Can't Hold Out Any Longer....steam Is Building (Long)

[Kitchen Diva]

Prayers for tonightThanks everyone for all your encouragement. DH is going to talk to my sister tonight after my niece is in bed. He will tell her then that she has 2 weeks to find other arrangements.

We are not going to tell my parents because they haven't bothered to talk to us or see how we are doing through all this, and in all honesty once my sister calls them I'm not sure they'll care why we did what we did, only that they won't be able to believe that we mean enough to kick her out.

My DH sister called him last night and the spoke for 2 hours. She asked him if my sister knew we were unemployed, and he said, yes...and she said then what the heck is she still doing there? The seriousness of both of us being unemployed should have been enough to get her off her butt to get a job and not worry about whether it is in that city she's going to move to or not...but it didn't.

Because my mom is not speaking to me I think that she thinks my sister is doing everything she can but I'm sorry...if every store in a city isn't hiring- look somewhere else.

I'm really torn over this. I poured over bible verses and articles on waiting on God just so I could stop feeling guilty. Then I had to realize that the guilt was not from God- it's from Satan and my DH and I cannot continue to allow her to just sit around while she waits for her tabs, her job, her apartment, her DH to confess, etc...nope, she can do that somewhere else.

I'm tired, I'm emotional and I'm not looking forward to this evening.

If you would be willing to just pray that my sister's heart be softened and open to what my husband is telling her, and that we'll make it through and that I won't miss my niece too much!

 

[merego]

I am going to e-mail you.. I went to church with DH today and the sermon made me think of you and your situation.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I am going to e-mail you.. I went to church with DH today and the sermon made me think of you and your situation.

Good because I slept through my alarm and I NEVER do that and missed church and I needed it today!!!

 

[raebates]

Kacey, in my humble opinion, there's no need to inform anyone else what you're doing. It's between you (including your DH) and your sister. Period. Talking with a few friends and/or a counselor is one thing. Your mom or any other family member is another story. From what you've said, your sister is likely to tell others. I imagine you'll feel like you're being grilled by people who don't understand what you've been going through. Again, you aren't alone. You have us, and, more importantly, you have your Heavenly Father.

 

[merego]

you poor thing, but I am sure you needed the rest
I am mid typing in my e-mail to you, but DS keeps climbing on the fireplace and DD just woke up and keeps saying pool mama, pool mama, so the e-mail may not get finished til later. Apparantly she wants to go swimming
Did you get all my pics???

 

[Kitchen Diva]

you poor thing, but I am sure you needed the rest
I am mid typing in my e-mail to you, but DS keeps climbing on the fireplace and DD just woke up and keeps saying pool mama, pool mama, so the e-mail may not get finished til later. Apparantly she wants to go swimming
Did you get all my pics???

Yes I did, but I didn't get any of the info on who was who. I was able to figure out you, Clint and Parker at least I think it was Parker.

If I take my allergy medicine I'm just tired the next day. If I take that and my progesterone (which I'm supposed to take daily- unless I want a monthly cycle vs just one every 2-4 months) I am beyond wiped out. I went to bed at 3:00 am- DH and I were up talking until 2:00- I read my bible and some articles on Waiting on the Lord until 3:00- my kitty woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm went off for church and I closed my eyes and woke up at 1:00 pm!!! I HATE THAT!

 

[merego]

Yes I did, but I didn't get any of the info on who was who. I was able to figure out you, Clint and Parker at least I think it was Parker.

If I take my allergy medicine I'm just tired the next day. If I take that and my progesterone (which I'm supposed to take daily- unless I want a monthly cycle vs just one every 2-4 months) I am beyond wiped out. I went to bed at 3:00 am- DH and I were up talking until 2:00- I read my bible and some articles on Waiting on the Lord until 3:00- my kitty woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm went off for church and I closed my eyes and woke up at 1:00 pm!!! I HATE THAT!

Ha, I was tired and didn't put names did I??
Regan is my little girl who is 2
Parker is 1
Kyle is 15
Clint is my husband
one was my mom with Parker
I think one was with a bunch of my friends at my last birthday when they took me out.
I just sent you the 1st part of the e-mail about the sermon, I'll finish later
hang in there

 

[janetupnorth]

Still praying for you and DH...

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Kacey, in my humble opinion, there's no need to inform anyone else what you're doing. It's between you (including your DH) and your sister. Period. Talking with a few friends and/or a counselor is one thing. Your mom or any other family member is another story. From what you've said, your sister is likely to tell others. I imagine you'll feel like you're being grilled by people who don't understand what you've been going through. Again, you aren't alone. You have us, and, more importantly, you have your Heavenly Father.

Thanks Momma-Rae! I needed to hear that. Yes I am tormenting myself over what others will say to us and I need to stop. They have only one side of the story and it's time- she didn't do enough or move enough or even show that it was important enough for her to not be a burden to us. She took advantage of our blessings and our willingness to help- my entire family did, and will won't enable that behavior any more.

 

[BethCooks4U]

You continue in my prayers. Remember, time will heal and she will one day thank you, as will your mother and others. Be strong.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

This is Kacey's DH.

I want to thank all of you for being so supportive of her thru this situation. You will never know the blessings she has recieved from your caring words and your encouragement. May God Bless you all.

Thank You so much...

DH

 

[stefani2]

Kacey - I think you are doing the right thing - whether it is tough or not - it is the right thing for YOU and your husband! You NEED to let go of the guilt and all the other bad/negative feelings and realize this is for the best. You know it is unrealistic for them to stay....I wish you good luck and give you a BIG LONG HUG!

 

[stefani2]

UR Avatar is SO CUTE, BTW.....

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Kacey - I think you are doing the right thing - whether it is tough or not - it is the right thing for YOU and your husband! You NEED to let go of the guilt and all the other bad/negative feelings and realize this is for the best. You know it is unrealistic for them to stay....I wish you good luck and give you a BIG LONG HUG!

I know it's the right thing. And you are right, they can't stay- but the sad thing is that if she would have just gotten a job to help out, she could have stayed longer...much longer. But she believes she is doing what God is telling her and we are ruining that for her.

It is what it is. I'm not going to defend what DH and I felt we were being led to do (after praying about it). I don't think we need to, we didn't do anything wrong.

Good night and I'll keep you informed tomorrow.

 

[raebates]

You're right, Kacey. You have nothing to defend. You're in my prayers.

 

[BethCooks4U]

This is Kacey's DH.

I want to thank all of you for being so supportive of her thru this situation. You will never know the blessings she has recieved from your caring words and your encouragement. May God Bless you all.

Thank You so much...

DH

Awww... how sweet. You two are an example to others - selflessly helping others and without thanks. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

To echo a sentiment: You have nothing to defend.

Be strong and hold to your deadlines. If you don't she will continue to walk all over you and you will continue to feel used and unappreciated and besides, you can't afford those extra mouths.

Here's praying that perfect job is on the near horizon (and wishing it's in my neck of the woods but, whatever, my PRAYER is for peace and prosperity for YOU).

 

[quiverfull7]

Sweet Kacey, I am just sitting here praying for you and your DH and your sister and mother and all involved. I pray that the TRUTH is revealed, that Jesus won't allow satan to keep hiding. I pray the light of Jesus Christ exposes the enemy and causes him to flee... for he cannot stay where Jesus is. I praise God for you and your DH's obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit even though it's SO hard. It's also so hard to love and pray for those who persecute you. Father God, please continue to strenghthen and guide this precious couple as they urgently seek Your face and Your council. We stand in the gap for them and lift them before Your throne. Give courage and strong conviction in every area it's needed. Give peace to know that every avenue of help has been extended by both of them and that this new help you are pushing them to extend, however difficult, is for this sister's best interest. For dear sweet "Maggie", please dear Jesus, find a way to protect this little one in the most special way possible. YOU can arrange what we cannot even imagine and you love to grant the desires of our hearts. Work you will dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit... work Your will!
In Jesus precious name, Amen

 

[Ann F]

Sweet Kacey, I am just sitting here praying for you and your DH and your sister and mother and all involved. I pray that the TRUTH is revealed, that Jesus won't allow satan to keep hiding. I pray the light of Jesus Christ exposes the enemy and causes him to flee... for he cannot stay where Jesus is. I praise God for you and your DH's obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit even though it's SO hard. It's also so hard to love and pray for those who persecute you. Father God, please continue to strenghthen and guide this precious couple as they urgently seek Your face and Your council. We stand in the gap for them and lift them before Your throne. Give courage and strong conviction in every area it's needed. Give peace to know that every avenue of help has been extended by both of them and that this new help you are pushing them to extend, however difficult, is for this sister's best interest. For dear sweet "Maggie", please dear Jesus, find a way to protect this little one in the most special way possible. YOU can arrange what we cannot even imagine and you love to grant the desires of our hearts. Work you will dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit... work Your will!
In Jesus precious name, Amen

May I add my "amen"?

 

[pjpamchef]

Kick out the sister, keep the neice, as she is the one needing a calm and stable home enviornment. When the sister can provide that, return the neice. If she can never provide that, maybe God just provided you with the child you've been waiting for??

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Kick out the sister, keep the neice, as she is the one needing a calm and stable home enviornment. When the sister can provide that, return the neice. If she can never provide that, maybe God just provided you with the child you've been waiting for??

Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind- but completely destroying my family and giving my sexually abusive brother in law an in to possibly get her back himself I won't do it.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Sweet Kacey, I am just sitting here praying for you and your DH and your sister and mother and all involved. I pray that the TRUTH is revealed, that Jesus won't allow satan to keep hiding. I pray the light of Jesus Christ exposes the enemy and causes him to flee... for he cannot stay where Jesus is. I praise God for you and your DH's obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit even though it's SO hard. It's also so hard to love and pray for those who persecute you. Father God, please continue to strenghthen and guide this precious couple as they urgently seek Your face and Your council. We stand in the gap for them and lift them before Your throne. Give courage and strong conviction in every area it's needed. Give peace to know that every avenue of help has been extended by both of them and that this new help you are pushing them to extend, however difficult, is for this sister's best interest. For dear sweet "Maggie", please dear Jesus, find a way to protect this little one in the most special way possible. YOU can arrange what we cannot even imagine and you love to grant the desires of our hearts. Work you will dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit... work Your will!
In Jesus precious name, Amen

Thanks Diane and Ann! I have so many great people on here, and people that are motherly towards me and give me good feedback, advice and help with wisdom. Thank you!

I'm off to update all of you on my other thread...(didn't go bad, didn't go well)_
Kacey

 

[baychef]

HUGS to you and your DH!!

Kacey, there is so much that has been said on here that is excellent advice. We do have such a supportive community on Chef Success and whatever our religious sects or the depths of our committment to an organized church, it only matters how we treat one another.

I have not been in your particular situation but have had to do things in my life that have not "gone over" well with others. The intentions of you and your DH are what I describe as the true meaning of family and selflessness. But at what cost?

Although I feel bad for your sister, I believe that she is so depressed that she can not see the light of day. In her world, only her happiness and comfort is important. She is not able to love others because she does not love herself. "Waiting on God" is a cop out and she is enabling herself to stay muddled in her situation. I truely believe that she feels bad and has to make herself feel better by saying the hurtful and judgemental words that she has said to you.

Depression is such a dark hole to live in. I DO have first hand experience at that. It has been a large part of my life and if left untreated by me not trying and/or medication, it would suck the life out of me...just as it is doing to her. And she is bringing your niece, you and your DH right along with her. She needs help, Kacey. Is there someone that can come into your home to talk to her? Either from the church or a social program?

As much as it hurts to leave your mother out of this...do so. Sounds like she is only adding fuel to the fire.

There are many sayings from 12 step programs that come to mind in your situation.

"What others think of me is none of my business" (what your mother or others think of you... try to keep the sanity of your own family...you and your husband are a family. This should be your strongest fight and your first priority.)

"I can not change people, places or things." (Your sister's frame of mind and how she is acting)

And the serenity prayer..
"God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (your mother, you sister's lack of interest in life and her daughter's life)
The courage to change the things I can (yes, talking to her about moving on and out)
And the wisdom to know the difference."

Such a simple prayer, but so incredibly hard to live by.

If you and your husband feel you want and can take care of your niece, then do so until your sister can get on her feet, but she has to learn that to get on your feet, she must use her legs and her will to make your her brain move her off the couch. No wonder potential employers do not call her back. If she interviews in the same frame of mind that she is leading her life, then she must not make a good impression on them. And food establishments and restaurants are ALWAYS looking for help to hire.

If she can not provide for her child, then she should surrender her for adoption. Cruel and harsh sounding? Yes, but she needs a wake up call. You and your DH are supporting not just the two of them, but you are also supporting her lifestyle. That is NOT intended as an insult to your and DH, but to help you see that unfortunately, she sees things in an entirely different light than you do. She does not see your generous, kind hearts or your unconditional love. She needs to see the other side of her life and how in process of destrying her life, she is also destroying your niece's life, yours and DH's too.

You are so strong in dealing with this as long as you have. The situation is getting worse and as you say, your hand is forced. I pray for the great strength that you and DH will need to see this through. It will get much worse before it gets better, but it will get better someday.

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Ann, she was asked to leave last night.

Here is the update if you are interested.
http://www.chefsuccess.com/f18/didnt-go-bad-didnt-go-well-38312/


I agree with everything you've said. DH told her to get help because he feels she is depressed and she said she was fine. She's going down a road with religion where she believes she walks in divine health- and I'm fine with that, but that doesn't mean that you don't seek medical attention when you need to. So when someone is in that state, there is nothing you can do. My Mom dealt with a chemical imbalance most of her life, and I know when someone isn't right, and she's not right, and my mother is allowing this. I did at least find out that they are not taking her in, but will be footing her bills and rent for the next 3 months at her new place.

I agree what you said about surrendering my niece, but that will never happen and I will not divide my family over this. Even in her depressed and lazy and crabby state, she's still a better alternative than my bil would be...

However if I feel that is something DH and I should do, we will prayerfully consider it.

Thanks Ann for your really nice response and for all the helpful words and insights!

You guys deserve hugs and chocolate!

 

[baychef]

I know you would never let the family break up to the point of her surrendering your niece. Just something for her to think about if she chooses to continue the stinkin' thinkin'!!

I responded on the other thread...I am SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you and DH. You WILL get through this. It is hard to understand after all you have done to help her out, why she would treat you this way, but she does not see it. Someday she will and hopefully, she will be humble enough to apologize and thank you both for supporting her. (and giving her a loving kick in the fanny!)

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Sister just got pissed at me and threw her phone at me. I told her to take my niece and leave NOW! I'm heartbroken. She yelled at me and said I was taking EVERYTHING away from her.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Sister just got pissed at me and threw her phone at me. I told her to take my niece and leave NOW! I'm heartbroken. She yelled at me and said I was taking EVERYTHING away from her.

Oh, Kacey - you know that's not true. You have GIVEN her so much......I know being depressed, etc....but she seems to have a sense of entitlement that goes way beyond that.

Stay strong....

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!"

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I'm staying strong! I couldn't believe she said that. DH was right about her thinking that everyone owes her! Amazing!!!