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friday
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is thistrue? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don'twaste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up yourheart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend thelife of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. —---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hayand corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more thanan efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Needgrain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafyvegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowanceof vegetable products. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even moreof the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! ------------------------- --------------------------------------------- Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one toone. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regularexercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: NoPain...Good! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetableoil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables bebad for you? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. Youshould only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's thebest feel-good food around! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! _____ Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have hadabout food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention ofarriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skidin sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - bodythoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride' AND...... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word onnutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all thoseconflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacksthan Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heartattacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacksthan Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fatsand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what killsyou
ray::chef:
