The Bedtime Struggle: Dealing with Two Difficult Toddlers

[Carissidy]

I have two little girls one is 20 months and the other is 3. Today we puchased two toddler beds and new bedding, thinking that maybe, just maybe, we can get them to sleep and stay in their ownbeds!:cry: Do you think it is working? Of course not, no, that would be too easy! My children are so difficult at bedtime, its unreal! They will literally stay up as long as you let them... They have never been the type of children that just fall asleep in the car or just go to bed when its time... and if we are lucky enough that they fell asleep in the car, the second we try to move them :cry: they are wide awake and its as if they took a power nap:grumpy: it is so frustrating! I am an at home mom and look forward to my night time, it's my "me" time, when they are actually in bed but some nights they don't fall asleep until 10, 11, sometimes even midnight! I think we've tried just about everything... I know this is a completely useless vent but I am so exhausted, just needed to tell someone...:cry: Sorry, I am sure someone out there feels my pain!:cry:

 

[PC*Lover]

I totally know what you mean. My 2 yr old is a terrible sleeper. She always comes to sleep with us at night.

 

[ahammons]

Don't worry, you're not alone! I completely understand how you're feeling. I have two sons - a 3yr old and 18mo old. My oldest has never done bedtime (or naps for that matter) very well. He's so hard to put to sleep, it's unreal. My youngest is a little better, but it's 10:30 and he's still up! :cry: I don't really have any advice... my kids still sleep with me! We finally had them sleeping most of the night in their beds (they'd fall asleep w/ us first), but then DH left and we're staying with family now, so we don't have any other choice but for them to sleep in the same bed with me. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone... I know sometimes it probably feels that way. That's one of the great things about this site, you can come to vent all your frustrations. Sometimes just venting can help a ton! I will keep my fingers and toes crossed that your kids start sleeping in their new beds though!

 

[genburk]

My three year old stays up past 11 most nights, but mostly because my husband gets up about 10 and leaves for work about 11pm. We gave the boys (age 12 & 13 at the time) their own room and found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant. She doesn't have her own room yet so she is used to sleeping in the room with me. I can't try to get her to sleep while getting him up.

I have tried to get her to fall asleep earlier in the evening in the living room, but with everyone moving about, she doesn't. She gets up early enough but takes a nap at school, so doesn't NEED to fall asleep till later in the evening, I guess.

Not much help, but in the same boat.

Oh and by the way, I work in a preschool with 1-2 years old. I NEEEEDD the peace and quiet after all the kids, but never get it either. Today I had 12 of them all by myself. The other girl was sick, do I had no help.

 

[kaceyleigh2]

Aww {HUGS}! I wish I had half the energy as your girls! I will look over the Sleep Chapter in my Toddler 411 book and post anything I find that might be good...
Abe must get his good sleep habits from me...I excel at sleeping LOL

 

[janetupnorth]

Yeah, my kids are like that too - people don't get it most of the time.

They go to bed at 10 p.m. - wake up at 6 a.m. One doesn't take a nap, the other only takes a 2 hour nap.

I find that they go down better when we go outside and really do some good exercise...laps around the house, bike rides, etc.

We will let them watch a movie before bed in their room (Clifford, Thomas, etc.) but will shut it off about 45 minutes later and say it is bed time. It is kind of a "before bed" treat. If they don't obey and go to sleep after, no more movies!

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Have you ever watched SuperNanny? I love her tips to get kids to stay in bed. Of course, my "baby" is now 12 so her advice is a little too late. That child NEVER needed as much sleep as I did!

Her whole thing is that they are wanting your attention so you aren't to make eye contact with them or talk to them when walking them back to bed. It's like the first time you firmly tell them it's bed time, second just say bed, then the third...4th...20th...you say nothing just walk them back to their bed. The key is consistency (hard to do when YOU are exhausted!) but kids seem to know that they can eventually get what they want if they wear you down. One show the mom walked the kids back to bed for over 3 hours!! Finally they fell asleep and within a few days they were in bed on time!

Hang in there! Eventually they will go to sleep and even one day they will be able to pour their own cereal and you can sleep in a little longer on Saturdays!!! Of all little milestones my children have reached....pouring their own cereal (so I could stay in bed a bit longer) was one I rejoiced over!!

Oh...and another tip I've learned...set up nightly routines. Do the same thing every night so they know what's coming next...bath, a book, a prayer...whatever you want. Same thing...same time.....kids thrive on routines.

 

[kaceyleigh2]

I just thought of a funny story...when I was little I got out of bed a lot. Well one night I kept getting up...can I have a drink, my hair hurts my this hurts...then i came out to tell her my hand hurts...finally she was fed up with my "antics" and said "GO TO BED" When I woke up that morning my hand was red and swollen. Apparently I had put a hair elastic around my wrist and it was so tight it cut of circulation...I had an imprint from the elastic on my wrist for months...my mom felt sooo bad...

 

[Carissidy]

I bet but wow that could have been sooo dangerous! Wow thats awful! So what are you trying to tell me? Don't blow off their excuses? Ya right, I would be up all week!! :-o

 

[kaceyleigh2]

I bet but wow that could have been sooo dangerous! Wow thats awful! So what are you trying to tell me? Don't blow off their excuses? Ya right, I would be up all week!! :-o

Tell them if them if they don't go to sleep they'll end up with a Lucky Fin like "Aunt Kacey"...just kidding...

All moms go through this "phase" ...my day is coming:cry:

 

[riggs62]

Just wait until they are teenagers, you'll have to drag them out of bed!! I feel your pain, my 18mos old DS didn't sleep thru the night until he was a year, my 16 year old DD sleeps about 14 hours a day if I let her, and my 12 yo DSS is just right...sleeping approx 8.5 hours a day, now if I could just get him to start eating his veggies like the rest of them do. Motherhood is the toughest job you'll ever love...or is that the Army?
Hang in there Momma!!

 

[tabnat80]

I know you are stressed out. Me too. I think staying at home all day does that to you. I look forward to the "me" time at night. I have followed the bedtime routine in the book babywise. It teaches you to lay them down awake so they learn to self initiate sleep. It took a while, and he still has some screaming nights here and there, but most of the time, he cries under 1 minute and falls asleep. BUt on those nights that he doesn't, it makes me want to become a drinker. haha. good luck to you . hang in there. they do grow up eventually and you won't be able to drag their butts out of bed til noon. (that's when you get revenge. lol)

 

[tabnat80]

by the way, mine is 15 months old

 

[cathyskitchen]

(hugs)!! Sleep issues suck! BTDT too many times to count, unfortch

Have you read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book? It came out too late for my kids, but my sister and SIL both got it for their babies, and they said it is a miracle worker. I've heard that it's helpful for toddlers, too. Hey, anything's worth a try, right?

We used to have a HUGE, long, drawn-out bedtime routine, and it was getting ridiculous. They wouldn't be going to bed until 10pm on school nights (mine are 8 and 5). This summer, we decided they would get a bath or shower, brush their teeth, get in bed, get a kiss goodnight, and THAT'S IT. We were reading stories, singing songs, playing games ad nauseum, and it was going nowhere. Now, we put them to bed, they stay there (well most of the time) and they go to sleep.

Best of luck to you - I know how frustrating it is being a stay home mom with kids who don't sleep. People always told me to "cherish these times b/c soon they'll be in college and you'll miss them" and I'd be thinking "send them to college now!" But, now I realize it is a short time, and I just have to take it day by day. Hopefully, in a few months, you'll look back on this post and laugh. Hopefully!! :balloon:

Best of luck for lots of :indif: :indif: :indif: :indif: :indif: in your house soon!!!

 

[JaimeQ]

I'm glad that when we moved our DD to her big girl bed we only had issues the first night. Ever since she has been fine. I have even taught her to knock on her door when she wants out of her room after she wakes up

 

[DebbieSAChef]

ConsistentI agree with being consistent and strong. Don't get mushy and fall for the big tears and quivering lip! :cry:

My 21 month old was the same way. We got him to start sleeping with his brother and out of our room into his own bed. It took alot of walking him back to his room, over and over and telling him it was time for bed while he screamed, cried and acted as if we were killing him. :yuck:

Eventually he got used to it after a few days. He now just sits in his bed, a few times we tell him to lay down and go to sleep. Which might cause him to whine a little, but no more screaming or crying. He eventually falls asleep after about 5-10 minutes! :indif:

But now I have an 8 week old who doesn't sleep!! LOL

Debbie

 

[chefsteph07]

My 3 1/2 yr old just started getting up in the middle of the night and coming into our room, like at 3am every night. I take supernanny's advice and just get right up and put her back to bed, make sure she's ok and leave. And repeat if it happens again. There have been nights where we have gone through this from 3am-5am, but you HAVE to be consistent and just keep doing it. I also eliminated her naps (sob!), but it seems to have helped a great deal and now she only gets out of bed like once a week instead of 4-5 times every night. I'd rather give up my 2 hr daytime peace so I can have some peace through the night. I've always been a stickler when it comes to bedtime though...she has NEVER slept w/ us.
Good luck and as my director tells me...it's all temporary! Once this passes, something else will come up! ha ha

 

[mpkegley]

I feel your pain! My 2 1/2 yr old was 23 months when he climbed out of his crib, so we had to upgrade to toddler bed. I think he was too young for the big boy bed, but we had to change.... He loved the bed, but never would sleep in it. He slept with us. We finally decided about 2 months ago to put up a full size bed and he will sleep in it, but I have to go lay down with him before he will go to sleep. I hope to work on that soon, just don't have the energy. I am a stay at home Mom too, and babysit 3 other children (ages 4,3 & 1) and don't feel like putting up a fight at the end of the day. Hopefully things will get better for you soon!

 

[Kodeysmom]

We had some issues with ours trying to keep him in bed and he was 2 years old and i was having to lay with him in his bed to get him to go to sleep-i would usually fall asleep before him!!! Get on Amazon or half.com and order this book called The Sleep lady, Kim Fields i think. She has been on Montel, etc, We bought it and it truly worked. It is awesome. Just the simplest things but consistency is a huge part.
My son is 3 now and does good.

 

[missydivine]

You are not alone! Our 3 yr old wouldn't go to sleep unless you stayed with her until she was asleep. My mother said she had never seen a child fight sleep like that little one. If she naps forget bed time. We started a calendar system for our two girls. They get a stamp in the morning if they go to bed by themselves. Our oldest has to sleep in her bed all night. When they fill the calendar (usually 14 days) they get something. We just went to T-Rex Cafe for dinner as their prize for the last calendar. If our little on doesn't take a nap we can get her to bed. I know it sounds mean, but if it works, and I get a little bit of down time. Well, I will suffer her being tired during the day.

 

[chefkristin]

My son started sleeping through the night at 3 months old! That did change! He is old enough now to know that if it is a school night 8pm is it. If it is a weekend we let him watch a movie and he usually falls asleep.
We use to do the books and the singing and the talking-on and on and on. It used to be an hour ritual :yuck: Then we changed it to mom reads one book and dad reads one book. If there is any whining there will be no books. No more singing, etc.... Lights out.:indif:

Good Luck and I highly recommend Super Nanny. She also has a book that I am planning to get for other issues we have.

 

[missydivine]

Right now we don't have a calendar going, and they are still going to bed! Your little one may be too little to understand, but if you can get your 3yr old on board it might work for you.

 

[mpkegley]

We had some issues with ours trying to keep him in bed and he was 2 years old and i was having to lay with him in his bed to get him to go to sleep-i would usually fall asleep before him!!! Get on Amazon or half.com and order this book called The Sleep lady, Kim Fields i think. She has been on Montel, etc, We bought it and it truly worked. It is awesome. Just the simplest things but consistency is a huge part.
My son is 3 now and does good.

Thanks! I am going to have to get that book! My problem is the consistency - I am not, rephrase that - my husband is not that consistent when it comes to bedtime. He gives in most of the time and just says lets just go get in our bed. I am like you though, I fall asleep before him most of the time and wake up during the night and then go to bed.

 

[Kodeysmom]

I just looked at her website Sleep Lady and if you click on the book it takes you to Amazon and they have used started at 4.80. Definitly worth it. It goes from newborn up to 5 years. And her name is Kim West.

 

[mpkegley]

I just looked at her website Sleep Lady and if you click on the book it takes you to Amazon and they have used started at 4.80. Definitly worth it. It goes from newborn up to 5 years. And her name is Kim West.

Thanks! We have one of those discount bookstores that have gently used books for 1/2 price, I think I will check it out first and if they don't have it - then I will order it. I checked out the website and it looks like it will be more my style. My husband & I have never been the letting them "cry it out" kind of parents. My little one was a colicky baby from 6 weeks old, so that never really worked for him anyway. Thanks again for the book advice, I can't wait to try it out.

 

[priscilla]

Put them to bed earlierWe had many of the same issues with getting our son to sleep easily and by himself. We learned we were getting him to bed TOO late, and when we bumped bedtime up by 1-1/2 hours it was much easier. Try that first (and I second the Super Nanny style, works great!)

Then, he was wanting a bunk bed (this was last Oct, and he turned 3 that December). When DH went on a trip, I told my son if he fell asleep on his own and stayed in bed all night for 5 nights in a row, I would buy the bunk bed (he needed a new bed anyway, the crib mattress was sagging under him). Lo and behold, he did it!

I bought the bunk bed, and told him he had to sleep on the bottom bunk, same rules, for another 5 days straight, then he could sleep on the top bunk (his ultimate goal). He did it.

Some nights we have issues, but they are usually when I did not tire him out enough physically during the day, or we missed his bedtime. Since he is no longer napping (usually), he is asleep by 7:30pm and gets up around 7:13-7:30a. If he gets to bed later, he is up earlier.

Put them to bed earlier, see if that helps. Wear them down in the afternoon, try a bath before dinner if a bath riles them up. Set the rules in advance- how many stories? Will you cuddle a little before leaving? How long?- then follow through. May take a little while, a few days or even a few weeks, but it will work.

Robin

 

[Carissidy]

I think all your ideas are great and I plan on taking you up on some of them but most of all I thank you for just being supportive, sometimes thats what helps the most knowing you were heard

 

[Carissidy]

Well, tonight we have decided to embark on a new journey! We went and purchased 2 toddler beds and decided to just bite the bullet and see if we can get them to sleep together in the same room.... Guess what, isn't working here comes a whole other stressful situation... once again sorry, just venting!

 

[heather9892]

warning LONG!!!!!!

I have two little girls one is 20 months and the other is 3. Today we puchased two toddler beds and new bedding, thinking that maybe, just maybe, we can get them to sleep and stay in their ownbeds!:cry: Do you think it is working? Of course not, no, that would be too easy! My children are so difficult at bedtime, its unreal! They will literally stay up as long as you let them... They have never been the type of children that just fall asleep in the car or just go to bed when its time... and if we are lucky enough that they fell asleep in the car, the second we try to move them :cry: they are wide awake and its as if they took a power nap:grumpy: it is so frustrating! I am an at home mom and look forward to my night time, it's my "me" time, when they are actually in bed but some nights they don't fall asleep until 10, 11, sometimes even midnight! I think we've tried just about everything... I know this is a completely useless vent but I am so exhausted, just needed to tell someone... Sorry, I am sure someone out there feels my pain!

oh man do i feel your pain!!!!!!!!!!!!

my son just over 2 slept his whole first week of life(of course being in an isolet(sp) helped since its nice and warm) the day we brought him home that was it!!!
he still hates sleeping:cry: and i love it lol. today he was so tired he crawled into my lap and fell asleep, tried putting him in his bed he woke up crying :grumpy: so on the couch i went with him again when he was asleep back to his bed AGAIN he woke up, then crying and fighting me b/c i had to pee i know tmi. finally dad took him and i went to do groceries he never did sleep

and he is also one that the later he stays up the earlier he gets up and hubby thinks he doesnt need to go to bed early if he naps

he has always slept with us otherwise its a fight
when i switched him to a toddler bed i cudnt leave the room after his bottle until he was asleep, one night i had no patience at all and just walked out, everytime he came out i put him back didnt say a word. he finally fell asleep.

i let him play with 2 toys, usually cars, in his bed or a book for the most part he will but since back from vac, where he slept with me, im having a tough time getting him to fall asleep in his bed. tonite he had a fit b/c he wanted to take cars into my bed and he knows thats not allowed. after changing beds 5 times he finally fell asleep in mine.
even if he falls asleep in his bed he crawls into ours around 3

i know this doesnt help any but i definately understand
why not try getting them a special stuffed toy or book that is just for bedtime and let them play with it in bed quietly. and on the 3rd time u have to put them back in bed take it away for the night, you'll hear crying and if you can take it then it might work

friends of mine put their girl to bed and closed a baby gate behind them. most nights ended up putting her back in bed off the floor. i couldn't do that