Incredibly Pampered Chefky Husband .. Help!

[PamperChefCarol]

Okay, I'm going to actually be serious here for a minute. (But only a minute, then I'll go back to being myself.)

This isn't your problem, it's his problem, and it's time you stop owning it. It's his problem but he has successfully transferred ownership to you, so it's time to give it back and let him own it again. You've tried everything and he's given you no help. I'd tell him that from now on, you're cooking for your family because I'm done. Here's where the cookbooks are, here's where the utensils are and here's the apron.

Make his problem his problem again. Stop owning it.

Tough love KG... but you are on the money.

 

[PCwithStay-C]

hey laurie, you have more choices than me!!
our menu consists of
monday - pizza
tuesday - pizza
wednesday - pizza
thursday - pizza
friday - pizza
saturday - leftover kids dinner at work
sunday - wendys, mcd's taco bell, friendlys (you get the point!!)

 

[MissChef]

Food ideas.....
How about breakfast for dinner! You can always make pancakes or french toast, you can try veggie quiches. Turkey Bacon or Turkey Sausage, Chicken hot dogs mixed into eggs. Breakfast burritos! Omelets. Biscuits with Gravy, just leave out the sausage or add something turkey based. Fried potatoes.... we eat turkey hash. Turkey Bacon anything like that. ground turkey, it probably won't mess with his stomach like ground beef. If he likes seasoning, add those to make the flavors better.
How about bruchetta's. There a lot of recipe choices you can add to french bread. French bread pizzas... with toppings he'd like, foccasia (sp?) breads. There are a lot of salad choices out there to mix it up a bit. Does he like Garlic? Roasted garlic and hot french bread, dipped in olive oil and parmesan cheese. As I think of more ideas... I'll come back and type more.
Go look on food network.... do a picky eater recipes search on google. Go to the library! I have gotten so many recipe books there and really received some great ideas! Find a store that has a lot of magazines and look at those. Buy a few, and show him those, ask him to pick the ones he'd be willing to try! And! They can be write offs too... look through them and find tips to share at your shows!!!!
Again, good luck!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I'm a Christian girl and I don't believe in "my way or the highway" for either one of us. It's my job to keep him happy especially when I stay home and he's out working so hard for us, I try hard to make him happy. But he also knows that he can't expect the impossible without being willing to bend a little or if he's not willing to bend, he will get served chicken until he becomes one!
I just had to state what I felt here, because she asked for food suggestions not relationship advice. And if she feels her husband is wonderful, then he is! His food preferences doesn't make him bad, I can think of a lot worse things he could be doing.... cheating.... beating....bar hopping.....verbally abusive.....terrible daddy.... and he's probably not all of these because she said he is wonderful....he just wants differnt food choices. And he probably has confidence in her ablility to produce that for him.....
So, I'm probably not popular now but it how I feel..... Good luck hun, I'll pray for ideas to come plenty to you and peaceful talks with him.... where recipes come a plenty! Oh and if he doesn't mind cooking suggest he help you! Can be a really rewarding experience to cook together! My hubby does not like to cook for me or the family but enjoys helping me and giving his thoughts to me, sometimes he even does take over and do it, and then I make mental notes of what he did... and duplicate it later!
Good luck!

Cathy, I agree with alot of what you said, especially about divorce (divorcing over food choices sounds silly doesn't it?
) - except for this statement. It bothers me to hear you say it's your job to keep him happy - because you stay home and he works so hard..........In our household, I also stay home - but I am also a hard worker, keeping our household running, doing errands for DH, and taking care of our son....and running my own business from home. My DH appreciates my efforts and my work - and appreciates that I try hard to have healthy, tasty meals for the family. Because he appreciates me - he doesn't complain.....the extent of his comment, if he doesn't like something - is to say "You don't have to make that again just for me".....and then I know that is not a favorite. We both work hard to appreciate and value each other. Making our meals is one of the everyday parts of my job - and I take great pride in it - if my DH were to continually complain about meals - they would come to a stop until he could be an adult about it. It's not my job to keep him happy - Happiness is an inside job, and if the job of keeping him happy fell on my shoulders - that would be a weight too big to bear. MY JOB is to be his help-meet - to help him in his work & to work together to create a good marriage and a good home for our son. Part of that is to be the iron that sharpens his iron - not to be his coddler and enabler. Now, do I do things because I know it will bring him happiness? YES! But just because I love and respect him.....not because I am trying desperately to make him happy. He is my husband - not my spoiled child!

 

[MissChef]

Cathy, I agree with alot of what you said, especially about divorce (divorcing over food choices sounds silly doesn't it?
) - except for this statement. It bothers me to hear you say it's your job to keep him happy - because you stay home and he works so hard..........In our household, I also stay home - but I am also a hard worker, keeping our household running, doing errands for DH, and taking care of our son....and running my own business from home. My DH appreciates my efforts and my work - and appreciates that I try hard to have healthy, tasty meals for the family. Because he appreciates me - he doesn't complain.....the extent of his comment, if he doesn't like something - is to say "You don't have to make that again just for me".....and then I know that is not a favorite. We both work hard to appreciate and value each other. Making our meals is one of the everyday parts of my job - and I take great pride in it - if my DH were to continually complain about meals - they would come to a stop until he could be an adult about it. It's not my job to keep him happy - Happiness is an inside job, and if the job of keeping him happy fell on my shoulders - that would be a weight too big to bear. MY JOB is to be his help-meet - to help him in his work & to work together to create a good marriage and a good home for our son. Part of that is to be the iron that sharpens his iron - not to be his coddler and enabler. Now, do I do things because I know it will bring him happiness? YES! But just because I love and respect him.....not because I am trying desperately to make him happy. He is my husband - not my spoiled child!

I agree with you completely and you took one statement and thought I meant to make him happy was my only job. But if you look at what you said, it's exactly what I'm saying, just stated differently! What you do, makes him happy, enough said! You do it because you want to and it makes you happy to make him happy by just doing what you do and it is your job. Being a wife is your job. I'm not saying you don't have any other jobs, because your life is my life almost to the T! Everything you said is what I mean.... you two respect each other and in turn try to make each other happy. It's part of loving each other, making each other happy. I don't cater to my husband and I don't coddle him or enable him, but I do go out of my way to bring him happiness and he doesn't even ask for it. My husband doesn't eat what he doesn't like and eats what he wants. I don't center my life around making him happy. What I do for him makes me happy and in return makes him happy, and as a result he does stuff for me that makes me happy! Like pick up his dirty laundry! When I try to do things for him that I don't like to do a whole lot..... like drive around during the day for him for things he needs me to do, when I want to be doing something else.....like my business or whatever.... I still do it for him and he apppreciates it.... it makes him happy and then he does something for me in the next day or two that he doesn't necessarily feel like doing but does it because he knows it will make me happy. (you know those Honey Do lists can get quite long!!!!) It's a give and take relationship and we do it because we know the rewards will be plenty.... and we both are happy!

So, maybe my sentence was not worded right..... it is our job to be a wife, partner, friend.... it's my job to respect him and love him, these are in the bible and my wedding vows!!! LOL!!! And when I do these things for him.... it makes him happy and vice versa! Basically my point here was that it definetly is not our job to tell him to deal with it.... unless he just doesn't bend at all, then as I said.... feed him chicken until he becomes one! If he's hungry he'll eat it and if he doesn't like it then he needs to help her figure it out.... in the mean time she can follow some of the other advice I and others said about trying to work through it together not divorcing or telling him to cook or telling him to deal with it.... that will just buy her a divorce!
I think you and I are are saying the same thing........ you just took what I said and thought I mean something else and I didn't elaborate enough to get my true thoughts out. So..... we are on the same wave length here and I agree with your whole post.... I just didn't write it as well as you did!
Two books I've been reading are ..."The Propper Care and Feeding of Husbands and The Propper Care and Feeding of Marriage.... both of them are great and really show what it's like to really have a great marriage! And it supports what each of us is saying here.... which basically is the same thing!
Anyway..... I agree with you and I hope I explained myself better here!

 

[MomToEli]

does anyone know of any vegetarian ideas ... maybe not full blown veggie, but some ideas on not having meat every night ??

The Meatless choices at the back of the 29 minutes to dinner cookbook has lots of ideas. If you don't have the cookbook, I'll be happy to post recipes for you. The Spanish-Style Stuffed Peppers looks really good ... Pan-Fried Polenta with Vegetable Marinara ...

Also friattas (like a baked omelet) can be made with just about anything added in. Or how about just omelets?

There are tons of vegetarian (just no meat, but still allows dairy products and poultry) recipes - cookbooks and internet ideas are everywhere.

Does he like fruit? If you will list 3 or 4 ingredients he WILL eat, I'll bet we can come up with ideas for you.

 

[abrahamlaur]

Cathy, thank you SO much for what you said! I too am Christian and feel that it is my JOB to take care of the house, our daughter and my husband. He works HARD in the Army, out in the hot sun all day long and the last thing he wants to do when he comes home is argue over food or something stupid like that. Divorce is not even an option, I'm glad you said that also, and everything else you said ... I dont have the *balls* to say something like that. But thank you!

Thank you for all your suggestions .. I'm looking on food network right now. I do make the Fantastic Foccacia bread alot and the BBQ chicken and pineapple pizza thing (cant remember the name), we have grilled cheese and different things like that .. including breakfast for dinner alot. I will take alot of those suggestions and put them to use!

Again, Cathy ... THANK YOU .. you spoke my mind and exactly what I was thinking, feeling!

 

[MissChef]

chefbeckyd.....boy..... typing just doesn't get my point across like talking!!!!!! What I meant about staying home being my job while he's out working so hard is.... he works all day and doesn't like to cook. I think it would be wrong of me to tell him to go cook then.... and your thoughts of you trying to provide a healthy great meal for the family is exactly what I'm trying to say.... again..... you just said it better than me!

 

[jenniferknapp]

Pizza.....you can do SO many variations with toppings...you don't always have to do the pineapple and all of that jazz, just do bbq sauce, chicken pieces, and cheese....or tomato sauce to make it "chicken parm" like...At my last show, the host made a bunch of "bruschetta" type of toppings....basically just fresh salsa but with different ingredients, and that was yummy!You can also grill the pizzas to get a different flavor. And, I really like the Pillsbury refrigerated pizza dough, because it rolls out into a rectangle that fits perfectly on to the med bar pan, or do two sideways on the lg bar pan!

 

[MissChef]

Cathy, thank you SO much for what you said! I too am Christian and feel that it is my JOB to take care of the house, our daughter and my husband. He works HARD in the Army, out in the hot sun all day long and the last thing he wants to do when he comes home is argue over food or something stupid like that. Divorce is not even an option, I'm glad you said that also, and everything else you said ... I dont have the *balls* to say something like that. But thank you!

Thank you for all your suggestions .. I'm looking on food network right now. I do make the Fantastic Foccacia bread alot and the BBQ chicken and pineapple pizza thing (cant remember the name), we have grilled cheese and different things like that .. including breakfast for dinner alot. I will take alot of those suggestions and put them to use!

Again, Cathy ... THANK YOU .. you spoke my mind and exactly what I was thinking, feeling!

Oh my gosh..... thank you! I am happy you are happy that I wrote this!!! Because I was going out on a limb here hoping that you'd agree and see it the way you do! I hope my other posts help explain myself even more!!! God bless you! I will pray for you and I'm sure it will all work out fine!

 

[abrahamlaur]

yes he likes fruit, loves peaches! i cant even think right now of what he does eat LOL ... i have alot on my mind today and i'm trying to take care of alot of pc stuff ... sorry! maybe i can get back to you on that!

 

[chefann]

OK- if fruit is good, then how about fruit and yogurt parfaits? Those would be nice and light for hot summer days, and you can add granola for crunch. You can even serve a small parfait as a side dish to a waffle or light sandwich.

Grilled cheese is my DH's go-to meal. And with a bowl of tomato soup, it's not too bad (he likes elbow macaroni to put in the soup, too).

 

[MomToEli]

Now, one thing that I won't be popular about is that I do not agree with other's posts that say, divorce or that he's not a wonderful hubby just because he's picky and asks for some more choices! I'm not saying he has the right to make you feel like you need to be a miracle worker but he doesn't deserve the fact that other people tell you that he needs to grow up or cook himself or that he's not great, or just divorce him. I'm glad you said divorce wasn't an option!

I'm going to address this, since I'm the one that said a wonderful husband would not act this way. This comment was a direct response to this post by Laurie:

thanks for some ideas ... i just dont get it, he is SOOO picky, if he doesnt like how something sounds, he wont eat it. if it looks funny, he wont eat it .. i made the summer tortellini salad last week and he didnte ven try it .. hes getting sick of cereal and gets allc rabby if i make something he doesnt like. i ask for ideas and hes like, i dont know ... FOOD! Thanks honey, thats alot of help!

and kitchen guy ... no divorce here .. geez LOL​

I totally agree that this is not a divorceable issue, and as a Christian, even if he digs in his heals and decides he is going to continue acting this way that is not grounds for divorce.

But what she has described IS childish behavior, and as a Christian wife my job is NOT to enable that behavior to continue. She started this out saying:

"He Can Really Only Have One Type Of Food A Week And Each Week It Needs To Be Different"​

Now, there *may* be some medical condition that allows someone to eat only one type of food a week and each week it needs to be different, but I'm totally clueless as to what that condition might be.

It doesn't matter to me (honest, it doesn't) if you agree with me on this or not, but I would really hate for anyone to believe that Christian men (or otherwise) are somehow entitled to treat their wives this way. They may do so anyway, but that is contrary to wonderful. And she has said that she has asked him repeatedly what he WILL eat, and he's not helping her figure it out.

If she has misrepresented him because she is upset and has exaggerated the situation, that is another matter.

Beyond that, the advice you give is excellent, and works very will when you are dealing with a partner who will hold up his end of the partnership. When he won't all you can do is all you can do.

 

[MissChef]

Sandy, I do see what you are saying, but I'm still sticking to my thoughts on this. Again, I won't be making you or others happy by this, but she asked for cooking advice not relationship advice. Another thing is regardless what he says or does about the food issue is not a reason to say he's not wonderful. To Laurie he is and as I said before, if this food thing is the only thing he gets picky about and is great on everything else then who are we to say he's not wonderful? Also, when someone says something negative about our husbands/wives/mates, we tend to not like it. We can complain alll we want but it's not okay for others to say anything!! LOL! Not being a jerk here, just stating Murphy's Law ! Kinda like when my kids fight, they can say anything about eachother but when another kid does something to the other, they become over protective!! Go figure!

Laurie may have over-exagerated or not, either way she stated one thing in their lives that is hard on her that is not a reason to think he's not great. My husband is a great man too, but I can tell you a few things that would make you think he's not!!! We are Christians, not Jesus, so we aren't perfect.

And we don't know her husband either sooooo..... he could be just as expaserated by his own issue with food. He may not be acting as great as he should be because maybe he's feels childish or frustrated. Who knows. My hubby always tells me "food" when I ask him what he wants and it's been something he has done since day one and yeah it makes me crazy because he's a little picky too but he's still great and still a christian even though someone may not think so.

I just think some of the responses were harsh, when she asked for food choices and not the responses she got from many.

Again, I am having a hard time relaying my thoughts here and it would be easier to talk about but that's not possible! You would be able to tell by the tone of my voice that I'm not trying to be mean, I am just feeling for Laurie and felt like "wow!" when I was reading the responses.... and I don't think I was too far off the mark by the reply I got from her.

Cathy, thank you SO much for what you said! I too am Christian and feel that it is my JOB to take care of the house, our daughter and my husband. He works HARD in the Army, out in the hot sun all day long and the last thing he wants to do when he comes home is argue over food or something stupid like that. Divorce is not even an option, I'm glad you said that also, and everything else you said ... I dont have the *balls* to say something like that. But thank you!

Thank you for all your suggestions .. I'm looking on food network right now. I do make the Fantastic Foccacia bread alot and the BBQ chicken and pineapple pizza thing (cant remember the name), we have grilled cheese and different things like that .. including breakfast for dinner alot. I will take alot of those suggestions and put them to use!

Again, Cathy ... THANK YOU .. you spoke my mind and exactly what I was thinking, feeling!

 

[tlennhoff]

Speaking as a picky eater here, and I might be able to compete with the husband being discussed, we are not trying to be difficult. My mom says that from the day she started giving me food I would take one look/smell/taste and if I did not like it I would note eat anything for 3-6 hours. If she tried to give it to me again I simply would not eat. I would choose to starve over eating something that I find gross/disgusting, seriously. Solution when I was a kid was that if I was not eating what was being served I knew where to find the bread, peanut butter, and jelly. By age 8 I could do basic cooking for myself so I could make an egg or something.

Now my husband does most of the cooking because of my chronic fatigue issues. I'm a picky eater and I can't tell you at 3pm what I'll be able to eat/tolerate at 6pm. We keep some easy staples in the house, cottage cheese, mac & cheese, nut butters, bread, eggs, cereal, all things that take at most 15 minutes to prepare for me. He then checks on what I can handle and makes it. If he is not in the mood to cook then I don't eat and I'm ok with that (he is not). Most nights he prepares 2 meals, something cool for himself, and something simple/easy for me.

A few years ago a friend asked me to come up with a list of all the foods I would eat so she could cook for me when I stayed for a week. I had told her just have bread, peanut butter, and jelly and I'll be fine. I came up with maybe 25 foods and all but a few had next to them (only if cooked exactly right and I'm in the right mood that meal).

So yes, the husband does need to come up with a list of foods he likes, including things that can be kept as staples for quick meals for him. Just have him sit down for 15 minutes a few times over a week writing down every food he can think of - raw ingredients as well as finished products. From that the 2 of you should be able to make some headway. And if you sit down and do the same, think about what meals he has ever said "that was good" about you'll probably find that you can double his list. From there you should find ideas for recipes. If you are tired of the same old, same old for a particular food then go online and look for recipes to see if there is something you could do to shake it up.

I specialize in cooking for picky eaters so if you can get a list and PM/email it to me I may be able to come up with some suggestions/ideas. Or post the list to the group and I'm sure we'd really go wild with ideas. Make sure the list includes favorite spices/herbs and also a list of stuff he hates/can't stand (for me this would be love basil, garlic, onions,... cannot stand chili powder, red peppers, curry...).

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

As a wife married to a picky eater and with one son who inherited his dad's pickiness, (the boy has never tasted meat, he hates it!) I know what a pain it can be! Couple of things:
1. I agree, go shopping together and read recipe books/magazines and have him point out what he likes and sounds good to him. You'll have to be creative, with the 3-5 choices he gives you, but thank God for the internet!
2. I choose my battles. Sometimes what I cook is what they eat or not. Sometimes, I don't mind cooking two or three diffrent dishes. It's not that hard to make meatloaf for me and my youngest (who'll eat anything) and a pot of mac n cheese for my hubby and other son. And if he just wants a peanut butter sandwich (he doesn't like Jelly) - what it takes 30 seconds to make him a sandwich? I want our dinner times to be bonding, not fighting. So pick your battles.

I bet if you hit the internet, you would find some websites for ideas on feeding picky eaters. Good luck. PM me if you need some more venting on the pickiness thing, cause I understand!