Can't Hold Out Any Longer....steam Is Building (Long)

[Kitchen Diva]

This is Kacey's DH.

I want to thank all of you for being so supportive of her thru this situation. You will never know the blessings she has recieved from your caring words and your encouragement. May God Bless you all.

Thank You so much...

DH

 

[stefani2]

Kacey - I think you are doing the right thing - whether it is tough or not - it is the right thing for YOU and your husband! You NEED to let go of the guilt and all the other bad/negative feelings and realize this is for the best. You know it is unrealistic for them to stay....I wish you good luck and give you a BIG LONG HUG!

 

[stefani2]

UR Avatar is SO CUTE, BTW.....

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Kacey - I think you are doing the right thing - whether it is tough or not - it is the right thing for YOU and your husband! You NEED to let go of the guilt and all the other bad/negative feelings and realize this is for the best. You know it is unrealistic for them to stay....I wish you good luck and give you a BIG LONG HUG!

I know it's the right thing. And you are right, they can't stay- but the sad thing is that if she would have just gotten a job to help out, she could have stayed longer...much longer. But she believes she is doing what God is telling her and we are ruining that for her.

It is what it is. I'm not going to defend what DH and I felt we were being led to do (after praying about it). I don't think we need to, we didn't do anything wrong.

Good night and I'll keep you informed tomorrow.

 

[raebates]

You're right, Kacey. You have nothing to defend. You're in my prayers.

 

[BethCooks4U]

This is Kacey's DH.

I want to thank all of you for being so supportive of her thru this situation. You will never know the blessings she has recieved from your caring words and your encouragement. May God Bless you all.

Thank You so much...

DH

Awww... how sweet. You two are an example to others - selflessly helping others and without thanks. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

To echo a sentiment: You have nothing to defend.

Be strong and hold to your deadlines. If you don't she will continue to walk all over you and you will continue to feel used and unappreciated and besides, you can't afford those extra mouths.

Here's praying that perfect job is on the near horizon (and wishing it's in my neck of the woods but, whatever, my PRAYER is for peace and prosperity for YOU).

 

[quiverfull7]

Sweet Kacey, I am just sitting here praying for you and your DH and your sister and mother and all involved. I pray that the TRUTH is revealed, that Jesus won't allow satan to keep hiding. I pray the light of Jesus Christ exposes the enemy and causes him to flee... for he cannot stay where Jesus is. I praise God for you and your DH's obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit even though it's SO hard. It's also so hard to love and pray for those who persecute you. Father God, please continue to strenghthen and guide this precious couple as they urgently seek Your face and Your council. We stand in the gap for them and lift them before Your throne. Give courage and strong conviction in every area it's needed. Give peace to know that every avenue of help has been extended by both of them and that this new help you are pushing them to extend, however difficult, is for this sister's best interest. For dear sweet "Maggie", please dear Jesus, find a way to protect this little one in the most special way possible. YOU can arrange what we cannot even imagine and you love to grant the desires of our hearts. Work you will dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit... work Your will!
In Jesus precious name, Amen

 

[Ann F]

Sweet Kacey, I am just sitting here praying for you and your DH and your sister and mother and all involved. I pray that the TRUTH is revealed, that Jesus won't allow satan to keep hiding. I pray the light of Jesus Christ exposes the enemy and causes him to flee... for he cannot stay where Jesus is. I praise God for you and your DH's obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit even though it's SO hard. It's also so hard to love and pray for those who persecute you. Father God, please continue to strenghthen and guide this precious couple as they urgently seek Your face and Your council. We stand in the gap for them and lift them before Your throne. Give courage and strong conviction in every area it's needed. Give peace to know that every avenue of help has been extended by both of them and that this new help you are pushing them to extend, however difficult, is for this sister's best interest. For dear sweet "Maggie", please dear Jesus, find a way to protect this little one in the most special way possible. YOU can arrange what we cannot even imagine and you love to grant the desires of our hearts. Work you will dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit... work Your will!
In Jesus precious name, Amen

May I add my "amen"?

 

[pjpamchef]

Kick out the sister, keep the neice, as she is the one needing a calm and stable home enviornment. When the sister can provide that, return the neice. If she can never provide that, maybe God just provided you with the child you've been waiting for??

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Kick out the sister, keep the neice, as she is the one needing a calm and stable home enviornment. When the sister can provide that, return the neice. If she can never provide that, maybe God just provided you with the child you've been waiting for??

Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind- but completely destroying my family and giving my sexually abusive brother in law an in to possibly get her back himself I won't do it.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Sweet Kacey, I am just sitting here praying for you and your DH and your sister and mother and all involved. I pray that the TRUTH is revealed, that Jesus won't allow satan to keep hiding. I pray the light of Jesus Christ exposes the enemy and causes him to flee... for he cannot stay where Jesus is. I praise God for you and your DH's obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit even though it's SO hard. It's also so hard to love and pray for those who persecute you. Father God, please continue to strenghthen and guide this precious couple as they urgently seek Your face and Your council. We stand in the gap for them and lift them before Your throne. Give courage and strong conviction in every area it's needed. Give peace to know that every avenue of help has been extended by both of them and that this new help you are pushing them to extend, however difficult, is for this sister's best interest. For dear sweet "Maggie", please dear Jesus, find a way to protect this little one in the most special way possible. YOU can arrange what we cannot even imagine and you love to grant the desires of our hearts. Work you will dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit... work Your will!
In Jesus precious name, Amen

Thanks Diane and Ann! I have so many great people on here, and people that are motherly towards me and give me good feedback, advice and help with wisdom. Thank you!

I'm off to update all of you on my other thread...(didn't go bad, didn't go well)_
Kacey

 

[baychef]

HUGS to you and your DH!!

Kacey, there is so much that has been said on here that is excellent advice. We do have such a supportive community on Chef Success and whatever our religious sects or the depths of our committment to an organized church, it only matters how we treat one another.

I have not been in your particular situation but have had to do things in my life that have not "gone over" well with others. The intentions of you and your DH are what I describe as the true meaning of family and selflessness. But at what cost?

Although I feel bad for your sister, I believe that she is so depressed that she can not see the light of day. In her world, only her happiness and comfort is important. She is not able to love others because she does not love herself. "Waiting on God" is a cop out and she is enabling herself to stay muddled in her situation. I truely believe that she feels bad and has to make herself feel better by saying the hurtful and judgemental words that she has said to you.

Depression is such a dark hole to live in. I DO have first hand experience at that. It has been a large part of my life and if left untreated by me not trying and/or medication, it would suck the life out of me...just as it is doing to her. And she is bringing your niece, you and your DH right along with her. She needs help, Kacey. Is there someone that can come into your home to talk to her? Either from the church or a social program?

As much as it hurts to leave your mother out of this...do so. Sounds like she is only adding fuel to the fire.

There are many sayings from 12 step programs that come to mind in your situation.

"What others think of me is none of my business" (what your mother or others think of you... try to keep the sanity of your own family...you and your husband are a family. This should be your strongest fight and your first priority.)

"I can not change people, places or things." (Your sister's frame of mind and how she is acting)

And the serenity prayer..
"God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (your mother, you sister's lack of interest in life and her daughter's life)
The courage to change the things I can (yes, talking to her about moving on and out)
And the wisdom to know the difference."

Such a simple prayer, but so incredibly hard to live by.

If you and your husband feel you want and can take care of your niece, then do so until your sister can get on her feet, but she has to learn that to get on your feet, she must use her legs and her will to make your her brain move her off the couch. No wonder potential employers do not call her back. If she interviews in the same frame of mind that she is leading her life, then she must not make a good impression on them. And food establishments and restaurants are ALWAYS looking for help to hire.

If she can not provide for her child, then she should surrender her for adoption. Cruel and harsh sounding? Yes, but she needs a wake up call. You and your DH are supporting not just the two of them, but you are also supporting her lifestyle. That is NOT intended as an insult to your and DH, but to help you see that unfortunately, she sees things in an entirely different light than you do. She does not see your generous, kind hearts or your unconditional love. She needs to see the other side of her life and how in process of destrying her life, she is also destroying your niece's life, yours and DH's too.

You are so strong in dealing with this as long as you have. The situation is getting worse and as you say, your hand is forced. I pray for the great strength that you and DH will need to see this through. It will get much worse before it gets better, but it will get better someday.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Ann, she was asked to leave last night.

Here is the update if you are interested.
http://www.chefsuccess.com/f18/didnt-go-bad-didnt-go-well-38312/


I agree with everything you've said. DH told her to get help because he feels she is depressed and she said she was fine. She's going down a road with religion where she believes she walks in divine health- and I'm fine with that, but that doesn't mean that you don't seek medical attention when you need to. So when someone is in that state, there is nothing you can do. My Mom dealt with a chemical imbalance most of her life, and I know when someone isn't right, and she's not right, and my mother is allowing this. I did at least find out that they are not taking her in, but will be footing her bills and rent for the next 3 months at her new place.

I agree what you said about surrendering my niece, but that will never happen and I will not divide my family over this. Even in her depressed and lazy and crabby state, she's still a better alternative than my bil would be...

However if I feel that is something DH and I should do, we will prayerfully consider it.

Thanks Ann for your really nice response and for all the helpful words and insights!

You guys deserve hugs and chocolate!

 

[baychef]

I know you would never let the family break up to the point of her surrendering your niece. Just something for her to think about if she chooses to continue the stinkin' thinkin'!!

I responded on the other thread...I am SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you and DH. You WILL get through this. It is hard to understand after all you have done to help her out, why she would treat you this way, but she does not see it. Someday she will and hopefully, she will be humble enough to apologize and thank you both for supporting her. (and giving her a loving kick in the fanny!)

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Sister just got pissed at me and threw her phone at me. I told her to take my niece and leave NOW! I'm heartbroken. She yelled at me and said I was taking EVERYTHING away from her.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Sister just got pissed at me and threw her phone at me. I told her to take my niece and leave NOW! I'm heartbroken. She yelled at me and said I was taking EVERYTHING away from her.

Oh, Kacey - you know that's not true. You have GIVEN her so much......I know being depressed, etc....but she seems to have a sense of entitlement that goes way beyond that.

Stay strong....

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!"

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm staying strong! I couldn't believe she said that. DH was right about her thinking that everyone owes her! Amazing!!!