Lying Boy Faces Public Punishment

[JAE]

Lying boy faces public punishment. Not a bad idea. Here's the video:

http://video.woodtv.com/?video_id=11597

Hey, BeckyD! Did you see this boy standing on the corner?

 

[stacywhitlow]

Way to go Mom!!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Wow! That was right down the street from my house.....my show was in the opposite direction last night, so I never went that way yesterday, but I'm sure I'll hear about it today from people who did!

Not sure if that is the discipline I'd use for lying though. I'm not much into public humiliation - especially for a 13 yr. old.

 

[pamperedlinda]

I agree with you Becky, humiliating him like that could do more harm than good.

 

[lkprescott]

#1 I wonder if it really worked. A tearful apology is one thing but if he still lies, what's next, the stocks?
#2 If this is the punishment for lying, wonder what punishment is in store for other infractions?
#3 she mentioned him lying about his homework being done... ummm... why wasn't she checking on this and working with the teacher?
#4 wouldn't this have a greater impact with foot traffic vs driveby traffic that probably can't even read what's written? Reminds me of the scarlet letter though... not sure that's a good thing...

 

[ChefBeckyD]

#1 I wonder if it really worked. A tearful apology is one thing but if he still lies, what's next, the stocks?
#2 If this is the punishment for lying, wonder what punishment is in store for other infractions?
#3 she mentioned him lying about his homework being done... ummm... why wasn't she checking on this and working with the teacher?
#4 wouldn't this have a greater impact with foot traffic vs driveby traffic that probably can't even read what's written?

Reminds me of the scarlet letter though... not sure that's a good thing...

I agree with your points......but just wanted to say that I know exactly where he was standing - and it was at a major intersection, with many cars stopped next to him for every light - plus it was on the local news....so people did see it - I can't imagine what today is like for him at school - Jr Highers can be brutal.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I think the punishment worked. And I think he may have learned his lesson.

We don't know what he was lying about, and he did say "bad choices" so really, maybe the mother needed to shock his system and get him to realize he has a mother that loves him and only wants the best for him.

 

[lkprescott]

I agree with your points......but just wanted to say that I know exactly where he was standing - and it was at a major intersection, with many cars stopped next to him for every light - plus it was on the local news....so people did see it - I can't imagine what today is like for him at school - Jr Highers can be brutal.

If he is in Jr High. My son's in sixth grade and there's quite a few 13 year olds in his classroom (which is still in elementary school - I know in some states though 6th grade is part of middle school).

 

[Shawnna]

I would say 7th or maybe even 8th grade depending on his birthday. My son is in the 6th grade as a 12 year old, but his birthday is October, so he had to wait an extra year to go to school...he is one of the oldest in his class. Most likely he is a 7th grader.

I don't have a problem with what she did. From listening to her I got the impression she had tried other things. She did say homework, but he said "making bad choices", so I think there may be other things going on too.

As for homework, she could sit with him and make sure it was getting done, but at his age she shouldn't have to be doing that. He is going to have to learn to take responsiblility for his actions. If he doesn't understand the homework and needs help then that is different, but if he is just not doing it, he needs to learn to do it.

Hopefully he will learn his lesson. From watching him I can see he knows he has been doing wrong. We all get "humiliated" if we are caught doing something wrong...especially when we know its wrong to begin with. He didn't have to stand out there very long and she was with him making sure he was safe, had something to eat and drink, sunscreen, etc.

 

[janetupnorth]

I didn't listen to the whole story/clip, and wouldn't choose this punishment for my child, so my opinion is just my opinion...I DO have to give this mom credit for being proactive and holding her child to a standard and for punishing the action. Too many parents are busy trying to be friends with their kids first rather than parents first, friends later and keeping the role appropriate. Too many are too busy to be consistent in their rules and punishments for breaking rules. WAY too many kids get into the workforce and adulthood thinking they can get away with anything or just say, "My bad" and it is over.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I didn't listen to the whole story/clip, and wouldn't choose this punishment for my child, so my opinion is just my opinion...

I DO have to give this mom credit for being proactive and holding her child to a standard and for punishing the action. Too many parents are busy trying to be friends with their kids first rather than parents first, friends later and keeping the role appropriate. Too many are too busy to be consistent in their rules and punishments for breaking rules. WAY too many kids get into the workforce and adulthood thinking they can get away with anything or just say, "My bad" and it is over.

I totally agree Janet. When I need to discipline Micah, we always talk about why, and he knows that he is disciplined because we love him, and want him to grow up knowing right from wrong, and being able to choose right.

I still think that publicly humiliating a child will only make things worse. I want my son to also know that he can trust me to do what is right, and that he can trust me enough to tell me the truth about everything. I just think that this way of disciplining could lead to a child who is just better at lying, so that he doesn't have to fear public humiliation again. It's also teaching him that public humiliation is an action that is appropriate.

 

[baychef]

I didn't listen to the whole story/clip, and wouldn't choose this punishment for my child, so my opinion is just my opinion...

I DO have to give this mom credit for being proactive and holding her child to a standard and for punishing the action. Too many parents are busy trying to be friends with their kids first rather than parents first, friends later and keeping the role appropriate. Too many are too busy to be consistent in their rules and punishments for breaking rules. WAY too many kids get into the workforce and adulthood thinking they can get away with anything or just say, "My bad" and it is over.

Working in a school system..you have hit the nail on the head. The spectrum goes from one extreme to another. My office is located in a Middle School of over 800 students. Growing up is tough. Our school has 6 through 8th graders and this age is, I think, the toughest.

I just hope he remembers his error far more than the feeling he may have about his punishment. When my DS was about 7 or 8 he was with his father in a local hardware store. The cashier invited him to take some candy from the dish by the register. When he came home we discovered that he had taken a significant amount. We didn't yell, we just explained what he had done was not acceptable. His dad took him back to the store, had him return the candy and apoligize to the clerk. It was done quietly, but to this day, he remembers. He is almost 18 and has gotten better at "covering his tracks" but his father and I work together and know more than he thinks we know!!

He is a good young man...but he has a ways to go yet!!!

 

[baychef]

Just saw the entire clip. I actually felt better once I saw the entire thing.

I was more concerned about the younger sibling wandering around near a busy street corner and not holding someone's hand. I was "one of those" mothers!!!

 

[JAE]

I think it sounds like the kid was lying a lot, and punishment so far hadn't been working. Mom went to a level that the kid will hopefully not ever forget. Hopefully, he will get it this time. From what I see, it was a good idea. We obviously don't know the entire story, though. If we knew the whole story, we'd either totally get what this mom did or we would totally disagree with her method of discipline.

 

[PCMelissa]

I did not read the entire story, but I always assume the best in people and assume the Mother had very good intentions for being as extreme as she was. Meaning, she was using those internal mother instincts to know what kind of punishment her Son needed, and could take. I think if we had more mothers like this, the world would be a better place. Reminds me of a story I read where a Mother sold her Son's car on Craigslist because she found a bottle of alcohol under the seat of the car. The listing for the ad was hilarious. Totally sarcastic, and I think that woman was my hero for a while. A lot of people thought she was too harsh.

 

[PCMelissa]

I went and found the article about the car selling Mom. In case anyone is interested....'Meanest Mom On The Planet' Sells Son's CarDES MOINES, Iowa (AP) -- Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the "meanest mom on the planet."After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone -- by placing an ad in the local newspaper.The ad reads: "OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."Hambleton has heard from people besides interested buyers since recently placing the ad in The Des Moines Register.The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge says she has fielded more than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who wanted to congratulate her."The ad cost a fortune, but you know what? I'm telling people what happened here," Hambleton says. "I'm not just gonna put the car for resale when there's nothing wrong with it, except the driver made a dumb decision."It's overwhelming the number of calls I've gotten from people saying 'Thank you, it's nice to see a responsible parent.' So far there are no calls from anyone saying, 'You're really strict. You're real overboard, lady."'The only critic is her son, who Hambleton says is "very, very unhappy" with the ad and claims the alcohol was left by a passenger.Hambleton believes her son but has decided mercy isn't the best policy in this case. She says she set two rules when she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always keep it locked.The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue the ad for another week -- just for the feedback.

 

[Shawnna]

gutsy mom. I like the ad. It reminds me of what my son would say about me. He just turned 18 but is still in high school. The first week of his "adult life" he was found in the casino and with Skoal...yuck. Both of which he knows we do not approve of. His thought was that he is 18 and can do what he wants...to which we replied, if we catch you in the casino again or drinking, we will take your pick-up (which is his baby) and put it up on blocks. Living at home he does not have a job other than helping us with our business, we bought the pick-up (its in my husbands name), pay for the insurance and the gas. We are still working on the "dipping" thing. I am hoping it is a phase. I don't know what I would do if I found booze in his pick-up. His curfew is midnight and when he comes in he has to come and talk to me...so I can see if he has been drinking. Some people think that is mean, but I want him to be safe...and be a good example to his peers.

 

[Jean DeVries]

I"m not a mom (which is probably a good thing), and I'm all for discipline and consequences (not punishment...there's a difference). But I do have experience with kids of all ages, so it's not like I'm a complete newbie.

But I can't imagine how a mom can do something so humiliating to their own child. Isn't the first rule of mom-hood similar to that of other caregivers -"First, do no harm."

Judging by the tears streaming down this child's cheek, the lesson he learned wasn't "I won't lie to mom anymore" but "Mom has no interest in preserving and enhancing my sense of self because she has chosen to publicly humiliate me." Doing it because she loves him? How's that? Last time I looked, love wasn't supposed to make you cry and feel bad about yourself.

Humiliation is a contributor to low self-esteem, which is a contributor to the behavior she's probably trying to correct. Small wonder he's the way he is.

And if it wasn't bad enough that he got humiliated in his hometown, the local "news" had to cover it and embarrass him metro-wide. Nice.

 

[pamperedlinda]

......And if it wasn't bad enough that he got humiliated in his hometown, the local "news" had to cover it and embarrass him metro-wide. Nice.

And now it is forever preserved on the internet where everyone can see it. Not only has the mom publicly humiliated her son, but she didn't do any favors for herself or the rest of her family. Very sad.

 

[Shawnna]

From the video, I thought he was crying because he was sorry he had done the things he was doing. He said it was humiliating, but he didn't look like he was humiliated. He was smiling a lot of the time and I am sure he was a little embarrassed. Sometimes it takes harsh discipline to get your point across...tough love comes to mind. And, we might think it is harsh discipline for telling a lie, but how many other things has he lied about...what other things has she tried...If she doesn't get a handle on it now, it could lead to far greater trouble...even with the law. We don't know the whole story adn we are not mind readers so we really don't know.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

From the video, I thought he was crying because he was sorry he had done the things he was doing. He said it was humiliating, but he didn't look like he was humiliated. He was smiling a lot of the time and I am sure he was a little embarrassed. Sometimes it takes harsh discipline to get your point across...tough love comes to mind. And, we might think it is harsh discipline for telling a lie, but how many other things has he lied about...what other things has she tried...If she doesn't get a handle on it now, it could lead to far greater trouble...even with the law. We don't know the whole story adn we are not mind readers so we really don't know.

I agree with you as well. From my experience with children she broke his will but not his spirit. My DH and I had to do the unthinkable when his son (my step son) was 18 and only a junior in HS (yes, he'd been held back) he had lived with us once before, but his mom had more money, so we couldn't fight for full custody, after having him back for two years, she sent him back to live with us because of the level of trouble he was getting into.

We got him into a good school, therapy, and church...he started out well, but shortly started going back to his old ways, and after 3 years he was doing ecstacy (sp?) pot, smoking, drinking and skipping school. He was nothing short of a womanizer and we caught him in the "act" several times when we'd come home from work, and when he was arrested for terroristic threats against a boy at school, we had finally had enough.

Although the decision broke our hearts it was a decision that was made with the help of police and therapists, so he was asked to leave our house (he had to rely on friends for shelter- his mother lived out of state and didn't want him) for not obeying rules,for doing drugs and drinking, for lies, for damage to the house, for getting in trouble with cops and for dropping out of school- he was expelled but we got him back in- and he hit rock bottom after 6 months his mom was willing to take him back (because it made us look bad) and he was able to join the military and turn his life around. He is now back from a tour in Iraq, and has a wife and child....

He credits what we did - (loving him, disciplining him, checking up on him and finally kicking him out after all else failed) as his wake up call and that is what it took to get him to wake up and turn his life around. It took him 5 years to tell us that, but it is nice to hear that our desparate measures worked and broke his will and not his spirit and was the beginning of him turning his life around...

I truly believe that boy on the corner with the sign had his ah-ha moment, and was remorseful and will not be lying anymore.