Emotional Upset: My Experience with a Sunday Phone Call

[PampChefDeb]

Ok, I've never started a thread before and I don't know if this is the right forum for this but here we go...

I am so upset right now. In fact, crying my eyes out due to a customer I called. Please forgive me but I have to vent. And I hope it will help.
I was making calls all afternoon and early evening. Trying to catch up after being sick all week long. One who I had planned to call was a woman who had lost her husband suddenly about a month ago. Originally I was not going to talk to her about booking because I knew she was mourning.
However, when I mentioned to the host (who works closely with her) that she had checked maybe for a show, she enthusiastically encouraged me to definitely call her. Soooo I called her this evening. As soon as I said who I was she said I don't do business on Sundays and I just lost my husband. I sincerely apologized for bothering her and hung up feeling so so bad that I had called. She sounded so upset. I figured she must have had a bad day. Well, about 30 minutes later, she calls ME. I answer and she starts asking me why I would call her on a Sunday night and how I had hurt her feelings.
I again apologized and explained all the above, that I was not planning to call at all and when the host told me I should that I was going to call last week but was sick. She just kept telling me over and over how she is a religious person and was brought up to never do business on Sunday. And repeatedly asked me why I would call her on Sunday. And kept reminding me that she had just lost her husband. No matter what I said she kept on. I started crying and kept apologizing for upsetting her. She said she wants to cancel her order, which was sent in last week. Oh, and btw she ordered the Executive 7 piece cookware set. Full price!! She then said that she loved the host too much to ruin her order.
In my 8 years+ with Pampered Chef I have NEVER had anyone say anything to me about calling on a Sunday!! Now, like my husband says this will probably make me not call on Sundays, which is one of the days I call most often.
Has anyone ever had an experience like this???

 

[DebbieJ]

This woman is grieving. I would cut her some slack. You were just her target today. I would not take it personally.((HUGS)))

 

[PampChefDeb]

This woman is grieving. I would cut her some slack. You were just her target today. I would not take it personally.

((HUGS)))

I am trying to think of her and not me. And I feel SO bad that I am responsible for upsetting her. I wish now that I would have just stuck with what my gut was telling me. Not to call her.

 

[chefsteph07]

This woman is grieving. I would cut her some slack. You were just her target today. I would not take it personally.

((HUGS)))

You know what? I know that she may be grieving, but that does not give anyone a right to treat someone who is crying and apologizing profusely on the phone like crap. That's just an excuse. I would call that host back and tell her exactly what happened, that she said she wanted to cancel her order, etc, explain everything to her, and maybe she can call this woman and get her to apologize to you. That was appalling.

 

[chefsteph07]

I am trying to think of her and not me. And I feel SO bad that I am responsible for upsetting her. I wish now that I would have just stuck with what my gut was telling me. Not to call her.

You weren't "responsible" for upsetting her. Like Debbie said, you were her latest target. Unfair.

 

[janezapchef]

I agree, Steph! That's awful! You were apologizing and crying about it. There's no reason for her to rub salt in the wound! So, is she cancelling her order? If she loves the host that much not to affect her, I'd say it's a little late.

 

[pamperedalf]

Debbie, I am sorry she took her frustrations out on you. Don't take it personally. Hugs!!!

 

[pcchefjane]

I would let the Host know nicely that you called the lady and she was quite upset with you for calling and after apologizing to her and hanging up, she called you back and really got all over you about calling. Tell her you hope that she will also relay your apology and hope this will not cause the lady to have any bad feelings towards you or PC in the future. I would not even mention her threatening to cancel her order. You can also say, "I thought you ought to know because maybe she is having a rough day of mourning and you may want to check on her." I would make it as much about your CONCERN for her reaction and not how bad she upset you.

 

[sklay723]

I would let the Host know nicely that you called the lady and she was quite upset with you for calling and after apologizing to her and hanging up, she called you back and really got all over you about calling. Tell her you hope that she will also relay your apology and hope this will not cause the lady to have any bad feelings towards you or PC in the future. I would not even mention her threatening to cancel her order. You can also say, "I thought you ought to know because maybe she is having a rough day of mourning and you may want to check on her." I would make it as much about your CONCERN for her reaction and not how bad she upset you.

I totally agree. There are so many stages of grief, and there's a good possibility she's in the anger stage now, where she's just mad at the world. Tell the host you wanted to let her know what happened, that you are concerned for the guest and that she may want to touch base to see if she needs anything, a shoulder to cry on, etc.

 

[pamperedlinda]

wow! I'd be upset too. Bless and release, she was having a bad day and wanted to share it - you were probably not the only lucky one she shared it with. I also would not let this deter you from making Sunday calls.

 

[pcchefjane]

BTW, I rarely make Sunday calls but that is my own preference. I know most of the people from my church take "Sunday afternoon naps" (me included) and I don't want to wake them. The only time I do make calls if it is someone I told I would talk to them on a Sunday or they asked me to call them on Sunday.

 

[elizabethfox]

I would call that host back and tell her exactly what happened, that she said she wanted to cancel her order, etc, explain everything to her, and maybe she can call this woman and get her to apologize to you. That was appalling.

I don't think I would bring the host into this. She is not the one with whom you had the conversation with. It is does not concern her and bringing her into this might not only make you look worse to the grieving customer, but it might put a strain on the customer and host's relationship as well.

The only time I would contact the host is if the lady cancelled her order. The of course you would have to explain why she did, but from what you said above the customer changed her mind about cancelling it because she didn't want to ruin the host's show.

She obviously is still grieving. You did nothing wrong, so hang in there. She shouldn't have talked with you that way, but now you just have to let it go and move on.

 

[PampChefDeb]

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your words of comfort and encouragement!! I really needed it and really appreciate it!!! I had been having such a great day and everyone was so nice on the calls where I reached a live person. I was full of excitement and hopefullness! It's amazing how one person, just one conversation (or two) can make you forget all the great things that had come earlier.

 

[pampchefrhondab]

Wow, that's amazing. I too think she wanted to take some anger out on someone - poor you. I don't know what I would have done!

I've made calls on Sunday evening too and never had anyone get mad at me. Although, now I try to do Monday nights or Saturday mornings.

I also would not contact the host about what happend. This women may get even more upset w/you if the host brings this up. She may wonder what you said to her - especially if she regrets yelling at you later.

 

[PampChefDeb]

I don't think I would bring the host into this. She is not the one with whom you had the conversation with. It is does not concern her and bringing her into this might not only make you look worse to the grieving customer, but it might put a strain on the customer and host's relationship as well.

The only time I would contact the host is if the lady cancelled her order. The of course you would have to explain why she did, but from what you said above the customer changed her mind about cancelling it because she didn't want to ruin the host's show.

She obviously is still grieving. You did nothing wrong, so hang in there. She shouldn't have talked with you that way, but now you just have to let it go and move on.

You are so right. I will definitely let it go and move on. Tomorrow.
I just need to cry my tears, wallow in self-pity & regret and then take a deep breath and start tomorrow fresh!

 

[chefsteph07]

I don't think I would bring the host into this. She is not the one with whom you had the conversation with. It is does not concern her and bringing her into this might not only make you look worse to the grieving customer, but it might put a strain on the customer and host's relationship as well.

The only time I would contact the host is if the lady cancelled her order. The of course you would have to explain why she did, but from what you said above the customer changed her mind about cancelling it because she didn't want to ruin the host's show.

She obviously is still grieving. You did nothing wrong, so hang in there. She shouldn't have talked with you that way, but now you just have to let it go and move on.

I only said that about calling the host because the HOST is the one who told her to call this guest in the first place. I think she should know that she was upset w/ her and maybe the host can "intervene" and tell the guest that it was her idea in the first place. And also so the host can check on the guest and make sure she's alright.

 

[PampChefDeb]

I only said that about calling the host because the HOST is the one who told her to call this guest in the first place. I think she should know that she was upset w/ her and maybe the host can "intervene" and tell the guest that it was her idea in the first place. And also so the host can check on the guest and make sure she's alright.

I understand. I'm gonna watch and see how it all plays out. I'm supposed to drop off the receipts to the host at their work this week (before the order arrives). The grieving woman is the receptionist so I'm not looking forward to seeing her right now. Maybe if I wait a couple days it will be ok.

 

[chefsteph07]

I understand. I'm gonna watch and see how it all plays out. I'm supposed to drop off the receipts to the host at their work this week (before the order arrives). The grieving woman is the receptionist so I'm not looking forward to seeing her right now. Maybe if I wait a couple days it will be ok.

YOu should just mail it to the host. If the host questions why you didn't drop them off, that would be a good reason to tell her why you are uncomfortable.

 

[PampChefDeb]

YOu should just mail it to the host. If the host questions why you didn't drop them off, that would be a good reason to tell her why you are uncomfortable.

I'm thinking I might do that.

 

[PCMelissa]

Awww, I am so sorry this happened to you.

I agree with Debbie that she is greiving. Totally not excusable, but you always have to think of where the other person is coming from.

as they say BLESS and RELEASE! I know that is easier said than done.

 

[SeeMe4PC]

Debbie, my heart goes out to you. <great big huge bear hug>

Hang in there. Seriously, release it to the Lord. He knows your intention was not ill-intended. It is obvious you are not a bad person nor would you ever intentionally hurt anyone.

I agree with everyone - you just happened to be the person that called at the wrong time. I'll bet when she calms down - maybe weeks/months from now - she will see her error. She is hurting too badly inside to see ANYTHING clearly.

I know she shouldn't have talked to you that way but we all do things we regret. And quite frankly, I was devastated after losing my mom and I hated the world and questioned my religious beliefs to the very core. I hope I would never speak to anyone that way but in all honesty, my emotions may get the best of me one day... I am ashamed I got that lost but it absolutely rocked my world apart. Very tough time for me. I have so much more respect for people in mourning than ever now because we all grieve differently.

The point of this post is that...It is not your fault. YOU are a good person that called on a bad day. Keep her in your prayers, she may be lost like I was...

Go work that business, girl! :chef: You are feeling better and you deserve it!

 

[raebates]

You poor thing. I can't tell you anything new, just know that my heart goes out to you.

 

[Jean DeVries]

How is it that your host knew this woman enough to tell you to call her, but didn't know that she was a freak about being called on Sundays?

I'm just-a sayin....

 

[BethCooks4U]

Good advice here. I'd add that I'd send a card to her. There are several out there that say "sorry for being insensitive". I'd add a note saying that you have her in your prayers, are sorry for her loss and for your insensitivity (even though you weren't being insensitive - in her eyes you were). Ask her to forgive you.

She wasn't hearing you that day, she was hearing her own thoughts and couldn't get past them. Sending a card will give her a chance to hear you at a better time for her.

She'll be okay in time and the note will show that you do care.

 

[pampchefsarah]

Good advice here. I'd add that I'd send a card to her. There are several out there that say "sorry for being insensitive". I'd add a note saying that you have her in your prayers, are sorry for her loss and for your insensitivity (even though you weren't being insensitive - in her eyes you were). Ask her to forgive you.

She wasn't hearing you that day, she was hearing her own thoughts and couldn't get past them. Sending a card will give her a chance to hear you at a better time for her.
She'll be okay in time and the note will show that you do care.

This is exactly what I wanted to say, although I don't think I would have said it so clearly. The proof is that she kept repeating the questions, even though you kept answering them.

We shouldn't judge this poor widow as we have no idea what's going on in her heart right now, except that she is grieving an unexpected loss. Does everyone here think if they suddenly lost their husband/best friend, whomever, they would cheerily face the world each and every day? My husband is alive, I'm Christian, and I still don't accomplish this!

However, Debbie, I agree you did nothing wrong. You went by the advice of someone who knows this person better than you, and her advice was given in the spirit of love, as well. She could not have known the reaction it would cause. She probably thought hosting a show would be a good distraction.

I agree with sending a card or note, for the same reasons Becky gave.

 

[c00p]

Wow, what a difficult situation. I cannot imagine being in your shoes, nor can I guess at how I would handle such a situation. As previously stated, it wasn't your fault and you know in your heart that you had good intentions, etc.

I am a card person, so I probably would send a card. Wording is just so a touchy thing and it can be received positively or negatively. I would pray about what to say/do and just wait to see what God directs you to do.

It hurts to be the recipient of such harsh things; I pray that God gives you the peace that you deserve.

 

[PampChefDeb]

Debbie, my heart goes out to you. <great big huge bear hug>

Hang in there. Seriously, release it to the Lord. He knows your intention was not ill-intended. It is obvious you are not a bad person nor would you ever intentionally hurt anyone.

I agree with everyone - you just happened to be the person that called at the wrong time. I'll bet when she calms down - maybe weeks/months from now - she will see her error. She is hurting too badly inside to see ANYTHING clearly.

I know she shouldn't have talked to you that way but we all do things we regret. And quite frankly, I was devastated after losing my mom and I hated the world and questioned my religious beliefs to the very core. I hope I would never speak to anyone that way but in all honesty, my emotions may get the best of me one day... I am ashamed I got that lost but it absolutely rocked my world apart. Very tough time for me. I have so much more respect for people in mourning than ever now because we all grieve differently.

The point of this post is that...It is not your fault. YOU are a good person that called on a bad day. Keep her in your prayers, she may be lost like I was...

Go work that business, girl! :chef: You are feeling better and you deserve it!

Thank you, Tara! And I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I am so very blessed to still have my mom, and that she is closeby. I dread the day that she is no longer with us. Who knows, maybe I'll flip out on someone too. Dear Lord, please don't let me do that!

 

[heather223]

Debbie don't take what she did to heart. As many of you are aware I lost my dad a few weeks ago. Many times in the last few weeks I didn't want to talk to anyone and I am still very angry. (I hide it well.) When the phone rings and I don't want to talk or am in a really bad mood I just don't answer the phone. What this person did to you is wrong- yes she is grieving, but that doesn't give her the right to be down right rude. She simply could have not answered the phone and called you back on Monday. Don't stop making calls on Sunday- I make calls all the time on Sunday and never had anyone yell at me. You were just happened to call the wrong person at the wrong time- she will eventually see what she did wrong.

 

[colegrovet]

Ok, I've never started a thread before and I don't know if this is the right forum for this but here we go...

I am so upset right now. In fact, crying my eyes out due to a customer I called. Please forgive me but I have to vent. And I hope it will help.
I was making calls all afternoon and early evening. Trying to catch up after being sick all week long. One who I had planned to call was a woman who had lost her husband suddenly about a month ago. Originally I was not going to talk to her about booking because I knew she was mourning.
However, when I mentioned to the host (who works closely with her) that she had checked maybe for a show, she enthusiastically encouraged me to definitely call her. Soooo I called her this evening. As soon as I said who I was she said I don't do business on Sundays and I just lost my husband. I sincerely apologized for bothering her and hung up feeling so so bad that I had called. She sounded so upset. I figured she must have had a bad day. Well, about 30 minutes later, she calls ME. I answer and she starts asking me why I would call her on a Sunday night and how I had hurt her feelings.
I again apologized and explained all the above, that I was not planning to call at all and when the host told me I should that I was going to call last week but was sick. She just kept telling me over and over how she is a religious person and was brought up to never do business on Sunday. And repeatedly asked me why I would call her on Sunday. And kept reminding me that she had just lost her husband. No matter what I said she kept on. I started crying and kept apologizing for upsetting her. She said she wants to cancel her order, which was sent in last week. Oh, and btw she ordered the Executive 7 piece cookware set. Full price!! She then said that she loved the host too much to ruin her order.
In my 8 years+ with Pampered Chef I have NEVER had anyone say anything to me about calling on a Sunday!! Now, like my husband says this will probably make me not call on Sundays, which is one of the days I call most often.
Has anyone ever had an experience like this???

Debbie,
I understand how you feel, I was on the other side of that conversation a couple of years ago.
She had lost someone she had spent a good portion of her life with. You just happened to catch her at a bad time.
Call her again in a couple of night and just talk to her, she is most likely feeling empty, alone, lost, confused and a basket full of other emotions. It's a roller coaster of emotions going from one to the next in seconds. As to "you" hurting her feelings, you didn't, she was already hurting, you happened to be the one to allow her to vent her own loneliness n feeling of loss.
So, don't take it to heart.. keep a kind ear for her.. she needs it..

 

[PampChefDeb]

All of you have helped me SO much with this. I have a new perspective on what happened. I will pray for her and pray that the Lord will give me the wisdom of what to do next, if anything. I am leaning heavily towards the advice given on sending her a heartfelt card.

I never knew I could feel so much love for people (you cheffers) that I've never even met!! You all ROCK!! This is great therapy!!:love: