across the street. Her step mom is the biggest gossip EVER too!

 

[janetupnorth]

Until Then - author unknown

"I love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me—exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.

Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you’ll miss what I have to show you.

And then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time. And until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I’ve prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is Perfect Love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied… "

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v50/112/35/185108323/n185108323_31008686_7727.jpg

 

[LeslieSGI]

remembering all the crappy stuff helps you get over it much quicker!

You deserve to be treated well - thank him for the opportunity to find a better person...and when you meet that better person, send him a thank you note! LOL

HUGS!!!!

So true! We have missed you around here. Welcome back!​

 

[NooraK]

He is a weenie and you deserve so much better!

I couldn't have said it better myself! I do have a brother, but he's not single (though I think he could do better). If things change...

In the mean time, (((((HUGS)))))

 

[WLMcCoy]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.. Just remember everything happens for a reason & whenyou find 'Mr. Right' you'll be able to look back & laugh at such an a-hole!

God has a plan, & this will just make you stronger..

&& I agree w/ everyone, get your stuff back by any means necessary!!

 

[sk8rgrrl99]

I am SO sorry to hear about all this. I really don't understand why some people just can't tell the truth. Of course you'd be sad about the break-up but is really so spineless that he can't face it?? Sheesh.

 

[pcchefjane]

As one who loves to watch those crazy "judge" shows, they always advice giving them a definite time period...24-72 hours...and take the police with you. Then there won't be issues of you taking things not yours, etc.Glad you got rid of the jerk! As you know, I have not liked him since the foreclosure thing...Find yourself a great church with a great singles department and start going! You would be amazed at the awesome things God will teach you about relationships. Although I no longer have any desire for any kind of romantic relationship, it took a lot of searching and praying before I decided that! Several great bible studies helped me see a lot of things about myself.PM me any time. I knew you were saying things on FB but I didn't see anything on CS so I was puzzled! Know you are in my prayers and I am sending you a big cyber hug!

 

[janetupnorth]

Speaking of studies...Lady in Waiting is a good one...

 

[babywings76]

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this crap with him. You really deserve better than all he's done to you. I echo all that's been said here! I hope you can get your stuff back, too. Then after that, a nice clean break so you can say Good Riddance! You are so much better off without someone who is going to take advantage of you and lie to you. It's shameful the way people lie to someone they supposedly loved. And to get away from the likes of that chick--you'll be much better off to steer away (once you get your stuff back ). You are so much better than them and will go a lot farther in life w/o him! You are smart, resourceful, and hard-working! Here's hoping you'll secure some bookings so you can get in the financial shape you are working towards all the faster! (((HUGS))) You can get through this! And we'll be here routing for you the whole way!

 

[Crystal Patton]

LOL that cracked me up! But it would be nice, one quick swing to his right knee and he'd be outta commission for weeks!

I'm glad to have made you chuckle - however, my DH's naughty past is all BC (Befor Crystal LOL), now a days he just vents on me. But if you change your mind ...

Nobody read that here.

 

[raebates]

I'm not sure if you remember my ankle-kicking service, but this guy sounds like a really good candidate. Just let me know. I work cheap.

 

[candiejayne]

update:

I decided to try the nice approach. I called him today when I got off work, he answered. I told him I was heading out to the post office to change my address and asked if he was home so I could come get the rest of my things. He said that he wasn't home then, but to go ahead and come over and that he'd be there shortly. When I was leaving the post office, I saw him turn down the street, so I followed him to the house. When I saw him, I said I have one thing to ask you. My words were, why in the he!! couldn't you tell me the truth, why did I have to hear it from her... he had to response at all. I told him I was super pissed at him for the way he did it, and he could have spared a lot of feelings and emotions by being up front with me. I told him I will work on forgiving him for my own well being, but that I would never ever forget the hurt he caused.

He stayed outside and mowed the lawn while I went inside and finished gathering my things. It took me about a half hour to go through everything. I had a computer chair there and I was having problems getting it into my car. I only have a small ford focus. I went into the garage to get a screwdriver to take it apart. When I couldn't get it unscrewed, he came over and helped me.

We stood there and talked for about an hour. I told him exactly what I thought and felt, and asked him to do me one more favor even if he never did anything else for me ever again. I asked him to tell her to leave me alone and to stop contacting me. He said he would do it. We'll see if he does, or if she listens.

I was super nice, and didn't lose my cool. I was very proud of myself, although I wanted to punch him in the face. I decided before I called that I would be as nice as possible just incase I have missed something out there, I wanted to leave on good terms with the hopes of getting whatever is might be back.

I was kinda a *****, I seen out of the corner of my eye her step mom coming down the street and I was getting ready to leave, so I asked him for one last hug. LOL When her step mom drove by I was in his arms.... paybacks baby! I can ignore her on the computer and she can't contact me, but he has to deal with her rath! ahhhhh....

I feel 100% better, and I actually feel like I can eat something right now without vomiting. I haven't eaten much the last week because of the swirls my stomach has been doing.

AND!!!!!!!AND!!!!!!! I didn't even cry!!! woohoo! LOL!

Thanks again to all of you, I've been blasted on facebook with messages, and all of you on here! It's just so comforting to know that I have so many people to back me up. Everything you all have said has made me feel a lot better!

 

[Teresa Lynn]

sending you hugs
you didn't do anything naughty like switch the sugar and the salt in the pantry did you