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Rant I'm sooo frustrated right now - warning long post

kcjodih

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Feb 20, 2005
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Background - My 12 yo DS had track and field at school last Friday. They must participate in 2 track events, 2 field events and one more of their choosing for a total of 5. They then had two longer track events today (why such a break I don't know) of the 1500 m and 3000 m. These two were also optional and get low participation.

About a month ago he was diagnosed with Osgood-Schlatter's Disease which is a knee pain causing tenderness, swelling and pain just below the knee above the shin bone and is common in pre-teen boys who are growing quickly and are very active. After a few weeks of on and off pain we finally got him in to the doctor's. Treatment is just rest and ice and time - could be months or a couple of years. More common in boys but I had it too from the age of 11-13.

So back to track and field day - even with this pain he chose to participate in 5 events and was thrilled (as were we) to win first place in all 5 - long jump, triple jump, 200 m, 400 m, and 800 m. He also participated today in the 1500 and won this as well. 6 events, 6 first place ribbons.

First place winners then go on to the district races against 8 other schools in a couple of weeks. Winners are not allowed to participate in more than 3 due to time constraints. Last year he won 4 at school - all track: 200, 400, 800 and 1500 and also won first place at district for the three he chose of 200, 400, and 800.

I was at the event on Friday because they had asked for my help timing the races. There the coordinator told me if he was in pain to please let him know he does NOT have to participate. I stated the only thing that really seems to hurt is the jumping but he insists he wants to try. She stated she hoped that wouldn't injure his knee and chances on the track events since those are his stronger areas. Then he goes and wins in everything :)

Yesterday he told me that he wanted to do the long jump (since his total distance jumping was so much more than the next person), the 400 and 800. I expressed my concern about the long jump but said he could do whatever he felt he'd like to since he earned those spots. He mentioned the coordinator said she'd have to talk to me since she knew I was concerned about the long jump.

Today he comes home saying that she put him in the long jump (what happened to speaking with me?) the 200 and the 400. Not the 800 he wanted - he doesn't want the 200. When he questioned this she got an attitude, told him he was supposed to have written down what he wanted..um hello he's 12 and obviously didn't hear or chose not to hear because he doesn't recall this at all and obviously would have done so to ensure the events of his choosing. He never had to write a note last year, why now?

She's now saying he's probably out of luck and she'll have to 'think' about it because she's offered it to the third place winner - who's a friend of hers son (the second place winner can't run because he also won 4 events and had to choose). Um hello...he won first place by 11 seconds over the second and subsequent racers! Why wouldn't you want or allow him to race this? It's obviously his strongest event!

I've sent an email to her asking that she put him in the event of his choosing and I'm waiting for a reply. I didn't state in my email to her my opinion but my opinion is he worked hard with a sore knee, EARNED those ribbons, and should be able to choose the three he'd like to advance in! Why should forgetting to write a note jeoprodize his chances? As for already offering it to the third place winner, that child is still participating in two events - one he came first in and one that he came second in but the first chose another event so it's not like he's not going to get to go...and besides he didn't earn it, my son did! AND it was only completed today, the district races are on June 15th. It's not like we take it away from him weeks down the road just before the event.

My question to my fellow cheffers, and please be honest I won't be offended :), is am I right to feel the way I'm feeling or is it my Mother Bear coming out ;)?
 

Jolie_Paradoxe

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Apr 15, 2009
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It's our job to be the lion for our kids. I think you're being reasonable and would be really angry with her, especially AFTER you both had spoken. She may have been hoping he'd opt out since she already planned on letting the 3rd place winner have the spot.

It really is silly of her not to put her best athlete.

So, go ahead chica....roar.
 

kcjodih

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Well after receiving a negative reply from her and an offer to call her if I wanted (you bet I did! :mad:) and then a half hour phone call, we've agreed to disagree.

She's not letting him run the 800, the third place is going to do that event. She says she chooses the events with the best in mind for the team as well as allowing for personal bests for each team member. I stated I don't know how taking the first place winner with a 15 second lead over the third place winner out of that race made any sense. She said she wouldn't take an event away from someone now just because my son wants to do it and how would I feel if that happened to my son. I said that if he didn't EARN the spot by coming in first, he would have to deal with a change of plans and that he'd still be going for the events he DID earn so he'd have to accept changes taking place.

I also expressed my concern over the L J and if he hurts his knee his other events will suffer and wasn't that why she was going to discuss it with me BEFORE committing him to it?!? She stated she could pull him from that if I want...Umm and not replace it with one of his other winning events? I don't think so!

He's VERY upset and disappointed right now and feels that for whatever reason he's being punished. Although I spent over an hour trying to pump him up he went to bed very sad AND angry and my heart is breaking for him.

I know it's just a race but he's looked forward to this all year and has practiced for weeks on end at home running and is so heartbroken. I'm sitting here right now with tears rolling down my cheeks. This was supposed to be a time for celebration..
 

cheflorraine

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May 19, 2009
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Hi Jodi,
I'm so sorry to hear this... it definitely offends not only the "Mama Bear" in you, but also our sense of justice... that feeling of "this just wasn't right!!!"
I'm sure you're doing handling this well with your son and trying to encourage him - that's probably the biggest thing right now.

I can remember so well how my parents would handle situations like this when I was young (in hindsight I think they were very wise, and I want to learn from their example).

If something happened that truly wasn't 'fair', my parents would not try to excuse the responsible parties, but would gently remind me that life simply wasn't always fair, and it often wouldn't be so in the future (this sounds like such a cliché, but it's true!).

The biggest thing was to choose to forgive those that had hurt or wronged us - often we would pray specifically for those people (it's harder to carry a grudge when you pray for someone).

I hope I can do this for my own kids when the time comes... help them to take life's disappointments and injustices and become better, stronger, more compassionate people.

Parenting is definitely an intense job... we're just expecting our first in July, so much of this is yet to come for us!

All the best... and hoping he'll just knock the socks off of everyone in the events that he is entered in!!
 

raebates

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Dec 6, 2005
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Hurts to our kids are more painful than our own hurts.

One thing--your son might have learned a valuable lesson about listening and making sure he gets signed up for what he wants. I know that my own son had to miss out on a few things before that lesson kicked in with him.

I hope your son's Osgood-Schlatter's Disease clears up soon. It sounds like you just might have a future track star on your hands.
 

Jolie_Paradoxe

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Apr 15, 2009
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Sorry to hear that she would not budge. They're right, you're hurting because it is your son and then you have the added shock of injustice.

The good thing is that your son saw that you came to bat for him, and sadly he's learning that things aren't always easily solved. I agree that you can now only encourage him to do his best. Focus on the positives and return to celebrating.

The coach is hurting her team, but perhaps it'll show your son how being stubborn can hurt everyone. Life lesson? I wouldn't mention it to him til after the event is over, though.

Show him that you're proud and excited that he's still in the competition despite his pain. He has acheived so much under hard conditions....definitely something to celebrate. He's still competing, and now he can focus on the events he is participating. Have him blow everyone away and place 1st in those events. :)

I'm sending you hugs....I know how sad a momma feels when our kiddos are disappointed. Know that you were an advocate for your son. You could take it to the next level, but I think it would only taint the whole event for everyone.
 

kcjodih

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Karma baby :D

The child in 3rd place that replaced my son in the 800m didn't show up for the first practice. Practices are Mondays and Thursdays after school for 2 and a half weeks until the day of the races. They had all signed and had parents sign forms stating they would show up for all practices, be picked up late by parents, keep up their marks and continue to be a positive role model. If they were to miss a practice only one absence was allowed and they were to notify the coach ahead of time. If any of these conditions were not met by the participant they would forfeit their spot on the team.

So even though I'm sure she didn't want to since it's a friend's/neighbour's child she had to remove him from the team. The second place winner has 3 events already so she gave it back to my son who was the first place winner by 11 seconds and took away the 200m that he didn't want to do anyway. So long story short, he got all three events (maximum events allowed although he won six) that he wanted!

Thanks Laurie, Lorraine and Rae for your kind words and understanding :) God is good! :D
 

Jolie_Paradoxe

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God is indeed good! He always answers our heart's desires and I'm happy he'll be competing in the ones he wanted!
 

kcjodih

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God is indeed good! He always answers our heart's desires and I'm happy he'll be competing in the ones he wanted!

Thanks Laurie :) Not only the one's he wanted but the one's he deserved :) WOOHOO!
 

Jolie_Paradoxe

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A most excellent point my friend! Justice is so nice....and how quickly is was resolved! Love it!

And yes......WHOOO HOOOO!!! :D
 
Feb 5, 2008
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When is the big day??? You can be sure alot of good vibes will be coming your way!!!
 

kcjodih

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June 15th. Thanks Barbara :D
 

babywings76

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Hey Jodi--so glad everything ended up working out. When we see our kids work so hard, it's nice to see them get the opportunities and recognition that they've been looking forward too. I wish him luck on the big day! :)
 

chefheidi2003

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This is the first time that I saw the post..and I just kept thinking of my nephew. He is in Track and distance is his thing. The longer the better. So if they would have taken a longer one away from him and given him a shorter one none of us would have been happy about it.

I am glad that it all worked out.
 

kcjodih

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Thank you Amanda and Heidi for your kind words. Needless to say we are all very content here. Regardless of the outcome it'll be HIS outcome :)
 

lesliec

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Glad it is working out.
Something else to remember is that life isn't always fair. It is a hard lesson to learn and I am definitely not always graceful at practicing it, but try to teach my kids. In life there will always be the person who gets the promotion, not b/c they worked harder, or deserved it more, but simply b/c they schmoozed a little bit more than the next person. Sounds like the coach didn't truly have the best interest of the team in mind, but her own personal best interest.
Glad it worked out for your son. Just goes to show, that when you put someone in a spot that isn't willing to work the job, they are very likely to not meet the expectations.
 

lockhartkitchen

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Glad to hear he got his shot. If he hadn't I would have gone above her head. If this is a public school activity, it sounded like discrimination.
 

cheflorraine

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Wow Jodi - I just saw this thread again, and am so glad for all of you that it worked out so well!
What a beautiful reminder that if we leave these impossible and frustrating situations in God's hands, He WILL work them out for the best, in ways that we could not have predicted! Sometimes we can't always see how His way is best, but I'm so glad for your son's sake that God worked this one out in this way!!
Thanks for sharing!
 

kcjodih

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I just wanted to update everyone that supported me throughout. Today was the big day - the District Track and Field against 13 other schools and my DS did the Intermediate Boys (12 year olds) 800m first - came in first place with a time of 2.34 which was also a personal best for him - he won first place at his school track meet with a 2.53 which was then 11 seconds faster than the second place. His win today of 2.34 was 19 seconds better than at the first track meet and ahead of the second and subsequent racers today by 13 seconds - the second place today was 2.47. :D

His next race was the Int. Boys 400m and his previous time at the school track meet was 1.08. Today he won first place with a time of 1.03 - another personal best! - and was ahead of the second and subsequent racers by 6 seconds - second place was 1.09. :D

His last event was the long jump and he jumped 3.82m winning it as well by .10 - second place was 3.72m :D

His school again for the 7th straight year came in first overall as well :D

What a great, great day! :D

Thanks again everyone for your support and kind words!
 

pampchefsarah

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Wonderful news, Jodi! Congratulations to the little star, and his entire school!!


We won't mention how that 'coach' must be feeling right now.
 

kcjodih

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LOL, thanks Sarah :) And the 'coach' is on my facebook from ages ago when she added me (we used to be neighbours and how do you say no to one of his teachers?) and so I'm not mentioning much on there. It would seem a little suspicious to delete her right after our disagreement so I left it.

So to Amanda, thanks hun for the congrats, we're all very pleased here :D but I didn't want to type much on fb due to her..lol
 

cheflorraine

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Wow - that's so exciting, Jodi!!! Thanks for updating us!
Your son must be so thrilled to have gotten such amazing personal bests as well... if you can beat yourself, it's even better!
And his mom has every right to be VERY proud of her son!!!!
 

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