Grieving the Loss of My Father: Finding Strength and Support

[yummybytes]

... please lift me and my mom up!!

I lost my Dad on January 25th 2007. He was in a coma since 10/18/06. It was, and still has been on many level the worst few months of my life. He lived right across the street from us and we were very very close. He was the epitome of a great father and husband. The many hundreds of guests at the funeral home, memorial and wake was just another testament of what a truly awesome person he was.

Today, 9/1, would have been his 62nd Birthday. My family was always huge about birthdays. Not so much these days. I did well at the warly part of the day, tried to keep myself occupied with things around the house to divert my attention, but then went to church and to the cemetary and since then... I've been a wreck.

While I have a strong support in my husband, who is a carbon copy of my father for that epitome of a great father and husband thing, I hate to burden him with so much when he has already gotten me through a year of hell. My brothrs and sisters mean well, but they all seem to be in contention with each other about which of them is suffeing the most because of my father's death, so I shy away from their dramatics and don't rely on them for support. All they ever do is argue with each other it seems so I stay out of it. It's safest that way.

However... I just feel like I'm crumbling and could use a few extra prayers right now. I am trying so hard to be strong for my mom who has been through even more, but I don't want to bottle it all up.

Thanks... just getting this out was helpful, to be honest.

 

[ginamkiely]

Jenn,

I'm so sorry for your loss! I know how you feel, I lost my Grandfather in 2002 and I still think about him everyday and cry at least one a week about it. He was my best friend, my mentor and the closest person in my life. My husband doesn't understand because I met him a few months after he died so he thinks there's something wrong with me. My family fell apart after he died so I couldn't even talk to my Dad or Grandmother about my pain. He had MS really bad and was supposed to die when he was 45, he lived until 80. When he got hospitalized for the last time my whole family was out of town and I had to make the decision to pull the plug or not which was the hardest decision ever. I decided not to and he lived for 2 more weeks and I got to say goodbye.
Wow, it felt good to write that. I hope it helps to know there are people who understand what you are going through. If you ever need to talk i'm here. We're all here for you.

Gina-Marie

 

[dannyzmom]

Big hugs to you Jenn.

 

[chef131doreen]

I do know how you feel even though my father died when I was only 10 years old . 38 years ago I am 48 Not a day goes by without thinking and talking about him . you need to think of all the good things that he did , and all the great memoies that you have . If you have children don't let them for get him always talk about him , soon the hurt will slowly go away and you will feel better as time goes on . I cry even just thinking now of all that he has missed , my 2 kids my brothers 2 kids and my sisters 2 kids . I would give anything to have just a few minutes with him
I hope you feel better and keep the faith you will be ok

 

[ljeffries]

Jenn - you are in my thoughts. It hurts to lose someone we love. Take comfort, though, that you had such a great relationship with your father.

 

[dianevill]

Jenn,

I am so sorry for your loss, and I understand how you feel about the "who's suffering the most" feud. My dad passed away unexpectedly almost 16 years ago, and that's what my sisters did (and then they fought over who was closest to him. Stupid - we were all special to him!)

I still think of my dad every day, as you will with your dad; I do still get very sad (there are still days that I say, "I should call Dad and tell him that joke"), and often think of how life would be different if he'd still be here; but I've learned to treasure the memories, and I've learned that time does heal. Your wounds are still raw - be there for your mom, BUT take the time to grieve, remember, and be sad. It's a temporary parting - you will be with him again!

I'm saying an extra prayer for you today, and here's a big hug!

 

[cathyskitchen]

Big (((HUGS))) to you, Jenn! I'm so sorry for your loss, and you have every right to grieve and be sad on your dad's birthday. I would be the same way. My dad is my silent strength (my mom is the vocal warrior! ) and I would be lost without him in my life, so I can only imagine how difficult this past year has been for you. I'm sorry your family can't be a source of strength for you now - instead, lean on your wonderful husband, who I'm sure just wants to know that he is helping you and being a good husband to you, and doesn't feel like this is a burden at all (esp. if he's at all like my hubby - a good man, through and through). Lots of prayers and positive thoughts going out to you at this difficult time.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Jenn~

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know some days are harder than others...I lost my mom last June. Thankfully, my brother and I are able to lean on each other. Only with the strength God gives me and the support that I have do I get through without losing it. If you would have told me 3-5 years ago that I would lose my Mom and not completely crumble into a million pieces, I would have told you you were nuts. But, when it happened and still to this day, God gave (gives) me the strength that I need FOR THAT MOMENT. He will give you that strength too! I know that sometimes being online here you can even share more than what you can with those that are around you in "real" life! I am glad that you knew that you would get support from us on here and that you are reaching out. Know that God loves you so much and that he is there for you. Do you attend church regularly? If not, I pray that God will direct you to one tomorrow that will touch your heart.

Jenn...I want to pray with you right now. I didn't even read anyone else's posts here to you, because I wanted what I said to come from God...not anything that I read from someone else.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before you now on behalf of a friend. She is in need of your love and support right now. You understand the pain that she is feeling and you can wrap your loving arms around her and give her the comfort that she needs. I pray that you would help her to feel your presence in a very real way right now. Please subdue the fighting and bickering in her family. Help them to come together and support each other the way you would have them do. I thank you, Lord, that we can come to you for all of our needs and that you will always provide for us. I thank you for the role model that her Dad was...and thank you that you have given her a husband that is following in his footsteps! Bless their marriage...provide for their family in every way...show Jen today just how much you love her.

In your name I pray,
Amen.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

[janetupnorth]

Jenn - I lost my dad about the same time in 2006 (end of Jan.). I will pray for you tonight and go have yourself a good cry - you need it. It's o.k. to grieve and if you feel like crumbling and are trying to be strong just for your family and husband, you need a good cry. Have a good night, it does get better...

 

[PamperedTammy]

Jenn-I am sorry for your loss. I really don't know what to say, except that I know the good Lord is going to be there for you. Losing a parent is a very difficult thing, just remember the good times and try to move forward. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know. Even it is just to listen.

 

[yummybytes]

Thank you all -- your prayers and compassion are so appreciated. I am feeling a lot better today.

 

[chefkristin]

Jenn

You have my IM if you want to talk. Sometimes talking does a world of good.
(((HUGS)))

 

[raebates]

Jenn, I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers. You know where to find me if you need a shoulder and a sympathetic ear.