I Miss My Mom....prayer Request.

[ChefBeckyD]

As many of you know, my Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She hasn't responded well to any of the meds she has been given, and has deteriorated quickly. She still knows all of us, but is starting to get family relationships mixed up - ages and who belongs with who...and the past 2 weeks she has fixated on my brother, sure that he is trying to poison her.

I just miss my Mom. She's here, but not here. I called her to ask her how she made her venison meatloaf, and she gave me such a strange, mixed up answer, it didn't make any sense at all.
It's getting harder each day to have a conversation with her, and this week, especially, it has been really weighing on me. Maybe it's because Christmas is usually such a family time, and she has always done so much to make it special - and this year, she's missing. She knows that Christmas is coming, but isn't much interested. I am taking her shopping next week to buy presents for all of the grandkids, and buy little things to do stockings for all of them - it's the first spark of interest I've seen in her when I talked to her about it - but then, this afternoon, she'd forgotten about it again.

Please pray for me - for our family. The emails have been flying fast and furious today between me and my brothers. We are all in different places, and trying to talk, and figure out next steps for her care. I don't enjoy this place we are in, and the person (my Mom) I've always gone to for good advice in tough situations is no longer able to give me advice.

 

[raebates]

Oh, Becky, you'll be in my prayers. I can't imagine how difficult it is to be able to see your loved one, yet know that she isn't truly there.

 

[thecougchef]

becky - ill be adding your whole family to my prayers. ill also be praying time will help us find a cure for this very scary thing.

 

[chefjeanine]

Becky, I'm praying for you and your family. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this situation.

I am afraid I and my siblings will soon find ourselves in your shoes. My father has had episodes of forgetting some major incidents. Also, my mom says he gets lost (or confused) sometimes when they are out driving.

I don't think my mom understands that she is going to have to take the lead with this situation and get him in to see the Dr. Dad may not even realize the severity of the situation. I want him to get checked because there may be medications that can prolong some of the loss. Waiting is not a good option.

My sister and I are going to speak to my mom tomorrow. It's the first opportunity in a long time we've had to get her away from dad. I hope it goes well.

It's such a scary situation. I don't want to lose my dad. It took us many, many years to become friends.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

Prayers to you and your family!!

...and Jeanie prayers to yours as well!

 

[janetupnorth]

Long distance hugs Becky. When you go spend time with her, read her the Bible if she is a believer. If she has studied since a child, she may still remember some, and otherwise, she'll come up with new and exciting discoveries and make it fresh again.Remember constantly Becky, it is the disease talking, not your mom. We dealt with that in the end with my dad and had to remember the good times.

 

[lisa717]

HUGS BECKY...I have been in your shoes with my grandmother......It's hard!!!!

 

[dianevill]

Hugs and prayers coming your way, Becky. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Hugs to you Becky. I watched my aunt deal with my unlce and his alzheimers - it was very tough on her. I only know a little bit of what you are going through, prayers for you and your family. I hope the shopping trip will be a bright spot in your mom's day (and yours).

 

[legacypc46]

Adding you and your family to my prayers Becky.

Should you find yourselves having any questions on working thru the assisted living maze, feel free to call. My siblings and I went thru that last year and have recently learned some things we wished we had known back then.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Oh man, Becky, that's so hard. I'm so sorry that she's deteriorating. You'll be in my prayers. I can't even imagine having to deal with what you're going through. Hang in there and I hope planning with your brothers goes as smoothly as possible. I'm sure this time of year is probably the toughest of all of them.

 

[AnnieBee]

Sorry to hear your news Becky, it is a hard road to be on. Watching your loved one disappear but still be there.

I love Janets idea of reading the Bible with her, and maybe there are some old hymns she'd enjoy listening to or being sung to. I know my grandmother could remember so much detailed stuff from her childhood, even while so much was slipping away, so maybe you could talk to her about that, and enjoy the reminiscing... You could even tape or video it too, if she did remember alot. Jon's mom taped some conversations with her dad about his life growing up on the farm, and it is really cool to have now to listen to and hear how things were back then. I bet the grandkids would love that when they get older.

Got to run, but I'll be praying for you and her.

Annabel

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Becky I'm praying for you too. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I understand how you feel. My own Mother has Parkinson's, but also has some dementia. Even w/o forgetting things she doesn't have the same personality and has hallucinations a lot. It is so sad to see your Mother deteriorate before your eyes.

The other day I was talking to my DD about how my Mom picked me up from work to go have a pregnancy test done when I was preg. for my second DD because my car was broke down. She said to me, "It seems weird to think of Nana driving." It really made me stop and think of how bad she has gotten.

Again, I'll be praying for you and your family.

Take Care,

 

[peichef]

Becky, your post has touched lots of us, I think. I'll definitely pray for you and your family. I watched my grandfather, and our whole family, struggle with Alzheimers for many years. Your post refreshed my memory of just how painful and difficult it can be.

I will pray that you and your mom have a wonderful day together. That she will have clarity and be "herself" during your time together. Even as her old self fades, you will still have many laughs and happy moments in the time to come. I also love Janet's suggestion of reading the bible with her. Also singing hymns and songs from her childhood.
Your mom is blessed to have you. Lots of families place their failing loved ones in homes & forget about them. I know that going into care is most often the safest or only altenative, but abandonment is not. Too often, the residents on my Grampy's ward had no visitors, no contact with anyone other than staff and other patients with dementia. Contact with loved ones does any patient so much good. You are a good and faithful daughter & I know she would be proud of you.

 

[letscook04]

{{{{{HUGS}}}} My heart goes out to you.
I am going through it with my mother n law.

 

[Kitchen2u]

{{{{HUGS}}}} Becky ~ what I did with my FIL when we were going through this exact thing...I used to sit with him and tell HIM stories. They were stories about the HAPPY times. I changed the names, but I knew it. He was soooooo interested in the stories. I would walk in and he'd say "hey, you have another story for me?" From that point on, we developed a different relationship. I tried not to dewel on the FIL I once had, but the "new" relationship we created. When he finally passed, my husband and I had celebrated our 25th anniversary...so he was a father to me, not FIL.

I will pray you will find peace and comfort with today and the days ahead. It's the hardest disease to cope with. My thoughts are with you, especially with the holidays comng up...it will be hard, but you are strong and WILL get through it with lots of prayers from me and all the other cheffers here.

 

[Bren706]

Oh, Becky! I am almost in tears reading this post. I will pray for you and your family. I think my father is at the early stages of it. He lives about 3 1/2 hours away, but his wife has been telling me stories about how his memory is starting to diminish. I am not looking forward to what lies ahead. His uncle passed away about 1 1/2 years ago after battling Alzheimer's. My father's wife took care of him at their house during that time, and it was rough on my father to see that happening to his uncle, and he said he did not want to become like that.

I have not had to deal with it personally yet, and can't even imagine, especially when it is a parent.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, Becky. Hang in there!

 

[pampered.chris]

Becky, I am in tears for you my dear. I am praying for you and hope that your mother starts to respond to some treatment. I pray for your lost friend, your mom.
I don't have alot of experience dealing w/ Alzheimers, but my Pop-Pop had it before he died. I was 16 when he passed. I went to see him and spent an hour or two with him after school once a week. He never once let on that he didn't know who I was. There were times that he would call me "girl" and actually remembering back, I don't think I ever heard him say Chrissy. But when he saw me coming (he was in a nursing home) and saw me smiling at him, his face would light up like a 1000 watt bulb. He and I would play checkers or word searches or write letters or read books or newspapers. I would tell him to tell me stories and then tell him some of mine. I thought my Pop-pop hung the moon. When I got pregnant in high school, my dad didn't think it would be a good idea for me to see him any more b/c I was confusing him...I think partially it was punishment for my bad judgement b/c my dad knew how much I looked forward to seeing my Pop-pop. Well about 5 months into my pregnancy my Pop-pop passed away. It was the worst day of my life. But it was a blessing to others. He didn't recognize his children and my aunt who was a nurse at the hospital he was in would go to see him everyday and there where days she left bawling b/c he screamed at her to go away and didn't have an idea who she was. I miss him everyday for the past 12 years and I didn't really even know him.
I pray for you I pray for your family. I pray for your mother. This is such a terrible and horrible disease to deal with for everyone. Your mom for instance. The poor thing probaboly has everything there in her head and knows it isn't right and is so frustrated trying to make her brain work. And you and your family. To be able to see that person who you know and love so much but not to be able to communicate. And to loose your best friend. That is the hardest of all. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I pray for you.

 

[JAE]

I'm here for you, Becky, literally. Call me if you need anything for your mom or yourself.

 

[candiejayne]

There isn't a hugging smiley, so I'll make my own (((( )))) I'm so sorry!

 

[pcchefjane]

I'm so sorry! My dad died of Alzheimer's 27 years ago and had it for 3-1/2 years. They knew nothing about it. I read a great book by Karen Kingsbury that had one of the characters working in a group home for Alzheimer's patients. The research had shown that when an Alz patient wants to dwell in the past, let them be where they are happiest. One of the ladies said every day her husband would be there in a few hours. The caretaker would tell her that he was dead and she would freak! When the kind lady put up pictures around the patient's room of her dear husband and didn't argue with her, she improved! It seems if people don't try to "drag them" into the present, it helps once they get bad. I pray that your Mom will be able to get the needed medication and have many years of good times before too many confusing times come! I think reading the bible with her is a great idea. The words can bring her peace...

 

[chefann]

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb315/chefann1138/smilies/slider_grouphugg.gif
I can't relate a personal story, Becky. But if you need to talk, you have my number.

 

[lacychef]

{{hugs}} to you Becky. I can't imagine going through that with my mom. I hope the shopping trip is a fun day for the both of you.

 

[etteluap70PC]

Oh Becky.... I am sitting here reading this and my heart is reaching out to you. I cannot immagine what you are going thru. T have her physically with you but not able to be the person you remember.

I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope your family holiday celebrations go well.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Thank you everyone!

I cannot imagine a more wonderful group of people! Your stories and experiences letting me know I'm not alone, your cyber hugs, and all of your prayers and support mean the world to me.
I love you all!

I can't say much more - because now I'm all weepy....I think I've cried more in the last week than almost any other time in my life. I'm grieving the loss of my Mom, I guess.


For my family, this is particularly hard - as we have already had my Grandma, and 2 Great-Aunts who have died from Alzheimers. So, we know what we are dealing with....and it doesn't make it easier.

Mom does love to have Scripture read to her - she seems to especially like The Message right now. she mostly likes to watch Animal Planet, and do Word Searches....that is how she spends much of her day. She also loves her Kitty....but the funny thing is she can't remember what she named it, so she renames it quite often. Poor kitty....she must be confused.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I'm so sorry! My dad died of Alzheimer's 27 years ago and had it for 3-1/2 years. They knew nothing about it. I read a great book by Karen Kingsbury that had one of the characters working in a group home for Alzheimer's patients. The research had shown that when an Alz patient wants to dwell in the past, let them be where they are happiest. One of the ladies said every day her husband would be there in a few hours. The caretaker would tell her that he was dead and she would freak! When the kind lady put up pictures around the patient's room of her dear husband and didn't argue with her, she improved! It seems if people don't try to "drag them" into the present, it helps once they get bad. I pray that your Mom will be able to get the needed medication and have many years of good times before too many confusing times come! I think reading the bible with her is a great idea. The words can bring her peace...

Mom & I both read this book a couple years ago! We both have loved Karen Kingsbury.

 

[gingertannery]

I am so sorry. I know this is such a hard time.. How to handle it.. what to do. I had to face the same questions when my mom had cancer and a brain tumer left her very different the last year of her life. I love the suggestion to change your relationship - by maybe reading to her or tell stories. I wish someone would have suggested that to me.. (I was so shell shocked) These times are so hard. But later you will remember the old mom. My dad died 30 years ago very young, then both living grandmothers (grandpas already gone) and then my dear mom 22 years ago. I miss them so much especially at holiday times or in crisis... it is hard..the unconditional love gone.. but life does go on. I have very loving memories of my parents and grandparents and really do not remember very well the extremely hard times seeing them pass. My prayers are with you. Please spend as much quality time with her as you can. Cherish every moment with her. Make this the holiday to make the extra effort for any loved one.. it is so hard when they are gone... and you will have less regrets in the long run. This suggestion is for all cheffers... Let everyone know how you feel. I remember the good times now.. but still miss them terribly.. It is hard to be on your own...but we manage. And cry like the dickens when we revisit it. I do feel your pain. And give yourself permission to grieve your loss. Bless you and your family. We are here for you when you need to talk. Thanks for sharing.

 

[pamperedharriet]

I am sure you know Becky that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this horrible time. It's very trying and hard and somedays you just don't know if you can go on dealing with it and know the worst is still yet to come.

Try to be extra loving and caring and patient (I know--easier said than done at times) and let her go on and on about the great olden days--seems to help here at times.

I see more and more changes here every day with my DH and am coping the best that I can.

Just remember we are all here for you. Keep her busy with things that she can still do, it's very important.

 

[Lisa/ChefBear]

Becky,
I'm sending you lots of hugs and lifting your family in prayer!!

I haven't been through this, but I think from things I'm seeing with in-laws we're heading down this path, 2 fold. They both are only in mid 60's and are so forgetful and they shake terrible (don't think that's the same thing though) and somedays are good, but some are a challenge. Stubborn and set in ways too.

I'll be adding your family to our prayers. It seems the requests are never ending, but no matter what, the confidence that God is carrying us all through these difficult times, it was gets me through some hard times.

Hugs,

Lisa

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I am sure you know Becky that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this horrible time. It's very trying and hard and somedays you just don't know if you can go on dealing with it and know the worst is still yet to come.

Try to be extra loving and caring and patient (I know--easier said than done at times) and let her go on and on about the great olden days--seems to help here at times.

I see more and more changes here every day with my DH and am coping the best that I can.

Just remember we are all here for you. Keep her busy with things that she can still do, it's very important.

I think of you and pray for you every day, Harriet.

We just keep telling each other that it's not really Mom when she says and does things that are so out of character for her.

We've discovered she knows swear words we've never heard from her before!

 

[janetupnorth]

She also loves her Kitty....but the funny thing is she can't remember what she named it, so she renames it quite often. Poor kitty....she must be confused.

Thanks Becky - this really made me laugh!

 

[rennea]

Thanks Becky - this really made me laugh!

Oh me to

As you know Becky I am and will be thinking of you and your family. It is such a heartbreak. My grandfather had Alzheimer's and we had to put him in a home because we just didn't have the resources to take care of him.He was an escape artiest! He did do some silly things though and I think those silly little things got us through the really tough times.

 

[Jess_K]

I am saddened for you.. I can't relate much.. my grandma is in a home now and forgets just about everything and everyone.. not sure if it's Alz or not. She's far and I'm not sure if she really remembers "me" or not, but I send many cards and only wish for peace for her in these last years. I wish you the best and your Mom.. prayers are being said for you. This site is so full of caring and wonderful people.

 

[lacychef]

The bits about the kitty & the swear words made me smile!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

The bits about the kitty & the swear words made me smile!

There is so much that we could be sad about - we have to find the humor and laugh when we can!

 

[pamperedharriet]

There is so much that we could be sad about - we have to find the humor and laugh when we can!

That's exactly the way I am trying to deal with everything! I am trying to think of all the fun and positive things we have together.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

That's exactly the way I am trying to deal with everything! I am trying to think of all the fun and positive things we have together.

Here is something that made me laugh today!

My mom told me she was watching her favorite new show. I asked her what that was, and she told me "iCarly". (which is on Nickelodeon) She said she knew it was a kids show, but that it makes her laugh so hard when she watches it. I laughed with her about it and we agreed that whatever makes you laugh is good for your soul - so go ahead and watch it all you want!

 

[lisa717]

AWWWWWWWW how sweet..my kids would watch it right with her!

 

[janetupnorth]

Lisa/Chef Bear - the shaking symptoms are usually Parkinson's. Make sure they've seen a doctor in the last year!

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Hugs, Beckly ... hope you find lots to laugh about.

Wonder how she'd respond to requests for funny stories from her childhood? Many times with people with dementia, their long-term memory is just fine ...