Rant - My Father Is Such a Putz!

[pampered1224]

Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly but geez! My mom turns 70 this year as does her twin. She lives in Wisconsin and he lives in New York. Mom mentioned to my cousin Sarah that she would love to surprise her brother on their birthday by flying out. Now, as their birthdays are April 7th and Easter is the 4th, they planned on the weekend of the 28th of March. Mom and I got all the info together to book a flight and Sarah and I got everything together for their stay. Mom and dad would fly in on the 27th and Sarah has planned a party for the 28th. Mom and dad and Sarah and my other cousin Pete would be staying over at a hotel til Sunday, when mom would walk into the party unbeknown st to my uncle and surprise him. Now, mom has a two for one flight so it is $270 round trip for BOTH of them. Her kids are paying for the flight and the car rental. Sarah is paying for the hotel as a gift to mom. They will not be paying for anything. Anyway, I am on the phone with mom this morning and giving her the info Sarah gave me and flight info I found for her so she can call and make the reservation. Dad is sitting in the back round and I can hear him groaning the entire time about this trip and upsetting mom to the point where she finally says, "Well, maybe we won't because sometimes it is just easier not do something than put up with your father!" You would think he could shut up just once and not make my mom regret that she wants to do this. I mean seriously! That man has done this all through their marriage and yes, mom does do a lot of things without him because of it. But she really wants him there this time. It is so bad with him that we, their kids, are looking at how to do something for their 50th wedding anniversary that won't totally make him walk out. And that is in September! OOOO I just wanted to reach through the phone and grab him and shake him and ask him what his problem is! I don't know if I should say something or just stay out of it. I really want to go down there and just ream him a new one! Geez!

 

[chefheidi2003]

I don't know that I really have any advise for you..but I would probably have to say something to him..it would really stink for her not to do something that she really wants to do.

 

[colegrovet]

I think she needs to tell him to "sit down, shut up and hold on for the ride".. Will he not grumble as much once he gets there or will he keep it up the entire trip?

 

[DEBBI]

I agree, my hubby is the same way at times

 

[wmrmgr]

Oh my gosh, is that what I have to look forward to? My husband is 45 years old and we've been married 14 years and he gets worse every year. I do most everything without him now because it's just not worth the hassle and I don't want him ruining things for me, or our kids. Ugh! I feel your aggravation!

 

[DEBBI]

You learn to always love them but not always like them. (35 yrs in may for me)

 

[esavvymom]

Will she travel without him? Can you go with her in his place? Leave him behind! He might get the message! That's really sad. I personally would say something to him, but that's just me.

 

[lpacker]

I'm thinking your dad has a twin too - MY DAD...lol. Now my parents are 80 and no longer drive the 9 hours to my sister's. So I made arrangements for them to ride with my sister's mother-in-law to their grandson's high school graduation. My dad moaned and groaned for 4 weeks about going and sure enough that morning - he was sick - so he said. Well - thank goodness my mother went without him and called me to check on him after I was done at work. Guess what - he was just getting back from grabbing a bite to eat at BURGER KING!!! And I'm thinking - just how sick were you?!?!?!?! But I just bit my tongue, because - my husband who has lost both his parents reminds me how lucky I am to still have BOTH my parents.

 

[Zsu]

Just like my FIL. My SIL bought a whole trip for them to Israel, the day before they paid for their tickets they asked him and my mil whether HE wants to go. He finally gave in and said yes. But even since he grumbles about the trip, because he was cold! Then also my SIL offered to them to go to China when they go to pick up their new daughter. He was not going, even though it would have been free as well. 2 years ago i offered to them to come visit Hungary, my country and my family, but no. Every time he said that he already been there, he knows what it's like. Yes 40! years ago with the Airforce, when you fly in to a base and out the next hour. He is still talking about Europe the way it was 40 years ago. And one time i cought him saying that he's afraid to go anywhere and he would only go if he could take his gun. He never before told us this, at least not to me, and after years of saying how nice it would be seeing my country this statement really hurt my feelings. He expressed interest going but when the chance was given he refused with pitty excuses, never said that he was afraid, which i would have understood if he tells us at the beginning. At that point i gave up on him and not listen to his ramblings any more. I avoid even talking to him.
So my MIL and my SIL both came with us to Hungary, we had a blast, and my MIL went to China with my SIL's family and had a time of her life. And we did not let him bug her about it.
But he rumles bout setting up the christmas tree, then taking it down, then little crappy things that wouldn't matter anyway. About 2 years back when i went over to put the C.tree up, i told him pretty clear that if he wants to help i do not need him complain, otherwise just shut up. We had a good time doing it.

I don't know if any of this has helps to you or not, but maybe you will see that similar situations happens all over. Sometimes it helps to ignore, but in my MIL's case we try to stand up for her and shut him up and occasionally it helps for a while.

 

[raebates]

I'm so sorry. I can understand your frustration. My grandfather was the same way. He complained and complained about going anywhere. The funny thing with him was that once he returned home he loved telling people about where they'd been. I hope she doesn't allow his reluctance to keep her from going. If you don't mind, I'll keep them in prayer.

 

[chefann]

I second Rae's sentiments. My grandparents were some of the most negative and inconsiderate people, but they didn't realize they were doing it. It caused a lot of hard feelings among various branches of the family, which only finally got straightened out after my grandfather passed away. Anyhoo.... I'm trying to say that sometimes people don't realize that the opinion they express can be interpreted in a way that causes changed plans and, eventually, resentment. It might be time for a frank discussion with your dad.

 

[BethCooks4U]

I empathize with you too as I also had/have family members like that. It might help to say something or it might not. I know with some people that it would not help and could cause them to be more negative. Some people will never get it and will never change. Someone needs to tell him that your mom really wants him there this time and if he still is so negative then let him be - it's his loss. Don't let it upset everyone else. Your mom would prefer he be there but she knows him and if it's not gonna happen then she'll be sad about it for a bit but it shouldn't stop her from enjoying things. She still finds reasons to love him and that's what counts.

 

[Liquid Sky]

UGH, nothing (at times) is more frustrating than dealing with a parent that's like that. My father is SLOWLY turning that way. Really bothers me. I have determined that if he directs anything to me personally (or my kids), then I'll say something but other than that, I bite my tongue and walk away. But, if it gets personal from him to my mom then I'd step in. It's hard tho....

 

[Sheila]

Our family is a bit more blunt with one another. We've actually encountered situations where one person complains about someone else's birthday, anniversary, mother's day, etc. plans and they are quickly informed by another family member that it's not "their" day, and that they need to "suck it up & walk it off".

Sounds like your Dad need to be told that sometimes he needs to consider the wants of others & just go with the flow.

 

[pampered1224]

Well my mom will be happy to hear that it is not only her that deals with this sort of thing. So... Thank you! My sister has decided to say something to him. So we will see. We will see!

 

[pampered1224]

Just an update - the plane takes off on the 27th. Dad is fine with it. It took Sharon all of 20 minutes to get him to realize how much he had ruined for mom over the years. Boy did he do an about face! And she and I both think he really is looking forward to it. Thanks too as mom WAS happy to know she was not alone!

 

[chefheidi2003]

John that is wonderful news. I am happy that she was able to make him see what he has been doing..and I am so happy that he is going to go with her.

 

[raebates]

Glad to hear it.

 

[colegrovet]

Sounds GREAT John.... hope he can keep the chipper attitude..

 

[Sheila]

That's GREAT news! I hope he keeps it up!